by Nikki Landis
That was all that really mattered.
Rae was alive. Safe. Unharmed. Free.
Things I would never be, not now, not ever.
“Peter?”
Her soft question made me want to snarl and punch something like the caged and wild beast I had become. My voice was low and nearly guttural as I replied, crushing her hope as if it was a tangible thing I could break with my own two hands. “Nice seeing you Rae. Take care.”
Without a word I stomped past her and toward the glass doors of the QuickMart, my expression hard and unwavering as my heart shattered and broke into a thousand tiny pieces and scattered to the wet pavement below. R.J. was close by my side, his eyes cutting at me sideways but not questioning my choice. We both understood the danger our lives presented. As full members of the Ravage Riders, we could no longer make singular or selfish decisions.
Everything was about the club . . .
And we answered to Rafe.
I dared to look back just once and nearly crumpled at the expression of devastation and hurt that crossed her beautiful face. Rae, oh baby. I’m sorry. My heart called to her, but there was nothing I could do. I – Edge – was no longer free and I wouldn’t take the chance that a repeat of the past may take her life next time.
For all my good intentions, all the waiting and all the lonely empty nights, none of that was enough to bring her into my shit show of a life. All the effort and time wasted in search of her. The minutes I counted down until she was mine again. None of those things mattered anymore. Seeing her was torture but proved she was better off without me . . . and our past. She was out of danger in her world, safe and free.
Rae didn’t need me anymore.
Even if I needed her like oxygen to my deprived lungs.
Even if I felt hollowed out and empty, broken and alone.
What bothered me the most, the thing that surely broke and shattered my black fucking heart was the glistening diamond ring she wore on her left index finger. The ring I used to propose to her right before she gave me her virginity. She still had it. Still wore it.
Fuck!
I revved the throaty engine of my Harley next to R.J. and forced my gaze ahead, taking off on my hog before the urge to turn around and grab her was too strong to resist. My chest was so tight I could hardly breathe, my airways constricting to the point of suffocation. Goddammit! Not now, I thought, shit this couldn’t be any fucking worse!
R.J. followed me a short distance away as we sat, engines rumbling, and waited for Rae to leave the store. Keeping at a distance, we made sure she returned home safely, careful not to be discovered.
“I want Ghost on her tail. He reports directly to me if anything suspicious occurs,” my order was barked out quickly as my eyes narrowed, watching Rae walk into her apartment building. A parking garage was located just to the left, where she entered an elevator that took her inside. I confirmed the place was nice, high-security, and fairly safe. Good. The only vulnerability was the garage. I noticed the cameras and smiled a devious grin. “I want those cameras hacked. Her every move to and from that building is recorded. Anyone comes to visit her, I want to know immediately.”
R.J. nodded and scowled, “She’d be so pissed if she knew the truth.”
“I don’t give a shit. She’s back in my world now. Just because I can’t have her doesn’t mean Rae isn’t under my protection. Any news, day or night, inform me right away.”
“Fine bro,” he relented and glanced at the open window of Rae’s third-floor apartment. She sat cuddling a large gray Calico cat like her old one, Feefee. R.J. chuckled at her innocence as she talked to the cat and nuzzled her nose into the fat feline’s face.
A small smile graced my lips for a few seconds before I turned to R.J., “No exposure R.J. She doesn’t see us. Not ever. If I find out otherwise, I’ll kill the sorry asshole who compromised us and placed her in danger.”
“I got it,” R.J. grumbled as I rode away.
I didn’t say a word about the tumultuous thoughts jumbling in my head, but something wasn’t right. Rae wasn’t that far from Providence. Witness Protection usually relocated people much farther than a few cities away, especially on such a dangerous and deadly case like the one involving Rae’s family.
She was in Green County, one over from where she grew up. More importantly, it was the same county her father grew up in, where Ron worked at a warehouse when he was young and met her mother Sarah on a night out at the drive-in with his fellow RRMC Brothers. Specifically where they lived when Rae was a baby before they bought their home in Providence and Ron built his Rae of sunshine the treehouse.
This wasn’t a coincidence.
It was time I did some digging into this so-called witness protection. My gut told me this wasn’t right. Something underhanded was taking place, and I was suddenly afraid for her safety. Putting the surveillance on her was a good idea, now more than ever.
I would keep Rae safe or die trying, but no longer would I sit back and do nothing.
I still meant every word of every promise I ever made to Ron and to his beloved Rae. She may not know it, but I had staked my claim years ago, and I wasn’t about to give her up. Maybe I had to keep my distance, but that didn’t mean I was letting her go or allowing anyone else to move in on my girl.
Rae belonged to me, the man who loved her for over a decade, the sinner who swore to place her life above his own, and that shit wasn’t going to change.
Chapter 35
My apartment was dark and empty once I arrived home. My cat snuggled and purred beneath my feet but I hardly noticed. All I could think about was the store and Peter.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when he appeared.
Out of nowhere. Closed off and silent, his dark, brooding eyes holding back so much.
Why?
Didn’t he love me? Want me? Miss me?
I was prepared to tell him everything. How much I missed and loved him and how he never left my thoughts. Opening my mouth to reply and ready to run into his arms I stopped when he squared his shoulders and said goodbye.
He left.
He just left me, without any word or explanation.
I was gutted, my heart shattered beyond recognition.
His eyes darted to my left hand before he walked away. I knew he saw I was wearing his ring but he didn’t say a word about that either. Just stood there, his entire body tensed, his expression thunderously angry as if he was sorry and pissed off that I still had it, that I still cared.
Shit.
I was never going to wear it again.
Didn’t need his ring. Most definitely didn’t need him.
Asshole.
But why did I still yearn for him? Ache for his touch?
Need him, like oxygen in my lungs to breathe?
Pete – Edge – was my first love, first sexual experience, and he was my first and only heartbreak. Even after all these years my heart still stopped with one look at his face, my breath caught in my throat, my palms began to sweat, and my knees felt weak. He played havoc with all of my senses, and I burned with need, desire, and hope.
I still wanted him. With a bitter laugh, I shook my head. I knew I would always love him . . .
And he’s totally ruined me for anyone else.
Shit!
I had to get out of my apartment.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get far before I was cornered by my twat of a neighbor, the smell of weed drifting from the open door of his apartment. Was he waiting for me to pass by? That’s a little creepy.
“Hey Jennie,” Simon yelled, running up next to me as I quickened my pace. “I was hoping I would run into you.”
“Oh?” I asked, walking toward the elevator and pushing the button. Ten or twelve times. “I have class today.”
He smiled a happy grin, like he knew all about me, “I know. Just wanted to ask if you were coming Friday night.”
Tomorrow? Where? I searched my brain for any clue about what he meant.
�
��My party. It’s my birthday, remember?”
Oops, “I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy lately.” Maybe I could get away without giving an answer.
He shrugged, “It’s alright, but you’ll come? At eight?”
Dammit. I nodded, “Sure.” The elevator opened. “Happy early birthday Simon!” I yelled as the door shut, with more enthusiasm than I meant but happy to leave him behind.
I leaned back against the side of the elevator, the smile disappearing from my face. I hated all of the acting, the pretending, and the façade that my life was normal and happy. Five years after the death of my mother and little sister and all I wanted was to run away from the make-believe person I had become.
Jennie and her nice fake life. No thanks.
I lost everything. My mother. My little sister Leah. My fiancé. My house and my cat Fee, Fee, and all my friends, especially my best friend, Hayley. I missed her so much I could sit right here and cry.
Now I lived a monotonous lonely existence that never changed from one day to the next. Detective Paul Sims, the one who set me up with my current apartment in the high-security building, still kept in contact nearly every day and was my only real friend. He was sure to follow up after Bryce Hutchinson’s accident and inform me that I was protected.
Safe and no longer in danger since all threats were eliminated.
As long as I lived as Jennie Murphy and not Rae Stenson.
I hated Jennie. She lived alone, had no family, few friends, and never existed until five years ago.
I was Rae. The girl with a family, lots of friends, and who loved her boyfriend more than life itself. Correction, he was supposed to be my fiancé.
But Peter never came.
He never showed up. Never rescued me or contacted me. Never made any effort to find me.
Until the QuickMart.
He walked into my life for barely five minutes before he turned away and stomped past me, moving as if he couldn’t leave my presence fast enough.
I remembered the last day we were together, and all of his promises as the tears welled up in my eyes, falling down my cheeks before I could stop them. Lies, all lies. When the elevator opened, I kept my head down and rushed from my building, heading straight for my car. Sliding behind the seat of my black Mustang, I let my head fall forward onto the steering wheel. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I believe he still cared and wanted me after all this time?
My shoulders shook with my cries, my heart shattered and broken.
Was this my future? Day after endless day, feeling nothing but emptiness? Loneliness? Sorrow?
Yes, I was safe from my past, but I would be forever haunted by it too.
Five years later I’m living alone and still afraid to trust a single soul.
Sucking a deep breath into my aching chest, I vowed to close my heart off forever.
Fuck Peter Harding.
I wouldn’t be used again, not by him or anyone else.
Chapter 36
I walked into Sheriff Daly’s office and didn’t bother to knock as the door flew back and slammed into his wall, several chips of white drywall fell to the naked floor and tossed chalky dust into the air. He must be having his office remodeled. Not that I cared.
“We need to talk.”
Looking up at me, one hand raising the lit cigarette to his lips, Hollis assessed me with those same cool blue eyes as his son. Beckett was so much like his father. Calm and collected. Took everything in before he reacted.
Not like me. I was just like my old man.
Fucking temper like a raging bull in front of a red flag.
My palms slapped down on his desk as I faced him, nearly spitting my words, “Something isn’t right.”
“You’re gonna have to be more specific son.”
Grinding my teeth to prevent a sarcastic response riddled with the word fuck, I released a deep breath and met his curious gaze, “Rae’s been living in Juniper Hills for the last five years.”
“Yes, I know,” he answered slowly. “Beckett informed me a few hours ago.”
“You don’t think that’s awfully suspicious?”
“How so?” he puffed a long drag and exhaled slowly, keeping eye contact.
I knew exactly what he was doing. Playing fucking games and it was pissing me off. He wanted me to play my cards and show him what was in my hand before he spoke. Fine.
“My dad lives there. Ron met Sarah there. Rae was born there for fuck’s sake. You don’t see the coincidence?” I hollered, losing my shit altogether. So much for being calm.
Hollis tilted back in his chair and puffed again, holding the smoke in before he slowly released it, “I think your problem comes from a few missing pieces of the puzzle Pete. There’s someone you should talk to. I believe he holds the answers you need. At least a few of them.”
I frowned, “You talking about Mack?”
He shook his head and smashed the cigarette butt into the ashtray, “Listen, there’s a lot you and Mack need to discuss but that’s not the first person you should see today.”
Did he have to be this cryptic? “Just spit it out, Hollis.”
“Go visit Bryce at Juniper East.”
I scowled and left the room without another word. Bryce? Really? That asshole?
Thirty minutes later, after texting R.J. and Ghost in case they should need me, I parked in the visitor parking lot of the hospital, right up front so my bike didn’t get dinged by some dipshit who couldn’t drive. The receptionist informed me that Bryce was out of the I.C.U. and in a room on the tenth floor.
After taking the elevator I walked slowly toward his room, 1034 B. I didn’t think much of the weird lighting until I walked into the room. A greenish mist hovered around the bed and caused a sudden flashback to enter my mind. A woman with fair hair and piercing green eyes, a smile full of love, and the feeling of peace and happiness. My recent dreams came rushing to the surface and I gasped. The familiar glow reminded me of the last time I saw my mother alive.
Twenty years ago.
Tears stung the back of my eyelids as I fought the surge of emotion. Her passing was sudden and unexpected, and I remembered the feeling of loss and confusion that combined with my devastation when I realized she was gone. Even as a young boy of three I knew something wasn’t right. I missed her.
Patty Harding was a pretty petite blonde with a ready smile and kind heart. Whenever someone spoke of her it was only with kindness. I never forgot her, and to this day I wished I could have had a chance to know her.
When I could raise my eyes from the mist and bury the pain in my chest, I met Bryce’s curious gaze. I recognized at once that same connection that I felt with my MC brothers, the same strength – almost inhuman – and the similar way our senses could reach out and communicate without words. He felt a part of me . . .
The unnatural glow seemed to dissipate and slowly disappear as we stood in uncomfortable silence. We didn’t say a word, both of us caught by surprise.
“I’ve only seen that once before,” he whispered low as I strained to hear him.
“Same with me,” I deadpanned, swallowing hard.
The silence stretched until we said, at the exact same time, “My mother, Patty.”
Until that moment my life had been set on a deliberate and reckless course but when Bryce said her name it was as if someone took the wheel from my hand and swerved the car in the opposite direction. Everything I thought I knew was dumped on its head until I began to tremble with the knowledge that nothing I knew was real and my family kept secrets, deep life-altering secrets that would change my entire world.
Bryce swallowed loudly and cleared his throat, his eyes locked on mine, “Pete?”
For the first time since I met Bryce, I held no animosity or ill feelings toward him. Maybe I should have taken time to process what that meant but instead, all I could think was Bryce and I shared the same mother. Both of us stared and desperately tried to make sense of what this meant.
Before I
could react he sat back against the pillows on his bed and huffed out a breath, his cheeks splitting wide in a huge grin. Sheepishly I rubbed the back of my neck, at a loss for words. That didn’t happen often.
“You know what this means?” he asked with a small chuckle.
“Yeah,” I smirked, returning his bright smile with one of my own.
“Neither of us are alone Pete, not anymore,” shit, he used my real name.
“I know,” I laughed, a huge weight lifting from my chest – damn, this was fucking weird – and chasing away some of the pain and loneliness since my mother died, compounded by the loss of Rae in my life. “Never alone again.”
“I’ve got your back,” he assured me. “Always.”
“And I’ve got yours.”
We didn’t say anything else until I walked closer to the bed and extended an arm which he clasped tight, both of us hit by the profound sense of belonging that raged through each of our bodies the moment we touched. Light green sparks traveled along our arms, danced along our skin, and began to glow brighter as the two of us felt the connection deepen.
“This is unreal,” he breathed. “Holy shit!”
“We’re more than blood,” I gulped.
“I know, you’re my brother . . . and something more.”
Chapter 37
I was the lowest I had been in a long time. Times like this were when I missed my bestie Hayley the most. In the last five years I hadn’t met anyone that I clicked with the same way we did. Kat was my co-worker, but after that night in Providence and the biker fight she sort of wrote me off, and since then I didn’t have the heart to try and make new friends again.
Sitting on my balcony, curled up in a ball with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, I let the sorrow overtake me. Usually not one to feel sorry for myself I was both pissed and sad. I shouldn’t be in this situation. None of that crap that happened five years ago was my fault and yet I was the one suffering for it.
