by Starling,Amy
The thought of dating, of getting close to someone again, terrified me. I'd tried that once long ago, only to regret it in the end.
“You know how I told you I'd never been in love? That's not exactly true,” I confessed. “There was a woman once, years ago. I let myself fall for her. She took advantage of that.”
“I'm sorry. I had no idea.”
“She lied. Stole from me. Treated me like crap because she knew she had me under her spell.” I laughed at my stupidity. “Only after I caught her cheating for the second time did I end things. Ever since, I decided it would be far easier to stick with flings and one-night stands.”
“But not all of them are like that. Sure, you take a risk opening up, but it can be worth it.”
I could hardly believe I was listening to Jayce, former playboy of the year. He had a real talent for picking up any woman he wanted back then. He probably still could, too, but he loved his wife.
He and the rest of the gang didn't go to the club anymore, like we all used to. Max was several hours away in Bastrop and blissfully married himself. They had no time or desire to go out partying, drinking, smoking pot, and sleeping around.
Myself, I hadn't gone out in a long time. I missed it, but... Maybe the wild days of youth couldn't last forever.
The clanging fire alarm shook me out of my thoughts. Finally, some work to do. It just might help me get Madison off my mind.
Ha, yeah right. Who was I fooling?
“What's the situation, chief?”
Hank, generally a calm and collected man, yelled at us to get our asses moving pronto.
“Got several calls about a big fire down at Forest Hill trailer park,” he announced. “Reports say that something in several of the trailers has exploded.”
“Damn,” Jayce muttered. “A bomb? We're not equipped to handle that kind of thing.”
The arsonist's letter popped into my mind. He was going after a place that dealt in drugs next, he said.
Could this be his handiwork?
“No, not a bomb,” I said as I threw on my gear. “Forest Hill's in a bad part of town. That trailer park's been associated with drugs for ages now.”
“A meth lab, you think?”
“Possibly. Let's just get down there and take care of it.”
I hopped in the driver's seat of a wailing engine, along with Jayce. A couple of other guys, Oliver and Billy, followed behind in their own truck.
I fumbled with my phone as I raced through the city. If the arsonist had struck again, Madison would want to know.
But I felt weird calling her. We hadn't spoken in days, since that unforgettable night. Why not? Why the hell didn't I ask for her number?
“Man, watch where you're driving.” Jayce gestured to a car I'd almost sideswiped. “Max got canned for wrecking his truck. I'd hate for you to go next.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking about calling Madison. She's supposed to be investigating this stuff.”
“You're saying you believe it's arson again?”
“Won't know until we get there, but my gut's saying yes.” I dialed the Kingston police department and prayed she was working today. “C'mon, pick up.”
The lady in the office had to transfer me to Madison's desk. The phone rang for a while, but she finally picked up just as we turned down the road toward Forest Hill.
“Officer Madison Finley speaking.”
“Madison, it's me.”
She hesitated. “Brett? I'm surprised you're calling.”
I should've told her I missed her, that I wanted her in my bed, my hands all over her sweet body as soon as humanly possible.
But I was a big sissy, so I shoved those uncomfortable feelings back down where they belonged.
“I think the arsonist has done it again,” I said. “Forest Hill trailer park. Ring a bell?”
She gasped. “That place is dangerous. Not even the cops like to go out there. Are you sure?”
“No, but there was mention of several explosions.”
She paused for a moment to listen to something on her radio. “Yeah, I just got a call about it myself. I'm heading down, okay? The longer I wait, the bigger chance any key witnesses will be gone.”
“Sure, but you're not going near the place until the fire's totally out.”
When she hung up, I felt weird. It almost sounded as if she was disappointed, somehow.
I brushed it off as we pulled into Forest Hill. The blaze had struck five of the trailers, and thanks to the dry, dead grass, it was spreading quick.
“Come on, guys. Let's move!” Jayce shouted. “Brett, you and I will take those three. The others can handle the rest.”
Park residents stood behind the fence, watching us put out the blaze. I kept my eye on the crowd, scanning for anyone or anything suspicious. But these folks just looked like your typical redneck fare; certainly none of them were the culprit.
Still, I knew that arsonists often hung around to watch things burn. The guy could be here, right now, studying his handiwork while we struggled to snuff out the flames.
A police cruiser whipped into the parking lot, tires screeching as it came to an abrupt stop. Madison climbed out and surveyed the inferno with wide eyes.
“Keep back,” I yelled. “Don't want you to get hurt.”
Her gaze shifted from the burning trailers to me. Then she frowned and looked away.
“Yeah. You got it.”
My heart sank. She already had been hurt – by me.
Nah, don't be dumb. You didn't do a thing wrong. Never made her any promises; didn't lead her on.
She should have known what she was getting into with me. She was well aware of my reputation.
But then why did she look and sound so sad? Stranger still, why did that bother me so damn much?
“Hold onto that hose,” Jayce shouted. “I'm gonna spray down the grass so we don't let it spread.”
Madison milled around the perimeter, studying the residents and probably wondering the same thing about them I had been. It was good she'd come. Now she could worry about catching the guy while I focused on the job.
“Excuse me, sir? I have a few questions I'd like to ask you.”
She pulled a man aside to speak with him. I watched her, transfixed by her beauty, even though I should have been keeping my eye on the target.
Oliver, Billy, and I cut through the yards and went to work on the next trailer. This one was engulfed in fire, likely already totally destroyed inside. Could be the source, where it started.
A few guys caught my attention then. They stood off to the side, heads down, their faces covered by baseball caps. Madison didn't seem to notice them.
There was a hissing noise, though, coming from the trailer behind me. I braced myself, knowing whatever made that sound couldn't be good.
An explosion tore through the trailer, sending hunks of the roof and debris sky-high. Pieces of something metal flew in every direction as the crowd screamed and ran for safety.
Scorching heat rippled over my flesh. I covered my face, the pain of it almost too much to bear.
“What the hell was that?” Oliver screamed over the racket. “Everybody, stay back!”
We scrambled to get the hoses on it. I scanned the yard for Madison and said a silent thank you when I found her hiding behind her cruiser.
That's when I spotted him through the thick smoke: a figure of a man – no details stood out, but it freaked me out anyway. He looked directly at me for a long time, not moving. Then he turned and walked away, vanishing into the gray clouds.
“Madison!” I yelled as best I could with these fumes and heat burning my lungs. “That guy over there... It's him.”
She didn't ask questions, just bolted into action, her gun drawn. As she disappeared behind the smoky curtain, my heart skipped a beat. Wait a minute; was she seriously going to chase this psycho down by herself?
What was I thinking?
She was gone for what seemed like an eternity. My hands shook,
and I nearly dropped the hose as I waited for her to come back.
“Stop! Stop right there,” she yelled.
Then, more silence. Finally, to my great relief, she returned.
“What happened?”
“He got away.” She scowled and holstered her gun. “Guy was fast. With all this smoke, it's impossible to see five feet in front of your face.”
“He's gotta be still around. How far do you think he could have gotten?”
“I don't know, but...” She shook her head. “Something about the way he moved kind of unnerved me a bit.”
At last, we put the fire out. All that remained of most trailers, though, was the metal frame and not much else.
By the time I could sit down to rest, those weird guys with the baseball hats had gone. Jayce and the others packed up the trucks and prepared to head out.
“Hey, man. You coming?”
“I'm gonna hang around a bit. Search the place before the trail goes cold.”
He glanced at Madison. “Well, you two have fun.”
News vans pulled up, full of reporters eager to interview the hapless victims. Madison worked quickly to set up crime scene barricades before folks got any funny ideas.
“Ma'am, I'm Brian with Fox 6 News. Can you please tell me what you experienced?”
A blubbering woman wearing nothing but her nightgown sniffled and then blew her nose loudly into her sleeve.
“Everything's gone,” she wailed. “There was a horrible noise in the trailer next door, and then all of a sudden, I see it's on fire. I smelled smoke and figured out my place was on fire, too.”
“Any idea what could have caused this tragic event?”
“Oh, those neighbors of mine.” She scowled. “I always knew they was up to no good. Cooking up drugs and selling them at all hours of the night. How are the cops gonna get 'em now with all the evidence burned up?”
Madison joined me as I picked through the rubble. That woman was right; not much remained and figuring out what really happened here would be tough.
“It could have been a mishap with the drug lab,” she suggested. “Are you sure the guy you saw was the right one?”
“Had to be. I just got a feeling, you know? He was standing there, staring straight at me. And he ran when you yelled at him.”
“Then he must have left some kind of clue.”
I stared at her ass as she wandered off to look around. It bugged me that she said nothing about that night, as if it never happened. Was she regretting it?
What did I have to do to get her in my arms again?
“This is gonna take a long time to clean up,” I said as we circled the bombed trailer. “Need to call in the hazmat crew. Ugh, I think these fumes are giving me cancer.”
Her shoulders fell. “There's really nothing left in there. If the culprit left evidence of arson, it's long burned up by now.”
At first, I thought she was just seriously dedicated to her job. But when she started to tear up, I knew it was more than that.
“Hey, chin up.” I gently put an arm around her. “We'll figure this thing out. No need to cry.”
She glared as if I had somehow pissed her off. Figures; my big mouth always found a way to ruin things.
“Assholes like this,” she muttered, gesturing to the chaos around us. “They need to be stopped. They're awful, shitty excuses for human beings who don't deserve to walk the streets free.”
I got the sense she was a cannon about to erupt, so I let her go before I took the full brunt of it. She immediately began pacing in a line, back and forth, like an angry bull.
“I mean, yeah, burning buildings down is horrible, I agree. But you don't gotta take it so personally.”
She turned her face from me, but not fast enough to cover up her tears. Now, it had been a long while since I bothered putting up with an emotional woman – but seeing Madison like this hurt me, too.
I wanted to help her, but how?
“You don't understand.” She sniffled. “I... I have first-hand experience with this sort of thing.”
“What do you mean?” I took her hands in mine. “Tell me.”
She faked a smile. “N-nothing. It's not your job to be burdened by my mental problems.”
Dang it, what had I got myself into? This was one of the reasons I avoided getting close with a girl. The drama, the arguments, the stress, none of it was ever worth the trouble, no matter how good the sex.
“You're not burdening me,” I said as calmly as I could. “I want to know.”
She sighed deeply and walked the other way. I followed, not content to let her slip away so easily.
There was a picnic table and grill area off to the side, away from the mayhem. She sat there, and so did I.
“I was a girl back then, nine years old. Lived in a nice house with my family – brother and sister, plus dad.”
She didn't mention her mother, which I supposed meant I probably shouldn't either.
“We had everything a kid could ask for. Our own rooms, swimming pool, playground, all that good stuff. I was happy, but living in a bubble. I'd yet to realize that the Devil wasn't the only evil one in this world, that humans could be even more wicked than that.”
When I put an arm around her this time, she let me. Why was she trembling like this? Maybe I shouldn't have pushed her to tell me when she wasn't ready. I was such an ass.
“I woke up one night to the odor of smoke, coughing and barely able to breathe.” She shuddered. “Our house was on fire, but the alarms never went off – so by the time we realized it, the blaze had spread to the second floor.”
“Oh, God. I'm sorry for asking. I... I had no idea.”
“Getting out through the bottom floor was impossible. My sister, Jenna, got stuck in her room. I can still hear her screaming as dad tried to break down the door.”
“She got out okay.”
“Yes, but she's not been the same since.” She gave me her hand. “Now do you see why I have to catch this man?”
“You're saying someone burned down your house?”
She nodded. “The firefighters figured it out easy enough. The alarms hadn't gone off because the batteries had been removed from them. The arsonist was an amateur, they thought. His method was to sprinkle lighter fluid on the couch, carpet, anything flammable he could find.”
“Did they ever catch him?”
“No, never were able to. That's why I want to find this nutcase so bad, you know? It would make me feel better. Like even though I couldn't save my home, maybe I can do something to save another's.”
I cradled her in the nook of my elbow, enjoying it when she rested her head on my shoulder. The sudden urge that struck me to protect her, to make sure nothing hurt her ever again, was so powerful it took my breath away.
“Is that why you became a cop?”
“Pretty much. After that day, I wasn't an innocent little kid anymore. I discovered the world was full of horrible people, ones who liked to make others suffer. I wanted to stop them.” She gazed up at me. “Why did you become a firefighter?”
It wasn't a story I liked to talk about, but she'd shared hers, so it was only fair.
“My father,” I began. “I'd like to say he inspired me, pushed me to shoot for the stars, crap like that. But he didn't. To him, I was lower than the dirt on his shoe.”
“That's terrible.”
“Oh, you got no idea. The guy was a bastard, always treating me and my mom like crap.” I cringed when his face flitted into my thoughts. “He thought I was worthless. No matter what I did, what I achieved, it was never good enough for him. Not good grades, not winning at sports. When I was a boy, all I wanted to do was impress him somehow.”
“My dad was harsh, but fair. I can't even imagine.”
“He told me over and over I would never amount to anything. Called me a sissy, a weakling, good for nothing. Every day, he made sure to let me know what a failure I was.” I glared at the smoldering trailers. “He died before I took t
his job, but it didn't matter. Years of that shit took its toll. I had something to prove, if only to myself.”
I left out the part where he enjoyed beating me with his belt for such failures as getting a C on my test, or maybe leaving a smudge on a dish I had washed.
“But you can't believe that. You're not good for nothing. You're strong. Brave.”
I laughed, though her kind words flattered me somewhat. “You sure as heck seemed to think I was a bad guy just a couple of days ago.”
“No, not bad. Just misguided.”
We sat there for a while like that, watching the trailer park residents run about like headless chickens while the news crew tried to chase them down for interviews. Some were trying in vain to get into the charred remains of their homes in hopes that some of their belongings survived the disaster. Figured I'd better go stop them before they hurt themselves.
But I didn't want to let Madison go. She had this pensive look about her, as if thinking hard about something. Was she upset because of me? Maybe I said too much.
“Could you ever give it up, do you think?” she asked finally. “The street racing, fighting, the... girls?”
She hesitated on that last bit. Wished I could tell her how I felt, that no other woman compared to her, but I couldn't.
Dad was right. I really was a sissy.
“Give that stuff up? I don't think so. That's part of me. Who I am.”
“But you don't have to be that way. People change.”
“And what if I don't want to change? Sometimes it feels like there's a monster inside me. If I don't let that fury out sometimes, if I gotta keep it bottled up inside, it isn't pretty.”
That was another reason I chose this job, though I wouldn't tell her that. Rushing into a burning building was one of the biggest adrenaline rushes out there, like a drug almost. I loved it so much, I wondered if there was something wrong with me.
I was an angry guy in general, but it was hard to be mad at anything with this beautiful woman by my side. What was I supposed to do about her? Apologize for not calling, for just ditching her like she was one of my usual one-night flings?
