Making Bad Choices

by Rita Stradling

  “Then don’t drink and don’t smoke much, just a hit or two. I’ll bring snacks. I’ll even bring ice cream.”

  I tilted my head back and forth, considering it, but still far from sure.

  “Come on, I think the first bell is about to ring and I have to be all the way across the school for Math. Just know that I’ll be there if you want me to be, yeah?” He opened the door to the computer lab.

  As we stepped in, Ms. Hamilton looked over with a forkful of salad an inch from her mouth. Her eyes were magnified by thick frames that made her look shocked. “Hey guys, you got your comic ready for me to scan in?”

  I nodded. “Everything but the very last comic. I’m almost done; I’ll try to finish it up if Mr. Johns gives us time at the end of auto.” It was pretty much a given that he would.

  After setting down her fork into a plastic salad container, she looked down and plucked a piece of lettuce from her shoulder-length gray hair.

  “That’s embarrassing.” She laughed. Reaching a hand out toward us, she said, “All right. Just give me what you have and I’ll try to get it all scanned in for you by the end of school. We can add the last one when you’re finished.” When we handed them over, a huge smile lit across her face. “Oh, I love Gunther.”

  We’d run our plan for the comic by her on Wednesday. Ms. Hamilton had loved it, only insisting on one big change. Boris could be confident and good-looking, but our school mascot couldn’t be an asshole. Well, she didn’t say asshole, but that was the gist of it.

  Tyler had taken the artistic hit well, just smiling and saying, “No problem, Ms. Hamilton.” We’d only changed the dialogue slightly to ‘Hey, Doris. Be my girlfriend?’ which definitely was a shade less funny, but still worked and looked good on paper.

  Ms. Hamilton smiled up from the papers. “Can I just see the last one?”

  “It’s only half inked in, but sure,” I said.

  I pulled it from my binder and Ms. Hamilton immediately laughed.

  Tyler grinned at me and bobbed his eyebrows. “First laugh.”

  “Oh, poor Gunther,” Ms. Hamilton said, handing it back. “I hope he eventually gets Betsy.”

  Tyler grinned wide just as the first bell rang.

  “All right, I have a prep this period so I’m going to try to scan these in and edit them online so they lay out like a comic strip. If I can’t finish it, though, I’ll need you to take over after school because we’ll all be crazy busy rushing around. It’s fun on deadline day, but a little hectic, you’ll see. You two, go ahead and get to class.”

  Tyler and I parted ways at the bottom of the staircase as his class was all the way by our auto class and mine was only a couple over. When I turned, I found Culter leaning up by the classroom, gaze on me.

  I stopped in front of him. “Hey, there.”

  He looked at me intently. “I’ll talk to Spencer. I’ll get him to cancel the party.”

  I straightened up, tucking my thumbs under the straps of my backpack. “I think I might go. Tyler committed to sticking by me and he has a plan so no one will give me a hard time about not drinking.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “So, is Tyler going to drive you?”

  My brow furrowed. “You’re not going?” I’d just assumed that he was going. Maybe Culter didn’t like parties? Possible, but I definitely expected the opposite to be true.

  He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll go.”

  “Well, I guess I could go with Tyler. Does he even have a car?”

  “Yeah, he has a car, I’m sure he’d drive you.”

  For some reason, the idea of Culter not going made me feel a shitload less okay about going.

  “Okay. I kind of assumed you were going, and it’ll be a little weird hanging out with your friends if you’re not there.”

  He shrugged. “Tyler will be there.”

  “Fine. Do what you want, Culter. I wouldn’t be going if Spencer hadn’t sprung a party in my honor on me in the middle of a huge crowd of people.” My voice came out a little snappy, and I immediately felt bad for it. “I’m sorry, Culter, it’s not your fault. I get not wanting to go to a party, and you don’t owe me anything.” I turned to the classroom, feeling way more annoyed that he wasn’t going than I should. Knowing Culter, he’d probably just be gone off with some girl anyway. Why was I fighting it? Tyler had committed to making the party survivable.

  “Cassie, wait,” he said. When I turned back to him, he rubbed a hand over his head, looking away. “I’ll go, Cassie, I’ll drive you.”

  The second bell rang and I sighed. “You don’t have to, Culter. I’ll just go with Tyler.”

  “You can go with him or me, but I’ll go no matter what.”

  “Now I feel bad,” I said.

  He gave me a level look. “Cassie, you drive me nuts. Do you want me to go or don’t you?”

  “I do,” I admitted.

  “Okay, then I’ll go.”

  “Thank you.” I paused one more moment before opening the door to our Spanish class and slipping inside.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I sat on my floor, leaning in toward my mirror, liquid eyeliner stick in my hand. As I pulled my eyelid over and applied the line slowly across my eyelid, Culter threw open my door.

  I yanked the eyeliner stick away from my eyeball, and glared over at him. “Shit, Culter, I almost took out my eye. Want to knock next time?”

  “Nope,” he said, before holding his phone out to me.

  “Nope?” I asked as I took it.

  “You asked if I wanted to knock.” He shrugged before walking straight back out my door.

  I looked down to the phone, seeing a picture of Jen on the screen. “Jen?” I asked as I put the phone to my ear.

  “Is Culter being an idiot?” was her first question, though she said it fondly.

  “Yes. Just kidding, he’s fine. Well, we haven’t murdered each other yet.”

  We only took naps together. I smacked my forehead. Shit, I needed to not think of that right now.

  “You know what, sweetheart, Culter spoiled himself. There was nothing I could do faced with his unbreakable will. I tried so hard, but . . .” she sighed, and I could tell she was mostly joking. “He told me that you two are going to a party tonight?” she said it like a question.

  I inhaled slowly, feeling a wash of shame pour over me. Running a hand through my hair, I muttered, “I just didn’t know how to duck out of it without offending people. The party is for me, and Spencer just announced it to the school—”

  “No, honey,” she interrupted me. “I’m so happy that you’re going, you wouldn’t ever believe how happy I am. I knew you would feel guilty about it and that you’re doing the wrong thing, but you’re not. Honey, you’ve been mourning your mom for half your life. I knew that she wanted to survive to see you grow old, but second to that, I think she’d want to let you go learn to live your life again.”

  “Jen, you’re making me cry,” I whispered, wiping at my cheeks. Black makeup transferred onto my fingers. Damn it. Obviously the liquid liner was a stupid ass idea.

  “I’m sorry, I’m crying too.”

  “Yeah, but you’re not going to a stupid party,” I grumbled.

  “Well, okay, honey. I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy you’re going and no one would ever judge you for trying to make friends and be happy again.”

  I sniffed. “Thanks.”

  “And isn’t Spencer cute? He’s cute, right?”

  “Yeah, very cute.”

  “He’s such a good guy, too. He’s kind of like my second son. He must really like you to throw you a party,” she sounded way too hopeful.

  I rolled my eyes. “Jen, I’m having a minor panic attack about going to a house party, you think I’m ready to go there with anyone?”

  “Well, you’ll be in Bulvin for a while. Nothing helps a broken heart like having someone wonderful give you theirs,” she said.

  “You
should write greeting cards,” I told her. The matchmaking wasn’t all that unexpected, though, Jen had once tried to set me up with our waiter. The worst part was she did it before we ordered, so I had to eat the entire meal wishing I could escape out the bathroom window.

  “Greeting cards, hmm. Maybe I will.” She paused before saying, “Culter says you and Tyler Fuller are hanging out a lot too.” She didn’t sound hopeful at all when she said this.

  “Tyler is purely friend-zoned—they both are, but Tyler especially, on both our parts. He told me within the first half an hour of us hanging out that he was going to be one of my best friends.”

  “Oh, I love Tyler so much.” She sounded a touch relieved. “I’m not really allowed to see him, but I was there the day he was born. He’s the sweetest, funniest boy, besides my boys, that I know.” She sighed. “It’s just a little awkward, you know, with the divorce, and his mom hates me now. He’s a great friend,” she emphasized the word friend, “but I don’t suggest you ever go over to his house. Also, he’s practically family, in a weird way, being Culter’s cousin.” She paused, again. “Yeah, but I’m so glad you two are friends, only friends. That boy will always have a special place in my heart.”

  “We’re going to make a weekly comic strip together which will go in the newspaper every Monday.”

  “This Monday?”

  “Yep, it was a mad, crazy rush, but we did it.”

  “Oh my God, you better save me a copy, young lady! Or I will be very mad at you!”

  “Okay, okay,” I said through a laugh.

  “Tell me every single thing about your last week,” she sounded all gushy.

  “I would, but then I’d have to go to the party with liquid liner all over my cheeks because you made me cry,” I said.

  “Oh, you’re right. Fine, I’ll call you tomorrow. But don’t worry, I won’t call too early. And I told Culter, and I’m telling you too, if you drink anything, and I mean anything—not that I approve of that, because you know I don’t—but if you do, do not even go out to your car. I don’t care if there are a million cops there, you do not, under any circumstances, get behind that wheel. And don’t let anyone else drive you either. Sleep at Spencer’s house if you have to, but lock yourself into the room when you do. And watch your drinks. Most of those boys are awesome, but I don’t know some of them, and you never know. You’re a very beautiful girl—”

  “Jen! I’m not going to drink.”

  “Of course you won’t. I also know that if you do, you’ll be responsible.” It sounded more like she was commanding me to be, rather than that she knew that I was responsible. “I love you so much, honey. Try to have fun.”

  “I love you too.” I blew out a breath.

  After we hung up, I set Culter’s phone beside me before wiping my makeup off and reapplying it. Just as I was finishing putting my liner back on, Culter walked into my room, again.

  “Jesus, Culter, I almost believe you want me to gouge my own eye out.

  I thought he was just there for his phone, but he sat down beside me and all my makeup scattered across the floor.

  His dark hair fell messily, but not in a way that at all detracted from his looks. The collar of his gray button-up hung open, revealing the swoop of his collar bone. He grabbed one of my perfume bottles and lifted it to his nose.

  “You can use it, if you want,” I said.

  He smirked as he set it down. But then he lifted the other perfume bottle I brought with me to his nose, sniffing it. “Why do girls always want to smell like chemicals?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No makeup and no perfume, what’s next?”

  “When I’m with a girl, nothing is more of a turn off than the taste of makeup or perfume on their skin. It’s like kissing a bottle of cleaner.”

  I focused hard on the mirror, applying my mascara. “You talk a lot of shit, but every girl I’ve ever seen you flirt with is wearing makeup and probably perfume too.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s different.” He shrugged.

  “How is that different?”

  “That’s just casual stuff. It’s not like any of that is long term.”

  “So you force your girlfriends to live au naturel? Must be fun for them.”

  He shrugged. “If I’m serious about a girl, it’s because I like the way she looks and smells and tastes and feels and thinks; I don’t want any of that shit to be fake.”

  His words sent a jolt of something through me, an electric current starting right in the center of my belly and shooting through me.

  I forced a dismissive laugh, and said, “Whatever. Guys just want to change girls. If the girl wears makeup, it’s that she should be more natural. If she goes natural, he decides she’s letting herself go,” I mumbled.

  “Some guy treat you like that?” he asked.

  “Nope, it’s just what I’ve seen with my friends and stuff.” I put the tube away. “I figure, I’ll just look and smell how I want to look and smell; people can feel however they want about it.”

  His gaze moved over my face. “I’m sure that it helps that you look and you smell the way you do.”

  “And how’s that?” I bit my lip, waiting for an answer, but he didn’t give one.

  “You sure you want to go?” he asked.

  “No. But I’m probably going to go anyway. If I don’t have any fun, then I’m not a bad person, right?” I said it jokingly.

  “I’d like to see you try to be a bad person, it’d be entertaining to see how quickly you fail.”

  “Ha, ha.”

  “You want to leave at anytime, just tell me, we’ll go.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You don’t need to babysit me. You can go drink and have fun. The last thing I want is to be a drag or a cock-block, or whatever. It’ll just make me feel guilty. Tyler and I are just going to get stoned, and worse comes to worst, he can drive me back here.”

  “No fucking way. Tyler isn’t a good driver completely sober. If you’re going to leave the party, I want it to be with me, okay?”

  The expression he gave me was so serious and intense, I squirmed a little in place. “So you’re saying I can’t go off with anyone?” I asked. Not that I wanted to, but still.

  “I’m saying that if you go off with someone, I’m going to follow you and make sure you’re okay.”

  That was halfway between sweet and way too overbearing. I mean, I didn’t want to go off and hook up with anyone, but what if one day I did? The image of Culter following us into a car and intimidating the shit out of the guy was just way too uncomfortable. I couldn’t help but think of how Culter treated Tyler’s ex like shit. I wondered if Culter now considered me his to protect in the same way he thought of Tyler. I’d have to squash this macho shit before I started dating anyone in the future.

  “We’re good on that, right?” he insisted.

  “What, are you not going to take me if I don’t agree to listen to you?”

  He leaned back, hands going behind his head. “It’s more like I’m not going to go to the party if I think you might leave with someone besides me. You can figure it out from there. You really going to Spencer’s looking to hook up?” His brow furrowed and there was a touch of challenge in his gaze.

  “Of course not. I just don’t like being pushed around. You’re like the pushiest person I’ve ever met, it makes me want to fight you even when—” I gestured at him, “Even when there’s no point because I’m planning to do what you want, anyway.”

  He paused before licking his lips. “Will you promise to only leave with me? Otherwise I’ll be worried about you.”

  “Yeah, sure. That’s all you had to say. But I’d rather stay than have you drive drunk.”

  “Cool, then we’ll stay together, yeah?”

  “Um, I guess. Like both at the same house . . . together.”

  Shut up, Cassie.

  The whole thing didn’t make any sense, because if he was drinking and I could only leave with him and he wouldn’t let me drive his truck, then we
definitely couldn’t leave if I felt like I needed to.

  “Good, because if I think you might disappear on me, I’ll just be thinking about that all night, and I don’t want to have to deal with that shit. Just not worth going for me.”

  Wow, he made me feel like I was his odious chore, that was nice. I found it ridiculous that he was giving me a hard time about going off with people. Oh, I sleep in my truck all the time, Cassie, it’s not a big deal. Right . . . I peered up at him through my lashes.

  “Just go do your thing, Culter, I’ll be fine.” I might have put a fair dose of insinuation into my words, but the whole conversation was bugging me. I stood, gathering my makeup from the floor as I did.

  “What’s my thing?”

  “Like I know,” I mumbled.

  “Sounds like you think you know,” he said. He stood too, stepping a little closer.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I threw my stuff onto my bed.

  He stepped in even closer, way too close, and smirked down at me. “Come on, I want to know. What’s my thing, Cassie?”

  I licked my lips, before saying, “Threesomes.”

  His smirk only grew. “Is that your thing, too?”

  “What do you think?” I rolled my eyes, but I felt embarrassed.

  He looked like he was going to laugh at me. “I’m not going to Spencer’s party for a threesome.”

  “I wasn’t saying that.” I felt my face flushing as I talked to him and I wanted to step away, but at the same time, I didn’t.

  He reached up and wound a lock of my hair around his finger. “That was my first threesome, and it wasn’t really one. And it wasn’t my thing. Spooning later, though, that was my thing.”

  I looked up into his blue gaze, wondering if he was saying what I thought he was saying. Or had he spooned those girls? I looked away, deciding that I didn’t want to know. Well, I wanted to know, but I shouldn’t know. I was all tangled up in my thoughts, thoughts I shouldn’t even be having in the first place.

  Culter’s phone rang, puncturing the tension building between us, and I was very glad for it. Culter flirted as easily as he breathed, and I had to remember that. I had to constantly remind myself of that. I liked flirting, but this didn’t feel just like innocent flirting, this felt dangerous.