Long, Tall Cowboy Christmas

by Carolyn Brown

  Sitting in a pew with Silas in his lap, Rustin on one side of him and Jace on the other, he didn’t feel the anxiety or the downright fear that he thought he might. God wasn’t going to send fire and brimstone down and destroy all these good people because he was angry at Nash for not doing his job right.

  The congregation sang a hymn together and then the preacher stepped up behind the podium. “God is love and light and there is no darkness in Him,” he said in a deep voice.

  “The darkness comes when we allow ourselves to doubt God’s wisdom. Some folks blame our heavenly Father for everything that happens in this physical world, but we make choices and we create problems and then when things go wrong we have to have someone to blame so we lay it all on God.”

  Nash locked gazes with Kasey, who was only a couple of feet away, sitting on the other side of Rustin. Her brief nod said that they were thinking the same thing and that Adam McKay was at the very core.

  The preacher went on, but Nash tuned him out and thought about Kasey and the three kids surrounding him. Silas on his lap, Rustin beside him, Emma on the other side of Kasey. It wasn’t difficult to pretend that they were a family, but all good things came to an end. He’d proven that many times in the past few years. The time slipped away from him as he went deeper inside himself, but he got a hard jerk back into reality when Jace stood up beside him, bowed his head, and started giving the benediction.

  The moment he said the final amen, folks were on their feet and headed toward the doors where the preacher waited to greet everyone as they left. Jace clapped a hand on Nash’s shoulder. “Want to thank y’all for having dinner at your place today. I love the way that my sister makes a pot roast, and maybe we can take a tour of the Texas Star after we eat.”

  “Y’all are always welcome at the Star.” Nash shifted a sleeping Silas into a more comfortable position on his shoulder. “And I’d love to talk ranchin’ with you after we get through with dinner.”

  “Can I go with y’all?” Rustin asked.

  “Of course you can. A cowboy can’t ever start learnin’ too young,” Nash answered.

  “Yay!” Rustin pumped his fist in the air. “Uncle Jace, can I ride with you?”

  “Sorry, kiddo. I’ve got a pickup full. Brody, Lila, and Granny all rode with me. But we’ll be there right behind y’all. And we’re bringing a chocolate cake and brussels sprouts.”

  “You can have the russell sprouts.” Emma shivered right beside her brother. “They are nasty.”

  “I’ll eat your russell sprouts, and you can have my cake,” Nash said.

  “Be careful. She don’t forget anything and she’ll hold you to that promise.” Jace chuckled.

  “I love those little cabbages, and Kasey made a peach cobbler, so I’m saving room for that.” Nash smiled.

  He didn’t need to look around to know that it was Kasey’s hand on his arm. The sheer heat through his long-sleeved plaid shirt told him exactly who was touching him.

  “Hey, you want me to take Silas off your hands?” she asked.

  “No, I’ve got him. Maybe we can get him into the car seat without waking him and he can get his nap out on the way home.” Having Silas in his arms gave him a sense of belonging. He wasn’t a stranger in a strange land but he was needed, if for nothing else than to carry a sleeping child out to the van.

  “I’m going to talk ranchin’ with Uncle Jace and Nash,” Rustin said as soon as they were in the vehicle. “It’s ’portant and girls can’t go.”

  “I’m ’portant, too. Mama, tell him I can go,” Emma whined.

  “Sometimes us girls got things that we want to talk about that we don’t want the boys to hear. So you want to stay with the girls or go with the guys?” Kasey asked.

  Emma stuck her tongue out at Rustin. “See, girls is ’portant. And I’m not tellin’ you nothin’.”

  “Well, I ain’t tellin’ you about ranchin’.”

  Emma tilted up her chin. “I already know.”

  “Enough arguing or you will both spend the whole afternoon in your room with nothing but a coloring book and eight crayons,” Kasey scolded.

  “You’re generous. I only got four crayons,” Nash said.

  “I didn’t even get that. If I was banned to my room all I got was one book and I didn’t even get to choose it,” Kasey said.

  “Did you walk two miles to school in the snow?” Nash teased.

  “Uphill both ways,” she shot back.

  “Me, too.” He lowered his voice. “And it doesn’t snow in southern Louisiana very often.”

  “I kept a stash of my favorite books under my bed,” she said out of the side of her mouth.

  “And I knew how to climb out on the roof and shimmy down a pecan tree to the ground. Then I’d go to the creek and throw rocks in the water until my arm got tired,” he admitted.

  “Rebels, both of us,” she said.

  She wore a green sweater that morning that was the same shade as her eyes and a tight-fitting denim skirt that hugged her butt like a glove. The pictures Adam had carried around in his billfold didn’t do the real Kasey one bit of justice.

  “You’re a gorgeous rebel,” he said.

  * * *

  Kasey didn’t know if he was flirting or just being nice but it had been a very long time since a man other than her two brothers had paid her a compliment. “Well, thank you, Nash. You look pretty handsome yourself.”

  “Have Gracie and Paul said they were comin’ to Sunday dinner with us?” he asked, changing the subject so quickly that she wondered if she’d embarrassed him.

  She made a right-hand turn toward the ranch. “Oh, yes! Gracie and Mama are teamed up tighter than a couple of thieves.”

  “For or against you stayin’ at the Star?”

  “Against,” she said honestly. “But I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”

  “Family is way too important for me to be creating problems, Kasey. Please go on back home. I promise I won’t drive. I can call every time I need to go somewhere. I’m basically a hermit anyway, so it won’t be very often.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t try to kick me out, Nash. The kids are settled in really well and I’m not moving them until after Christmas. Their grandmother told them that Santa was coming to the Texas Star.”

  “I’d never do that, Kasey, but…”

  She held up a hand. “No buts. I’m not backing down from what my heart tells me is the right thing to do.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He grinned.

  She made a left-hand turn and slowed down to get across the cattle guard, then drove on toward the house. Jace’s truck was already there, and Hope, Lila, Brody, and Jace each had a covered dish in their hands as they made their way toward the porch. Kasey and Valerie parked their vehicles side by side.

  Her mother was at the side of the van before they even got the door opened. She handed Nash a covered pan with a chocolate cake inside it, and unfastened the seat belt holding in Emma in the booster seat.

  “Come and see my room, Grandma. It’s up some stairs.” Emma grabbed her hand. “Nana, you come, too.”

  Gracie had rounded the backside of the van and taken Silas out of the car seat. He awoke and reached toward Nash with a whimper. Nash took him without hesitation and threw the diaper bag over his shoulder.

  “Welcome to Sunday dinner, Gracie and Valerie. We’re glad to have y’all here,” he said.

  “Silas does look just like his daddy in that cute little blue sweater, doesn’t he, Kasey?” Gracie said.

  “Nana,” Emma demanded as she grabbed Gracie’s hand. “Come see my room.”

  “Silas has always been Adam’s mini-me. We all know that,” Kasey called out as Emma hurried her two grandmothers across the yard.

  The little dig did not go unnoticed, but Kasey was determined not to let her mother or Gracie get under her skin that day. With the progress that Nash was making, the doctor would clear him for driving or anything else he wanted to do when they went back for the check
up, and then she was staying until Christmas. After all, Santa was coming to this place.

  “Hey, Sis, any of y’all need any help getting the kids or food into the house?” Brody crossed the porch and yard in a few long strides.

  “Looks like there’s one more casserole in the backseat of Mama’s truck,” she answered as she shut the van door.

  Brody picked it up and carried it inside. “Mama probably forgot this one. She and Granny are already bustlin’ around like bees in there. Lila is setting the table and…”

  “Hey, Nash.” Jace rounded the end of the house and motioned. “They’ve run me out of the kitchen and told me not to come back for twenty minutes. Want to take a walk with me out to the barn?”

  “Sure thing. I’ve got a ewe about to give birth. We can check on her,” Nash said.

  “You’re desertin’ me in my time of need,” Kasey whispered to Nash. “Those women are out for war. You saw their faces and heard that little dig from Gracie about Silas.”

  “You’re tough. Come to think of it, maybe you’re desertin’ me in my time of need.” Nash smiled down at her.

  She wanted to roll up on her toes and kiss him smack on the lips just to prove to everyone that she could, but she wasn’t quite that brave. And besides, it wouldn’t be a bit fair to Nash.

  “We need to talk.” Brody stepped out on the porch before she even made it across the yard. “Walk with me, please.”

  “I should get inside and help with dinner. It’s my responsibility,” Kasey said.

  “There’s plenty of women in there. I only need a few minutes,” Brody said.

  “Okay, then. Come on around back and you can see the amazing doghouse that Nash built for the pups.” She started that way with him right behind her.

  “Sis, we need to clear the air. We miss you at Hope Springs. Lila wasn’t plannin’ on comin’ home from the honeymoon and having to take over the whole operation. We need you to come home. I’m not sayin’ you can’t help Nash out when he needs a driver, but…”

  Kasey rolled up on her toes and hugged Brody. “I love you, brother. You’ve always been there for me and had my best interest at heart even though sometimes I did want to shoot you right between the eyes. But I’m a grown woman. I have three children, and I’m making my own decisions from here on out.”

  Brody took a step back. “Are you already sleeping with him?”

  Kasey’s hands knotted into fists. “That doesn’t even bear an answer. And besides, if we’re going to sling mud, just remember I can throw it as hard as you can.”

  “God!” He raked a hand through his dark hair. “You’ve always been a handful.”

  “Yes, and who did I learn it from?”

  “Trouble is that I like Nash. He’s a good guy and you’re ruining both y’all’s reputations.”

  She backed up against the doghouse and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not leaving no matter what you say. You’re my brother. Act like one instead of trying to be the father to a rebellious teenager.”

  “Then don’t come whining to me when you hear what folks are saying and when other cowboys come sniffin’ around thinkin’ that you’re an easy lay,” he said.

  “Believe me, if I do any whinin’, you won’t hear a single peep of it. Let’s go inside now so I can help get the dinner on the table.”

  “I’m only concerned because I love you.”

  “I know, Brody.” She hugged him again. “If I fall in a mud puddle it’s because I tripped, not because you pushed me. Treat me like you did when Adam was alive.”

  “You had Adam then,” Brody argued.

  “Who made decisions when he was gone for a week or a month or even when he was deployed for six months that one time? Did you come over to Lawton and make sure that I didn’t do something immoral or illegal or something that would start a rumor or even keep one going?”

  “Of course not.” Brody’s answer took a while.

  “Then trust me now.”

  “Trustin’ you isn’t the issue here, Sis. This is Happy, and between the Dalleys and Dawsons, we’ve had the biggest ranches in the whole area for—”

  “For more years than anyone can remember,” Hope finished the sentence as she stepped outside. “I’m buttin’ in and I know it, but here’s the way it is: Kasey’s heart tells her to stay over here and be damned to what people think or say. Brody, your heart told you not to give up on Lila or yourself. Listening to it brought you happiness. If Kasey doesn’t pay attention to what her heart is telling her, she’ll always have regrets. I’m not sayin’ this is a permanent thing, but she’s got to do what’s right for her, and as her family, we need to support her. Now put aside all this crap and let’s go inside.” She pointed toward the barn. “I see Jace and Nash, and we’ve got things all ready for dinner. We pushed the kitchen table into the dining room and there’s room for everyone to sit down.”

  “Granny, you’re not seein’ the big picture,” Brody started.

  Hope shook her head. “This argument is over, whether you like it or not. Crazy thing is that I would have expected the opposition to come from Jace, not you.”

  Brody stepped around his grandmother and went inside. His jaw was set and his blue eyes flashing, but he didn’t try another approach.

  Hope looped her arm into Kasey’s. “He means well, honey. Menfolk think they’ve got to be all protective of us women. What they don’t realize is that we’re tougher than they could ever be.”

  “Amen,” Kasey said.

  * * *

  The last time Hope had been in the Texas Star ranch house was when Henry’s mama, Minnie, died more than a dozen years ago. She’d come over with the other folks in her Sunday school class to bring food for the family. He’d been sitting on the front porch when they arrived and she’d longed to go to him, wrap her arms around him, and console him. She’d hung back, letting everyone else go in before her.

  “Hope.” Henry had nodded.

  “I’m so sorry,” she’d said.

  “For what? My mother’s death or your decision all those years ago?”

  “That’s a hard question,” she’d answered. “I’m sorry that you’ve lost your last parent, Henry, but the other part, I can’t say I’m sorry for that. Are you sorry for the decision you made that night?”

  “I am not.” He’d brushed past her and gone to the barn.

  She’d seen him at the funeral with his sister, Adelaide, her daughter and grandson, Nash, who was a teenager and tall for his age even then, but there were no more words between them. Hope rubbed the little locket around her neck with her forefinger and thumb and wondered again if he was even still living, and if so, where he was.

  “You okay, Granny?” Kasey asked.

  “I’m fine. Just doin’ some wool gatherin’. I haven’t been in this house in more than twelve years,” Hope answered.

  “And I bet it hasn’t changed a bit.” Kasey laughed.

  “It sure hasn’t.” Hope shook her head.

  Kasey let go of her arm and went to help Lila fill glasses with ice for the sweet tea, and Hope stood back in the shadows and took a long look at the place. A dozen years hadn’t changed much of anything. It all looked exactly the same as it had that day when they’d brought in food for the family, except that Henry wasn’t on the porch, and that Hope had her share of regrets that went back more than sixty years.

  Jace and Nash brought a gust of cool air in with them when they arrived. Nash’s dark eyes immediately scanned the room until he found Kasey and only then did they light up. She looked up and they both smiled at the same time. Hope remembered having that kind of relationship with Henry. They didn’t need words—a look or a gentle touch, sometimes a sly wink, and they understood exactly what the other one was thinking.

  She’d had a good life with Wes Dalley, but she’d always wondered about that other path—the one she’d have followed if she’d left with Henry Thomas that night when he had begged her to marry him the next day and leave with him. Sh
e’d never know what living the life of an army wife would have been like or if she and Henry would have been happy because she’d put family and what other folks thought before happiness.

  “Okay, folks.” Kasey clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention. “Everyone can sit wherever they want, except for Emma, who will be sitting beside me in the booster seat and Silas, who’s on the other side in a high chair.”

  Folks gathered around the tables, leaving the head seat open for Nash. When they were all seated, everyone bowed their heads. When no one said anything, Hope poked Kasey on the arm and she laid a hand on Nash’s shoulder.

  “It’s your house. Call on someone to say grace,” she whispered.

  “Brody, would you please say the prayer,” Nash said.

  Hope bit back a smile. Sometimes things worked out just the way they were supposed to. Brody cleared his throat and quickly said two or three sentences and then the noise began as conversations started and bowls and platters were sent around the table.

  Reaching up to touch a small gold locket again that she’d worn since she’d found it again six months ago, Hope took a long look at her family. If she hadn’t stayed in Happy and married her father’s ranch foreman, Wes, she wouldn’t have Valerie or these three grandchildren. There would be no Brody or Lila or those beautiful great-grandkids. And Nash would have no one to help him get through whatever terrible thing had left scars on his soul. Yes, everything happened for the best, even if it left behind hearts that would always wonder about that other road.

  Where are you, Henry? Did you find a woman to make you happy in your old age after all? What have you been doing the past twelve years? Do you ever think of the day that you gave me this locket or the day that I threw it at you when you put that ultimatum in front of me?

  “Granny, are you okay?” Lila nudged her shoulder. “You look like you’re a thousand miles away.”