Rodeo Regrets

by Shannon Taylor Vannatter

  Lane scanned the guests. No Natalie. He’d almost stopped by her place a dozen times this week, but decided to wait it out instead. Give her more time to cool down. What if she rejected him? That’s what had kept him away. Coward.

  But now Thursday night was here, and he was eager to see her. To attempt a reconciliation. Surely his harsh words couldn’t kill love. And she’d said she loved him. Twice.

  Kendra walked by, holding little Danielle’s hand.

  “Hey, Kendra, do you know if Nat’s coming?”

  She shrugged. “She’s been a hermit this week. I talked to her on the phone and asked if she’d be here, but she didn’t really say yes or no.”

  “I thought she was coming once she found out Hannah would be here.” Wyatt, already astride his horse, looked toward Star and Hannah near the barn playing with a kitten. “I’m worried about her.”

  “Why?”

  “She seemed upset this week. And she asked Star about buying our house in Denton. Something’s not right with her.”

  Lane’s chest went tight. To get away from him. She planned to slip quietly out of his life. Starting with avoiding him tonight.

  “I’ll go check on her.” He bolted for his truck.

  * * *

  The dog wouldn’t budge. Kept sitting there looking up at her like she was a big hunk of steak. At least the barking had stopped.

  She straightened her back. Her muscles burned from having nothing to lean against.

  Gravel crunched in her drive. Thank goodness. Maybe it was Caitlyn or her parents. A black truck came into view. Lane.

  Her heart went into a frenzy. What was he doing here?

  The dog watched the truck but didn’t move or bark.

  She could call out to him, look like a ninny sitting in a tree and have an awkward scene with him. Or she could keep quiet. He’d leave and she’d still be stuck here. She longed for rescue—but by anyone other than Lane.

  His engine shut off and the truck door opened. The dog started barking again and bounded toward Lane.

  Her insides twisted. “Lane, watch out.”

  He turned toward her voice, his gaze searching.

  “The dog.” She gestured wildly. “Get back in your truck.”

  He saw her. The dog caught up with him. “Hey there. Why, you’re just a big pup.” Lane stuck a hand toward the dog, palm up.

  Natalie closed her eyes. She couldn’t watch the dog maul Lane. She screamed.

  “Natalie, it’s okay. Look.”

  She opened her eyes. The dog lay belly up with Lane squatting above it, patting and murmuring.

  “He’s a puppy. He wanted to play with you.”

  “He’s awfully big for a puppy.”

  “He’s a German shepherd. Probably half grown. I think I’ve seen him down the road chasing cars. He probably gave a good chase and headed home, but saw you.”

  “Can you do something with him? My back is cramping.”

  “Sure.” He opened his truck door. “Hop on up, pup. I’ll take you home.”

  The dog jumped in and Lane shut the door.

  Natalie covered her face and blew out a big sigh.

  “How long you been up there?” Lane’s voice was right beneath her.

  “What time is it?” She climbed down a few limbs.

  “Seven-thirty.”

  “I came out of the house at five till.”

  “Why didn’t you call someone?”

  “I forgot to charge my cell.”

  “Were you gonna stay up there all night?”

  Her foot slid, but she caught herself with both hands and hung within jumping distance from the ground.

  “Be careful. Let me help you.” His hands settled on her waist from behind. “Let go, I’ve got you.”

  Her breath caught. If she argued with him, she’d probably start crying. She let go.

  Lane held her until her feet hit the ground and she was steady.

  She sidestepped him and stalked toward her car.

  “Why are you so afraid of dogs?”

  No escape. Lane was parked behind her. “When I was little, we were at my grandparents’. I petted their dog, but I didn’t know he had a sore ear. He bit me, right on the cheek.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah. Okay, so you rescued me and I appreciate it, but you can go now.”

  “I’ll always protect you, Nat. If you’ll let me.”

  Her mouth went dry. “I want to get to the trail ride.”

  “They’ve probably left by now.”

  “Were you there?”

  He nodded. “Wyatt said you were coming. When you didn’t, I figured it was because of me.”

  “Hannah was expecting me. I need to go.”

  “If you’ll hold up, I’ll go with you, help you catch up with them and then leave.”

  “And leave me alone?”

  “If you’ll talk to me.”

  “About?”

  “Let’s sit.” He gestured toward the porch.

  Not trusting her shaky legs with the steps, Natalie perched on the bottom one.

  Lane settled beside her. “I’m sorry for judging you. I had no right.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does. Please forgive me.” His elbow touched hers. “Tell me—why didn’t you abort Hannah?”

  The air went out of her lungs. She swallowed hard. “Wyatt wouldn’t let me rest until I agreed to have her.”

  “But you could have just done it and never told him. Or you could have done it secretly and broken all ties with him. He’d have had to leave you alone after that. Did you want an abortion?”

  Chapter 13

  Pressure built in Natalie’s chest. “No.” Her voice cracked. “I was scared and I wanted out, but I didn’t want to kill her. I latched on to Wyatt’s offer to take her to get out from under the responsibility.” The pressure burst like a bubble leaving her almost weak. She hadn’t wanted to kill Hannah.

  “I think if Wyatt hadn’t taken her, you’d have done the right thing.”

  Me, too. “Thanks for helping me realize it.” Her voice came out barely a whisper.

  “I wanted to tell you something.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Something that will change my life.”

  Was he leaving town? Going back on the rodeo circuit? “What’s that?”

  “God’s been after me to do something. I wasn’t sure what, at first. I think He wants me to be an associate pastor. I’m starting seminary next semester.”

  Her insides reeled. “Really? Wow.”

  “Yeah. Who’d have ever thought? Me, preaching?”

  “I think it’s awesome.”

  “I was hoping you would.” He took her hand in his. “I need you by my side, Nat. I’ve tried to make a life without you for over nine years. And it hasn’t worked.”

  Nine years of hurting each other. He didn’t need her on this new venture. Natalie Wentworth, a preacher’s wife? What was she thinking? Lane hadn’t even mentioned marriage.

  Natalie tugged her hand out of his grasp. “I don’t know if I’m God’s idea of a support system for a preacher.”

  “If He wants me, I think He’ll take you. Our slates are wiped clean.”

  “Huh?”

  “I talked to Brother Timothy about not feeling worthy of being a preacher. He reminded me that Jesus’ blood wiped my slate clean. Yours is clean, too. Come on, Nat, give us a chance.”

  She stood. “I think we’ve hurt each other too much. Maybe we should go our separate ways.”

  “We tried that. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve been miserable.”

  “We’ve been miserable together, too.”

  “But we can start fresh.
”

  “I don’t think there’s anything left to start fresh with.” She turned toward the house. “I’m moving to Denton.”

  “That’s not far.”

  “I need to concentrate on Hannah. Not you.”

  “I thought I was following you to the trail ride.”

  “I’ll call and tell Wyatt what happened. He’ll probably bring Hannah by on the way home.” She went inside and shut the door. Tears scalded her eyes. How could she let him go? But with constant human reminders from her past, how could she be a pastor’s wife? He needed to start over with someone new. Pursue his new dream with someone else. Someone with a slate Jesus didn’t need to clean quite so much.

  * * *

  A knock sounded at Natalie’s door. She wiped her eyes. Maybe a visit with Hannah would cheer her up. She scooped the dress up and hid it behind her back, then hurried to the door.

  Kendra stood on her porch with her hands propped on her hips. “What are you doing?”

  “Waiting for Wyatt to bring Hannah by. He agreed to, since I didn’t make the trail ride and I have a gift for her.” She held the dress up. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was worried about you. Why didn’t you make the trail ride?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “Did I hear something about you moving to Denton?”

  She stiffened. “I need to focus on Hannah.”

  “And to get away from Lane?”

  “I think I could focus more that way.”

  Kendra sighed. “Don’t run away from love, Natalie.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “What if Lane and I aren’t supposed to be together? What if God has someone else for each of us? Someone with no past history. Uncomplicated.” But even as she said the words, she couldn’t imagine loving anyone else.

  “I haven’t known you that long, but I can’t imagine you with anyone other than Lane.”

  Was there an echo in here, capturing her thoughts?

  “Why would God put love in your hearts for each other if He didn’t want you together?”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Of?”

  “Of loving him so much. What if it doesn’t work out? I’m not sure I could deal with losing him again.”

  “You’ve got God on your side this time. As long as you keep Him first, you’ll be fine.”

  “I don’t think I’m pastor’s wife material.”

  “What?”

  “Lane’s going to seminary next semester to be an associate pastor.”

  “I’m not youth director’s wife material. But God makes all things new. Look at me. Look at the apostle Paul.”

  Kendra’s past wasn’t quite as tarnished as Natalie’s. But Stetson and Kendra were sold out for the youth and making a difference in young lives.

  “I’ve never prayed for someone before as diligently as I have for you.” Kendra gave her a hug. “God’s on the verge of putting His plan for you in place. Don’t mess it up.”

  “You’re a great friend.”

  A crunch of gravel and headlights appeared down the drive.

  “That’s probably Wyatt with Hannah.” Kendra pulled away and headed down the steps. “Just think about what I said. Pray about it.”

  “I will.”

  Could she and Lane make it together with all their past complications and hurts? Could they become something new and work for the Lord together? Is this what I want or what You want, Lord?

  Peace flowed through her. A peace she’d only known once before. When she’d given her heart to Jesus.

  “Is this a sign, Lord? I need a sign.”

  Maybe it was Lane driving up. Lord, if You want us together, let Lane show up here.

  She held her breath as a dark truck braked to let Kendra back her car out, then rolled to a stop. The driver’s side door opened. Wyatt stepped out, then opened the back door to get Hannah out of her car seat.

  Natalie’s breath came out in a rush.

  Forget Lane. Focus on Hannah.

  * * *

  Lane unloaded the white vinyl fence railing. Just like the fence he’d built in the back. Natalie wouldn’t have to worry about dogs or overzealous pups anymore. And she’d know he wasn’t going anywhere. He’d let her down three times—in high school, by inferring she might wreck Wyatt’s marriage and by condemning her for considering an abortion. But he wouldn’t let her down again. Natalie Wentworth would know she could count on him. He’d prove it to her.

  “What are you doing?”

  He whirled around to find her standing on the porch, barefoot, wearing a black business suit.

  “I’m building a fence around your house.”

  “Why?”

  “You should be able to get to your car without a dog keeping you from it.”

  She seemed shaky, fluttery. “I have a garage.”

  “That didn’t help last time.”

  “I forgot something and went back inside. Next time, I’ll drive back in and close the garage door.”

  “But you shouldn’t have to. I want you to feel safe in your own yard.”

  “I really appreciate it. But I’m thinking about deeding this place over to Hannah and letting Wyatt and Star live here until she grows up.”

  “I’ll build the fence either way, so Hannah can be safe in her own yard.”

  Her smile went all the way to her eyes.

  Touchdown. Hopefully straight to her heart. “I’m putting an automatic gate at the end of the drive, too.”

  She propped her hands on her hips. “Don’t you think that’s a bit much?”

  “Not for you.”

  Natalie’s throat convulsed. She looked away from him and scanned the yard again. “Why are you doing this?”

  “To keep you and Hannah safe.”

  “Let me get my shoes on.” She disappeared inside the house.

  Minutes later, she strode out. High heels made her legs look even longer. The prim business suit feminized by a red concoction of lace and silk that took his breath away. Her calves were bare under her knee-length skirt. No panty hose in sight.

  “You look awfully businessy. Got a meeting?”

  “I meet with the heads of all the businesses at the Stockyards this morning. We’re finalizing my publicity plan today.” She checked her watch and plopped onto the tailgate of his truck.

  Lane’s jaw dropped.

  He settled beside her and the tailgate dipped with his weight.

  She didn’t move away from him. Her lips were only inches away.

  It took everything he had not to claim them. “Shouldn’t you be fluttering off to work? Getting away from me as quick as you can?”

  “My meeting’s in an hour and a half, and I’d rather stay.”

  “You would?” His brain couldn’t catch up with what was going on.

  “I love you, Lane. I always have.”

  His heart raced. “And I love you. So what’s keeping us apart?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?” He leaned closer to her. Their arms touched. She didn’t move away.

  “I was scared, okay? Scared of loving you so much and it not working out. Scared of your calling.”

  He swallowed hard. “That makes two of us. I’m scared, too. Especially of losing you.”

  “I turned my fear over to God last night.” She leaned her forehead against Lane’s. “Will you marry me?”

  “Whoa. That was a quick turnaround.” He pulled her into his arms.

  “I prayed about you, and God gave me peace. Then just to make sure, I asked for God to give me a sign. For you to show up here.”

  He grinned. “Really?”

 
“And sure enough, you show up this morning being all sweet and building me another fence. For Hannah. I’m pretty sure God deals in flashing arrow signs.”

  His gaze locked with hers. “Natalie Wentworth, I love you. But I can’t accept your proposal.”

  Her breath caught. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not that kind of guy.”

  Her eyes got too shiny.

  Natalie blinked, pushed away from him and slid off the tailgate. She faced him, but kept her gaze in the vicinity of his throat. “Well, I won’t do anything else. I’m not that type of girl. Anymore.”

  Lane caught her chin with gentle fingers and forced her gaze to meet his. “That’s not what I meant. I plan on marrying you. But I’ll do the proposing. On my timeline. I don’t even have a ring yet.”

  “Oh.” Her voice went all breathy.

  “I wanna do this right. You need to meet my mom. I need to ask your daddy for your hand and the whole shebang. But be ready. I won’t wait long.” He stood and his gaze settled on her lips.

  His lips caught hers. His knees went weak. He was putty in her embrace.

  Lane groaned and pulled away. “Not very long at all. Be ready with the right answer for me.”

  “I will,” she said, her voice low with anticipation.

  “Now.” He turned her toward her car. “I better get busy on this fence and you better get to Fort Worth. Don’t want to be late for your meeting.”

  She checked her watch. “Oh, my! I have to go. That is, if my legs will hold me up.”

  Lane chuckled. “Same here.”

  * * *

  Thank You, Lord, for working everything out with Natalie. Lane squeezed her hand as they approached the huge house. He’d forgotten how large her folks’ house was. Even larger than Natalie’s.

  “Do you mind if we live in my farmhouse? I mean—after I propose and we get married, that is.”

  “I’d love to live in your house.” She smiled up at him and his heart did a two-step.

  “It’s an old fixer-upper, but I don’t think I could live in that dollhouse of yours. Seems like a great plan to give it to Hannah and let Wyatt and Star live there.” He swung her hand in a wide arch, giddy with life in general.

  “To tell you the truth, I never really wanted a dollhouse. A fixer-upper farmhouse sounds great to me. My interior-decorator cousin could help us remodel.”