Making Bad Choices

by Rita Stradling

  Jen grabbed onto both of our arms. “Come on guys, let’s step out. I–I . . .” her gaze bounced between us, “we need to step outside.”

  But I wasn’t ready to step out, yet. I pulled back from Culter. “One second,” I whispered. Turning, I found Tyler on his way out behind his mother, who continued on toward the door like she was on a mission. Reaching out, I grabbed his sleeve.

  He turned slowly, mouth tucked up and eyes red, looking so miserable, looking like he was trapped in the worst day of his life.

  I felt a tear drop down my cheek. “It makes perfect sense to me, you being my brother. I just wish that I had you in my life for longer before now.”

  “Me too, Cassie. And don’t worry about my mom, she’s not going to do anything but yell about it. We’ll still hang out.”

  “Okay, and you’ll be eighteen soon and she won’t be able to stop us from . . . I don’t know we could rent a two-bedroom apartment for your senior year or something while I go to college.”

  “I’ll be eighteen pretty soon.”

  So . . .” I swallowed hard, “When do you turn eighteen?”

  His lips scrunched together, again, before he asked, “You sure you want to know?”

  “Yeah.”

  “August eighth.”

  Closing my eyes, I counted back nine months. November. “Wow,” I whispered.

  Someone tugged on my arm and I opened my eyes to see a tearstained Jen. “Can we please talk about this outside? Come on, guys, they’re waiting for us to leave and . . . it’s in front of everyone.”

  I looked back to see that indeed, Lily, her dad, Mel, the police officer and the principal all had front row seats to our little melodrama.

  To make matters worse, Tyler’s mom stormed back into the room. Seeing Tyler standing with us, she grabbed his arm and jerked him toward the door. “This is a violation! I’m pulling him out of this school!” she threatened, pointing to the principal. “I know you lose money for that, I know you lose my tax money for that. And I’ll do it!” She pulled again, but this time Tyler went with her.

  “Mom, it’s fine,” he said, holding his hands out and sort of guiding her out the door.

  Taking our time to let Mary and Jake’s mom leave, Culter, Jen and I made our way to the front doors, and into the cold. The lot sat deserted of people, and completely full of cars. Tiny flakes of snow dusted our shoulders like dandruff. My hands rubbed up and down my arms, only seeming to spread the cold wetness. Stupidly, I was wearing only my sweater, and my jacket still hung in my locker. Without saying anything, Culter shrugged off his jacket and set it over my shoulders. I stuck my arms through it, and then looked up.

  Again, Jen’s gaze moved rapidly between Culter and me, and then she blew out a big cloud of condensation. “Oh, God. What Mary said . . .”

  “True,” Culter said.

  And, the turkey was cooked. Damn it.

  She pointed, like she was going to say: “see here,” but her hand dropped. Grabbing her scarf, she wiped at her face. “So, um, I think that this isn’t the right time to talk about this . . .” she splayed her fingers out in our direction, “But obviously there are a lot of big things happening that need to be talked about.” She turned halfway, and then turned back. “And I should probably be the one to talk to Frank.”

  “About the fact that Cassie and I are together, or the fact that Cassie knows about Tyler?” Culter asked in true Culter fashion, sending the elephants in the room into a stampede.

  Jen squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking rapidly down her cheeks. “Damn it,” she whispered.

  But I didn’t feel how I expected to feel if this ever happened. I didn’t feel guilty, I felt angry. Really angry.

  “How long have you guys known about Tyler?” I asked.

  “Cassie . . .”

  “They’ve known since before they got married,” Culter said, stepping even closer beside me.

  Jen held up a hand. “Not for sure. We suspected it but we didn’t know for sure until three years ago.”

  “When Tyler’s mom lost custody of Tyler to the state for a year, and Frank did shit,” Culter said.

  “Culter, stop!” She held up both hands now. “We’re not talking about this here and now. I need to talk to Frank first. I think that would go over better.”

  “Do whatever you want, Mom,” Culter said, his hand went to my lower back. “Come on, Cassie.”

  Turning, I walked in with him. But before the doors closed behind us, I heard Jen whisper, “Fuck.”

  Chapter Thirty-three

  We all sat around the dinner table, and no one said anything. It was our first ever family meeting. God, we were one fucked up family. Thank all that was holy that Joshie was at Kyra’s house, watching movies instead of witnessing our drama.

  Just thinking Joshie’s name sent a new bout of anger surging up in me. Joshie still didn’t know, and they wanted to keep it that way. My fucking dad had three kids with three different women, and I’d been living in fear of his judgment?

  My father leaned forward, rubbing his forehead like he could rub out his worries as well as his wrinkles.

  Beside me, Culter balanced his chair on its back legs, leaning back and looking almost bored. Casually, he threw an arm behind my chair.

  My dad looked up at that and pointed. “Are you doing that to make me mad, Culter? Because it’s working. We’re all going to be appropriate about this.”

  I leaned forward on an elbow. “Did you two cheat with each other?” I gestured between him and Jen.

  Jen sat a few feet from my dad, silent, with two clear red stripes down her cheeks. Her arms hugged herself as the kitchen light glared on her tears.

  Their lack of answer was answer enough.

  “Honey, this is a serious situation, you have to understand that. Culter, you should never have taken advantage of Cassie this way. She just lost her mother—”

  Culter’s chair hit the floor fully and he leaned across the table, looking only at Jen. “Really, Mom? You’re not going to say anything to that bullshit?”

  Jen sniffed, loudly. “Honey. I don’t think you meant to take advantage of Cassie, but she’s vulnerable right now and . . . this isn’t right.” She gestured between us.

  “Did my mom know? Did she ever find out that you guys cheated together?” I asked Jen.

  Jen licked her lips, probably tasting salt as from what I could tell, tears coated her upper lips and chin. “Yeah, honey, she forgave us.”

  “Not about Tyler though, she would have told me.”

  Jen nodded. “Not about Tyler.”

  I looked over to my dad. “So she never fully forgave you, then. At least not for cheating on her when she was seven months pregnant.”

  Leaning both forearms on the table, he shook his head. “She didn’t know about Tyler, but I told her what I did before she passed, honey. She forgave me.”

  “She would,” I whispered.

  He looked down to the table. “I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, I know that.”

  Bad decisions. The words caught in my mind, not fitting its context. To me, cheating on your pregnant wife wasn’t a bad decision. A bad decision was getting a tattoo, or saying you’ll spend twenty hours a week making a comic with some crazy boy you just met, or falling in love with your stepbrother. But those weren’t bad decisions, those actually might be the best decisions I ever made.

  At the same time, I wanted to give my dad the benefit of the doubt. So, I asked, “So you were what, in love with Tyler’s mom too?”

  Another heavy silence fell. I would take that as a big fat no.

  Rolling back my shoulders, I went in for the hard stuff, “So, are you going to leave Tyler with her? She’s still a junkie, right? That’s what it looked like from where I was sitting.”

  My father blew out a breath, fogging up the wood of the table. “We send them money monthly, and . . . she’s really cleaned up.”

  “Bullshit,” Culter drawled.

  “
Honey,” Jen said, warningly.

  My father glared at Culter with something edging on loathing. “Culter, you keep talking to me like that, and you’re going to have to leave this house.”

  I leaned forward. “Really, Dad? Because I’m pretty sure Culter called it right. Why do you always talk to him like that? Saying he’s violating me and shit, like I’m not eighteen and someone who can think and act and make bad decisions of her own. What’s your deal with Culter? Is it just because you don’t like him, or is it because you don’t like someone around here speaking the truth?”

  Everyone stared at me shocked. I was a little shocked at myself. The words had just come out and left me a little short of breath. But the way my dad treated Culter had bothered me for a while now, and I’d thought about it more than once.

  Tears splashed down my face, and I used my palms to wipe them away. “Culter is amazing, Dad. And Tyler is amazing, you missed out. I hope you wise up.” I cleared my throat.

  Jen reached forward toward me. “Sweetheart, that’s just not true. Frank loves Culter; you just have to understand that . . . family relationships are complicated.”

  “He thinks I’m a piece of shit. And he doesn’t want me anywhere near Cassie.”

  “Not like that!” My dad yelled, his hands up. “Is that what this is about, Culter? You getting some kind of revenge against me because you think I don’t like you?”

  “Nope,” Culter said.

  My dad stood, his hands hitting the dinner table. “This is not happening! Not under my roof!”

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  Everyone looked at me. Obviously, I was getting good at shocking them.

  Blowing out a breath, I stood from the table. “You guys will never know how grateful I am for what you did for me and my mom. I love you both. But, I’m–I’m leaving.” I stepped away from the table. “I hope you guys still invite me over for dinners and stuff and to see Joshie.”

  My dad held his hands out toward me like I was a wild horse he wanted to rein in. “Wait, wait—Cassie, sit down.”

  Seeming in no hurry, Culter stood with me, his gaze meeting mine. God, this was a crazy, bad decision. But fuck, I was making it anyway.

  He nodded, as if he read my thoughts and approved.

  Taking each other’s hand, we ignored the raised voices and walked down the hall.

  “I’ll race you,” he said, though not happily, as he stopped by my bedroom door.

  “We’ve lost our fucking minds,” I whispered back.

  “No, we haven’t,” he said.

  I threw my purple suitcase onto my bed and started packing. Instead of folding my clothes, I just shoved all of them in, ignoring all the impractical L.A. clothes. Obviously I’d have to come back by summer or have another epic shopping trip.

  Crap, I needed to get a job, or at least pick up a lot of concept art commissions.

  My dad and Jen came into my room as I was stuffing my final items in. Jen sat next to my suitcase and cried, and my dad stood with his arms folded so tightly over his chest that he looked like he was literally holding himself together.

  But the damage was done. I could forgive them for their affair; I’d always kind of suspected that was the way it went down. They’d been high school sweethearts and parted only to find themselves marrying other people, but still in love. Honestly, I could forgive my dad for fucking up on my mom, too. I couldn’t respect him for doing either, but I could forgive it. I didn’t know the circumstances, and he’d eventually come clean with my mom. But I couldn’t forgive what they did to my brother.

  They’d spent so much time and money and effort to take care of me, but there’d been a son right here, suffering, and they’d done nothing. Culter’s anger made such clear, perfect sense to me.

  I hadn’t known Tyler for very long, but I’d known in my heart almost as soon as I’d met him that he was someone special to me. Today was January thirty-first; which meant that in less than one month from the day I’d lost my mom, I’d found my brother. If that wasn’t my mom looking out from wherever she went to, then I didn’t know what was.

  Licking the tears off my lips, I zipped up my suitcase.

  Looking down to Jen, I said, “I love you.” Then I held out my arm for a hug.

  “Honey,” she sobbed, tilting her head like I was being ridiculous.

  “All right,” I said, shrugging on my jacket. Pulling the handle, I toppled my suitcase from the bed. Turning, I looked up at my dad. “Dad.”

  “Honey, where are you even going?”

  “My dad’s,” Culter said, stopping in the doorway, pulling a suitcase behind him.

  “Culter, please,” Jen begged.

  “Okay, calm down, we’ll work this out here.” My dad held his hands out to each of us in a gesture like we might just lift off. “What do you guys want?”

  “We want to be happy. We make each other happy,” Culter said.

  My father nodded. “Okay. But you have to understand that this isn’t an okay relationship, this is an inappropriate relationship.”

  I thought about that for a moment. Yeah, I guess in words, it was inappropriate. But what was an appropriate relationship, his marriage with Jen? They started out screwing while they were married to other people. Culter and I, we’d only been sweet. Sure, I thought it was wrong, but it never felt wrong when we’d been together, it felt very much the opposite actually.

  I took a deep breath and looked my dad in his eyes. “Sorry, Dad, we don’t give a fuck.”

  Chapter Thirty-four

  “Holy shit!” my aunt Daisy said from the screen of my phone. She leaned in toward the camera, her heavily lined eye huge on my phone screen. “You’re a woman!” she said awkwardly.

  Laughing a little, Misty offered her hand out to me. “Want me to hold it so she can get the whole picture?”

  “Who’s that talking?” Daisy asked, so loudly that her mouth must have been on the microphone.

  Misty took the phone. “Hi, I’m Misty, I’m going to help you get a better picture of Cassie in her dress.”

  “Hi, Misty, thank you so very much.”

  As Culter’s room in his dad’s house didn’t have essential things like floor-length mirrors, I only knew what sections of me looked like. Misty and I had applied our makeup in Culter’s mirror, squeezing in next to each other. As much as Culter was all about the makeup-free Cassie, he’d just have to deal for the evening. My long, red silk dress gathered in a bodice at the top then flowed out pooling around my feet.

  “Cassie! That dress is so hot! You look movie star glam, baby love!” Across the room, Daisy moved up and down on the phone screen like maybe she was hopping.

  “Wait for it,” I said, and then I turned, showing her the low back where my tattoo coiled up my back, fully exposed.

  “Holy shit, I think I just pissed myself! You look so amazing!” my aunt yelled into the phone, making me laugh.

  Misty laughed too, still holding up the phone. The bright blue dress that clung tightly around her was more traditional, strapless with a sparkling faux-gem bodice. She was absolutely gorgeous, and I had a feeling Tyler was the one who’d be drooling when he arrived.

  It’d been three full days since everything that went down at school, and his mother hadn’t pulled him out. As Tyler told me, he’d shown up the next day as if nothing happened.

  In true Tyler fashion, he’d laughed off the horrible events of that day by saying that Lily and Mel actually enacted his psychic plan. By getting themselves suspended and having the police called, they’d created a distraction scandal that had kind of, but not quite, got the attention off of Culter and my scandal. Only our closest people, and now Misty, knew that we’d taken that scandal to the next level. But I was beginning to see what Tyler saw in Misty. I doubted that she’d sing about it. Eventually, it’d get out, eventually everything did. And when it did, I guess we’d deal with it. Or, I would. Culter still wouldn’t care.

  “I thought your badass journalism friends J
asmine and Zoe were going to be here too?” Daisy called, and then she added, “No offense to you, Misty. By the way, wicked name.”

  “They bowed out; I don’t think school dances are their thing.” I shrugged, though I felt sad about it. Hopefully dances would be more their thing in L.A.

  “Oh well, I guess I’ll meet all of your friends in two weeks.” Then she let out a minute long evil-laugh that had me laughing too.

  Whispering, ‘Thanks,” I took the phone back from Misty. “Okay, I look forward to traumatizing everyone with you.”

  “Honey, I’m sure you’re perfectly capable, I’ve taught you well.” She evil laughed again before disconnecting.

  When I looked back to Misty, she peered out Culter’s bedroom window, headlights passing over her through the window curtain. “I think someone’s here,” she said, sounding like she was trying to hide either excitement or nervousness, maybe both.

  “Come on, it’s probably Tyler and Culter,” I said, trying to hold back but not quite managing to only walk to the door. Misty was right behind me, but when we got to the front door, it was Spencer, Jake and their dates. Misty greeted the girls, and they immediately started fawning over each other.

  As I gave Jake a hug hello, Spencer called, “Cassie, what the hell is on your back?” He leaned back, then gasped, his face full of awe “How long did that take?”

  I laughed. “Hours.”

  “Sick,” a girl said, leaning up next to Spencer. I didn’t know for sure, but I was guessing she was the beautiful Emma. I couldn’t see her brains, but her boobs were definitely huge. “Can I look closer? I’m going to get one in a couple months.”

  “I guess,” I said.

  Then it turned into all of them bending forward and inspecting my back. And that’s the scene Culter and Tyler walked in on, me turned around, everyone bending down with their heads dangerously close to my butt.

  “Weird people here,” Tyler said, making us all stand straight, suddenly.

  When I turned, Culter was just standing there, smirking. Tyler stood with two plastic cases holding flowers, looking between me and Misty. The blue and white flowers sat in place in the plastic cases, matching his bright blue vest and bow tie. He pointed to me, then to my red dress.