The Darkness of Perfection

by Michael Schneider

I belonged to him completely.

  Jayden sat across from me and ate her breakfast silently while I drank my coffee. My own breakfast had long since been polished off. Her eyes never left her plate as she slowly brought her fork to her lips each time, taking small bites of her eggs.

  The white satin and lace robe she wore matched the gown still lying on our bedroom floor. The thin material was designed to tease the imagination, only there was no need for me to imagine. I knew what lay beneath and she was perfect. Her cheeks were still flushed and she had attempted to tame her tangled hair with her fingers, leaving her looking every bit the very well-loved bride she was.

  Though I knew her body had to be tender, I had been insatiable. The knowledge that she was my wife and had accepted me fueled my desire for her. It had never been like that for me before. I don’t know where my own body found the energy to keep going. Each time I swore would be the last so she could rest, only to feel my body stir to life again a short time later.

  With her head on my chest and her naked body pressed against my side, I had felt at peace for the first time in years. It wasn’t love yet, but I knew given time it would grow. For now I would be content in the knowledge that she was finally mine.

  “Jayden, look at me.”

  She dropped her fork, causing it to clank loudly against the china plate in front of her. Her eyes widened in apprehension when she responded. “Yes, Nicholas?”

  I sighed at her formality in addressing me. “Relax, Jayden.” I laid my hand palm up on the table, indicating I wanted to hold her hand. She cautiously placed her hand in mine and I closed my fingers over hers. I smiled at the symbol of our union on her finger and rubbed the band with my thumb, ignoring her trembling fingers. “I thought we’d spend the day enjoying the city and tonight we could take a dinner cruise and see the bats.”

  “Bats?” she squeaked.

  I couldn’t prevent laughing at her wide-eyed expression and brought her hand to my lips, kissing her fingers. “Yes, bats. It’s a big deal here. They even have a hockey team named after them. It really is a spectacular sight to see,” I assured her.

  “So we’re going out?” she mused.

  Her eyes dropped to study our clasped hands and my eyes narrowed as I studied her carefully. She was thinking too hard about my announcement and avoiding my gaze. I squeezed her hand, causing her eyes to dart back to mine quickly before looking away again. I sighed heavily and shook my head in disappointment. I had to remind myself that while we had come far, it was too soon for her to have given up the idea of escape completely.

  “Yes Jayden, we’re going out,” I stated slowly. I swear I could almost hear the gears turning in her mind, plotting how she might escape me. “You may as well forget whatever you’re planning in that beautiful head of yours.” She looked up swiftly, guilt written across her face at being caught. “You’re my wife now. It’s my job to protect you and that includes protecting you from yourself and keeping you from doing anything stupid,” I warned. “Why do you think I brought three bodyguards, if not for your protection?”

  I gave her a moment to let that reminder sink in and poured another cup of coffee for myself. Bringing her to Austin was a huge gamble on my part, but I’d wanted to give her a honeymoon. After this week, she’d probably never leave the property again other than for an emergency. It was October and the weather fluctuated almost every other day between hot and cold, but it was supposed to stay warm for the next few days. It would give us time to enjoy the lake and a couple of other attractions. Our home would be ready to move in to by the time we returned and our life together would really begin.

  “You promised me just last night that you’d try harder, Jayden. Were you lying?”

  I could see the weight of defeat in the slump of her shoulders when she shook her head and mumbled a quiet, “No”.

  I nodded, accepting her answer, and tugged on her hand until she stood and settled herself into my lap.

  I wrapped my arms around her and my mouth immediately sought that sweet spot behind her ear that always elicited the desired reaction no matter how stiffly she tried to hold herself from me. I wasn’t disappointed when her breath hitched in response, causing my body to respond in kind.

  I held her closer, shifting her in my lap so she felt my desire for her tuck between her legs. I let my hand slide upward, feeling her warmth, and pushed at the edge of her robe until it fell off of her shoulder, baring her breast to me. She trembled when I cupped her breast with my hand and stroked her nipple with my thumb until it pebbled under my touch.

  “Please, Nicholas,” she whimpered. “I’m-” She halted in embarrassment, unable to admit she was sore from how many times I claimed her in the night and this morning already.

  I dropped my forehead against her chest, disappointed, and fought for control. Her body was tense as she waited silently to see if I would grant her a reprieve. She had been a virgin last night and wasn’t used to this. She was my wife and deserving of tenderness and understanding. We would have forever to make love. I kissed the swell of her breast, letting my lips linger for a moment before reluctantly pulling away. I settled her robe on her shoulder again and cupped her face, kissing her softly. I brushed her hair back from her face, taking in her fearful expression.

  “You’re just so damn beautiful. I’ve lived like a monk the last few months and I can’t help it. I just can’t get enough of you now that you’re mine,” I admitted. “Why don’t you go soak in the bathtub.

  The bubble bath you like so much should be in there. A warm bath should help ease most of stiffness you’re feeling while I get the arrangements finalized for tonight.”

  “Thank you,” she mumbled. She moved to stand and I couldn’t resist holding her a moment longer.

  “Our life is finally back on track, Jayden. All that’s left is for you to stop fighting. Keep working on it and I’ll help you get back to where you need to be.”

  A shudder went through her and I let my arms drop away so she could get up. I grabbed her hand when she turned to go into the bathroom. “Take your time. We won’t leave for at least another hour. I want you to enjoy the day.”

  I winced when my abused flesh met the bottom of the bathtub and carefully settled into the bath. I leaned back, resting my head on the rolled-up towel and clenched my teeth so I wouldn’t make a sound. The last thing I wanted was for Nicholas to come in here when I was in the bath. I pushed the faucet with my toe, shutting off the water and sank down until the bubbles covered me to my chin.

  “Aw,” I sighed.

  I closed my eyes and ran my hands over the surface of the water, letting the buoyancy keep them afloat. I wanted the warmth of the water to relax and soothe me so I could forget the past twenty-four hours, but that was impossible. I’d never be able to block those events from my mind. I guess my mind had been more resilient as a child, protecting me from the traumas I’d lived through. It had slammed the door on every moment of my life before the car accident, leaving my life a blank page to start a new story.

  I held my left hand up and watched the bubbles slide down my arm, slowly revealing the platinum and diamond band on my finger. Even if I managed to somehow escape, years down the road I would still remember I was Nicholas’s wife. I’d given him my virginity and my traitorous body had even enjoyed some of it, though the ache between my legs wasn’t very enjoyable at the moment.

  Thinking about last night, I couldn’t even accuse him of making me feel used or abused. He’d been nothing but thoughtful and gentle with me. And insatiable. I lost count of how many times he’d woken me in the night after that first time. It would be almost comical if the situation wasn’t so tragic.

  Nicholas was hornier than any high school boy I’d ever known and he had the stamina to keep going until he was thoroughly satisfied.

  I sat up and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them tightly, and stared at the door a moment. I could hear his voice beyond the door and assumed he was discussing his plans
with the guards he brought with us. I closed my eyes and turned my head to rest my forehead on my knees and finally let the tears I’d been holding back all morning flow.

  Before he kidnapped me, I was taking birth control to regulate my period. That was a month ago.

  Last night he never used a condom. How long would it be before I became pregnant with his child?

  The very thought made me sick. Would I end up raising another generation of monsters or would he sell our child if I gave birth to a daughter?

  How could I save a child if I couldn’t even save myself? Somehow, I didn’t think Nicholas would ever be lax enough for me to escape with his child like my mom had. Her success was probably responsible for the constant vigilance he showed in never allowing me that chance. Only time could make him relax, but how many years would pass before that happened?

  I didn’t want to live years waiting on an opportunity that might never come. No, I was going to have to live with yesterday’s decision and make the best of the life I had been given. Nicholas proved last night that while he wouldn’t be denied my body if he wanted it, he was also a kind and gentle lover.

  On some twisted level, I knew he cared for me. Maybe I could work on those feelings and convince him to let whatever child we might have live a normal life?

  He was already my husband in every way. I needed to stop fighting him and just accept it. If I had

  a hope in hell of surviving the rest of my life then I needed to start acting the part. I’d been good at theater in high school so it was time to use those skills I’d been taught and ‘fake it until I believed it’.

  With my new motto firmly planted in my head, I finished my bath and got ready for my first full day as Nicholas’s wife. My husband wasn’t going to find any reason to be suspicious of my actions. I was going to be the best wife I knew how to be.

  And if we had children, then I would reevaluate my decision and pray I could protect them like my mom had with me.

  I turned off the bathroom light behind me and walked back into the bedroom. The sun was just beginning to make its appearance over the water, bathing the room in a soft pink light. I closed the drapes, darkening the room once again and quietly slipped back into bed. Jayden shivered in her sleep from the draft of cool air that hit her bare skin and shifted seeking my warmth. I pulled the blankets over us and settled her once again against my side with her head on my chest, kissing the top of her head.

  We were heading home today and Jayden would begin to settle into her life as my wife. After the week we’ve had I was feeling positive about our future. The first couple of days were a struggle. She was stiff and formal, but I had to give her credit for making the effort. She was nervous seeing all the bats taking flight from their home under the bridge and filling the evening sky. I had to admit I enjoyed having her cling to my side, her hand wrapped protectively around her neck. Just in case.

  The next day was better. I took her to the museums and art galleries downtown. It was a work day so they were mostly deserted other than a few elementary school classes on field trips. I had planned our trip so she could see all the sights I thought she would enjoy without risking her being in large crowds where she would be harder to contain.

  She was watched at all times and never out of my sight. I could kiss whoever came up with the idea of family or unisex bathrooms.

  Yesterday was the most interesting day of all and caused a shift for the better in our relationship.

  I’d taken her to a football game since the university was playing at home. My father, William and I were all alumni of the university and my family had a private box at the stadium. The game was in halftime and the band was performing on the field. I had thought to surprise Jayden with ice cream sundaes for a treat.

  “You’re gonna pay for that, Jayden,”I growled.

  I glared at her through narrowed eyes and grabbed the napkin in front of me to wipe away the ice cream and whipped cream that had splattered across my forehead and hair. I picked up the cherry perched precariously on my shirt pocket and popped it into my mouth, pulling the stem off and tossing it on the coffee table.

  “It’s not my fault you forgot,” she laughed. “I hate cherries. I’ve always hated cherries. They’re gross. My Nicky would have remembered that little detail.” She shook her finger at me, admonishing me for my oversight, and giggled. “You need to catch up. You’re not a very good husband, Nicholas.”

  It made my heart swell seeing her being carefree and laughing. That she’d dared to throwher cherry at me was a good sign. I wished we could stay longer, but I had work that couldn’t be put off any longer.

  “One day our son will be here as well, Jayden,” I remarked. She stilled beside me and turned her head, staring at me. I looked at her questioningly. “Is something wrong? Are you all right?”

  “What if we have a daughter? Then what?” she asked quietly.

  I opened my mouth to reply, only to close it again. I didn’t have an answer to that. I never considered the idea of a daughter. My family has only had sons as far back as I knew. It was arrogant, but I just assumed we’d have a son as well.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I never thought about a daughter. Our family has just always had boys.”

  She turned back to watch the band marching off the field, not willing to face me for her next question.

  “If we did” She paused and I sawthe shudder that ran through her as she voiced her concern. “If we had a daughter would you sell her?”

  Her words were barely above a whisper; she’d spoken so softly at the end, but her question filled me with outrage. I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me. “What kind of crap is floating around in that head of yours, Jayden? Did you have a head injury at some point I don’t knowabout?”

  She stared at me wide-eyed and grabbed my wrist, tugging at it to break the hold I had on her jaw.

  “You’re hurting me,”she cried through clenched teeth.

  “Well, your accusation is hurting me,” I snapped back. “Howdare you think I’d ever sell one of our children, boy or girl? What kind of fucking monster do you take me for?”

  I released her jaw with a jerk of my wrist, angry at myself for the imprint of my fingertips on her face, but angry at her for thinking so lowly of me as well. I stood and paced the small room, not trusting myself to be near her as angry as I was.

  “My father sold me! Your father bought me! You kidnapped me and tricked me into marrying you!”

  She was crying and rubbing at her jawas she faced me. “What else am I supposed to think? You wanted me stupid and illiterate and you don’t see anything wrong with that! Your family enslaved me.

  You’re no different than slave traders from before the Civil War. Why wouldn’t you treat a daughter the same way? What else am I supposed to think?”

  I was glad we were in a private box and there weren’t any witnesses around. It was bad enough Antonio, Jerome and Nathan were witnesses to her accusations. Antonio was entirely too interested in our conversation.

  “All of you get out!” I ordered. I waited until the door to our box closed behind them before turning on her again. She tried to sink into the furniture when I stalked toward her, but I pulled her up by her arms until she was standing toe-to-toe with me. “You want to know what the difference is, Jayden? I’m a Harrison, that’s what. That means our children will be Harrisons as well. We own the world. No one owns us. Your father was greedy and willing to sacrifice anything for what he wanted. My father just took advantage of that greed. He didn’t hold a gun to his head and demand he turn you over. Your.

  Father. Approached. Mine. Not the other way around!

  To be honest, I don’t know what I’d do if we had a daughter, but I can promise you this: No one will make a slave of any child of ours. I won’t apologize for my father giving you to me, whether you like the facts surrounding that transaction or not. Even if he hadn’t, you’d still be mine!”I shouted.

  I took a breath to
calm myself. She was crying and I knewI was scaring her with my anger. I drewher to me and wrapped my arms around her, suddenly sorry for all the hurt she felt and wanting only to comfort her. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into her hair. “I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, Jayden.” I held her until her sobbing stopped and listened to her sniff. I cupped her face with my hands and tilted her face

  to look at me. It broke my heart seeing her redrimmed eyes filled with so much sorrowand knowing that I caused it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but even if my father hadn’t bought you, I’d still choose you.” I kissed her gently. “I promise I’ll love and protect any children we may have, whether we have boys or girls.”

  We watched the rest of the game in silence, both of us brooding. When the game was over, I couldn’t even tell you the final score. The stadium had finally cleared enough to escort Jayden safely to the car when she finally spoke again. She stood and walked to the large window that overlooked the field and surveyed the emptying stadium, a sad smile on her face. Then she turned to me and her green eyes held me captive. Her words left me stunned and for the first time ever a feeling of shame came over me.

  “I earned a full scholarship to come here for school, but Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me accept it. Now I know why.” She turned back for one last wistful look. “I could have been sitting out there with all the other students if I’d had a normal life. That’s what your family took from me.”

  She moved to brush past me and followher guards to the door. I reached out and grabbed her arm and held her, tilting her chin and holding her gaze. “I won’t apologize for something I can’t and won’t change. You’re mine, Jayden, whether my father gave you to me or because I took you on my own. I won’t let you go, ever. But I promise you: no child of ours will be denied every opportunity I can give them.”

  Her eyes narrowed with doubt. “Any child?” she demanded quietly. Her voice was hushed like she was afraid to ask.

  I lowered my mouth to hers. She kept her lips pressed firmly together, unwilling to give in, so I kissed the corners of her mouth instead. “I promise. Any child.” This was important to her and I knewif I wanted Jayden to fully accept being my wife I needed to give her this promise. And keep it.