by Tia Siren
“No,” I said adamantly. “I don’t even know him.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince myself or Helga.
“Your heart does. Listen to your heart, not that ‘must always be right’ brain of yours.”
I laughed. “Can you blame me? My brain is a bit more reliable than my heart.”
Helga shook her head. “Honey, any man who knows chocolate as well as that man is worth keeping. Did you taste one? Naturally sweetened and organically sourced chocolate is no joke. The stuff is amazing. Maybe I’ll marry him.”
That made me smile. “Funny, you’re not the first woman to say that to me today. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just throw caution to the wind and let the man charm me?”
“Because you’re afraid,” she said softly.
“I’m not afraid.”
She nodded her head. “Yes, you are. You’re afraid he’ll make you fall in love with him again and then hurt you. It isn’t all that uncommon. We’re all like that. We all fear that our hearts will be broken. A broken heart doesn’t heal like any other wound. It leaves long-lasting scars that make it difficult to fully use our hearts again. He broke your heart once, and it still hurts. But he made a mistake. I think he recognizes that now, and he’s been hurting too. Maybe you should take the risk.”
I took a deep breath. “I can’t.”
“You can.”
“But—”
Helga held up a hand and shook her head. “You have to try. If you don’t try, you’ll never know. This could be your chance at true love and happiness. Think of it as a Y in the road. The road less traveled may be filled with bumps and dangers, but the reward at the end is a hundred times better than the easy way that has no ups or downs, no highs or lows.”
Looking at her, I saw a hint of sadness in her usually happy eyes. “How come you never married, Helga?”
She gave a faint smile. “Isn’t it obvious? Because I took the easy road.”
I nodded my head in understanding. Looking at Helga was like looking at my future. Helga was a successful woman, wealthy and respected in the fashion community. She was also alone. Her dog was her entire world.
I sighed. “I understand. Thank you, Helga. I came by to let you know I’ll be heading out shortly. I’m going to Brooklyn for a tour of a factory. Then I have lunch with a designer and a few other interviews.”
She nodded. “Enjoy yourself. Relax and let yourself have some fun. This job is great, but it doesn’t have to be your whole life.”
I stood and left, her words replaying over and over in my head. I was being stubborn. I had made up my mind and never even considered the other option. I had immediately decided I didn’t want him because of what had happened in the past. If I was being completely honest with myself, I could admit that had been just as much my fault as his. I had practically begged him to have sex with me. I never told him how I felt, and I never really tried all that hard to talk to him after he left.
By the time I made it home for the night, my mind was made up. I would try. I would try and be friendlier and see if there could be a relationship between us. I knew it was risky and we could ultimately find we weren’t right for each other. That was okay. I had made peace with that.
Hey.
It was a one-word text that I hoped was enough. He had always been the one to pursue me. I wasn’t sure what to say to open the door I had slammed in his face. I practically held my breath, wondering if he would text me back. There was a good chance I had pushed him too far. He had texted and left me several voice mails since his departure, and I hadn’t bothered to reply.
After five minutes, I realized I had probably lost him.
“Oh, well. Easy come, easy go,” I mumbled, walking to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine.
At some point, I realized it was five o’clock on the West Coast, so he would be doing his show. That was why he wasn’t texting. Right? It had to be.
I instantly felt better and hoped it was true. I decided to lose myself in a little work and TV while I waited to see if he would reply.
It was close to eleven when my phone chirped. My heart did a crazy roll in my chest. Grabbing my phone, I took a deep breath and looked at the screen.
Hey, beautiful. I’ve missed you. Sorry, been in the booth.
It’s okay. Thank you for the chocolates. They were really good. It was a sweet gesture.
It wasn’t exactly what I’d planned to say. I was losing my nerve. I couldn’t even text the man right.
I’m sorry.
The two words meant something different. He had said it plenty of times, but this time I let my heart hear the apology, and it instantly felt fuller. There was a warm stirring in my belly, and it had nothing to do with sex or arousal.
I’m sorry for being such a bitch. Forgive me?
There was a heart emoji followed by his acceptance of my apology.
We texted for another hour before I couldn’t keep my eyes open. When I woke up the next morning, my phone was in bed with me. I quickly grabbed it. There was a series of good-night messages. The last one was a kissy face emoji.
I smiled, thinking about the man on the other end of the texts. He was silly and cheesy, completely sappy. Those were not words I would have ever thought could be used to describe him, but they were all true. He wasn’t really the gorgeous surfer dude who pretended to be carefree all the time. Deep down, Brad was just like the rest of us mortals on earth. He wanted love and acceptance. I could give that to him. The best part? He wanted love from me.
After climbing out of bed, I headed into the shower. I felt different, more alive than I had in a long time. I used my phone to turn on the surround-sound speaker system and played some upbeat hip-pop music as I strolled to my closet.
I was feeling fun and flirty and wanted an outfit to reflect that. I danced to the music as I put together a look that made me feel good. As I stood in front of the floor-length mirror, I turned, making sure everything fit as it should. I stopped and took a step forward and really looked at myself. I looked different than I had a month ago. I didn’t look older, but younger. I could practically see the spark in my eyes, something I hadn’t seen for a long time.
As much as I had loved my job, I hadn’t really been happy. I’d been going through the motions. I looked around at my closet and burst into laughter. Helga had her dog and I had my closet. I gave my closet way too much attention. Looked like I really did need a man in my life.
I practically floated into work. The first place I went was Helga’s office.
“Good morning,” I said in a sing-song voice.
She looked up from her desk and grinned. “You talked to him.”
I nodded. “I did. Well, not talked technically, but we did text.”
“Really? I take it by the glow on your face that it went well?”
I smiled and vigorously nodded my head. “I think so. I’m thinking about flying out there and surprising him.”
Helga’s face lit up. “You should do it!” she said, clapping her hands together. “When? When will you go?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought it through. The idea just kind of popped into my head. I’m not sure if he would even want me to show up unannounced,” I said, instantly rethinking my idea.
“Don’t talk yourself out if it. Be spontaneous. By some sexy lingerie and just show up. I think you’ll have your answer about whether he is the man for you by his reaction to your surprise visit,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes.
I nodded. “I’ll see what I can work out. I haven’t checked my schedule for the week, but I think I’ll do it,” I said, feeling daring.
“Clear your damn schedule!” Helga said a little too loudly.
“This is far better than any article you could write. You can work when you get back. A couple days off won’t hurt you. Go. I insist,” she said with a smile.
“I’ll see,” I said, walking out of her office.
The bit about the lingerie was a grea
t idea. I had seen plenty of movies where the woman waited for the man in nothing but a few scraps of lace. I quieted the little part of my brain that tried to warn me, reminding me there was a chance he had a girlfriend in California. But he’d given me a key to his apartment. If he had a girlfriend, would he have done that?
I didn’t think so. When I arrived at my office, I called my assistant, asking her to find a way to give me a few days off the following week. She sounded slightly affronted but quickly got on board when I politely informed her it wasn’t necessarily a request. It was going to happen. By the time we hung up, she promised to have a revised schedule to me by the end of the day.
I hung up feeling satisfied and a little anxious. I was not one to take huge risks. Surprising Brad was a huge risk. I could end up skulking back to New York with a shattered heart. It didn’t matter. I had to know.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Brad
I burst into laughter as I watched Jaxon get swallowed and rolled by a wave. The poor guy was just not good at surfing. We had been hitting the waves together for years. While I continued to get better, he seemed to get worse.
“You okay?” I asked, paddling toward him as I lay flat on my board.
He spat out some water and glared. “Why is this fun? I’m not seeing the fun. I have been slammed into the water at least a hundred times today. I have more sand in my shorts than there is on the ocean floor. I’m going to be chafed, if you know what I mean.”
I chuckled at his misery. “You have no balance. It isn’t nearly as hard as you are making it. You stand up and just ride.”
He climbed onto his board. “Fuck you. I know how to surf.”
“Obviously not,” I said.
“I’ve been up plenty today. I’m just tired. Let’s go. I promised that woman we’d get drinks later,” he said with a grin.
“You better hope she still wants to go out with you after that last run. That was embarrassing to even watch,” I teased.
“Whatever.”
We made our way back to the shore where a small group of women had been watching us. We weren’t the only guys on the water, but when Jaxon had pointed out his Porsche, it had turned the tides in his favor. The younger, far better surfers who were sharing the water with us had lost their chance. I tried to tell Jaxon the women were only after his money, but he didn’t care.
I, on the other hand, was completely content with the relationship Mia and I were nurturing. It was in the early stages, and I knew there was no guarantee she would actually marry me, but there was a chance.
“Let’s grab a drink before we leave,” Jaxon said.
“You just want to hang out and get more numbers,” I shot back.
He winked. “Just making sure I have a few backup plans.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. We’ll get some smoothies. You could use the nutrition.”
He patted his flat stomach. “I’m doing just fine.”
I nodded and patted my own rock-hard stomach. “Not this fine,” I said with a grin.
He rolled his eyes. “You’re such a dick. One of these days, your ego is going to get you into trouble.”
I slapped him on the back. “You know I think you’re a total dreamboat.”
“Get off me and put on your damn shirt. How many times have I told you never to go shirtless around me?”
“I left it in the car.”
“Of course you did.”
We ordered a couple refreshing smoothies and sat at a table with an umbrella. I checked my phone and smiled when I saw a few messages from Mia. I quickly sent her a nasty text back, suggesting a position we hadn’t tried in our brief time together. I knew it would make her blush, and I loved how pretty she was when her cheeks were pink with embarrassment. In the bedroom, the woman had no such hesitations. She was a wildcat. It was when I said the words in the light of day that she got squirrely. I did it on purpose. She knew it and I knew it. I also knew she secretly liked it. The raunchy talk made her wet. She had told me as much even though I’d already known.
“Looks like that’s working out for you,” Jaxon muttered.
I nodded. “It’s definitely improving.”
“So are your ratings. I’ve gotten five calls this week alone from other stations wanting to pick up your show.”
“Who knew people would be so interested in my love life,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s the fact that they get to give you advice and you’re actually using it.”
“It’s worked so far. She’s talking to me again. I think I need to plan another visit out there. She’s close; I just need to persuade her to take the plunge.”
“And then what? Are you seriously going to leave all this behind?” he said, looking at the beach and the ocean beyond.
I shrugged. “I am. If she’ll have me, I am.”
Jaxon let out a long, low whistle. “I need to meet this woman. She has done a number on you.”
I shook my head. “It isn’t like that. I can’t even explain it. It’s right. I can feel it in my soul. Mia is supposed to be by my side. I was a complete idiot not to have seen it before.”
“I’m happy for you. I mean, I know I’ve been giving you a lot of shit, but I can see she makes you happy. I hope it works. Think long and hard about giving everything up and moving, though. Make damn sure she actually wants you.”
“Thanks, and I will. I did apply for a job over there.”
Jaxon’s face paled. “You did what?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “I need her to know I’m serious.”
“Holy shit, man. You’re kind of scaring me.”
I grinned. “Ready to get out of here? Looks like you may have a date tonight. You better get home and get all gussied up.”
“Want one?” he asked, holding up his phone and indicating the contact list.
“Nope. Don’t need one. I’m going home to chill and maybe do a little sexting with my girl.”
“You go ahead and sext. I’ll be doing the real thing. Want to know which one is better?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not even going to try to explain it. It’s impossible. Once you have sex with the woman you know was put on this earth for you, no other woman can compare. I’m happy to sext with her because I’ve got memories to remind me of what the real thing is like. Trust me, it’ll be way better than what you’re going to find with any of those women.”
He laughed. “Well, the only way I’m going to know if a woman was built for me is to keep trying. I’m not a quitter. I figure I’ll run into her eventually at the rate I’m going.”
The man had a point. The odds were in his favor.
By the time I got home, I was feeling the effects of a long day on the water. My skin was hot and tight from hours in the sun and getting dried out by the saltwater. I needed a cool shower and a colder beer. Then it was going to be my couch, my phone, and the TV. I wasn’t going to move.
“Mr. Jones!” The man at the front desk called my name as I dragged myself toward the elevator.
I walked to the desk. “What’s up?”
“A package arrived for you earlier,” he said, handing it to me.
I took it, looked at the red ribbon around the small, flat box, and wondered what it could be.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the box and feeling a renewed sense of energy as I rushed for the elevator.
I knew it was from Mia, though the address was one in LA. I shook it and heard nothing. It was too small to be a blowup doll. Maybe it was chocolates.
I unlocked the door and ripped open the box as I walked inside.
“Fuck me,” I groaned when I pulled out the tiny bit of lace and strings.
It was very tiny and very lacy. I held up the lace and tried to figure out what was what. All I knew for certain was that she would barely be covered by the minimal bits of lace in my hand. I identified the panties and felt my dick jerk in response. Another band of lace with small strings looked as if it was some kind of bra, but not l
ike any bra I had ever seen. I closed my eyes and imagined Mia wearing the lingerie. I had no idea how she would get the thing on, but I couldn’t wait to see it on her and then rip it off. I examined the lingerie closer and smiled when I realized that, technically speaking, I wouldn’t need to take it off to fuck her mindless.
I found a small piece of pink paper inside and unfolded it. It was a note asking me to hold on to her panties until she could pick them up next week. My dick hardened at the thought of seeing her again. Next week? She didn’t give me an exact day, but I was assuming for the weekend. I would have to wait another week to see her.
I rubbed the lace between my fingers and figured it would have to be enough to keep me company. I walked to my bedroom and put the scraps of lace on my bed, knowing I would think of nothing but her. I could practically taste her, and when I ran my tongue over my lips, I realized I was salty from the sea. I stepped out of my swim shorts and headed into the bathroom. My dick was stood at attention as I moved. I wrapped one hand around my cock, trying to soothe it, promising myself that soon it would be buried inside Mia’s sweet pussy. I could wait a few days.
With the shower running hot, I stepped under the spray. The hot water stung my skin at first, but soon it was soothing. I ran my hands over my face, washing away the dried salt. I wanted to take Mia to the beach. I wanted to show her how to surf and make love to her on the beach under the stars.
My cock was hard and aching, my balls full and hard and in desperate need of release. I couldn’t wait. My brain would not survive the decrease in blood flow that was sure to happen. I would be hard for days in anticipation of Mia’s arrival. I saw a lot of beating off in my future.
I grabbed my dick and squeezed hard before running my hand up and down the shaft. I squeezed my balls before returning to my hard dick. I tilted my face up, letting the water hit me before it sluiced down my body. I slowed my rubbing, letting the orgasm build. Images of Mia in that lacy number flashed through my mind. I imagined using my teeth to pull it off.
“Fuck.” I groaned low in my throat, feeling my orgasm coming on.
I picked up the speed as I rubbed and squeezed. Her name was on my lips as I exploded in the shower. I reached my hand out and slammed it against the shower wall to steady myself. I took a few minutes to catch my breath and finished my shower. I was going to need some lube if she didn’t show up soon. I would rub myself raw thinking about her.
