by Nikki Landis
Five steps from my door I heard a shuffle behind me. I spun and caught Rafe’s fist with my hand before it could reach my face and clocked him in the jaw, knocking him off balance as I grabbed his shirt by the collar.
“I’m not the same kid I used to be Rafe,” I smirked, slamming him into the wall and enjoying the look of surprise on his scarred face. The years hadn’t been kind. He was haggard and worn and stunk like piss. I turned my nose up, close to retching, “You’d better watch your back, Pres because I’m not taking your shit anymore.”
He laughed and tried to throw his head forward but I slammed my palm into his forehead, and the back of his skull bounced off the drywall.
“Edge,” he slurred, obviously enjoying the party entirely too much. “Glad you’re back.”
Disgusted I tossed his lanky frame to the side. A man his age should take better care of himself. He was the club president. No wonder this place was out of control. Rafe was a goddamn disgrace.
“Go sleep it off Rafe and take a fucking shower. You stink.”
I didn’t stick around to find out what he did next. In my room, I locked the door and walked to my desk where I found the paper grocery bag left for me by GQ on my dresser. Peering inside I saw exactly what I had asked for, down to the candle.
An hour later I lay on my bed, unable to relax. My thoughts drifted to Rae as they did every single night but tonight was on purpose. I checked my watch for the third time in the last twenty minutes.
Would midnight fucking get here already?
I sat up, drumming my fingers on my thigh, agitated. Before I could think much about it, my hand gripped the wooden frame on my nightstand. I’ve kept a picture of Rae in my room since the day I patched. Her soft brown eyes twinkled up at me with the same love and innocent trust that haunted my dreams. I sank down in the bed and placed the frame on the pillow next to my head, staring at her for long moments.
My heart ached, my throat dry from the overindulgence and evening’s festivities, and my thoughts more than a little jumbled but I didn’t move. Just once I wished I would wake up and find all this mess was nothing but a horrible nightmare.
My eyes fluttered as I set the alarm on my phone for midnight and then closed, remembering the following morning after Rae was relocated . . .
Chapter 33
I sat in the sheriff’s office, Beckett hanging around by the door nervously. Three months had passed since Rae left. I frowned at Hollis once or twice waiting for him to end his call. If he didn’t hang up soon, I was going to do it for him.
As soon as he set the receiver to his office phone back down in the cradle, I pierced him with my stare.
“Where’s Rae?”
“You’re not going to like this son.” I wasn’t his fucking son. Beckett was standing right there. Boss your own kid around but not me. Don’t patronize me asshole.
“Where the hell is Rae?” I asked again, this time accentuating every word.
He blinked, looking genuinely apologetic, “I’m sorry Pete, I can’t say.”
“That wasn’t part of our deal,” I growled, standing. “You promised to give me her location.”
“And I would, if I had it, which I don’t.”
What? I slumped back into the chair, knowing the feds had screwed me over, just like I knew they would. “What the fuck happened?”
“The case was yanked from my hands and they played the trump card. No jurisdiction. They’re working a deal on a case they’ve been gathering evidence on for the last decade Pete. I don’t know a lot, but I do know it has something to do with RICO, the RRMC, and the affiliation with the Outlaws. It’s a big fucking mess to be honest.”
Hollis tipped his hat back off his forehead and pulled out a pack of smokes, tossing it in my direction.
“What’s RICO go to do with anything? It’s a damn Act created for organized crime back in the 60’s. The RRMC doesn’t earn like that,” I reminded him, lighting up a cigarette before I tossed the pack back. “We have legit business dealings and investments. Ron spent years gaining those alliances and trust,” I knew that much from Mack. He told me years ago.
Hollis lit up his own cig and took a few long drags, spitting tobacco out the side of his mouth. “Look, we both think we know how the RRMC earns, but the truth is you aren’t in that deep yet. Once you’re full patch and Rafe trusts you, then we can find out the truth and his connection to Striker and the Outlaws.”
“That’s an awfully risky gamble, especially for me,” I pointed out.
“What does it matter now? Rae’s out of danger and we both know Mack isn’t going to do shit, so you’re the only choice. After the way this goddamn nightmare went down, we need you to patch the club and see how things progress. You’re stuck in this life one way or another, said so yourself son just a few minutes ago, so the question is, you gonna do it for you and Rae or let that asshole Rafe continue to control everything?”
“How do I know I can find her? She could be anywhere in the U.S. right now.”
“You join the RRMC and infiltrate and I’ll do my best to locate where Rae is living. At least down to a city if nothing else.”
Beckett sat on the edge of his father’s desk and looked right into my eyes. “I’ll find her, I swear it.”
I nodded, knowing if it could be done Beckett would find a way.
“There’s something else you should know Pete,” Hollis sounded hesitant.
Beckett stiffened next to him which wasn’t a good sign.
“What?” I asked warily, folding my arms over my chest. This better be important.
“Leah is alive.”
My jaw dropped. “Rae’s little sister isn’t dead?” I was shocked, “How?”
The sheriff shook his head, sighing, “No, the feds separated them and thought it best not to mention the little girl survived her wounds. They’re in danger. Leah was placed in foster care with a nice family. I personally vetted them. It’s best for now that Rae doesn’t know the full extent of the carnage and lies.”
“Better for who?” I asked, furious. “That’s her blood. Rae has a right to know.”
“The feds disagree.”
“Fuck them! She’s already lost her parents, and now she’s separated from everyone she’s known and loved her whole life.” I stood up and punched the wall, my temper soaring to dangerous heights, “This is bullshit!”
“Calm down Edge.”
“Don’t fucking call me that! I want to go to Rae. Now. She needs me.”
Hollis sat forward, scrubbing his hand across his face, “That’s not going to happen. You’re needed in the club.”
What!? I spun and slammed my fist down on the desk making him jump, “What the fuck did you just say to me?”
The sheriff eyed me coolly and reined in his temper. Smart move considering I could probably kick his ass, “The only way you’re going to get her back is to play their game . . . and beat them, not lose your goddamn temper in my office.”
I was so pissed off I had to gulp great mouthfuls of air to keep from reaching across the desk and strangling Sheriff Daly with my bare hands, “Rafe already thinks I betrayed him. How the fuck am I supposed to convince him I’m not a NARC or a threat?”
“Leave that to me, Pete.”
Not a convincing statement. I scoffed, “Listen here, Sheriff, I don’t take orders from you and I won’t be a pawn for you or Rafe, so you better start talking if you want my cooperation.”
Beckett placed his hand on my shoulder, “Shane and I have your back man, same as always.”
I knew that, but it didn’t change facts, “Listen, this is a lot to take in while my girl is out there hurting. She’s the one who’s innocent in all of this. So is Leah. They deserve better than the treatment they’re receiving.”
“I agree, but we can’t change that right now. We’ve got to take it one step at a time.”
“I’m not giving up.”
No way. I’d never stop searching for Rae or trying to bring her back
into my life. Maybe that was selfish, but I didn’t give a fuck.
“I didn’t think you would,” Hollis stood, flipping his cigarette butt into an ashtray. “Listen, you need to understand that we won’t play favorites anymore. We’re gonna be hard on you Pete. This has to look real and be convincing. Rafe needs to think you’ve been abandoned by us, Mack, and Rae. Only then will he think you’re broken enough and trust you.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, walking from the office and slamming the door on the way out.
I’d already signed my life over to Rafe and now this bullshit.
If I didn’t find Rae soon, someone was going to pay . . .
FIVE YEARS LATER I, Peter “Edge” Harding, was a bitter, angry, and violent man headed down a path of self-destruction. The more time that past, the more I resented my current set of circumstances.
I woke up to the blaring alarm on my cell and sat right up, hitting end on the phone.
Midnight.
My thoughts came back to the present and shook off the memories of the past, focusing as I picked up the white cupcake with rainbow swirls GQ bought only a few hours before I arrived and lit a single pale pink candle. So softly that no one would have heard me, I sang happy birthday to my beloved Rae in the silent air, my voice hoarse and choking on the raw emotion, and blinked back stinging tears. She was twenty-two now.
Five times. Five birthdays without my baby. Five long agonizing years.
“I love you, Rae,” I whispered into the dark. “Happy birthday my love.”
Wherever she was, I hoped she was surrounded by friends and people who loved her.
I didn’t have the heart to blow out the candle and snuffed the flame with my fingers, setting both the cupcake and picture frame down on my desk. Opening the top drawer my eyes fell on the four previous birthday presents as I added the new gift, wrapped and bought per my instructions to GQ. I dropped the box into the drawer staring in silent misery.
I felt abandoned and alone, lonely and heartbroken, sad and anxious. Every year it was the same. The feeling always lingered, even in a crowded room. No matter what I did or who I was with, that feeling never went away. Not in five long, painful years.
I don’t think it ever will.
For a minute I let all those pesky feelings overtake me and then I stood, grabbed my boxing gloves, and slipped from the clubhouse. Most nights when I was unable to sleep I usually ended up in the ring or working out to the point of exhaustion. Tonight the booze might take its toll, but I would push my body anyway. If I didn’t, I’d be overcome with thoughts and dreams of Rae, and for once I wanted to forget the beautiful slim brunette and the ache that never seemed to subside inside my chest.
In the minutes that followed, I took my aggression out on the sturdy punching bag dangling from the gym ceiling. I decided I couldn’t take another day.
No more. Not another minute.
I swore not another hour would pass before I did what I had to do to locate Rae . . .
Even if I had to burn the entire fucking world to the ground to find her.
Chapter 34
I think I’ve found her.
I stared at the text, blinking my eyes in disbelief.
Pete?
My fingers trembled as I sent the return text to Beckett, breaking out in a cold sweat. Where?
Juniper Hills.
Fuck. Really? The same city Mack lived in? How the hell did that happen?
Works 2nd shift at Billiards & Buds.
My baby was working in a bar? I sat down with a muted thud on the barstool of the clubhouse, my head falling in my hands. How was she so close all this time and we couldn’t find her?
Address? I sent the reply and waited, not realizing I was holding my breath until my cell chirped with his response.
439-C Harbor Ridge High Rise.
Huh, I knew the place. A ritzy building for young, wealthy singles and couples. Fairly new. Built about five years ago if I remembered.
Of course. Why not put Rae up in a brand new high-security building?
Thanks, Beck. I owe you one.
NP bro. Go get her.
I smiled and shoved the cell in my pocket. A nervous twitch made me jump up and start walking toward the billiard room. As soon as I saw R.J., I blurted his name startling him and causing him to scratch on the eight ball, “R.J.!”
“Fuck Edge! Damn,” he dropped the pool stick and headed my way, ignoring the low laugh from Ghost.
“Don’t get too comfortable Ghost. I need you and Jake on back up. Watch your damn phone,” I barked, turning on my heel as we left.
“You got it V.P.”
“What the hell is going on?” R.J. dropped onto the seat of his hog and started the engine once we were outside and out of earshot. The loud noise of the throttle nearly cut out my words.
“Beck found Rae.”
He nodded, fully on board. “Where to?”
“Juniper Hills.”
My phone chirped while I drove and vibrated against my leg. I must have had an incoming text. We parked in the lot of a local convenience store so I could check my messages once we arrived in town. I swiped across the screen and instantly regretted it. A shit storm was brewing. I could feel it.
Beckett’s text left me feeling numb.
Bryce was hit.
Wow. My old nemesis? When?
Last night. Stabbed and shot.
Is he dead? I don’t know why that thought bothered me. I hated the fucker.
No. Critical at Juniper East.
Damn. You on his six?
Yep. Shane, Dante, and I are all taking shifts.
Good. Keep me in the loop.
Will do.
This was bad. Who would put a hit on Bryce? He was the son of the craziest MC in town. The Outlaws had a rep for being ruthless and hardcore. They were badass motherfuckers. Even I knew that.
What the fuck was going down?
I just got out of prison and certainly didn’t need a reason to violate my fucking parole.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and nearly fell off my bike.
Rae.
Right there. In the flesh.
A surge of emotion jolted through my body like a flash of lightning. Being this close I felt her connection again, so strong, so intense, and it rocked me to the core. I could sense her . . . just like I always have been able, but until now I hadn’t realized how much I relied on our connection to make it through the last five years. Seeing her again was a brutal shock to my system, one I had longed for and dreamed of for so long that I was nearly unable to move.
She was walking into the store and hadn’t noticed us. I needed a minute to recover my composure and then R.J. and I walked in, scanning the store until we saw her sexy little ass gathering up fresh fruit in the aisle. She still had a body and curves that made me want to sink to my knees in gratitude.
All I could do was stare at Rae, afraid I’d blink and she would disappear.
R.J. didn’t seem any better, he cleared his throat awkwardly.
For a moment I wanted to run to Rae and then reality sunk in.
She was too pure, I knew that now. Too good for my soiled and bloodied hands to touch. I didn’t deserve her and I sure as hell wasn’t good enough for her. Rae was out of my league, and I didn’t think for a second that she would actually accept my life and the RRMC.
My sordid past and connections to the Riders meant I was owned body and soul and I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, drag her into my shit. Once she found out the truth of what I had become, she would run, and I knew it was the right thing for her to do. If she really cared, wouldn’t she have made an effort to find out what happened that night? Did she know I went to prison? Did she bother to find out if I was alright?
My head was fucking all over the place. I couldn’t think straight. My brain went haywire and seemed to sort of short circuit. I blinked once or twice in an effort to calm my shit down, but I was starting to lose it. It was too much – of her, my past, and I
couldn’t fucking deal.
All the while Rae stood, staring up at me with her wide brown eyes so doe-like in their innocence and trust. Fuck. So many conflicting emotions. So much chaos raged within me.
I’d have to give her up. I already made that choice and now that the moment was here, five years in the making, I fucking felt like I was going to have some kind of nervous breakdown. My heart broke at the thought of pushing her away, but there was no other choice.
“How are you Rae?” the words sounded forced from my throat and stilted.
She didn’t seem to notice.
Instead, she sucked in the right corner of her bottom lip, chewing nervously. A sure sign that she was nervous and uncertain. Funny how after all this time I still remembered every little quirk in her personality. Branded and seared into my brain, every little nuance, every like and dislike, every look and smile – she had so many – surfaced the moment she shyly whispered my name in response.
“Peter.”
Every thought in my head disappeared. Blank. Like I was a fucking moron.
What the hell?
“Pete,” she repeated with emphasis.
My reaction was instantaneous. A single shiver spread throughout my entire body as liquid heat coursed through my veins and burned with a desperate longing that almost made my knees buckle. She always had this effect on me. Time had deepened the connection and intensity of loss as if she gouged me with a sharp blade dipped in poison and the wound had festered and never fully healed, lingering beneath my skin only to burn in reminder. She was like a dangerous and addictive drug, one that would fucking kill me if I wasn’t careful.
Fighting for control over my body, I merely nodded, afraid if I spoke aloud she would see how much I still loved and wanted her. My fingers itched with the need to reach out and touch her, to feel the softness of her skin, to know the warmth of her lips once more. I wanted to brush my mouth across hers and taste her, see if she was as sweet as I remembered.
Rae was the epitome of temptation and desire, but I wasn’t stupid enough to risk her life more than once. I tried everything in the past, gambled, and lost; all in an effort to save her.