Dirty Rotten Liar

by Noire

  “Two million dollars, Mrs. Dominion?” her broker confirmed. “Did I hear you correctly? You want to liquidate two million dollars’ worth of assets and deposit them into a third-party debit account?”

  “Yes, George,” Selah said calmly, as if she wasn’t the least bit drunk. She got up and walked over to her desk and selected a bright red Magic Marker from a stack and held it in her hand. “You heard me right. That’s exactly what I want you to do.”

  CHAPTER 33

  It was the worst damn dinner of my life. Everything tasted like cardboard. Even the real expensive wine they had broke out for the grand celebration tasted like shit.

  The whole damn family had shown up to hear the news, and all I could do was sit at that table stiffer than a damn statue as Dy-Nasty stole my props, my moolah, and my damn life!

  Selah looked half-lit as she held some papers up in the air.

  “The DNA results have finally come back and I’m happy to announce that we now know exactly who our daughter is!”

  Selah separated the papers until she had one sheet in each hand. The paper in her right hand had a bunch of stuff typed out on it, and so did the other one, but the paper in her left hand also had the word NEGATIVE written on it in bright red ink with a big circle around it and I just knew that one was mine.

  And I was right too.

  “Dy-Nasty, darling,”—Selah smiled brightly—“ these are you results,” she said, holding up the clean piece of paper without all that ugly red scribbling.

  Aunt Bibby was a big fuckin’ liar! I screamed inside. I shoulda known not to believe nothin’ her drunk ass said! Me and Dy-Nasty wasn’t sisters and we damn sure wasn’t identical twins! ’Cause if we was then our DNA woulda came back an identical match!

  “Come on, Dy-Nasty,” Selah said grinning like she was all proud. “Stand up and take a bow, baby because you’re the grand winner of this contest!”

  You shoulda heard how loud them fuckers clapped for her! Even Dane! I mean, I expected Barron to be standing his stiff ass over there beamin’ like a muthafucka, but I had always thought Dane was my nigga tho!

  That Philly trick Dy-Nasty jumped up outta her chair squealing like she was on a game show, and on the real, I couldn’t blame her neither. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna be the long-lost daughter of a bunch of rich-ass oil tycoons? Everything she could ever want was now right at Dy-Nasty’s fingertips, and the only thing I had to show for all my hard work and hustling was a plane ticket home in some scrunched-up seats way back in the cheap section near the toilets!

  “See there?” Bunni leaned over and hissed in my ear as Dy-Nasty took a victory lap around the table and hugged and kissed her new family half to death. “I told your dumb ass not to turn that damn money down! You was so damn in love with ya fake ‘Mama Selah’ that they kicking our asses out on the streets dead broke!”

  I opened my mouth to protest that shit and say something real mean and slick to Bunni, but then I closed it back again like my lips was glued shut. And they might as well have been glued shut too, because really, Dy-Nasty was a clear winner, and once you got a big L stamped in your column what else was there left to say?

  Now that her ass was officially in and minez was officially out, Mizz Thang was prancing around the mansion like her feet didn’t stink.

  Barron had let it be known that since Dy-Nasty was wearing the crown that me and Bunni had to vacate the premises, and he wanted us outta the mansion quick-fast-pronto before Viceroy came home from the hospital.

  “I can’t stand that greasy bitch!” Bunni snapped as we watched Dy-Nasty order the servants to drag about a hundred designer bags and boxes up to her room from all the expensive stores she had hit in the rich people’s mall.

  That heffa had gotten real stupid about her shit too. Me and Bunni had grown up poor as dirt and hustling for every dime we could steal, but at least we knew how to act when we got a lil sumthin’ in our pockets!

  But not this here trick.

  She had took her ass out there and tried to spend all the Dominion’s cheese up at one damn time! She was flossin’ all kinds of exotic labels and dripping icy jewels from her eyebrows and the top of her ears, and she even had a brand-new bangin’ diamond ring squeezed around her big deformed-looking hammertoe!

  “So when y’all ugly hoes gonna be getting’ up outta our mansion?” Dy-Nasty asked as she flounced past me wearing a pair of skinny jeans with a slick grin on her face. This bitch was wicked grimy, and it took everything I had in me to keep from jumping on her ass and choking her with her brand-new extra-silky Rémy weave.

  But Bunni was on her.

  “We leaving when we get good and goddamn ready to leave,” she said, blasting on Dy-Nasty like she wanted to slay her. “Yo ass might be a Domino now but you still ain’t no shot caller up in this camp, baby! You betta recognize!”

  Dy-Nasty just looked over her shoulder and grinned. It was almost like she couldn’t even be bothered to argue with our broke, insignificant asses no more. We was just that low-rated!

  “I oughta tell Mama Selah about that half a mil you was gonna slide me to help you gank her for her ring,” I muttered jealously.

  That shit got her attention big-time, and Dy-Nasty turned all the way around to get me straight.

  “Tell her,” she said, grinning like a muthafucka as she reached down in the back of her stretch jeans and dug her tiny drawers out the crack of her thick ass. “Go right ahead and tell her, and then ask me if I give a fuck! My new mama done put two million big ones in my account already, baby, and just like this phat ass right here, there’s plenty more where that came from!”

  Barron had booked me and Bunni a one-way economy flight back to New York City, and booked Dy-Nasty a first-class round-trip ticket to Philadelphia. Since our flight was leaving just an hour before Dy-Nasty’s, Barron had all three of us rolling out to the airport at the same time.

  “Good-bye, my beautiful bed.” Bunni’s silly ass went around our suite kissing all the grand shit we would probably never see again in our lives. “Fare thee well, golden faucets. See ya later, marble tiles. Holla back, double-headed soaker shower!”

  I was sad to be leaving the good life behind too, but I was gonna miss more than just the finery and the luxury. Plus, I was scareder than a muthafucka about going back home because I didn’t know what kinda ass-kicking that fool Gutta was gonna have waiting for me when I got back to Harlem!

  I had already said my good-byes to Jock and Fallon, but when I knocked on Selah’s door before we left the crib she wouldn’t even answer or let me in.

  “That stuck-up bitch got herself a whole lotta goddamn nerve,” Bunni said, sucking her teeth. “Doing you that way! That heffa oughta be kissin’ your yellow ass from the left cheek to the right cheek for not tellin’ on her! You better than me, Mink, ’cause if I was you I woulda snitched and told the whole damn world that Miss Goody-Goody’s frontin’ ass was fuckin’ outta both drawers legs! Everybody woulda got the memo that the great Mrs. Domino’s rich ass ain’t nothin but a jump-off, out there getting’ smutted on the side! Damn skraight! I woulda busted that trick straight the hell out!”

  I felt where Bunni’s pain was coming from, and it was a real hard lump to swallow especially since I had sacrificed my entire hustle just to make sure Selah’s grimy game stayed hidden under the covers. But when it was all said and done, everything I had done was worth it, and I didn’t regret a damn thing.

  The mansion was buzzing with activity as the three young ladies from up north got ready to head to the airport. Selah’s heart was full of a wide range of emotions, and after all the nerve-wrecking drama of the past few weeks, all she wanted was for her life to go back to normal again.

  She had gotten in one last chat with Dy-Nasty before she left. Selah had caught the girl as she sashayed out the door and toward the Hummer where Barron was waiting.

  “You do remember our little agreement, don’t you?” Selah had asked as she clamped her hand down on the girl’s a
rm. Things had changed drastically between them the moment Selah made that money transfer. Once she’d given in to Dy-Nasty’s demands, the girl had gotten even rawer and more ghetto, if that was possible.

  Dy-Nasty had glanced down at her arm and then jerked it out of Selah’s grasp.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” she sang. “Don’t worry, prissy mama. Your little secret ain’t gonna get out. You lucky I’m such a stand-up chick from head to toe! I’ma send you a text message just as soon as we get out the gate. It’s gonna tell you exactly where I left your precious little ring at, okay?”

  Selah had swallowed hard. “I hope you’re not playing games with me. Because despite what you think you know about me, Dy-Nasty. I don’t play.”

  The young girl had cut her eyes at Selah and flounced away giggling her ass off.

  “Well I do! I play! But I ain’t like you ’cause I play to win!”

  “I’m sorry, Dy-Nasty,” Selah said quietly with tears in her eyes.

  “Next time don’t be sorry,” Dy-Nasty laughed over her shoulder. “Bitch just be careful!”

  A few minutes later Selah’s heart was pounding with anticipation as her cell phone vibrated in her hand. She glanced out the parlor window and watched the two vehicles drive through the gates and off the Dominion property. She frowned. Maybe Dy-Nasty was a woman of her word after all.

  Clutching the phone, Selah glanced down at the screen and read the text message that the girl from Philadelphia had sent her. For a second she looked puzzled, but then excitement surged in her heart, and following the instructions in Dy-Nasty’s text message, she took the steps two at a time as she rushed toward her bedroom suite.

  Selah was breathing hard as she burst through her double doors, filled with joy at the thought of getting her hands on that precious million-dollar ring. But nothing in the world could have prepared her for what she saw as she approached her ultra-luxurious bed. There, sitting on top of her plush designer pillow with the mega-count Egyptian silk case, was a monstrous piece of ghetto slum that assaulted her eyes and rocked her world.

  Right off the bat, Selah knew what it was. And she knew where it had come from too. The last time she’d seen this mold-green, tarnished piece of stainless steel with the chipped crumb of cubic zirconium in the center, it had been wrapped around Dy-Nasty’s crusty big toe!

  “I’m gonna fuck her up!” Selah screamed as she slapped that nasty shit off her pillow and sent it flying across the room. Rage seeped from her pores and spilled out into the big, empty house. She yanked at the zipper on her Fendi dress and practically tore it off as she ran over to her closet and started digging for something way deep in the back. “I swear to God, I’m gonna fuck that dirty bitch up!”

  Me and Bunni were traveling pretty light compared to the first time we left up outta Dallas. Since I was no longer a Dominion there had been no marathon shopping sprees at the rich people’s mall, no back-and-forth runs to the jewelry store, and no fifty-million pairs of new shoes to cram into our suitcases.

  But Dy-Nasty had all that shit on lock for us though. It had took four big niggas to drag all her new shit down the stairs, and she was gonna rack up a helluva baggage fee before she got her ass on that plane.

  Not that she was giving a fuck about loot these days.

  “Look at this shit!” She had stuck a bank receipt halfway up my nose as she bragged on all the yardage that the Dominions had deposited into her new account. “Bitch I bet your mining ass ain’t never seen this many zeros in your whole fuckin’ life!”

  I had rolled my eyes and waved her off, but on the real tip, she had that shit right. My eyes had damn near gotten googly from tryna count all those zeros!

  Me and Bunni rode to the airport in Suge’s truck and I grilled him outta the corner of my eye almost all the way there. I still dug the shit outta this dude, but I felt some kinda way now that all my lies had been exposed. I had been hoping Suge was feeling me enough to let me and Bunni crash at his crib for a minute until we could figure out our next move, but his ass didn’t even bother to offer me nothing, and I couldn’t fix my mouth to ask him for shit neither.

  “Girl, you betta get over there and work his ass!” Bunni had barked on me when it really sunk in that we were getting sent back to New York dead broke. “All that damn sheet rippin’ y’all been doing and now you scared to ask that nigga for a lil pocket change? Sheiit. You’s a professional scripper, baby. That big nigga owes you some tips!”

  It wasn’t that I was scared to ask Suge for some ends. My damn pride wouldn’t allow me to ask him ’cause I felt his ass shoulda offered! So, I rode to the airport sitting next to him broke as hell with my pride in my shoe and my lip poked out, and it hurt me to my heart when he looked real deep into my eyes with a blank expression on his face and then turned away and kept his eyes straight on forward all the way there.

  That whole mad scene had my head spinning, and as I sat beside him sipping on some cold lemonade, I kept going back and forth between kickin’ myself up the ass for fuckin’ up my own damn hustle, and feeling like a winner for finally looking out for somebody other than myself.

  We pulled up outside of the departure terminal at the airport. Barron had parked his SUV up ahead of us and him and Dane were busy stacking Dy-Nasty’s fifty-million designer suitcases on the curb. I gave Suge one more long-ass look, hoping I would see something good in his eyes. He igged the shit outta me as he climbed outta the truck and went around back to get our bags, and that’s when my lil heart got to beating so damn hard and fast I started sniffling and catchin’ vapors.

  “A’ight now!” Bunni warned me as she opened her door and got ready to climb out. “Yo ass betta not go falling apart on me, Mink! Let that muscled-up fool act as stank as he wanna act! Hmph! You better show his ass who the fine one is! Remember, you’s a prime bitch, and ain’t nothing changed around here but the weather, baybeee! Don’t you never let a nigga see you sweat!”

  I knew Bunni was right so I pulled myself together and put my game face on! Sheiiit! Fine-ass Mizz Mink LaRue didn’t hafta slum around for no man! On the real, when one flaky nigga stepped off, the next one was damn sure gonna step right on up!

  I opened my door and slithered outta that truck like the slick Harlem stunna that I was. I was just about to slide on my designer shades and switch my deliciously big booty across the sidewalk and inside the terminal when tires screeched on the pavement up ahead, and a midnight-black Mercedes damn near t-boned Barron as he climbed outta the Hummer.

  “What in the hail?” Bunni hollered as a raging chick leaped outta the luxury whip and a good-old-fashioned street fight broke out! Even though mad fists were flying, long weave was being yanked, and some big-time noogies was getting punched up on foreheads, I still couldn’t believe what the hell I was seeing!

  It was Dy-Nasty! Getting her eye dotted by Mama Selah!

  “Where’s my goddamn ring, bitch?!”

  All the Brooklyn had jumped outta Mama Selah’s ass! Her face was shining with Vaseline, her hair was tied down with a blue bandana, and she had on sweats and a raggedy T-shirt. Miss cool and classy Michelle Obama was getting pure gutter with her shit as she yoked Dy-Nasty in the crook of her arm and pounded haymakers in her mug!

  Dy-Nasty tried her best to get in some blows, but she’d gotten caught off guard and didn’t have no wins. Her lil tiny pink skirt had flown up in the air and her entire ass was showing. “Yuck,” Bunni said, and I didn’t blame her. A light-blue thong was crammed up Dy-Nasty’s yellow crack, and her monster cheeks were jiggling like lemon jelly as she took an airport beat-down.

  “Bitch!” Mama Selah swung and caught her with one last punch before Barron and Suge broke them apart and wrestled Dy-Nasty outta her grip. “You’ve been fucking with the wrong one, dammit! The wrong one!”

  Me and Bunni was speechless as we watched Barron muscle his sneaker-wearing Mama back inside her hundred-thousand-dollar Benz. Big Suge snatched me and Bunni up and manhandled us back down the street toward hi
s truck so we could finish getting our stuff out.

  I had just reached in the front seat to get my cup of lemonade when all of a sudden I realized there was another big commotion going down over by Barron’s whip!

  I whirled around and threw my hands in the air.

  It was Dy-Nasty again! Poor mami was taking her another ass-whipping! But this time she was getting tossed the hell up by two white dudes who looked so regular and square they just had to be DTs!

  My mouth fell wide open. “What in the—”

  “Hold up, Lil Mama.” Suge checked me with his big hand as I started to break out toward Barron’s whip again. “Just chill out right here and relax ya’self, and for once I want you to keep your damn mouth shut and don’t say shit, you hear me, Mink?”

  Who in the hell was this nigga bossin’? My neck jerked all crazy and Bunni’s did too, but neither one of us so much as parted our lips as we watched the knock that was going down right there in front of our eyes.

  “Get the fuck offa meeeee!” Dy-Nasty kicked and screamed as the undercover jakes in dark business suits tossed her around and jerked both of her arms up behind her back. That scag looked a raggedy-ass riot with her weave flying, her ankles wobbling around in them eight-inch heels, and her ratchet cotton skirt flying all up the back of her stank ass!

  “Get her!” I hollered, forgetting I was supposed to be keeping my mouth shut. “Tase that nasty trick! Yeah! Tase her fuckin’ ass!”

  “Now wait a damn minute!” Bunni blurted out. She stood posted up with her hands on her curvy hips and her fat camel toe winking its eye at the whole world. “Hold up!” she screamed. “Hold the hell up!”