Draekon Desire

by Lili Zander

  In any case, that’s not fair to Lud and Xan. Whatever the problems between us, my baby deserves to have a relationship with all of his or her parents.

  You said you’d play. You want to clear the air? Start now.

  “Truth,” I whisper.

  Xan takes a deep breath. “Do you want Dariux?” he demands. “Do you want us to step aside? Is that why you’ve been so distant for the last few weeks? Because he’s not around?”

  My mouth falls open. Whatever I thought I’d hear from Xan, this wasn’t it. “Dariux?”

  He doesn’t meet my eyes. “Just tell me the truth, Felicity. I know the mating bond isn’t the same for humans. If that’s what will make you happy…” His voice trails off.

  “You think I’m cheating on you with Dariux?” My voice starts to rise, and I don’t care. All the misery of the last few weeks explodes into pure, incandescent anger. “You think I’d ever betray you like that?”

  “You smiled at him,” he says, his jaw tight. “Do you know how long it’s been since you smiled at us? Looked at us as if you cared about us?”

  “As if I cared about you?” I’m screaming now, and damn it, I can’t stop the fucking tears. “Fuck you, Xan. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.” A small part of me points out that the translator embedded in our ears is going to have trouble translating the word ‘horse’ to something my Draekons are going to understand, but I’m past being reasonable and logical. “I’m not the one that doesn’t care, okay? You don’t see me, you never have. I’m just a thing to you, a woman your dragon wants. Do you know how many times you’ve told me you loved me?”

  I take a deep breath, and the anger evaporates. What’s the point, really? What do I think is going to change? A heavy weight settles in my chest. “Not once,” I say quietly. “The first time I told you I loved you, it was the most difficult thing I’d ever done in my life. You are the only men I’ve said those words to, ever. Do you remember what you said?”

  Thank you.

  He’d thanked me for my words, and he’d given me another present. Another piece of syn-made jewelry. I’ve never been able to bring myself to wear it.

  Xan doesn’t reply. Whatever flicker of hope was still left in my heart fizzles. We might as well go help the others build their skimmer-carrier.

  Taking a deep breath to compose myself, I brush away my tears and look up...

  …To see him staring at me, a stricken expression on his face.

  “I never said it?” he asks me, and there’s so much sadness, so much regret in his voice that my eyes fill once again with tears. Fucking hormones. “I never told you I loved you?”

  13

  Luddux

  PRESENT…

  Xanthox looks miserable. Felicity has tears streaming down her cheeks. They’re both angry and hurt.

  My fault. All my fault. We’d been perfectly happy, the three of us. It was my actions that had caused the first crack in our relationship.

  Her words echo in my mind. You don’t see me, you never have. And though she’s directed them at Xanthox, they resonate with me as well.

  Because she’s right. I was so afraid to lose her that I never did trust her.

  I should have never given Belfox and Herrix my word that I wouldn’t tell Felicity about the communicator, but I did.

  I should have told her about Mar’vi, but I hadn’t.

  When things got difficult, I should have confided in her, but I’d kept quiet.

  At every stage, I’ve made the wrong decision, chosen to place my trust in the wrong people.

  PAST…

  I can transform now. I can fly.

  I can finally talk to my daughter.

  As soon as I walk Felicity back to Dariux’s house—she won’t be living there much longer, now that we’re mated—I hurry to Belfox’s sparse treehouse. Herrix is with him. “I’ve lived up to my end of the deal so far,” I tell them. “I want the communicator.”

  “Of course,” Herrix replies, a slight smile on his face. “So you’ve finally done it. Fucked the human woman in order to transform. It took you long enough, didn’t it?”

  My hands clench into fists, and I bite back my snarl of rage. I need to talk to Mar’vi. Find out what’s happened to her. “You might not appreciate the humans,” I say, “But I do. Don’t talk about my mate like that, or our deal is over.”

  Belfox gives Herrix a warning glance. “It’s not here,” he says. “It’s hidden far away from the camp. We can go now, if you want, but you’ll need to carry us through the air.”

  “Fine.” The camp is quiet now. Most people are indoors. Dusk is approaching, and once the sun sets, the detsena will overrun the ground.

  The three of us head to a deserted clearing, and I shift into the dragon, marveling at how easy it feels, how natural. The two Draekons climb on my back and sit between my spikes. When they’re seated, I unfurl my wings and launch into the air.

  Less than a knur later, I land in the hills to the west of Lake Ang and transform back. “This way,” Belfox says, leading me to a cave and handing me a communicator. “It can be used to access your messages in the ThoughtVaults,” he says, his lips twisting bitterly. “Of course, the High Empire has deleted our official identities.”

  That’s okay. I don’t have the slightest idea how to locate my daughter after all these years. I’m going to start by finding the message the healer from Kraush sent me. Perhaps he’s still alive, and if not, perhaps someone else in their center will reply, telling me what happened to a small baby who was born there, sixty-five years ago.

  “I need to be alone.”

  Herrix opens his mouth to protest, but Belfox shakes his head. “Of course, Luddux,” he replies. “We’ll be outside. Take as long as you need. These hills are free of the detsena.”

  My palms are damp with nerves as I use the communicator to connect to my hidden identity, the one the High Empire never knew about. It’s been sixty-five long years. What will I discover?

  There are hundreds of messages for me. Ones from friends, wondering where I am. If I had family, the scientists would have informed them about the mutation, but my friends would have never found out. There’s a long-ago message from Captain Plyke, sent about six days after the Testing, asking me where in Caeron I am, and telling me if I don’t show up before nightfall, she’s going to leave without me.

  I sift through them, trying to find the message from the healer, when another message from Kraush catches my eye. It’s recent, sent within the last two months.

  Luddux,

  Though you never came for her, I sent you updates about Mar’vi through her childhood. I must admit, I hoped that hearing about your daughter could move you to do the right thing, but for sixty-five years, I’ve been disappointed.

  This appeal is probably as pointless as the others, but if you read this, I beg you, for once, to think about your daughter. Mar’vi is dying. Her blood has been invaded by a toxic parasite. I believe that her only chance of survival is a full-body blood drain, but in order for us to do the procedure, we need uncontaminated blood to replace it. Blood from one of her own.

  Sola’vi does not appear to have any family, though we continue to search through the records. But Mar’vi has a father who has done nothing for her his entire life. Help her now, Luddux. Give her your blood so she may live.

  Gravin of Kraush.

  Tears spill down my cheeks, unchecked. I have no family of my own, none that might be able to donate blood to save Mar’vi’s life.

  My daughter is dying and stuck here on the prison planet, there’s nothing I can do about it.

  Then I look around the cave for the first time, and I see a familiar object, but one I haven’t seen in sixty-five years. I get up slowly, rubbing my eyes to clear my vision. It can’t be.

  It is. It’s a control panel for a spaceship.

  “Ah. You’ve seen it.” Herrix wanders back into the cave, Belfox at his heels.

  “Is this what was in the box? Pieces of a
ship?”

  “Yes,” Belfox says, his eyes gleaming. “I’ve been studying it. It’s technology of a sort I’ve never seen before, but it’s definitely a ship. A way out of here. If I’m reading the instructions correctly, we need to find six more boxes.”

  “That few?”

  “It’s ingeniously designed,” he says. “I think it’s Adrashian.”

  Though it’s shocking to find an Adrashian ship inside Zorahn territory, that makes sense. The Adrashian techmages are masters of their craft. If anyone can make a spaceship fit inside seven diarmod containers, it’s them.

  “I think I can put it together,” Belfox continues. “I was trained as a Technician. But if we’re to have any hope of surviving the asteroid layer, we need a pilot with Draekon-honed reflexes.”

  They’re both looking at me. “You want me to be your pilot?” It’s a slim chance, but it’s all I’ve got.

  “We do, yes.”

  I should ask them more questions. Herrix is tricky and sly. I shouldn’t rush into a deal with him.

  But my daughter is dying, and, as Gravin of Kraush said in his message, I’ve done nothing for her my entire life.

  “I’m in.”

  14

  Xanthox

  PAST…

  “I need to talk to you.”

  I look up. I’ve been searching for Luddux all morning. “Where have you been?” I ask him. “I think I’ve found the perfect spot to build a new home for Felicity.”

  Then I take in Luddux’s appearance. His eyes are red-rimmed, and his face is pale. “What’s wrong?”

  He takes a deep breath. “I have a secret,” he says. “Will it be safe with you?”

  “Of course,” I reply automatically. Luddux is my pair-bond. We’re bound together. We’re now family.

  “I have a daughter,” he says.

  “What?”

  I listen in silence as he tells me everything. Finding out about his daughter but being exiled before he could claim her. The communicator Belfox found in the desert, and Luddux’s promise to keep it a secret from Felicity. And finally, what he just learned. Mar’vi is dying.

  “So I agreed to be their pilot,” he finishes.

  “Are you sure that’s a wise idea?” I ask him. My heart is breaking for Luddux. He’s in so much pain. “You know Herrix and Belfox cannot be trusted. You should tell Dariux about the ship.”

  He shakes his head. “I gave them my word.”

  I open my mouth to tell him what I think about that, but he holds up his hand. “It’s not just that,” he says. “Belfox was willing to destroy the communicator. I’m sure they’d sabotage the ship rather than let anyone else take it from them.”

  He’s got a point. Herrix, in particular, is unhinged. He’s been that way right from the start. It was him that orchestrated driving out the Lowborn from our camp.

  “And if that happens, then Mar’vi, who only has one chance at life, dies. I can’t take that chance, Xanthox.” His expression is distraught. “I abandoned my child. For sixty-five years, I’ve carried this burden.”

  He stares into the woods. “I grew up in an orphanage. It wasn’t that bad, really. Yes, they were busy and didn’t have a lot of time for each of us, but they did their best. It wasn’t a family, but it wasn’t terrible. I survived.” He takes a deep breath. “I used to hope that things turned out okay for her. I fantasized that she grew up, met someone, had a family…”

  We’re walking along the lake. I see a bush filled with the creamy white berries that Felicity loves to snack on and start filling my pack with them as I listen to Luddux. “I’ve never done anything for Mar’vi,” he says at last. “I have to do this for her.”

  I understand. “What about Felicity?”

  “I know,” he says heavily. “It’s a lot to ask her. She crashed on this planet, and that’s bad enough. But at least here, she has the other humans to remind her of her home. If we escape the prison planet, we’ll have to leave the High Empire. We’ll be fugitives for the rest of our lives.”

  “Have some faith in Felicity,” I tell him. “She’s got a good heart. When she hears about your daughter, she’ll understand.”

  His lips tighten, and I give him an incredulous look. “You are going to tell her about your daughter, aren’t you?”

  “I can’t,” he says unhappily. “I just can’t. I abandoned her, Xanthox. I can’t tell Felicity yet.”

  Bast. Luddux’s guilt is palpable, but it’s not his fault. What happened was horrible and traumatic, but nobody could hold it against him. Especially not Felicity.

  “But I will,” he continues. “I promise. When the ship is assembled, and we’re ready to leave, I will tell Felicity everything.”

  PRESENT…

  Do you know how many times you’ve told me you loved me?

  Not once.

  I don’t know what to say.

  I’ve always been ready to share the blame for this situation. Both Luddux and I kept secrets from her. When things went badly wrong, we should have both tried harder to fix things.

  But now I realize, for the first time, just how much of this is my fault.

  My parents taught me to show my love through gifts. The greater its worth, the deeper my love. And even though my childhood was a really long time ago, it seems that the lessons I learned when I was eight have stayed with me.

  “Dariux is a friend,” she says quietly. “Nothing more. He lent me his skimmer once when I needed it.” Her lips twist bitterly. “We have a lot in common, after all. He’s an outcast, and so am I. We both know what it feels like to be judged by a single action.”

  “What do you mean?” Luddux demands. “Who judges you?”

  She shrugs. “The other women don’t like me,” she says. “Haven’t you noticed?”

  Not. I haven’t. I can’t see why anyone would dislike my mate. She’s kind and helpful. She’s not as assertive as some of the other human women, preferring to hold back and keep silent, but whenever something needs to be done, Felicity’s there. None of the other human women like cleaning fish, but my mate takes it on without complaint. If they dislike her, then they’re foolish and blind and stupid.

  I swallow hard. Even now, I’m not saying those words out loud. I’m not telling her how special she is to me.

  “I think I loved you from the moment I saw you,” I say quietly. “You were pale, and hunched-over and your eyes were red, and I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

  She bites her lip. “I really didn’t like flying on dragon-back,” she whispers. “I threw up. I must have looked like a fright.”

  “You’ve always been beautiful to me, Felicity.” I hold her hand, and she doesn’t pull away. “But the moment I knew I was in love? It was ten days after we made love for the first time. We were building the treehouse, and you were bringing us a meal. I saw you walk toward me, and I couldn’t stop smiling.”

  I take a deep breath and fill my lungs with the soft floral scent of Felicity. “Finding you was such a miracle. The three of us were born on different planets. Think about it. So many things had to happen for us to be together.”

  “Like it was destiny,” she murmurs.

  I hug her close to me. “I was taught when I was young that the way to show that I cared was through expensive gifts,” I say quietly. “I love you, Felicity Rollins. You are the most important person in my world. I’m sorry I ever gave you a moment of doubt.”

  She smiles at me, tremulous and unsteady, but it’s a smile nonetheless. “I shouldn’t have yelled,” she says softly. “You saw that I liked kunnr, and you brought some along for me. You do see me.”

  There’s still hesitation in her tone. Something’s still bothering her. What is it?

  Luddux’s expression turns resolute. Thank Caeron. He’s finally going to tell her about his daughter. She’ll finally understand why we did what we did.

  Just then, Bolox hurries up. “Dariux is ready to leave,” he says. “Are you?”

  Bast. All I want
to do is hold her in my arms. Strengthen this tenuous connection between us, rebuilt her shattered trust.

  But a man is dying, and Dariux’s med-kit is the only thing that can save him.

  Luddux sighs and gets to his feet. “We’re coming.”

  15

  Felicity

  PRESENT…

  Xan and Lud transform into dragons. Bolox and Narix—Olivia calls them Balls and Nuts, which is, I have to admit, pretty funny—run around and attach the platform holding Dariux’s skimmer to Xan’s paws.

  “That thing is safe, right?” I worry out loud. “It’s not too much weight for him to carry? The Na’Lung Cliffs are a long way away.”

  Dragon-Xan hears me, and his eyes glow bottle-green. He snorts, and a small jet of fire shoots from his jaw.

  “I think he’s laughing at you,” Dariux says, coming up behind me. He gives me a sidelong look. “So?”

  “So what?”

  He rolls his eyes. “Don’t play the idiot,” he says. “It was bad enough when Olivia Buckner did it. Are things better between your mates and you?”

  He’s being nosy, but I can’t fault him. After all, it had been his skimmer I’d borrowed when Herrix had said those words that had cracked the foundation of my world. He was the one who’d seen me return, my face streaked with tears. He’s the one who had sat next to me, saying nothing but being there as I’d sobbed my eyes out.

  “Why do you care?”

  His face softens into a smile. “You know me,” he says. “I like to meddle.”

  He does. Unlike Lud and Xan, I hadn’t been surprised when Dariux admitted that he checked in on the Lowborns that had left the camp at the start. I think of Dariux as a kindly, yet unpredictable uncle.

  I’m still choked up from Xan’s words.

  I love you, Felicity Rollins. You are the most important person in my world. I’m sorry I ever gave you a moment of doubt.