by Nikki Landis
In fact, I sure hoped he was angry. Maybe that would make him see reason, “Then we figure it out until he does.”
R.J. nodded, pulling into a strip mall that had a women’s clothing consignment shop. He pulled the bike around the rear of the building and parked it, taking my helmet as I stood.
“You need clothes and shoes. You’re freezing. Come on little darlin’. We’re gonna spend some money,” he winked and grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine.
This felt like way more than simple friendship. R.J. had never been so obvious and nonchalant at the same time, “R.J.? Is there a reason you keep calling me all these endearments?”
I could have waited to ask, but right now I was sick of secrets and lies. The truth had way more appeal than anything else.
He dropped my hand and moved to cup my cheeks, “If I was any more obvious right now it would be ridiculous. I fucking love you Rae, as much as Pete, and I don’t care right now. I just want you to know, for once, how much I care about you.” His lips pressed to mine in a kiss that made my toes curl, so filled with passion and longing that I was completely overwhelmed.
Shocked, I didn’t resist his kiss or push him away.
R.J. didn’t give me a chance to respond but pulled me into the store and scanned for the women’s clothing section. Fifteen minutes later I was in the dressing room with R.J. right outside the door as he scanned the storefront every other minute, “Anything fit?”
Yep. Everything I picked up. I was sort of unhappy with buying used shoes, but I needed shoes so it was unavoidable, “Yes, but I’m not fond of the shoes.”
He turned around and smirked, “Don’t be a snob darlin’.”
The way his eyes roamed over me reminded me of Pete. R.J. had never let his eyes assess me so greedily before. I swallowed hard and pulled a denim jacket on over my silky shirt. Cute tight fitting jeans and the used boots added to the look.
“How much can I buy?”
“All of it.”
I arched a brow and handed over the rest. R.J. sauntered to the front of the store and paid for the clothes, turning to me with a wink, “Need any lingerie?”
“Naughty,” I admonished, smacking him on the arm as I joined him.
He laughed and moved forward to plant another of his passionate kisses on my lips but I pushed him away and shook my head before he pulled me quickly from the store, “We need to find a place to stay. Tonight it’s just you and me Rae, exactly how we need it. I’ve got a lot to say.”
With a look of bewilderment I nodded, unaware that we were already being watched.
Chapter 17
I stood beside the bed, my entire body quivering in anger as I watched Rae bolt through the door. She had such a temper, and sometimes it seemed to add to my own rage and frustration. I picked up a robe and chased after her since she was half naked. Ignoring the looks of surprise around the room as she skidded to a halt in front of R.J., she tossed a defiant glare over her shoulder and planted a seductive kiss right on his lips.
Stupid. She didn’t understand her actions at all.
R.J. wasn’t going to go for that. He wouldn’t be led away by her sensual kiss . . .
Until that was exactly what happened.
She grabbed R.J.’s leather jacket and zipped it up, reaching for his hand and flipped me off in anger.
“That’s far enough!” I yelled, my mind panicking as my heart raced.
What the hell was happening!?
Before I could react R.J. and Rae were on the back of Jake’s Harley. Seconds later I stood at the front door watching the love of my life ride off with my best friend, again, my heart shattering into a million different pieces. The second time I had to watch my girl leave me with R.J.
“Fuck!” I yelled, my face lowering into my hands. What the hell did I just do?
Now my baby was gone, unprotected by the group, and vulnerable. Worse, R.J. was going to use this situation to his advantage and monopolize every second she was with him. I saw the look of surprise and delight on R.J.’s face when her lips met his. He might try to seduce her and as much as I loved my best friend like a brother if he tried to do anything more than press a chaste kiss against her lips I was going to kick his ass.
My lungs ached with exertion as I launched a roar from my chest, rage filling my body to the point of combustion. Rational thought fled my brain. Pissed off and spoiling for a fight, I looked up as Jake approached, hands up in the air.
“Calm down man. This is some serious bullshit, but we gotta handle it the right way. Alright?”
I sneered in his face, “He has Rae.” The words were forced through my locked jaw.
Jake nodded, “Yes, and you need to remember that R.J. is your best friend. He’s not going to sleep with your girl so take a deep breath and handle your fucking shit bro.”
I almost snarled a reply, but Hay interrupted.
“Pete, remember that Rae is in love with you. She cares for R.J., but she wouldn’t betray you. Trust me.” Hayley placed a hand on my arm, but I wasn’t even close to calm.
My chest was heaving. With great effort I managed to calm my breathing enough so that I could speak, “I’m getting her back. Now.”
Feeling the anger, frustration, and hurt that seemed to cling to Rae through our connection, I was becoming increasingly agitated. If I stayed here I would tear this fucking cabin apart.
“She left without anything to wear. She won’t get far,” Hay promised.
My heart started to beat faster again, “Exactly, my baby needs me.”
Hay grinned, “She does Pete. Only love makes you act so irrationally and foolishly. She’s head over heels for you. Never seen my bestie like that before.”
I sighed, “How the hell do I find them?”
“I’ve got to stay here with Hay. Why don’t you text Beckett and see if he’ll follow you? We’ve got this place secure,” Jake’s eyes roamed Hay’s face as he placed a kiss on her lips. “We could use some privacy.”
“Jake!” she screeched, outraged.
Jake kissed her sloppily as she swatted at him and he smacked her on the ass, “Come on baby. Give me some love.”
She giggled as her arms slid up his chest.
I had enough and left the two of them undressing each other as the door shut behind me. I sped away in the Nova and dialed Beckett’s number, determined not to let another minute pass without Rae by my side.
“I need your help.”
“WHAT HAPPENED?” BECKETT asked as he slid his stocky frame from the bed of the red Ford.
“Rae’s gone.”
“Gone? What the hell Pete?”
An hour and twenty minutes had passed before Beckett pulled into the abandoned parking lot where we agreed to meet. Long enough for my thoughts to cause extended chaos in my mind. I paced in front of him and tried to keep my shit together, but Beckett seemed to figure it out much sooner than I expected, “She left –”
“With R.J.” a statement, not a question. “Sorry bro,” he sighed and clapped a hand on my shoulder.
I winced and nodded, kicking at a rock with my shoe, “We had an argument.”
“Does she know about R.J.’s feelings?”
I sighed, “Before today, no.”
He paused thoughtfully, “Well, any idea where they would have gone?”
“No, but shit has calmed down enough for me to try and text him now. Not sure I can handle this Beck. Rae’s fucking pissed at me . . .”
“So? Rae’s got a temper. We all know that. She isn’t going to run off with your best friend. Get a clue bro.”
I tried to smile, but it came across as a grimace. I knew Rae and R.J. wouldn’t cross the line. If I was honest, that wasn’t what was really bothering me. Running my fingers through my dark hair I admitted the source of my anger and mistrust, “I’m afraid he’s going to tell her the truth.”
“About?”
“Everything,” I whispered.
“She deserves to know.”
I tur
ned to him with a snarl, “No, she doesn’t!”
“If you don’t tell her someone else will. What then? When she hears the truth about the RRMC and her father, Mack and your involvement, and the rivalry between the MC’s she’ll never forgive you if you aren’t the one to tell her.”
“And the accident,” I acknowledged, shoving my hands deep into my pockets. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Shit,” he grinned, pulling out a cigarette and a gunmetal lighter with the RRMC logo embedded into the cool surface, “I’m always fucking right brother.”
I laughed, my chest lightening just a bit, “You’re as much a brother to me as the others.” Beck was the shit. I could always count on him. Same as the others, I could sense his intentions and he’d never betray me. We were like blood. Family. Beck was a part of that too.
“I know Pete.”
A look past between the two of us before my cell phone buzzed in my hand.
Rae’s with me. Safe. Great Hills Lodge. Fifth and Summit.
On my way!
“Let’s go,” I shouted after I hit send for my return text and ran for the Nova.
The trip took us ten minutes, and I expected to see Rae the moment we arrived.
Never happened. I think life or the fates or some bullshit hates me.
Outlaw hogs gathered in the Great Hills Lodge parking lot. Moments before I was spotted I managed to swerve my car back on to the road. Beckett slammed his brakes behind me and we nearly collided. Fuck. Only the loud roar of so many bikes all at once camouflaged the sweet purr of my Nova. Forced to remain in the shadows until the MC left the hotel I waited impatiently to see Rae.
We pulled into a safe location as close as I could allow.
A quick text to R.J. was my only consolation.
Outlaws in lot. You good?
R.J. replied quickly. Yes. Rae asleep early. She was tired.
You keeping watch?
Yes, always.
There was nothing to say to that, and nothing to do but wait.
I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling to calm my frazzled nerves. Tonight I might as well smoke the whole damn pack. Stress was gonna fucking kill me one day if the cigarettes didn’t first.
Fuck, I hated waiting.
Chapter 18
I flopped down on the mattress and bounced on the springy coils as it squeaked. R.J. laughed lightly as he shut and locked the hotel room door and tossed our bags on the only table in the room. The curtains were wide open and he frowned, pulling them closed tightly.
“No unwanted eyes,” he reminded me as we both cleared our throats in the awkward silence that followed.
“Listen Rae –” he began at the same time I spoke.
“R.J., I don’t –”
We both laughed.
“You first,” he gestured as he sat next to me, “I’d like to know what’s on your mind.”
I chewed my bottom lip as our eyes met, “You haven’t been truthful with me R.J.”
“No, I haven’t Rae. That was for your benefit as much as my best friend.”
I nodded. I already knew that was his answer, but I wanted to know why he chose this moment to reveal his feelings. Or even why he did it at all, “I understand that R.J. but why now?”
“Your kiss,” he answered immediately.
“At the safe house?”
“Yeah,” he answered with a slight blush gracing his high cheekbones.
How cute.
“R.J., that was unfair of me. I did that to spite Pete, nothing more.”
“I know darlin’,” he leaned forward until our mouths nearly touched. “But I had to know if the kisses we shared after that one could mean something more.”
Well, that was an unexpected response.
My eyes widened, “You did?”
“Yes, because I love you, Rae. I have for nearly as long as Pete.”
“Does he know?” I asked, refusing to say his name. I was still mad at Peter.
“Yeah, it’s not a secret. At least not for a long time. He’s known for years.”
I tilted my head, confused, “Who decided I wasn’t allowed to know? You or him?”
“I did,” he answered with conviction. “It was my choice to tell you, Rae. If and when I decided to tell you at all. Today was the first time I looked at you and knew I had to say something. After that kiss, I knew I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t take the opportunity to reveal the truth.”
“That makes sense,” I admitted, sighing. “Where does this leave us R.J.?”
“I don’t know Rae. My feelings won’t change, so I’ve done what I set out to do. All except for one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to kiss you, not with Peter around or on your mind, not with danger lurking around the corner, and not with an audience. I want you to clear your mind. Let everything go and relax. Can you do that?”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
This was dangerous ground, and I wasn’t quite comfortable. Being with R.J. felt like I was cheating on Peter, but I wasn’t. It was nothing but a simple kiss between friends earlier at the cabin. Nothing more.
Right?
“Close your eyes my little darlin’.”
Internally I cringed. Maybe I should stop this. R.J.’s arms pulled me closer into his embrace. This was a bad idea. “I’m sorry R.J.”
His blue eyes were pained, “I understand Rae.”
I blushed, feeling sad for him and knowing that I cared but not the way he would desire, “You know how I feel about Pete.”
“Are you sorry I told you?”
“I’m happy I know the truth.”
Happy that I could let him down easy because I needed to do that before we left this hotel room. I think I was happy that he trusted me and cared enough to reveal his feelings. Secrets tore people apart and I hated them.
His answering grin melted any uncomfortable feelings we might have had, “Me too.”
I let him pull me closer to his chest and nestled my head on his shoulder. We’ve snuggled before, but up until this moment, I never thought about what it meant to him.
R.J. squeezed my arm with a soft sigh and cleared his throat, “I’m not going to ask you to give me answers right now. Someday soon you’ll have to think about today, and when you come to a decision, I want you to tell me right away, good or bad.”
I felt his kiss drop on the top of my head, “I will R.J. I promise.”
“We’re best friends first Rae, no matter what, and I don’t want to lose that because of today.”
His honesty meant the world to me, “Me either. I won’t let that happen to us.”
“Good.”
We lay in silence for long minutes, both of us internalizing the drastic change of events. I knew this kiss was pivotal in my relationship, make that friendship, with R.J. and I wanted to take time to consider what happened honestly. I needed to explore what this declaration of feelings meant for us and how it affected my relationship with Peter.
I was angry at him, but I loved him. Pete was my soulmate but as I lay in R.J.’s arms, I knew he was just as integral a part of my heart as Peter. Both guys had always been there for me and although I always thought of R.J. like a brother, I realized that my feelings did go slightly beyond friendship. Did they extend as far as my feelings for Peter?
No, I knew that and so I knew that choosing R.J. over Peter would never happen.
“You don’t have to say it yet Rae,” R.J. whispered in the dark, his voice low. “Let me have this one moment. Let me pretend there’s more, just this once my love.”
His love? I nearly cringed with guilt.
“Oh R.J., don’t be sad,” I pleaded, “I know I love him more but that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you.”
“Rae,” he whispered, agonized, “I’ve always known. I was stupid today, foolish, but –”
“Stop,” I ordered with my finger pressed against his lips. “Don’t fill the air with words I haven’t
spoken. I love you too, maybe not the way you want but you’re important to me.” I sat up and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his cheek. “You’ve got to give me time R.J. This was a lot to find out all in one day.”
He smiled one of his famous cheesy grins that I’ve always loved, “sure thing darlin’.”
“Do me a favor,” I joked, shaking my head, “Don’t call me that in front of Peter.”
R.J.’s soft chuckle rumbled his chest as the two of us sat up against the headboard, content to be together, even if we didn’t know how to define what it meant.
Nothing mattered at that moment but my happiness and so I latched onto it, knowing reality was a malicious bitch and would soon catch up.
Chapter 19
I could hear the faint roar of a motorcycle engine outside in the small dimly lit parking lot of the hotel. At first I thought one of the RRMC was here, maybe with Pete and then I realized he probably didn’t know where I was yet.
More hogs joined the first one.
I immediately stiffened, afraid to wake up Rae after she fallen asleep but knew I had to check. If Pete was outside, I would have heard the Nova or Beckett’s truck, unless these were Outlaw bikes. Several more motorcycles revved their engines as they rode past. The noise was deafening. Rae must have been really tired to sleep through it.
Sensing her fatigue, I knew she was especially tired of all the bullshit lately and the chaos that surrounded her on a daily basis. At least the rest of us knew what was happening and we had each other to vent our frustrations to if we needed to talk to someone. Pete and Jake had my six on anything. That was MC life, but Rae was on her own. We couldn’t bring her into our lives and put her at greater risk.
My brothers and I shared a connection. We were close, more than best friends or brothers, we shared a link that was . . . special, if you could call it that. Fuck, we were like the same damn brain most of the time.
I approached the window and hid out of sight, moving the curtain just enough that I saw the group of Outlaws huddled on the blacktop in a wide circle, talking and drinking.
Shit.
Good thing I hid Jake’s bike.
