Full Moon

by Rachel Hawthorne

  I heard the light padding of bare feet.

  “Are you okay?” Kayla whispered as she came to stand beside me.

  “Yeah,” I said, my voice equally low. It usually didn’t take Brittany long to fall asleep, but I didn’t want to risk disturbing her. She wouldn’t appreciate my confusion, wouldn’t offer me solace. Kayla would.

  “You know…one thing that happens after that first transformation is that all your senses are heightened,” Kayla said softly.

  “Yeah, I’ve heard.” I wondered what she was getting at. Unlike Kayla, all this wasn’t new to me. My parents were Shifters. I’d grown up around Shifters.

  “Scent is the one I notice the most. You know how you go into your favorite restaurant and it just smells so good?”

  “Sure.”

  “Well, now it’s as though I can smell each individual scent. I don’t smell lasagna. I smell tomato and garlic and noodles and mozzarella. I smell each distinct ingredient. When I go into a room filled with people, I smell each person. Like right now. I can smell a hint of Connor…and a whole lot of Rafe.”

  Busted!

  “Are you trying to make a point?” I asked, irritated with her sense of smell and slightly panicked at the thought that maybe Connor had smelled Rafe on me, too. Maybe that was the reason he’d seemed distant and hadn’t pulled me into the corner for a kiss.

  “You were with Rafe a lot more than you were with Connor tonight. It’s not any of my business, but if you need to talk”—she touched my shoulder, squeezed—“you’re my best friend. I’m here for you.”

  “I don’t know, Kayla. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I know when you have your first transformation that you bond with the guy—”

  “I think the bond needs to be there first, Lindsey. Yes, it’ll grow deeper after what you go through, but the emotions need an anchor.”

  “Connor’s a good guy. He’s always steady. I can depend on him.” But did that mean what we felt for each other was right, was as deep as it might be? If I told him I had doubts, would I lose his friendship? Could I stand to lose it after having it for most of my life?

  “But do you love him?” Kayla asked.

  Why did that question seem to be a common theme tonight? And why in the hell didn’t I know the answer?

  The next morning I caught up with my mom and dad for breakfast. The dining room had lots of small, cloth-covered round tables so families could engage in intimate conversations. What I got, though, was the third degree.

  “We didn’t see you last night,” Dad said conversationally, but I knew a lawyer tactic when I heard one. His dark hair was turning silver at the temples. It made him appear very distinguished, even with his brown eyes homing in on me as if he were a wolf scenting a rabbit.

  “I was hanging around with my friends, as usual.”

  “Connor was looking for you,” Mom said. Even in the wilderness, my mom looked as though she could take tea with the queen. Yes, my family—just like Connor’s—was among the elite of our clan. We never got our hands dirty from making an engine work; we hired people for that sort of thing. We’d even hired Rafe’s dad, until he’d declined into heavy drinking and become undependable and quarrelsome.

  “He found me,” I assured her.

  “I’m not sure why he would have to look for you in the first place,” Mom said, tucking a stray strand of her blond hair back into the French twist she wore.

  “I got bored watching the football game, so I walked around for a while.”

  “Do you know that when a person lies the scent of their skin changes?” Dad asked, casually buttering his toast.

  I groaned inwardly. It’s impossible to keep a secret around here. I decided to change the subject.

  “Is that why you’re so successful in court? Because you know when the witness is lying?”

  “That’s one of the reasons. So do you want to try another answer?”

  “No. I’m happy with the one I gave.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. That predatory look was probably another reason he was so successful. If I hadn’t grown up with it, I’d be shaking in my sneakers. I knew he was more growl than bite—well, except when he was in wolf form. Then he could rip out a throat without remorse. It was rumored that he’d actually done it once—to a guy who had killed a couple of teens and gotten off on a technicality. But if that was true, Dad had never admitted it. He believed in the law of the jungle, but he was all about working within the confines of the Static law.

  “I saw you with that Lowell boy last night,” he said with deadly calm.

  I felt anger rising up within me.

  “Boy? Rafe is a Dark Guardian, protecting your butt—”

  “Watch your tone with me, young lady.”

  Sometimes my parents could be so…well, parenty. It was irritating. “Why didn’t you just ask about him to begin with, instead of treating me like I’m a bad guy on a witness stand?”

  The muscle in my dad’s cheek jerked. “Trust me, sweetheart, I’m a little more ruthless with the bad guys. You don’t want to go there.”

  “We’re just worried, honey,” Mom said, restoring tranquility to the table. She was good at that. She owned a world-class spa in our small town. It drew practically as many tourists as the forest did. “I’ve been where you are. I know sometimes things can get scary when you’re approaching your time, but you have Connor. And he’s better suited to you.”

  Better suited? I thought about Brittany’s shoe comment the day before. It did sound like my parents and I were selecting accessories. It was kind of insulting, to both Connor and me.

  “Meaning…?” I prompted.

  “Connor comes from the same type of background as you do. Rafe’s family is a little more…coarse.”

  “His dad was a drunk, but he’s not.”

  “Rafe was arrested for stealing a car,” Dad said.

  He’d hotwired a car a few years back—I’d forgotten about that. “When he was sixteen. Right after his dad died in that awful car accident. Maybe he was acting out. He hasn’t done anything wrong since.”

  “You mean he hasn’t been caught doing anything wrong.”

  “Okay, look. Rafe is my friend. He’s Connor’s friend. If you’re going to put him down, I’m out of here.”

  “Were you with him last night?” Mom asked.

  “Nothing happened.” I knew that’s what they were really asking. Was I cheating on my boyfriend? On the perfect Connor? I scooted my chair back. “I’ve got to head out with the others. It was great seeing you both.” Not. Never was. They wanted me to be what they were: rich, successful, sure of themselves.

  Before I could stomp off, Mom reached out and gave me a quick hug; we barely touched. I’d heard some Shifter families actually roll around on the floor together like wolf cubs. Not my parents. Sometimes I wondered if they weren’t quite comfortable with the animalistic side of our legacy.

  Dad said, “Do you need any money?” It was his equivalent of I love you.

  “No, I’m good. Getting a paycheck every week.” I hugged him because I knew other families might be watching. Our family motto was never to let on if anything was wrong. Dad was probably going to run for governor someday. Nothing about us was supposed to create scandal. That was probably the reason that they were more comfortable with Connor than with Rafe. Connor was an Eagle Scout. Rafe had spent time in juvie.

  I picked up my backpack and headed outside, quickly sweeping my gaze over the parking area. Rafe’s bike was gone. I figured he’d already headed out.

  Connor was standing at the bottom of the steps, staring out into the wilderness.

  “Spare me from another breakfast with my parents,” I grumbled as I joined him.

  “Tell me about it. Dad and I got into an argument,” he said wearily.

  “About what?”

  “Nothing you should worry about.”

  But shouldn’t we share tough moments like this?

  “I didn’t see you in the di
ning room,” I said.

  He gave me an ironic grin. “Met with them early. The elders had a special meeting with some of us afterward.”

  “I didn’t hear about that.”

  He shrugged. “It was just the guys.”

  Brittany was so right. We’re such a sexist group. I couldn’t keep the irritation out of my voice. “What are you guys doing? Planning some secretive operation that’s too dangerous for the girls to be involved in?”

  “It’s secretive, but only dangerous if Brittany finds out.”

  “She’s not the only one who’ll be pissed off for not being included.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Then what is it?” I prodded.

  He shifted his gaze back to whatever he’d been staring at before I joined him. “Connor? What’s going on?”

  “You have to promise not to tell.”

  That sounded so childish, but whatever. I wanted to know what was going on. “It goes without saying.”

  “Still, say it.”

  “I promise not to tell.” It was so unlike him to be melodramatic that I was starting to get a little worried.

  “The elders are concerned about Brittany. You know. Because she doesn’t have a mate. They were looking for a volunteer.”

  I was appalled that they’d tried to hook her up with someone who didn’t love her. Especially after what Kayla had confessed, about how intimate shifting with someone truly was. And Connor was right to keep it to himself. Brittany would explode if she found out.

  “What? You mean like…a pity mate?”

  He looked really uncomfortable, and I realized that was exactly what this was. Worse than a blind date. She might as well sign up for an arranged marriage.

  “Connor, this is insane!” Then I had another thought. Maybe one of the guys did have an interest in her but was too shy to come forward. If his hand was forced…

  “Did someone volunteer?” I asked.

  “No. They drew a name.”

  “This is totally nuts.”

  “Look, she doesn’t have to choose him. But he’s going to be part of our sherpa team, hang with us, determine if there’s any chemistry there.”

  Oh, there would definitely be chemistry—like an explosion in a lab—if Brittany discovered that the elders were trying to set her up. On the other hand, we didn’t get a lot of time to hang out with the other Dark Guardians, so maybe it was simply that she hadn’t been around anyone else enough for that attraction to develop.

  Part of me wished I had her problem, because feeling something for two guys seemed almost worse.

  A horn beeped as Lucas pulled up in his jeep with Kayla riding shotgun. Brittany was sitting in the back.

  Connor opened the door for me, because, of course, he came from a family that did that sort of thing. I couldn’t imagine Rafe extending the same courtesy. He’d probably think I could handle it myself. I climbed in. Connor tossed our backpacks into the rear of the jeep before sitting beside me.

  “So what are we going to do about Bio-Chrome?” I asked.

  “We stay alert,” Lucas answered.

  “You don’t think we should be proactive, go after them?”

  “Not until we know more.”

  I looked at Connor. He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. I felt Brittany shift on the seat beside me and my cheeks turned red.

  “So I hear we’re getting a new member for our team,” I said casually.

  “Yeah,” Lucas said catching my gaze in the rearview window, before adjusting it slightly so he could see Brittany. “Daniel. He’ll be joining us tomorrow.”

  “He’s the guy from Seattle, right?” Kayla asked.

  “That’s right,” Lucas said.

  He’d become a Dark Guardian only this summer. We’d met him, of course, but we didn’t know a lot about him.

  I looked over at Brittany. She was staring out the window, as though she couldn’t care less that an interesting new guy was part of our team.

  “I’m glad we have another team member,” I admitted. “With all those girls we’re taking out tomorrow morning, the more help we have, the better.”

  Lucas cleared his throat. “Actually our number stayed the same. Rafe got reassigned.”

  I jerked my attention to Connor as his hand tightened around mine, before loosening again. “You didn’t mention that.”

  “Is it important?” he asked quietly without looking at me.

  That depended on the reason he’d been reassigned. It was, but only to me, and I couldn’t admit that without explaining why. But as I watched Connor’s jaw tighten, I had the sick feeling that he might already know the answer.

  SIX

  The national forest is a little over five million acres in size—about the size of New Jersey—and traveling from our hidden village to the main entrance of the park took us until late afternoon. It didn’t help that we had to drive cautiously through the woods. Even when we eventually hit an actual road, we took it slow because of the wildlife that was likely to dart out in front of us—and maybe because in a way the wilderness we’d grown up in no longer felt like ours, no longer felt completely safe.

  Ever since our encounter with Bio-Chrome we couldn’t completely relax and enjoy our surroundings. We were waiting for them to leap out at us at every turn.

  And I couldn’t stop worrying about Rafe. I wanted to know what had really prompted his reassignment and if he was okay with it. I was so tense by the time Lucas brought the vehicle to a stop that I thought I might snap in two.

  Inside the entrance to the park was a small village with a few cabins where the sherpas stayed when we weren’t serving as guides. I shared one with Kayla and Brittany. After we dropped our packs in our cabin, we climbed back into Lucas’s jeep to head to town. We were all restless, so we decided to spend some time at our favorite hangout—the Sly Fox.

  The rustic building was a cliché: a bikers’ bar and gaming hall, a favorite haunt of hikers, campers, and locals. The only people over age thirty were the owner, Mitch—who carded everyone multiple times—and a couple of the waitresses, who’d been around since the dawn of time and called everyone “Sugar.”

  I slid into a horseshoe-shaped booth in the back corner. Connor nudged up against me. As Kayla settled in on the other side of me, with Lucas beside her, Brittany said, “I’m gonna go shoot some pool.”

  “Aren’t you hungry?” Connor asked.

  “Not really. I’ll catch you later.”

  She caught a guy’s attention at the bar, and he followed her into the pool room. He was tall, with lanky black hair and a couple of days’ beard growth.

  “Who’s that?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” Connor said. “I’ve never seen him before.”

  “Considering everything that’s going on, shouldn’t we be wary of strangers?”

  “I don’t think we want to get paranoid,” Lucas said.

  “It’s not being paranoid when you’re actually in danger,” I pointed out. “There are a lot of people in here I don’t recognize.”

  “It’s summer. Tourist season.”

  Connor ran his hand along my shoulder. “Lucas is right. We can’t suspect everyone.”

  But suspecting no one seemed equally dangerous to me.

  After we gave our order to the waitress—burgers rare and fries all the way around—I relaxed against Connor. We’d spent several months apart while he’d been away at college. Maybe that was partly responsible for the strangeness I was feeling with him. Maybe we just needed to get back in sync. He put his arm around me and started toying with my hair. He always liked messing with my hair. He nuzzled my neck.

  “Connor,” I whispered.

  “What?”

  “We’re in public.”

  “So? It’s dark over here.” He tipped his head to the side. Kayla and Lucas were talking low and snuggling, acting as though they were totally alone. “I’ve missed you, Lindsey. It just seems like we haven’t really had any time tog
ether. We’re taking another group out tomorrow. Have to be all responsible.” He wrapped his hand around my neck and stroked the underside of my chin with his thumb, causing shivers of delight to race through me.

  “It’s really hard with you being away at college,” I admitted.

  “One more year, and you’ll be there. Right?”

  “I hope so. I’m losing my enthusiasm for school. I seem to be losing my enthusiasm for everything lately.”

  “Including me?”

  I released a self-conscious laugh. “No.” Then I thought about how strained things seemed to be between us lately and a thought occurred to me. “Are you interested in someone else? I mean, did you meet someone while you were away at school?”

  “No. But things are different between us. I’m not sure what it is.” He lifted my hair and nuzzled my neck again. “And it bothers me that I can’t read your thoughts.”

  I felt the heat of his lips against my neck and went with it, drifting into a languid place where everything felt good. “You mean when you’re in wolf form?”

  “No. Like now, when I’m in human form. Lucas can read Kayla’s mind anytime, regardless of his form.”

  “What?” I jerked back. “Is that true, Lucas?”

  He moved away from Kayla’s lips as though I’d just woken him up. “Is what true?”

  “You can read Kayla’s mind even when you’re not…” I glanced around. A guy at the bar jerked his gaze from us to his mug. Had he been watching us? Who was he? He gave me the creeps. He was big, with a shaved head and barbed wire tattoos around his biceps. He looked like someone who might have just stepped out of prison. Definitely not a lab tech…but who knows? I shifted my attention back to Lucas. “You know.”

  I didn’t want to say a wolf aloud. Not everyone here was one of us, so we always had to be careful about what we said when we were here.