“I don’t know… I’m not sure I’m up for all that.”
Roger scooted a little closer to her and took one of her hands in his. “Listen to me Jenny; I’m not sure what went on between you and that boy.”
“Zack,” Jen reminded him.
“Yeah, that one.” He feigned a look of disgust and Jen chuckled despite herself. “You deserve to be happy. So get out there, get yourself all dolled up and go out into the city. You love this city – and that always cheered you up before.”
Jen nodded. “I know.”
Roger smiled and kissed her forehead. “I’ve got to go. I have a couple meetings this morning. But if you need anything, you let me know.” He grabbed his briefcase and started towards the door.
“Hey Daddy,” Jen called after him. He turned, waiting. “Thank you. For letting me stay here and not asking me about Zack or what happened.”
He smiled, his blue eyes sparkling beneath his bushy salt and peppery eyebrows. “Anything for you sweetie.”
Jen watched him leave. She stayed on the couch for a little while, just thinking. When her stomach growled she made her way to the fridge; not finding anything that looked satisfying she opened the pantry. Roger rarely ate in his apartment; in fact he probably wouldn’t even have any food there if Jen hadn’t shown up. She glanced up and down the shelves, finally deciding on some cereal and a granola bar.
Ten minutes later she was sitting in front of the TV, munching on her snack. She had thought about getting dressed but figured she’d watch a couple episodes of whatever was on before she did. She fluffed the pillows around her and got cozy, turning her brain off to real life.
She awoke suddenly; she looked around the apartment unsure for a moment of where she was. She yawned and scratched her head, she must have fallen asleep. The TV was still on and she quickly scrolled through the channels until she found something interesting. After a few moments she realized she felt hot. A cold shower sounded nice but after deciding it was too much work settled on some ice cream. She had just sat down with a bowl of rocky road when the door buzzer sounded. Jen looked at it, and then back at her ice cream. She rolled her eyes and walked to the intercom. “Who is it?” she asked before taking a bite of her dessert.
“Jen! It’s Bianca. Let me in will you?”
“Bianca! Yeah, come on up!”
Sixty seconds later Bianca was at the door. Jen let her in and gave her a hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long! How have you been?” Jen asked.
“Oh you know girl, working and partying, living the life.”
Bianca was one of Jen’s oldest friends. A tall African American beauty, she and Jen had ruled in high school, being two of the most popular girls there.
Jen waved her into the apartment. “Come in, do you want some ice cream?”
“Ugh! No thanks hun, I’m fine.”
Jen picked up her bowl and made her way to the couch. Bianca followed her actions, her heels clicking on the hard wood floor as she followed Jen. She sat down slowly, her long dark legs crossing once she got comfortable. “Girl, why are you eating ice cream?” She was staring at Jen’s bowl as if it was poison.
Jen stopped. “Why not?”
“Is that all you’ve had to eat today?”
“No.” Jen gave her a look. “I had some cereal and a couple granola bars, oh, and some cold pizza from the other day.” Jen looked around for her phone. “What time is it anyway?”
Bianca looked at her phone. “Six-thirty.”
Jen put her bowl down. “Seriously? Already?”
Bianca laughed. “What time did you think it was?”
Jen shrugged her shoulders. “Three or four. I wasn’t really keeping track of time.”
Bianca pursed her lips and shook her head. “I didn’t realize you ate carbs these days.”
Jen didn’t like her judging eyes on her so she changed the subject. “So what are you doing here?”
“Your dad called me,” Bianca told her.
“My dad? Why?”
“He said you were in need of an intervention. And from the looks of it honey, he’s right.”
Jen was slightly offended. “What? No, I don’t need an intervention. I’m fine. Dad thinks I need to get out but I’m good.”
“I’m going to have to agree with him on this one.”
Jen scoffed, “B, I’m fine. Look at me.”
“Oh I am,” Bianca said as her eyes surveyed Jen from head to toe. She shook her head. “Hanging around in this apartment, eating cold pizza and ice cream? You aren’t dressed; your hair looks like a bird’s nest and I’m going to take a wild guess and say it’s been at least two days since you took a shower?”
Jen refused to meet her gaze. She knew she was wretched but didn’t really appreciate Bianca bringing it up.
“You go through the same routine every breakup you’ve ever had. And every time, who has been there to pick you up and get you back out there?”
Jen looked at her and shook her head. “You know me so well.”
“Of course I do!” Bianca grinned widely showing off perfect white teeth. “I think you need to come hang out with me tonight.”
Jen groaned. “No offense but I really don’t feel like it.”
“That’s the time when you really need to. You’ve just gotten out of a long term relationship. You need a friend to get you back out there and girl, aren’t you lucky because I just so happen to be available tonight.”
“I don’t have anything to wear,” Jen complained. “I sold a bunch of my stuff when I moved to Boston.”
“Well that’s why you’re gonna borrow one of my dresses,” Bianca said with a flip of her curly black hair. She stood, her tall frame towering over Jen as she reached out her hand. “Come with me babe, I’m going to make you look and feel fabulous, just like me. It’ll be just like old times.”
Jen grinned up at her. “B, you and I both know I’ll never be as fabulous as you.”
Bianca nodded her head. “True. But we can try.”
Jen laughed in defeat and let her friend pull her off the couch. They grabbed a few of Jen’s things and headed out the door. When they got into the cab Bianca turned to her. “Sweetie, I really am sorry about your breakup. You seemed to really like him.”
Jen nodded and managed a small smile. “Thanks.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Jen shook her head. “No, no I really don’t.”
“That’s fine babe cause tonight, you’re going to forget all about him, I’ll make sure of it.” She winked at Jen and she smiled as they made their way past the tall buildings. Maybe it was time to attempt something new. Maybe it was time to try, if only try, to let Zack LaFaye go.
Chapter 8
Once at Bianca’s apartment Jen got showered and sat with a towel wrapped around her as Bianca began her makeup process. Because she was a makeup artist she often called herself the queen of contouring. It was for this reason that it took a full three hours before the two of them were ready to go out. Jen walked to the mirror. The girl staring back at her had black around her eyes, making the blue in them seem intense, her cheeks were highlighted and her lips were some shade of maroon. She stared at herself; this was a side of her she hadn’t seen in a long time. It was like seeing an old association, one that you aren’t sure if you’re happy to see or not. It had been over a year since Jen had had this much makeup on her face, worn a strapless dress like this or shoes with heels this high. She felt uncomfortable and out of place. And even though she knew this night was supposed to help her forget about Zack, she couldn’t help but wonder what he’d think if he saw her now.
“Ready?” Bianca asked, emerging from the bathroom.
Jen nodded slightly. “I guess so.”
“Don’t be nervous sweetie, you’ll have fun I promise.”
“Can you really promise me that?” Jen asked skeptically.
“I’ll tell you what,” Bianca said as she stuffed her I.D. into her bra. “If you don’t ha
ve fun tonight then I won’t ask you to go out with me again until you’re ready.”
Jen thought about that for a few seconds. “That sounds fair.”
“But you really have to try.” Bianca pointed a finger at her.
Jen smiled. “I will.”
They headed out to the cab awaiting them. Jen walked cautiously, almost falling twice in her six inch heels. How had she walked in these before?
They got into the club without a cover charge and made their way to the bar. Bianca’s slim body moved gracefully through the crowd as she waved and winked at the men. Jen, on the other hand, smiled and waved awkwardly, feeling completely ridiculous. It was comical to her how ungraceful she had become. A couple years ago she and Bianca could literally paint the town red; they got into any club and never had to buy their own drinks, they had spent more money on clothes than they did on rent, and since Bianca’s father was a prosperous investor, the two of them had been able to live the high life. Those days seemed like an entire lifetime ago. She was grateful when they finally got to the bar and she was able to sit down as two men walked over and greeted Bianca.
She turned to Jen. “Jen, this is Chad and Luke.”
Jen nodded at the men. Chad stared hungrily at Bianca and Jen knew instantly that she would go home with him that night. She wondered briefly if either of them felt more than just lust for the other, but then caught herself, feeling strange for thinking such a thing when she already knew the answer.
The men bought the women drinks. Jen played with hers and took a couple sips but decided against drinking any more. They all sat around and chatted awhile before Luke asked Jen to dance. She agreed hesitantly, wobbling as he led her onto the dance floor. He was instantly too close for comfort and Jen had to keep reminding him of personal boundaries. It was clear to her he was already intoxicated and it annoyed her that he was so forward and ungentlemanly. After a couple songs she informed him that she was tired and he walked her back to their seats. Bianca and Chad were nowhere to be seen. Jen asked the bartender for a bottle of water who gave her a strange look as he pulled one from under the counter. Thanking him, she took several swigs; this place was way too hot. She fanned her face, and drank more water, willing it to cool her down.
“So what do you do?” Luke asked from the seat next to her.
“I’m a lawyer,” she told him, still fanning her face.
“That’s hot.” He grinned at her and Jen found herself rolling her eyes inwardly.
“Do you live here in the city?” Luke asked before taking a large swig of brown liquid.
“I just recently moved back after being away for a while,” she said, trying to keep the conversation controlled. The way Luke was looking at her made her skin crawl and she found herself leaning away from him.
“Lucky me.” He winked and smiled wickedly as he took another drink. Jen watched him for a moment. His blue eyes were cold and unfeeling, and judging by his designer ripped jeans and the tattoos on his broad arms, he seemed the typical bad boy. He looked nothing like Zack, acted nothing like Zack, and yet, Jen found herself comparing him to Zack in every way. In fact, she was comparing every man there to Zack. But Zack was one of a kind; and she knew he would never be caught dead in a place like this.
“How do you know Bianca?” Luke asked, scooting closer to her.
“We went to school together. I’ve known her for years.”
“I met her a few months ago but she never told me she had such a hot friend.”
Jen faked a smile. Why would she you idiot. I was in a long term relationship. Before Luke could say another thing Jen asked the bartender for more water. He gave her the same look before handing her another.
“I’d love to buy you a real drink,” Luke whispered to her.
“I’m sure you would,” Jen retorted. She knew she was being offish. She also knew that Bianca had told Luke to keep her company tonight. However, his roaming blue eyes and creepy demeanor was beginning to get on her nerves.
“You wanna get outta here?” Luke asked, breaking Jen’s thoughts.
She stared at him. “Excuse me?”
“Do you wanna continue this party at my place?” He looked arrogant, like he had this one in the bag.
Jen laughed, incredulous. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, why not?”
She shook her head; realizing she shouldn’t be surprised. She knew this would happen. This is the way it always happened. She just hadn’t expected the offer so soon. He clearly was not reading her body language correctly. At this point, Jen realized, he’d had enough to drink that she wasn’t sure he’d even be able to walk to the cab if she did agree to go with him. Disgusted and annoyed, Jen shook her head and stood to leave but a thought crossed her mind. She turned to look at him and for a moment, she saw the hope rise in his eyes. She smirked inwardly; she was about to shatter those hopes with a sledgehammer. “What do you think about marriage?” she asked, sitting back down.
“Whoa, what?” Luke asked, clearly surprised by her question.
“Marriage. What do you think about it?”
“I uh, well… I’m, I’m not sure I understand your question,” he stumbled.
Jen sighed in frustration. “Do you believe in marriage? Do you want to get married? Do you feel like marriage is in your future?”
Luke’s eyes were wide as he tried to process what he was hearing. “I, well…” He looked at her. She sat quietly, waiting. Finally he blurted out, “I didn’t ask you to marry me; I just wanted to take you home!”
“I’m not asking about me, I’m asking what you think about it. Are you capable of answering my question or not?”
“Honestly?”
Jen nodded.
“Marriage, I don’t think is really for me,” he admitted.
Jen nodded. “Why do you think that is?”
He chuckled. “Well, I guess it’s because I haven’t seen that many marriages work out. Besides,” he went on, “promising to commit to one person when you know you never will is just shitty.”
Jen narrowed her eyes at him, surprised he had a glimmer of sense. “You seem like the type that would struggle with commitment.” She stood but before she could walk away Luke grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him.
“Baby, come on. Don’t be upset. You asked me what I thought and I told you.” His hands rested on her hips as he looked up at her. “Marriage is fine for some people but…” his hand began to slide down her leg. “Being single is so much more fun.”
Jen’s rage boiled to the top as she shoved him away from her. “Don’t touch me!” she yelled.
He stood quickly and grabbed her again. “Hey, we could have a great time together. Come on, let me show you a good time.” He reached for her waist and she slapped his hand.
“You’re disgusting. I’m going home.” She turned to walk away but stopped at his next words.
“Hey! You came here! You sat with me! You let me buy you drinks!” He was slurring his words and wobbling as he yelled at her. She looked at him, shaking her head at his behavior. How could she have forgotten what the men in bars were like?
“This is a hookup club,” he went on, the drink in his hand sloshing around as he gestured to her. “If you aren’t here to hookup with someone, then why are you here?”
Jen stared at him; feeling the emotion rise. She blinked a few times and then whispered, “That’s a very good question.” There was confusion in his eyes as he sat back down.
“Thanks for the water,” she said evenly as she turned slowly and walked away searching the crowd for Bianca. She called her phone twice before finally spotting her in the far corner, making out with Chad. Jen walked to her as quickly as she dared in her heels and tapped her shoulder. Bianca looked up at her. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“I’m going home,” Jen told her.
Bianca said something quickly to Chad and stood to face Jen. “What do you mean you’re going home? We’ve only been here a couple hours.”
�
�I’m going home Bianca. Thank you for bringing me but I’m not ready for this. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this.”
“What are you talking about? This is what we do. Hell this is what we did every Friday and Saturday night before you picked up and went to hay town USA.”
Jen felt smothered. Everything about this place suddenly seemed too extreme. The music was too loud, the smells too potent and the air itself seemed to be closing in around her, suffocating her. She tried to take deep breaths, but the thick, smoke-filled air offered no relief to her aching lungs. She knew she had to get out. “I’m sorry Bianca, I love you and I appreciate you trying to help me but I really have to go. You stay, I’ll catch a cab.” She turned to leave.
“You’re supposed to be trying to have fun! Remember?” Bianca called after her, clearly annoyed.
Jen turned, her chest heaving as she tried to take in air. “This isn’t my kind of fun anymore.” She walked out of the club, leaving Bianca shaking her head.
Jen’s mind raced as the cab took her back to Roger’s apartment. She steadied her breath, trying to remain calm until she got home. She carried her shoes, not ever wanting to wear them again as she made her way into the apartment and to her bedroom.
She closed the door as quickly and quietly as she could, being careful not to wake her father. Breathing heavy, she stripped out of the tight strapless dress and threw off the necklace, rings and bracelets. Making her way to the bathroom sink, she scrubbed her face with furious determination. Her hair was dripping with water when she was finally able to recognize herself in the mirror. The smells of the club were still on her and she quickly got in the shower, scrubbing her skin until she felt clean again. She let the water wash away her tears before slowly getting out and drying herself with a clean towel. She then slumped to the floor and sat there, relishing in the coolness. The tears were flowing and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She allowed her heart to ache for Zack; she missed him so much she thought she’d break. She sobbed pathetically on the cold tile flooring for some time before she pulled herself up and went to the bed. Instead of getting into her pajamas she pulled one of Zack’s over sized t-shirts over her head. She had taken it on purpose; it was her favorite one and still had a faint smell of him. Climbing into bed, she allowed the heavy comforter to encompass her. She was disappointed in herself for going to the club. She’d known better, but she’d gone anyway. However, it had shown her some things. Now, for the first time she realized what Zack had seen when she’d given her reasons for not wanting to get married. He had seen her, just as she’d seen Luke; a shallow, uncommitted, partying fool. It broke her heart to think he thought of her that way. She didn’t want to think of herself that way. He had offered her commitment, security, love and a home, and instead of accepting, she’d scoffed and made him feel like those were ridiculous things. She shook her head. No wonder he was so upset! She wasn’t sure what time it was when her mind finally started to slow, but one thing she did know was that tomorrow, things would be different.
Love Takes Hold: The Helena's Grove Series Book 3 Page 5
