Making Bad Choices

by Rita Stradling

  Likely, I was over-thinking shit as I always did. Culter just told me yesterday about how things sucked at home for Tyler, so I was probably just reading everything as Tyler being depressed about his home life. If Tyler knew my thoughts, he wouldn’t thank me for my pity—I’d never felt grateful to the people who pitied me for my mom.

  As we walked in toward the gymnasium, I turned to Tyler. “Did I tell you that someone asked me to Winter Ball and I used your excuse?”

  “Ha! Who?” he asked.

  “Michael. Is he on your list?” I asked.

  Tyler smiled, wide. “Like I’d tell you.”

  “Who’s Michael and what’s Winter Ball?” Josh asked as he grabbed Tyler’s hand.

  “Michael is our friend, and Winter Ball is a school dance. I’m trying to convince Cassie to take me because I’m not old enough,” Tyler said.

  “Are you going to dance together?” Josh looked between us.

  “Only to the fast songs where you don’t touch each other,” Tyler pointed to Josh, “because that kind of dancing is gross.”

  “But are you going to kiss?” Joshie teased.

  “No, Joshie,” I said, just as Tyler said, “Gross, she’s my cousin!”

  “Oh, okay,” Joshie said, nodding. “Could you take me too because I’m not old enough either, Cassie?”

  “I’m probably not going to go, Joshie.” I rubbed the top of his head.

  As we walked into the gymnasium, Joshie pointed down to the front where a big crowd of underclassman looking boys sat together. “Can we sit right in front so Culter and Spencer can wave at me, and give me thumbs up?” He didn’t wait, just barreled through to an open space in the guys and sat. Josh turned to a guy with glasses and braces, saying, “My brother is on the basketball team, so I’m allowed to sit here.”

  The boys looked at each other, then up at us.

  “Is this taken?” I asked, pointing to the small space.

  “It’s cool, we’ll just scoot down. Hey, Tyler, liked your comic.” The braces guy waved as he grabbed up his backpack and scooted down with his friends.

  “She drew it.” Tyler pointed over at me.

  “Oh.” The guy made a face like maybe he recognized me or something. “You’re the new girl . . . I mean lady . . . I mean senior. What I meant was: you’re new, right?”

  “Yep, I’m new. Nice to meet you.” I nodded, waved, and then took a seat next to him.

  As much as I didn’t want to be front and center, Joshie was so happy that I couldn’t regret it. He began explaining everything about basketball to Tyler and me. He pointed widely while describing what all the lines meant, where people shot from, and who did what. And even though Tyler probably knew all of it, he acted like it was all new and listened to Joshie intently.

  The guys ran out from the locker rooms as the cheerleaders ran out from somewhere else, in parallel to each other. As the girls took formation directly in front of us and began cheering toward the incoming team, I realized the reason the first two rows were filled with underclassman boys. Tyler echoed my realization when he hung an arm around Josh’s shoulder and said, “Great seats, buddy!”

  “Pervert,” I mouthed at him. To Josh I said, “Mind if we move a couple rows up? It’s kind of hard to see past the cheerleaders.”

  Josh looked around. “No, Cassie! They move for the game. Please? Look there are no more good seats.”

  “Fine,” I whispered, laughing a little. I’d just have to attempt to look past the butts of my classmates. As I craned my neck to look into the court, my gaze found Culter, who dribbled a ball along with another guy, but his gaze was on us. Or more particularly, his gaze jumped between me, Josh and Tyler. He looked to be deeply considering us for some reason; I couldn’t exactly read his expression, but he didn’t look happy or upset seeing us all huddled together.

  The guy next to him said something, and Culter’s attention wrenched away. He nodded and moved with the other guys into the center of the game.

  The cheerleaders eventually moved, and the guy in the striped shirt threw the ball up. Mason immediately knocked the ball back to someone behind him. Shoes squeaked as the guys in black jerseys tried to take the ball from our guys in the brown and white jerseys. I caught flashes of Culter as he ran back and forth, got the ball, and passed it. The hundreds of people in the bleachers behind us chatted as the crowd in the bleachers across the way jumped up and cheered.

  If not for Joshie, who kept up a constant commentary, I would have had no idea who was winning or what was happening.

  The basketball players broke apart, clearing the court, and the cheerleaders ran back in front of us. Both Josh and I made a face, but Tyler was slap happy, grinning like he couldn’t have found himself in a better place.

  As I’d suspected, Misty and Snow White stood dead center of the twenty girls up there. Like the players, brown and white stripes cut across each of their tank tops and skirts, in sharp geometric patterns. A little way behind them, Isabella and a couple other girls I recognized from their group stood, their hands held out with brown and white pompoms to either side. A pop song blasted through the speakers, making me jump a little in my seat.

  The cheerleaders moved fast, dancing and kicking perfectly in synch. They moved back and forth, and a few did cartwheels to either side. Near the end of the song, Isabella shot up into the air, held by several of the girls’ hands. As they kicked up into their final pose, I had to admit, butts in my face aside, the girls pulled off a badass routine.

  My gaze caught on Misty, who smiled wide with her eyes fixed on someone in the audience as she posed. I followed her gaze and it led straight to . . . Tyler.

  He had a big smile on his face as well, aiming straight back at her. Actually, I’d say he was hitting her with a full wattage full-of-himself Fuller grin.

  When I checked for her reaction, Misty had already turned away, but a pretty blush bloomed on her cheeks. Suddenly, I was suspicious that my not-cousin didn’t want to go to the dance to steal all the senior hotties, but maybe just one.

  As the boys ran back on the court, I gave up trying to figure out what was happening in the game. I found Culter with my gaze, and just watched him run around the court for the rest of the time. It was what I was there for, really. And, Jesus, watching him move, his muscles flexing as he lunged back and forth, that was worth sitting through a game for. A couple times, I even got a little smile or smirk shot my way.

  Eventually, someone made a final basket, a buzzer went off and Josh jumped up, fists raised in the air along with almost everyone on our side of the court.

  I jumped up too, cheering, figuring better late than never. The crowds emptied out around us, filling the court while Josh, Tyler and I stayed sitting.

  Josh took a deep breath and turned to Tyler. “I have decided to make you my cousin.”

  The smile that had sat across Tyler’s face turned into more of a contemplative look. He breathed slowly and blinked rapidly. Then, he nodded.

  “Thanks, buddy. I’d love to be your cousin,” he sounded like he meant it too.

  Josh leaned over, giving Tyler a hug.

  Tyler gave him a pat on the back before moving away and standing. “All right guys, I better head out.” He didn’t look that happy about it. I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to go home, but who was I to say that? I had no alternatives to offer but my own house, and it sounded like that was a bad place for Tyler to go, especially if his mother found out.

  “I’ll call you this weekend, yeah? You want to hang out?” I asked as he walked away.

  “For sure,” he called back.

  Josh talked about the game until Culter came to meet us.

  That boy walked over with a far too smug look on his face, directed at me. I didn’t say anything when he stopped before us, I didn’t have to, Josh had more than enough to say. As we walked to the car, Josh replayed every detail of the game and even reenacted a few of the shots that I absolutely couldn’t remember, making this weird gob
lin voice as he did.

  “Seemed like you were enjoying the game too, Cassie,” Culter asked as he held the outside door open for me.

  “More than I thought I would,” I shot back with a small smirk of my own.

  The night even smelled cold, like the world was fucking frozen. We rushed across the parking lot, caught in the glares of passing headlights as every car sat deadlocked, attempting to turn onto the main road. My teeth chattered until all three of us sat safely in the car, under the blasted flow of Culter’s heater.

  I thawed my hands on the corner vent as Culter backed out of our space, and headed for the gridlock.

  Josh kicked his foot onto the center divider. “Hey! Guess what, Culter. Tyler is my cousin too, now. I didn’t tell you that before because it just happened at the game. He’s now my cousin, yours and Cassie’s . . . it just happened.”

  Culter nodded, slowly. “That’s awesome, Josh. Tyler’s a good cousin.”

  “I know that, that’s why I decided to have him be my cousin.”

  Culter blew out a laugh, and then turned to me. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I said back.

  He didn’t say anything more, but instead turned his attention to merging through the cars and maneuvering back onto the road home. All the lights shone out from the town center as we passed, and more than one car that traveled with us from the high school, pulled off and parked along the shops and restaurants. We turned away, headed toward the dwindling lights of the outskirts of town.

  When we were almost to our house, Culter finally spoke again, though he didn’t turn his gaze from the dark, snow-covered road. “I think I was wrong when I said you shouldn’t take Tyler to the Winter Ball.”

  My head rocked back a little, because I so wasn’t expecting that.

  “You were wrong?”

  He shot me a smirk. “It happens once in a while.”

  “I’m sure. But, I’m just a little surprised at your about-face. Weren’t you just trying to protect him from getting in some serious trouble?”

  “I was.”

  I shook my head. “Culter, I don’t want to mess Tyler’s life up.”

  He pulled into the driveway and shifted into park as snow settled on our windshield. Turning to me, he said in a low voice, “If Tyler wants to risk it, if it’s worth it to him . . . I don’t want to be the one to mess things up for him.”

  “That’s really melodramatic, Culter; it’s just a dance.”

  He shrugged, turning away to undo his seatbelt. I planned to press him for details, but as Joshie, Culter and I made our way up the steps to the porch, my father opened the door. His wide, tired smile bounced between me and Josh, before he nodded to Culter. “How was the game, guys?”

  “Amazing! We won!” Josh yelled.

  We walked into the warm house, which smelled like pizza, together, and Josh began reciting every detail of the game, yet again. At the end of the hall, Culter shot me a quick glance, his hand brushed against mine, and then he walked away down the hall and didn’t emerge again all night.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “Like your music, who’s it by?” my dad asked as he peeked his head in through my open door.

  Quickly, I paused the song, and then realized the only thing suspicious about me listening to the music was how quickly I paused it. Crap.

  “You okay, honey?” my father asked, leaning against the doorframe. He regarded me almost sadly, like he expected me to say I was here crying rather than obsessing over a very forbidden boy.

  I sat up from where I was lying across my bed. “I’m fine, Dad. The song is by The Lumineers.”

  “Nice, never heard of them, but I liked it.” A little of the exhaustion that sat heavy on his features through the work week had dissipated during the night, making him look red carpet worthy again. It was still a little weird seeing Dad without Jen. For a long time, they’d been this sort of unit for me, Dad’n’Jen. They were this couple that showed up and brought some normalcy to my life for a few months a year. Since my entire life flipped at eleven, I’d thought of them much more as like an aunt and uncle, two normals, whereas my actual parents were a crazy artist lady and her crazier tattooed sister. He was my dad—I knew that, of course—I was just still adjusting to thinking of him as a single-entity-parent.

  He made a sympathetic face, and asked, “Have you been sleeping lately? I thought I heard someone tiptoeing around the house at three a.m., was that you?”

  “Guilty.” I winced and shrugged at the same time. “On the upside, you don’t need to worry about the leftovers and I’m pretty much done with my and Tyler’s comic for next week.”

  He said nothing for a second, and then said, “Tyler is . . . Tyler Fuller, right?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah.”

  He nodded, slowly. Walking into the room, he pointed to the edge of the bed. “Mind if I sit?”

  “Sure, Dad. Culter already told me that things are weird with Tyler’s mom, and I’m going to be his friend no matter what.”

  “Good.” He sat at the edge of the bed, nodding slowly. “So, what’s Tyler like?”

  I blinked at him. I’d been prepared for the whole it’s-not-a-good-idea-to-be-friends fight.

  “He’s funny, or at least he keeps telling me that he’s funny. He kind of just figured out about my mom, so he’s been helping me get through stuff. He was automatically my friend; I didn’t really have to do anything.”

  “He sounds like a good kid, a good friend. I’m glad you two found each other. And how’s he doing, do you know?”

  “He seems good.” I shrugged, because I both didn’t know and it wasn’t my place to tell my dad anything, really.

  “Yeah. Well, that’s good.” He stood, brushing off his legs. “Jen really cares about him.”

  “She said that.”

  “You sure you don’t want to come with me and Josh to pick her up? We can go shopping and stuff in the city.”

  When he said the word city, I couldn’t help but grin a little.

  He grinned back, his eyes shining with amusement. “You big snob.”

  “I prefer cosmopolitan.” Sighing, I said, “Will she be really hurt if I don’t go out there? I’m just so tired that I feel a little sick, and I’m thinking that maybe I can nap.”

  He rubbed my shoulder. “Maybe we should look into getting you a prescription, huh?”

  “Medical marijuana?”

  He regarded me levelly. “Cassie, you know how I feel about that.”

  “But you’d pump me full of pharmaceuticals with who knows what in them.” I sighed dramatically.

  “That,” he pointed at me, “is straight from your mother’s mouth.”

  I held up my hands. “She knew stuff.”

  “She was majorly addicted to marijuana.” He nodded, heavily. “She was long before the cancer, too, Cassie.”

  “Okay, Dad,” I said, really, really trying not to roll my eyes.

  His arms folded in front of him. “You don’t believe it, honey. But it’s very bad for your developing brain. I hope you haven’t been smoking the reefer?”

  “The reefer, Dad?”

  “You think it just popped into existence when you became a teenager? It was around when I was your age, too.”

  “Okay, Dad. I will stay away from the reefer.”

  He pointed at me. “It’s not a joke.”

  I held out my hands. “I know. Okay.”

  “A couple things, Cassie: Culter told me he has to head out to his friend’s house, so if you need to get somewhere today, call a taxi. I left the number on the fridge. Use your card. And feel free to call out for delivery if you ate everything in the fridge. The local Chinese restaurant’s menu is on the fridge and their number is on there.” Leaning down, he gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, honey.”

  As he headed toward the door, I asked, “Dad, did you invite Culter to go with you?”

  He didn’t look back. “He wouldn’t have wanted to go, h
oney.” Tapping the doorframe once, he left. Soon after, I heard Joshie’s voice and the front door opening and closing.

  Twenty minutes after Josh and my dad left, Culter walked in through my door. He caught me as I again listened to Ho Hey, the sixth song on my playlist.

  Culter said nothing, just crawled onto my bed, grabbed me and rolled me on top of him.

  My knees went to either side of his hips, but I laid the rest of my weight on his chest. “Good morning,” I said as my hair fell down like a curtain around us.

  Hands going behind his head, he grinned wide. “I missed you.”

  The tip of my nose brushed over his. “Weirdly, I missed you too . . . weird because I was with you or near you all day and night.”

  His hands gripped my legs. “I like that. And, you can fall asleep like this; I’ll be fine lying right here until you wake up.”

  “Weirdo.” I leaned in, whispering over his lips, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” I pressed my lips into his. I loved being above him, because I could press into him and kiss him as hard and as deeply as I wanted. My hands ran up under his shirt, up the perfect ridges of his abs, until I decided that I didn’t have enough access.

  Leaning away, I whispered, “Take it off.”

  His brows rose, eyes melting with a mixture of humor and desire. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, he pulled it over his head, and then smiled at me. His head turned and he looked quickly away toward the door to my room. “What was that?”

  “What?” I asked, looking.

  And then I heard it, someone was in the house, footsteps clunking down my hall toward my room. “Culter?” my dad’s voice called from outside my door. Then from further down the hall, he yelled, “Culter?”

  Fuck!

  My hand covered Culter’s mouth and we lay very still, staring at my door. The line on the knob of my door pointed straight across. Fuck, again! That meant unlocked!