Provoke Me

by Cari Quinn

  “Why?” she asked when she trusted herself to speak.

  He didn’t answer for so long she reached out to grip the armrest.

  “I’m not the man you think I am, Kelly. I’m not misunderstood. I’m not in need of saving. Or loving. Or whatever the hell it is you think you can do to make me more than I am.” He turned but he didn’t look at her. Suddenly the wall above her head took all his attention. “I played along, because you entertained me. You’re a fun girl. Sexy as hell and inventive and—”

  “You goddamned bastard, this isn’t just about sex. You said it yourself.” Anger and fear steamrolled the last of her restraint as she jumped to her feet. “Don’t you stand there and pretend it is, because I know you’re lying.”

  “For three years, we’ve had a work relationship. For a little over a week, you’ve been in my bed. You’d be wise not to see things that aren’t there. Free advice, kid.” His mouth twisted into a semblance of a smile. “Unless you get it on the dotted line, it doesn’t count. And what a man says when he wants into your pants means nothing. Less than.”

  “What happened?” she asked in the coldest voice she could manufacture. Hard to sound cold when her skin burned as hot as the fury building inside her, but she did her best. “When you left me earlier, you weren’t spouting platitudes about what we are or aren’t. You were just happy to be with me. Not that you’d admit it, oh no, but I can read you now.”

  He contemplated the terribly interesting wall. “Another woman invited me into her bed tonight, Kelly. And I accepted. So maybe you don’t know me that well at all.”

  It took time for the words to sink in. They didn’t mean anything at first. They were just unconnected sounds without any point. But when their meaning dawned, she squeezed her eyes shut so she didn’t have to look at him. She loved him so much and he clearly didn’t give a damn.

  She’d come to his office determined to sleep with him regardless of what had occurred tonight. No matter what had made him stay out so long, she’d refused to be dissuaded from her goal. Wouldn’t it prove how much she loved him if his self-destructive attempts to end them before they’d really begun didn’t faze her?

  But that was when she’d only had doubts. She’d mostly convinced herself he wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t hurt her like that. There had to be another reason why he smelled like an expensive hooker on a busy night.

  Except there wasn’t. He’d been with someone else only hours after he’d been with her. She couldn’t lie to herself any longer, not when the truth had smacked her resoundingly in the face.

  Her first inclination was to get up and race out of the room. Her second was to pound on his chest and ask him why he’d had to be at Kink that night. Why he’d had to throw just enough bread crumbs for her to think there might be something more between them than books and sex clubs and goddamn staff suggestion boxes.

  “I sort of got that when I found you in here,” she said instead, forcing her heavy lids to lift. Defiantly she raised her chin. “If you meant to drive me away, you could have just said you didn’t want me. Believe me, I’m not going to scrap for whatever you’ll toss my way.”

  Spencer set his jaw. “I never said I didn’t want you. But you deserve more than—”

  “More than what I need? More than the way we make each other feel when it’s just you and me and all the bullshit falls away?”

  He took a step toward her, held out a hand. Whether to help her up or to lead her out she didn’t know. Then he stopped and gazed at his outstretched arm as if he hadn’t registered the gesture. “Maybe if the timing had been different,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “Kelly, don’t cry.”

  “I’m not crying.” She rose unsteadily. She didn’t pull down her ridiculously short skirt or scrub her cheeks to rid them of the tears streaming out of her eyes. They slid in hot tracks down her face, dripped off her chin and plopped on her tight blouse. Her stupid get-up that she’d worn for him. Everything was for him. And he’d taken it all and left her with nothing.

  Except her pride.

  “You’re a goddamn fool, you know that? I thought I was the stupid one to have a crush on you all these years, to want you so badly when it would never happen. And then when it did, to fall for you. It was never just sex with me. Because I always got you like no one else ever will.”

  Kelly pressed her lips together until they stopped quivering. She had time because God knows he wasn’t talking. He just stared at her with that same stricken, horrified expression, as if he expected her to collapse at any moment.

  “All along, I tried to shove down my feelings, to pretend I didn’t have them so I could be more like you. At least that’s what you want people to think. But I feel too much. And that doesn’t make me wrong. That makes me right. Because I have the balls to stand here and tell you—” Her voice broke, the sob erupting from her chest as loudly as a hammer shattering glass. She sucked in air and forced out the words that burned her throat. “I love you. Even if you don’t deserve it. Or me.”

  She didn’t run out the door. She walked. And she didn’t slam it. That, too, was pride.

  He didn’t come after her. If he had, he would’ve been a different man. But just in case he changed his mind, she rushed down the hall and out the door, not stopping until she was in her car. Then she let the sobs come, the ones she’d managed not to let go in his office.

  She gave herself a full minute before starting the engine. If she had any more crying to do, she’d do it alone.

  Like always.

  Chapter Sixteen

  He wanted to smash things. Every item in his office to start. Because if not for this fucking place, maybe he would’ve manned up enough to make a decision that hadn’t resulted in breaking Kelly’s heart.

  She’d get over him, of that he had no doubt. She’d been right about one thing. He didn’t deserve her. At least he hadn’t slept with her one more time, even if his cock had ached so badly he’d nearly exploded the instant he laid eyes upon her in that slutty schoolgirl outfit. She’d looked so innocent, so erotically pure, and he’d wanted to exploit that innocence, to tarnish it until she was his in every way possible.

  Hadn’t he done that enough already? He’d had sex with her in front of crowds of people. He’d opened her up and taken what he wanted without thought to what she might need afterward.

  And she’d fallen in love with him anyway. Somehow.

  Spencer dropped into the chair behind his desk and closed his gritty eyes. He should go home and pack for Virginia. He was due to be on a plane midmorning and he had a ton of work to take with him. The last thing he could afford was another missed night of sleep.

  No, what you can’t afford is to lose her.

  He didn’t have a right to feel what he felt. The choices he’d made, was still making, had effectively decided that for him. The kindest thing he could do was to let her go now, quickly, quietly, with a minimum of fuss.

  That mantra worked well through what was left of the night. Packing and a couple hours of unsettled sleep filled the time and added just a bit of distance. By morning, he’d convinced himself none of it was real. Not the meeting with Diana or what had happened afterward. He’d just had the bad dream from hell. When he walked into the store to pick up the last few files he needed before his flight, Kelly would give him a smile and a wink and he’d go off on his trip already anticipating coming home to her.

  When he walked into The Book Nook, he saw Kelly all right. And she was flirting with a man who looked way too much like himself.

  “So I figured why not come up for a visit when I have some downtime? I may as well just enjoy myself. You know?” Adam Galvin trailed a fingertip down Kelly’s bare shoulder, his smile broad as he swung it between Kelly and Leigh, who only rolled her eyes. “So far so good. I’m loving the scenery up North, that’s for sure.”

  Not bothering to disguise his annoyance, Spencer approached Adam and his admiring horde. “Ever heard the phrase ‘look but don’t touch’?�
�

  He was used to seeing women fawn all over his younger brother. What he wasn’t used to was wanting to rip Adam’s head off his shoulders for daring to include Kelly in his flock of adoring fans.

  “It applies here,” Spencer added as Adam’s grin faded.

  “Spence, my man, there you are. Wondered if I’d catch you before you hit the friendly skies. Then I hit my own little patch of friendliness and—”

  “Forgot all about me?” Spencer clenched his jaw. “Why are you in town anyway?”

  “Now there’s a welcome.” Adam dropped his hand and used the other to scratch the back of his neck. “Christ, you haven’t seen me in, what, six months? Thought you’d be happy to see your kid brother.”

  “Maybe I would be if you didn’t have your hands all over the merchandise.”

  Kelly shot him a dark look but he couldn’t even feel triumphant. All he felt was miserable. How the fuck had he screwed up so royally?

  “Merchandise, huh?” Adam’s sharp blue gaze turned thoughtful as he glanced down at Kelly. He was taller than her in her clogs, but barely. “Didn’t see the paid sign on you but I must’ve missed it.”

  “Trust me, I’m no one’s merchandise,” Kelly said, leaning closer until her breasts were a hair away from touching Adam’s chest. “So you really played football? That’s so—”

  “Dangerous,” Leigh finished, edging aside her tray of peanut butter cookies before Adam could snag one. From the trail of crumbs on his black T-shirt, he’d already had his share.

  “I was going to say sexy.” Kelly smiled and shook her hair in a coy manner she’d never used on Spencer. “Desk types really annoy me. I appreciate a man who knows how to get down and dirty.”

  Adam chuckled. “No problems with that here, sweetheart.” He glanced back at Leigh. “What about you? You like it dirty too?”

  She sniffed as only Leigh could. “If I did, I certainly wouldn’t tell you.”

  The sound of Adam’s raucous laughter accompanied Spencer across the store as he walked away. He couldn’t look at Kelly a moment longer.

  Now if only he could erase her from his thoughts.

  Adam found him in his office a short while later. He’d intended to shove files into his briefcase and head out, but he hadn’t been able to stop staring at the loveseat where Kelly had sat the night before. Sobbing her eyes out because she loved him and she believed he didn’t care.

  God, could she have been any more wrong?

  The knock at the door yanked him out of his misery. His brother stood on the threshold, his perceptive blue eyes trained on him. “You look like shit, bro.”

  “Thanks. You too.” Spencer reached for his briefcase then stopped. It wasn’t his brother’s fault that he was such a fucking jerk. “Look, about before.”

  “I only have one question.” Adam dropped into the chair on the opposite side of the desk. “Are you really dumb enough to let Kelly go?”

  “I…what?”

  “You heard me.”

  “She didn’t actually tell you—”

  “Sure she did. Once we’d gotten past the niceties, we fell right into conversation. She said she was your former boinkee.”

  “Former boinkee,” Spencer repeated, again reaching for his briefcase. He needed to hold on to something. “Why can I hear her saying exactly that?”

  “She’s a plain-speaking girl. I don’t really see her as your type, but hell, she is pretty hot.”

  Spencer sat, but only because he was suddenly too exhausted to stand. “If she were any more my type I’d be—”

  Dead.

  He rubbed his temple. “Why are you here?”

  Adam grinned and stroked his fledgling goatee. He’d been trying to grow one for years and hadn’t yet succeeded. “This is why I crashed at Marsh’s. She was actually happy to see me. She gave me an actual hug and stuff.”

  Spencer couldn’t restrain his own grin. Thank God for his little brother. “Maybe I would’ve hugged you if you hadn’t had your paws on my woman.” Hearing himself, he glanced at the door. At least no one else could hear him being so pathetic.

  “Well, I figure she’s back on the market, so technically that makes her open game.” Adam gave him a toothy smile, the one that worked magic on their mother and made Spencer want to gouge out his own eyeballs with a rusty butter knife. “Right? You broke up with her. So that must mean you’re done.”

  Because he knew well how Adam operated, Spencer just shuffled papers on his desk. “We’re done, yes.” Even the words tasted sour. “But if you touch her, you’ll be shopping for a new set of nuts. Fair warning.”

  “Big talk from such a broken man.” Adam scooted forward and leaned his forearms on the desk. “Let me guess. She’s a dud in the sack. The legs are pretty, useless twigs. Her ass is really flat, her tits—”

  “Are not your concern,” Spencer finished, fighting another grin. His brother knew just how to poke and prod him out of a mood. Lord knows he’d had plenty of practice. “Seriously, Adam, drop it. All right?”

  “Hmm, no locker room bragging. That means one of two things. There’s nothing to brag about—which is basically impossible, because all guys lie when it counts—or else you care about her. Like, really care. Beyond the normal limits of cordial concern the almighty Spencer allows himself for his lovers.”

  Spencer rose and glared down at his brother, his sense of humor rapidly disintegrating. “Mind your own business.”

  “Currently I’m fresh out of business,” Adam said cheerfully, tossing back his unruly blond mop. It was too long and badly cut, as usual. Spencer had a feeling he had his stylist shape it that way on purpose. All part of the Adam Galvin shtick. “Plus yours is pretty interesting, since women don’t fall in love with you that often. For good reason.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Spencer exploded. “Did she tell you all about our sex life too?”

  “I’ll never tell,” he said in a singsong voice.

  “I don’t have time for this.” Spencer grabbed his briefcase and the stack of files he’d set aside. “Give me a call when you grow up.”

  “Spence, wait,” Adam said when Spencer was about to cross the threshold.

  Spencer stopped and took a deep breath. “What?”

  “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

  Spencer glanced back at his brother. “It’s good seeing you,” he said finally. “You still going to be around in a week?”

  Adam smiled. “It’s a good bet, yeah. Think I’ll take a couple weeks vacay up here, clear the old head a bit. Hang. Visit with Marsh. Annoy the cute redhead with all the cookies. You know.”

  “The cute redhead’s off-limits too,” he said and turned away before Adam could ask any more questions. But it didn’t stop him. It never did.

  No mere human was fast enough to evade Adam Galvin’s mouth.

  “Aww, man, did you fuck her too? You always get all the best ass.”

  “Remember that,” Spencer called over his shoulder.

  His lightened mood lasted until he saw Kelly at the checkout counter, her head down as she counted bills. Her flirty smile long gone, she looked up and saw him. And her desolate expression tore him in half.

  He’d done that to her. Taken away the joy in her eyes, robbed her of her carefree laughter. Even if he hadn’t meant to, the damage had been done.

  His gut tightened. Every part of him told him to go to her, to explain his behavior the night before. To at least try. He wasn’t a quitter—not at anything. And he wasn’t nearly ready to let her go.

  But she turned her back on him. When he hesitated, still unable to leave, she strode away from the counter. The customer she’d been helping called after her, but she didn’t answer. She just kept going.

  A minute later, so did he.

  * * * * *

  Kelly spent the next week in a haze. She slept, she worked, she talked to Alana on the phone. Whenever her best friend asked if she was okay, she said yes. Because she was. Her heart hadn’t broken compl
etely, just cracked a little in important spots. But she’d get over it. The cliché that time healed all wounds was a cliché for a reason. She’d been hurt often enough that she knew nothing mattered as much when viewed through the barrel of distance.

  She just had to live long enough to get there.

  In retrospect, she’d been fighting a losing battle from day one. Spencer Galvin didn’t know how to love. He had what appeared to be a stilted relationship—at least in public—with his sister and seemed to hold his perfectly decent little brother at arm’s length. For all his claims of the two of them being so close, she hadn’t seen it that morning in the store. Spencer hadn’t even said hello to Adam before he’d barked for him to get away from her. She’d believe he might have been jealous, but that wasn’t possible. He had no right to be jealous. If she’d been riding Adam as if he were a show pony right there on the floor of the café, he had no cause to say jack about it. By his own choice.

  As for his parents, she didn’t know. But he didn’t have any friends, at least not that she’d ever heard of or seen stop by the store. His relationships clearly hadn’t been lasting love affairs. So, clearly, the fault was his. It certainly wasn’t because she was incapable of keeping anyone around long enough to get sick of her.

  For once, she’d found someone more broken than she was. The only difference was he didn’t know it.

  She wanted to tell him. She even bought a phone card for that express purpose, because her cell was one of those pay-by-the-minute deals. The phone card would be cheaper. And this way, she’d only have twenty minutes to say her piece. Of course he would probably hang up before she’d gotten very far. But at least she’d have said what she needed to. To make sure she covered the important parts, she intended to start with fuck you.

  Which was more than she’d ever said to her freaking parents, who’d sent her yet another cactus-emblazoned shot glass and a stack of postcards for her upcoming birthday.