Dirty Rotten Liar

by Noire

  “I know you’re family now baby girl, but I still don’t wanna let you go,” he had told me late last night as we laid twisted up in the sheets together. “What me and you got going on might not look right to the rest of the world, Mink, but it feels right in here.” He tapped his big barrel chest. “It feels real right in here.”

  I had shocked the shit outta myself when I let loose and started crying in his arms. Just straight up bawling. Slingin’ snot and ere’thang! Hell, I didn’t wanna give up the good thang I had going with him neither! We wasn’t really related! Wasn’t none of Suge’s blood runnin’ through my veins! Big Suge treated me right. In and outta the sheets!

  For the first time in my life I was chillin’ with a grown-ass man who was diggin’ on me for who I really was, and not because of the way I moved my body on a stripper pole or for the phat hunk of ass that puffed out my back pockets! I liked Suge! I liked the way his cowboy ass spoiled me and made me feel!

  Tears had flowed between us and we held on to each other all night long. But by the time the sun started coming up and Suge had to leave, we still didn’t have no answers. All we knew was that we was really diggin’ each other and neither one of us wanted to let that go. And what was wrong with that?

  Suge was still on my mind as I massaged some warm vanilla-berry scented oil all over my naked body and put my hair up in a bun. And then, after grinning my ass off in the mirror, I slipped on some jeans and a T-shirt and walked barefoot down the stairs to eat breakfast with my new peeps.

  Viceroy was out of the hospital. He had only been home for about a week but you could damn sure tell he was there. He had a team of therapists who came out to the mansion and worked with him every day, but he got around pretty good with his Mister Biggs cane and he kept shit lively with his loud mouth and cocky hood attitude.

  “Daddy has really changed a lot since his accident,” Fallon told me one day.

  “Oh yeah? How so?” my nosy ass asked.

  She shrugged. “For one thing he’s a whole lot looser now. Easier to be around and not so damn intense all the time. For real, Mink. He used to be even worse than Barron. Tighter than an asshole. Everybody always had to say the right things and look the right way just so he could keep his public image up. Especially Mama. That shit was crazy.”

  I laughed. “Well he sure as hell ain’t got no stick stuck up his ass now. That man’s got some hood in him!”

  “Yeah, I guess he woke up out of his coma and realized life is too short to be fronting all the time.”

  I thought about all the posin’, frontin’, and stuntin’ I had done over the years tryna keep my image up and connive my way up on a dollar, and I didn’t have no answer for that.

  “Whateva,” I told her. “I kinda like him. He’s gutter as hell, but he ain’t half as mean as I thought he was. Besides, who gives a good goddamn about what other people think any damn way! Life is to be lived, baby sister. At some point you just gotta let all the bullshit go and just live the life you got. Your daddy done finally figured that out.”

  “Our daddy,” she reminded me.

  I got quiet on that one. Viceroy was cool and all, but I was Big Moe’s baby! But Big Moe was gone. Long gone. I still loved the hell outta him and I missed him too, but just like I had told Fallon, sometimes you just needed to let go and live the life you had. I think that’s what Big Moe woulda wanted me to do.

  “Yeah, okay,” I finally said and grinned. “Our daddy.”

  CHAPTER 36

  We were sitting around the dining room table after eating a big Sunday dinner. The servants had just cleared away all the dishes and quietly left. Dane got up and closed off the doors at both ends of the room. Viceroy sat at the head of the long table. He waited until Dane sat back down, and then he got to talking.

  “All right, now. It’s come to Jesus time for this family and I’m gonna get right down to business. I’ve only been back at my office for three days and lips are already flapping. I wanna know everything that went on while I was laid up in that hospital and I wanna hear that shit straight outta the horse’s mouth!

  “Y’all know how I roll. I built my empire up outta the dirt, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let anybody fuck it up. Especially y’all.”

  Viceroy pinned ere’last one of us in his deadly black glare and fixed his eyeballs on us real tight.

  “So, this is amnesty time, y’all hear me? I’m gonna give everybody one chance, and one chance only, to come clean and lay their dirt on the table because I don’t want nothing sneaking up and knocking the shit outta me while I’m out there hustling my business in this cut-throat world!”

  I snuck a glance around the table and I almost busted out laughing. Viceroy shoulda known better! The first law of the scheme game was Thou Shall Never Tell on Thou Goddamn Self, Even When Faced With Video Evidence! Just who in the hail did this fool think was about to raise their hand and fess up all their dirt?

  Viceroy went on, “But no matter what you say in here today I swear I’m not gonna whip nobody’s ass or break nobody’s neck. You got my word on that. But remember,” he said, narrowing his eyes, “this is gonna be your only chance to come correct. Y’all got that? If I find out later that you lied to me or left something out, your ass is gonna be grass and I can promise you that!

  “So let’s do this. Tell the truth and shame the devil! Y’all better not keep one more goddamn secret or tell not one more lie! Just lay it all out there! All of it! From right to left, fess up and put all your funky shit on the line and don’t hold a damn thing back.”

  Since Jock was sitting to Viceroy’s right, he got to go first.

  He looked scared as shit as he opened his mouth and closed it real quick a few times, and I almost laughed when I realized that this was probably the first time I had seen his ass when he wasn’t half-zooted.

  “Um, I . . . I got caught in a little jam a while back,” he finally managed to choke out. “In the pool house.”

  “Oh yeah?” Viceroy’s eyebrow went up and he gave his son a cold look. “What the hell kind of jam, boy?”

  “Nah, nah, it wasn’t like the stuff that happened down at the lake house with that white girl, Pops!” Jock insisted, and I had to stop myself from hollerin’, Nah, fool! It was worse!

  “Come on, son. Don’t make me ask you no whole lotta questions. Just spit it all out!”

  Jock swallowed so damn hard I just knew his tongue had flipped over and slid down his throat!

  “I took a honey in the pool house,” he mumbled. “We was getting nice and then she, um, overdosed.”

  “What the hell?!” Selah damn near screamed, but Viceroy held up his hand and shut her down. “Uh-uh. It’s amnesty time, remember?”

  “But it wasn’t even my fault! ” Jock blurted out. “That stupid white girl took a bunch of pills! She just snatched them up off the table and started swallowing ’em. And then we, um, had sex, and then she . . . um . . . she died.”

  Viceroy hurr’up and broke his own damn rule!

  “Goddammit!” He slammed his fist down on the table. “You brought a white girl on my property and she died in my muthafuckin’ pool house?” He turned to Selah. “Where the hell were you when all this shit was going down, Selah?” He swung back around to Jock. “And what the hell did you do with the body?”

  Jock stared down at the table like he didn’t wanna tell on nobody, but Suge stepped up like the gorilla he was.

  “What you think he did? He called me and I came over here and got her.” He flipped his toothpick around in his mouth and stared at his brother and then shrugged like stashing a dead body was a small thing. “Hey. That’s what I do.”

  Fallon was next on deck and her little ass was already squirming.

  “I ran away while you was gone, Daddy,” she confessed. She had this sugary-sweet, innocent look on her face like she was his little girl for real, but I knew mami had a swinger and a pole freak living inside of her!

  But lil mama had her daddy wrapped around
her finger and Viceroy looked like his heart was about to hit the floor.

  “Baby girl!” His face crumpled and he sounded pressed the hell out. “What you mean you ran away? From my house?”

  Fallon nodded. “I got mad because Barron kicked my girlfriend out. I got caught dancing for her—”

  “Pole dancin’,” Bunni had the nerve to butt in.

  “Whatever!” Fallon said, waving her off. “I was dancing and Barron put Freddie out. So I snuck out the house and just left. I went to a shelter for gay and lesbian teens but Barron found me and made me come back.”

  “Fallon! Are you telling us that you’re gay?” Selah blurted out, then clamped her hand over her mouth when she remembered the rules.

  Fallon shook her head. “No, Mom. I really don’t think I am. I think I hooked up with Freddie because I was lonely and bored and it seemed like the ‘in’ thing to do. She claimed she was in love with me, but Mink kept saying Freddie was just using me, and it turned out that she was right.”

  “So you’re sure you’re not gay then?” Viceroy side-eyed Fallon as he questioned her.

  She nodded. “I’m pretty sure. I was needy and let myself get pulled into that lifestyle but my head isn’t in that same place anymore.”

  “But you know your daddy would still love you, no matter what, right?” Viceroy asked quietly. “You know you would always be my baby girl, even if you were gay.”

  Fallon nodded. “I know, Daddy.” She flashed him a small smile. “Thanks.”

  I could hardly wait when it was Dane’s turn to fess up because I didn’t think bruh-man had the nuts to go head-up with his daddy. But Dane shocked the shit outta me when he took a deep breath and jumped right on in the water and got soakin’ fuckin’ wet!

  “Yo, Pops, I got kicked outta school, man. Some hater started a rumor about me pushing up on a drunk girl for some sex, and even though it never happened they brought me up on charges anyway. I had to go in front of a disciplinary board and without even hearing my side of it, they gave me the boot. But I swear, I never touched that girl. Yeah, I had a lotta honeys on a string, but I ain’t never mishandled a woman. I was gonna fight the charge but I’m kinda short on cash right now and I didn’t wanna ask Bump for nothing while you was down.” He looked around the table and flashed a handsome grin. “So that’s it, y’all. I might not have graduated, but I’m finally outta college.”

  It was Barron’s turn next and I scooted my chair up closer to the table so I could catch every word that fell outta his hypocritical mouth!

  “I got messed up at a frat party, Pop. Somebody slipped a hot one in my drink and I passed out. I don’t even remember getting in my car, but I must have because I hit a kid. Ran right over him. I was so tossed up that I didn’t even know nothing until the cops came and arrested me.”

  “Arrested you? Boy, I know ain’t no son of mine got locked up!”

  “I did, Pop. I got locked up, but only for a minute. I called my boy from law school and he hooked me up with your friend, Judge Halley. He tried to make it go away but the chief of police wasn’t going for it and the kid’s father ended up taking me for five hundred grand.”

  Selah sat up straight. “But you told me you only gave him two hundred and fifty thousand!”

  Viceroy bucked. “Selah, you knew about this?”

  Barron shrugged. “I did give the kid two hundred and fifty. At first. But then his father threatened to go running his mouth to the media unless I doubled it. So I did.”

  This was my first time hearing about Barron dishing off some blackmail money, but I wasn’t surprised. He had tried his damnedest to stop me and Dy-Nasty from sharing a measly three hundred grand a year, but he had no problem sliding half a million outta the vault to keep his own ass outta a ditch! Fuckin’ hypocrite!

  Still, I prolly woulda let my new big brother slide on all that other stuff, but Bunni was tracking like a hound dog as she grilled Barron and said, “Yeah, whateva, two-fitty, five-hunnerd, that’s all well and good, but what about them pictures boo?”

  Barron was cool as sleet.

  “What pictures?”

  My girl got sassy. “Stop frontin’! You know what pictures I’m talking about!”

  He shrugged. “Nah, I don’t know, Bunni. But what’s up? You got some pictures you wanna share with everybody?”

  I smirked. Barron knew damn well that Web site had been shut down! Me and Bunni shoulda printed them bad boys out when we had the chance because no matter how many times we tried to get back to that site, we never saw those damn pictures again!

  It was my turn to confess my crimes, and once again I was sitting in the hot seat with a spotlight on my forehead. I felt kinda shitty because even though almost everybody in the room had turned out to be a dirty rotten liar, I was ten times grimier than they were because all my lies had been designed to gank the very people that I belonged to.

  “Umm,” I said, and then cleared my throat and scooched my ass around nervously in my seat. I was too ashamed to look at Selah, so I stared at a little black spot on the table instead. “The only thing I did was I . . . um . . .”

  All of a sudden a frog jumped up in my damn throat and I coughed as I tried to get my shit together real quick.

  “I . . . um. Well, I lied,” I finally admitted. “I tried to pull a big one on y’all. The only reason I came down here in the first place was to get my hands on Sable’s inheritance money. I called the 800 number tryna get next to y’all, and then Bunni got with the dude at the DNA lab and um . . . we paid him five grand to give us a positive match on my blood test.”

  “Yo!” Barron jumped bad. “Y’all paid that fat bastard Kelvin Merchant? So did I! Man, I oughta kick his ass again! I tore him off ten grand to give me a negative match on you!”

  “Uh-uh.” Bunni glared at Barron and shook her head in disgust like we wasn’t the ones who scammed Kelvin first. “That’s just a shame, Barron,” she muttered. “Just a goddamn shame.”

  I shrugged. “I’m sorry but I didn’t know nothing about y’all when I first came down here. I guess I didn’t care neither. Me and Bunni was just tired of being broke and we needed some money.”

  I finally got the nerve to look up at Selah, and even though I saw a whole lotta pain and disappointment in her eyes, I still peeped a little bit of love up in there too.

  “Well goddamn!” Viceroy spit. He shook his head like we was a bunch of scandalous-ass crabs. “This shit is worse than I thought! I guess it’s your turn,” he said, turning to Suge. “What you got for me, bruh?”

  My ass got tight as I hoped like hell Suge didn’t tell everybody we’d been swerving. But Big Suge never even blinked as he flipped his toothpick around in his sexy mouth and shrugged.

  “Nothing, bruh. I ain’t got shit.”

  Viceroy nodded as he turned to Selah. “What about you, baby? You got anything you need to come clean on?”

  Bunni reached under the table and pinched the shit outta me and for once I wasn’t mad at her! I just knew all hell was gonna break loose when Mama Selah fessed up about her nasty lil fling with Rodney Ruddman, but instead of spilling them big ol’ beans mami pursed her lips and shook her head all prissy and proper-like.

  I thought about that bad-ass diamond engagement ring that Viceroy had bought Mama Selah, and about that rich-ass fool who had banged the shit outta Dy-Nasty and then tossed the ring off to her like it was a trinket of trash.

  Sheiit, I knew damn well mama-duke wasn’t gonna tell all that!

  “I’m good, Viceroy,” Selah finally said eyeing him coolly as she gave him a small smile. “How about you, dear? Do you have anything you need to tell us?”

  Viceroy shook his head real quick and grilled her right back. “Nah, baby,” he said, holding both his hands up in the air. “They washed me so good up in that hospital that I’m clean, sugar. I’m squeaky clean.”

  Selah’s eyes glinted as she gave him another sweet little smile.

  “Good. Because so am I.”

>   I glanced at Selah and she gave me a quick wink. I sat there and beamed. Like mother like daughter. I was proud of her ass! Shit, she was a damn good liar too!

  CHAPTER 37

  Being a Dominion was da bomb and being rich was even better! It seemed strange not to wake up every morning with a brand-new hustle or a scheme on my brain, but now that my pockets were permanently swole I didn’t have to plot on a damn thing!

  And after all that lying, stealing, wheeling, and double-dealing we did, none of us ended up getting the three hundred grand a year we were hoping for, but we did get Papa Viceroy back from the dead, and for a broke-ass chick from Harlem I didn’t do too bad.

  Every year for the whole eighteen years I’d been gone, Viceroy and Selah had stashed fifty large in a bank account that had been opened especially for me. And just two weeks after I was officially declared to be Sable Dominion and the word FOUND was stamped over my picture on all those posters and milk cartons, over nine hundred grand, plus interest, was transferred into my bank account without a single damn string attached!

  As bad as I had been feenin’ and fantasizing about being rich, now that I had a shitload of cash at my fingertips I couldn’t think of a damn thing to with all that loot! Bunni got it in her mind that she wanted to open up her some kinda head shop and that we should fly out to LA and get us one of them reality shows, and she had producers out the ass blowing up our phones tryna make us a deal.

  Viceroy had gone back to work at Dominion Oil full-time, and Selah was back volunteering at her lil charities and rich people’s functions just like she was doing before I came barging into their lives and slinging shit all over the fan.

  Believe it or not, things between me and Barron had changed too.

  “Mama wants me to quit with all the guilt now that we got you back home in the fold,” he told me one day.