“Eve…” I murmured, taking a sip from the red Solo cup before clearing my throat as hard as I could.
The urge to cough was gone, but my urgent need to pee had caused my legs to start trembling.
“Is there another bathroom?”
I directed the question at Becca, trying to keep from staring as Jeremy flicked a lighter I hadn’t seen, holding it to the wad of green stuck in the glass pipe at the bottom of the bong. Weed… Drugs… Illegal… Bad… Oh no….
I hadn’t even done anything, yet I subconsciously wrapped my newly thin arms protectively around my body, the liquid in the cup sloshing and spilling over my fingers.
“No, but you can use this one,” Jeremy blew out on a billowing puff of smoke, smacking the lighter into my palm. “Your turn…” he smiled, following Becca from the bathroom out into the hall.
“Wait!” I cried, pointing at the occupied bathtub. “What about them…I can’t just…”
“X…the pure shit…not those disco biscuits you get at campus parties. They won’t be up anytime soon,” Jeremy smiled and nodded when my mouth fell open into a large O.
This may have been my first college party, but I wasn’t a dummy. I’d hung around June and my suitemates long enough to know that disco biscuits was the type of cheap five dollar a pop ecstasy pills you could practically buy from the campus bookstore if you wanted. The love drug…and it was probably responsible for most student hookups as well as drop outs at the end of each semester. Pure X… June had never mentioned taking any, but I’d seen her crash into an eighteen hour sleep coma after taking one too many of the cheapos.
“I can score you some…” Jeremy offered, laughing at the twitching dance my feet had started to do in front of the toilet.
He mistook my need to pee for excitement over the drug.
“Um…no…I’m good,” I smiled, slapping the lighter back into his hand before I pushed the door shut.
I kept my eyes trained on the two in the tub, gasping in embarrassment when I realized that one of them was a boy. Long hair covered both faces, and so I’d assumed, but from this position and angle I had a clear view of the pale limp dick stuck to his thigh, shriveled and no bigger than two of my fingers held together. The girl was spread under him, her panties still on and tangled about her knees. Heat filled my cheeks as I peed, thinking of the girl’s parents and family members. Would she want them to see her like this…?
Someone knocked, and I straightened quickly, pulling up my panties before getting a chance to find toilet paper to wipe myself. There was none on the holder, and I would rather be caught with a slightly wet crotch, than my bare ass sticking out for whomever to see.
“Time’s up!” Becca announced, bounding in before I’d even had a chance to flush.
I maneuvered my way around the bong sitting in the middle of the floor, letting her take her perch again on the back of the toilet. Jeremy entered after her, grabbing me around my waist and pulling me to him. I suddenly didn’t want to be here anymore. This wasn’t the charming guy I’d met in the bookstore earlier.
Becca made kissing noises and Jeremy obliged, planting a sloppy wet kiss on my lips. I didn’t resist, but I didn’t return either, my hands instead reaching for the cup I’d discarded on the sink.
“Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!” Becca egged me on the second the cup was to my lips, and Jeremy tipped it from the bottom, leaving me no choice but to gulp down the entire contents in one swallow.
Sad to say, I’d never tasted beer until tonight, and it tasted like warm piss smelled. It didn’t help that the stench of marijuana seemed to be imbedded in my lip gloss and only added to the horrible taste I now had in my mouth.
“I’ll grab another. Hit it…” Jeremy pointed, and my eyes followed to the bong, a sinking feeling already in the pit of my stomach.
I didn’t want to say no and come off looking like a total loser. I’d been there and done that all my life.
Eve would hit the bong…wouldn’t she…? June definitely would…
“I…”
“Oh come on…you just got here…you probably don’t even have a buzz yet,” Becca giggled, her bright red tresses tossed over one shoulder as she gave Jeremy a look.
He shrugged as he pulled open the bathroom door and disappeared into the hall, my empty cup in hand.
“I’ve never done it before…” I whispered, handing her the lighter Jeremy had left behind.
“Never smoked from a bong…really?!” Becca giggled in disbelief now, sliding from the back of the toilet to the floor in a kneeling position. “Sit..” she instructed and I did, closing the lid before perching on the edge.
I watched as she flicked the lighter a couple times, testing it before she held it to the now blackened wad of green.
“Suck…” she pointed to the opening at the top, and my mouth lowered hesitantly, my lungs inhaling the thick smoke that billowed up from the bottom.
Two seconds and my chest felt like it was going to explode, a gruff cough exploding from my throat as the burn went down and then came up again.
“Good shit right…” she smiled, lifting a thin glass tube at the bottom free.
I pinched my noise against the skunky smell coming from the bong, smiling despite my confusion.
This was good shit?! I hate to see what bad shit was…
“I didn’t know it detached,” I whispered weakly, sputtering through another round of coughs.
I didn’t know it detached...?! Who says that?! LOSER!
“Again,” I tried for a weak smile, hoping she hadn’t heard me.
Jeremy walked in just as I started my second go at the bong, my cheeks caving inward as I gave it all I had. To quell the coughing fit this time, I grabbed the full red Solo cup from his hand and chugged until it was empty again. It was colder, but tasted funny. Maybe a different kind of beer…
Becca whooped, and I laughed, scooting over to the rim of the tub to make room for Jeremy. My eyes closed as he took a kneeling position with the bong cradled between his thighs. It wasn’t what I would exactly consider fun, but then again Evelyn had never had fun before, and Eve was just learning.
I felt nothing, and everything at the same time. Instead of troubled my mind suddenly felt empty. The tips of my fingers had started to tingle, and I had to peek at them when they went completely numb. My body was lighter than air, and the loud thumb of the music was at a dull roar it seemed. Jeremy was kissing me, his hands on my thighs, pushing up my dress and working his way between my legs.
Time seemed to be moving in slow motion and so were my thoughts. I didn’t want this… Did I…? The bathroom was swirling around me, the movement turning my stomach, but I swallowed back the heave. I didn’t want to throw up in his mouth.
“Let’s go to my room… It’s quiet in there,” Jeremy suggested, pulling me from the rim of the tub.
I stood on wobbly legs, falling into his chest, my head lolling to one side.
Wasn’t weed supposed to mellow you out…?
I wasn’t mellow… That was for sure. My spine tingled as Jeremy pulled me from the bathroom out into the hall, pushing me in the direction of the closed door at the end. Out here the music was loud again and I suddenly had the urge to dance to it, even though I didn’t know how. I dropped into a squat when he tried to push me further, grinding my hips in the hard lump bulging at the middle of his crotch. He seemed to like it, and so I rocked harder, giggling when we both stumbled and fell into the wall.
“You good…?” Becca asked, her hand on my shoulder as she exited the bathroom.
I caught the concerned look she tossed at Jeremy, but the sight of her bright red hair was suddenly hilarious to me. The long tresses seemed to be floating about her, beckoning for me to touch them. I burst out laughing, hugging her body tightly for a second before slurring in her ear.
“Yup…I’m reeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllly good!”
Chapter 6*
Two things were immediately wrong when I forced opened my heavy lids. One, I couldn
’t see shit, and two, my legs wouldn’t move further than a few inches apart. Processing that took much longer than it should have, my head exploding with pain the moment I tried to right myself from the skewed position I lay in. My fingers fumbled with whatever was wrapped around my head, and I was suddenly panicked, bits and pieces of the night before floating in and out.
I couldn’t fathom why tears were suddenly running down my face, but the moment I freed my pounding head, it was almost too obvious. I was not in my bed, or even in my room for that matter, but that wasn’t what alarmed me the most. I continued to untangle myself from the extra large white t-shirt that was now snagged around my neck and right arm, while I let my eyes wander. I was completely naked, except that material. My shoes and bra were missing, but I finally saw why my legs wouldn’t move. The almost sheer white panties I’d had on the night before were twisted about my knees, a portion of the string glued to my leg by a thick white sticky blob. I reached for them only to realize that my bare butt cheeks were stuck to the dirty brown tile I was laying on.
My mind was beginning to function a little more quickly now, and my head turned despite the pain that tensed from behind my eyes all the way down to the tip of my spine. This was not Jeremy’s apartment, or even his bathroom. I was in a hallway, doors lining either side every few feet. A noise sounded from the stairwell at the far end, and I scrambled to get both arms back through the correct holes in the shirt. I was somewhat modest by the time the head appeared at the top of the stairs, but I almost fainted from embarrassment at the disgusted look I got from its owner. He didn’t even pause to ask if I was alright. His key already in hand, he entered the apartment only two doors down on the opposite side and closed it with a bang. Nothing looked familiar.
Think…! Think…!
I pushed myself up the wall I was leaning against, ignoring the protest from my aching body. I hurt all over. My legs were wobbly, but I managed to kick off the dirty panties, and pull down the t-shirt so that it covered my ass and half of my thighs. Jeremy’s party…
My head swiveled and I came face to face with the gold plated number twenty-three. Jeremy’s apartment…
I was still here?! He hadn’t taken me home!? How drunk had I gotten?!
Confusion, anger, and bitterness assaulted me all at the same time, my foot kicking swiftly against the closed door more times than I could count.
What the fuck had he done to me?! I’d had two drinks!
The more I thought about the night before, the more I realized that I couldn’t place any type of blame on Jeremy at all. I didn’t remember shit!
Footsteps from inside the apartment alerted me that someone had heard my kicking and was shuffling their way towards the door. I immediately coward on the far side of the hall, embarrassed and blank as to what I would say.
“Who is it?!” a gruff voice barked without opening the door, and my heart leaped, relief calming the rush of emotions for an instant.
It was Jeremy’s voice I heard; not some random stranger I didn’t know. Maybe we’d gotten separated… Maybe I’d run off… Maybe he could explain…
“J…Jeremy…? It’s me…Evely…EVE!” I corrected loudly, grabbing my temples when my eyes seemed to bug from the throbbing pressure behind them.
In the silence that followed, I breathed deeply trying to keep my rolling stomach from releasing a wave of vomit right there in the hall.
“Who…?” he finally asked after what seemed like minutes, his voice further away now.
Is he fucking kidding?!
“J…Jeremy…I’m not playing…let me in. I need to go home…like now…” I tried, my voice fading into a whisper just as the strains of a guitar filtered out into the hall.
“Uh…sorry Eve…Jeremy’s not here…and I’m not dressed so…”
His words faded with his footsteps and I forced myself to tiptoe back towards the door. I refused to believe that he’d just left me standing in the hall, half naked, and without a ride home. My ear pressed to the door, hoping to hear him unlocking it from the inside, but all I heard was the muffled slam of another door further away.
He’d gone back to bed?! Holy Shit! What am I going to do?!
My shoulders shook violently as the tears came faster and harder, my vision blurred as I stumbled back and then sideways away from his door. How had I let this happen? The beer, then the weed… It was all part of having some good old college fun! How many people had walked right past me lying knocked out cold, naked and exposed with a dirty white t-shirt pulled over my head. Had no one stopped to even check if I was still alive?
I was numb all over, my feet carrying me wherever they happened to stumble, my mind thankfully blank again. The further I went down the hall, the louder the melody coming from the guitar, a soft voice singing along with the music.
It was the only door open in the long hallway, and I slumped against the wall just before the opening, trying to drum up the courage to ask if I could use the phone. But who would I call…? Most students had already left campus. The ones that had stayed were either from out of state or taking summer courses and I couldn’t call any of my bottom dwelling friends; they wouldn’t even recognize me. While I pondered the dilemma, my head leaned heavily against the wall, my mind distracted by the familiar tune I’d heard more than a dozen times on almost every radio station. It was a popular request, and even though my taste leaned more toward pop and country I’d recognized lil Wayne’s famous lyrics anywhere. The voice belonged to a girl, but it was still low and soulful...beautiful enough that I found myself wondering if they were somehow speaking to me.
… Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love,
How to love
See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love
The song was right… Not once had I ever loved myself… Not once had I loved anyone else...except maybe my parents…and I found myself even questioning that at times now that I was older. They’d never really accepted me being fat… Would they love me now that I was skinny…?
Ooohh, see I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeahh
And I want you to know
You’re far from the usual
Far from the usual…
The guitar continued to strum the melody, the voice fading into soft adlibs of the previous words. She didn’t see me at first, but shock registered somewhere in my befuddled mind as I turned slowly into the open door. A full head of red hair hid most of the tiny body that sat perched on a barstool, her head lolling in time with the music. It was Becca…the giggly chic from Jeremy’s bathroom.
I watched her croon softly to the last strains of the music, her hand cradling the belly of the instrument so gently that I thought she might drop it when her face finally lifted. Her eyes were closed, her pale face serene as it turned upwards towards the ceiling as if savoring the beautiful words she’d just sung. My fingers pulled on the edge of the t-shirt as her lids finally opened, her gaze meeting mine directly.
I didn’t move and she didn’t speak, but there was no judgment in her features. Pity maybe…but not judgment. My mouth opened, but only a shudder broke free, my tears still falling as I took a hesitant step forward.
“I’m sorry…” Becca whispered, her knuckles now white as she gripped the neck of the guitar. “I should’ve pulled you away. I thought you knew what you were doing…but…you’re a good girl right? Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t get high…”
Her words trailed off and I nodded, my arms wrapping around my waist as if to hug the bad memory away.
“Never…” I managed with a shake of my head, regretting it the second the motion was complete.
The room suddenly tilted sideways, my legs giving slightly as I tried to keep my balance. S
he caught me before I fell, throwing my arm around her neck as she led me to the sofa in the middle of the room.
“I…I…shouldn’t sit…I don’t have on any…”
I stopped…embarrassed that I’d left my stained panties lying in the hallway in front of Jeremy’s door.
“You can use my shower…” Becca offered…already turning me around to head back the other way.
I didn’t speak, so she continued.
“He’s done it before ya know… Lots of times… Pure E crushed in a girl’s drink. It’s the same every time: him or even him and his buddies fucking them at the same time and then tossing them out like the morning trash. Mixed with bud…let’s just say I’m surprised you’re up and about so soon.”
Her revelation stung. Not only had I fallen for Jeremy’s trick hook line and sinker, but I’d possibly been raped by not just him, but his buddies too. Raped twice in two days… Who would believe that shit...?!
“Did…did you see what happened…I don’t quite remember,” I mumbled as she helped me sit on the toilet, turning on the shower before looking at me again.
“I left when you started dancing on the coffee table…”
I WHAT?!
“That bad huh?” I cringed, swiping at the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. “So this morning…in the hall…you didn’t see that either…” I pressed, angry now that she’d probably left me there instead of at least waking me.
“I don’t usually look out. I only play with the door open because of the acoustics… Sounds better I guess,” she shrugged, grabbing a bottle of shampoo and conditioner from the sink and handing it to me.
I instantly felt bad. I wasn’t her responsibility, and she didn’t even know me, yet she was helping me right now.
“It was beautiful…the music…” I mumbled, clutching the two bottles to my chest so that they wouldn’t slip from my shaking fingers.
Her hand was on my shoulder, rubbing it gently for a moment before she sighed heavily.
“Eve…right?” she asked, her words almost hesitant now.
I nodded, my eyes trained firmly on the little blue lines etched in the bathroom linoleum. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. Not after what I’d let happen to me.
Beauty Page 5
