Clawful Reflections

by Harper Lin

  The truth was I had no idea what Tom thought about a lot of things. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. But from where I was sitting, there seemed to be too many things in our way.

  I guess I thought that when it was right, the path would be a little clearer. There wouldn’t be so many obstacles in the way.

  The main one being his mother.

  Patience Warner.

  She hated me.

  And no matter how many times Tom said that her opinion didn’t matter, that she would learn to love me, to get to know me, I didn’t just doubt it. I downright didn’t believe it at all. It made me sad, but at the same time, I couldn’t help feeling a little relieved. There was an excuse for me to not get too attached.

  It was selfish. That knot kept turning in my gut whenever Tom tried to break through my boundaries. He was becoming frustrated and short with me on occasion, but I just couldn’t stop myself.

  I’m sure if I sat in a psychiatrist’s chair, he’d tell me that I was holding back because, when I was nine years old, my mother was taken from me. I loved her. She was all I knew of the world, and in order to save me, she sacrificed herself. Yes, I still felt guilty. Yes, I was afraid if I loved anyone like that, they’d be taken from me too. Yes, I thought it was my fault. Had I not been in that bedroom, had I not had this “gift” of speaking to animals, maybe those two grotesque arms wouldn’t have come from beneath my bed. Maybe they wouldn’t have grabbed hold of my mother as she got me safely out of the way. Maybe she wouldn’t have been dragged underneath the bed. That was my fault, no matter how many people tried to tell me it wasn’t. And if it happened to her, it could happen to anybody. Including Tom.

  Yes, it was selfish. But I didn’t want to feel responsible for him getting hurt. And if I let him get any closer, that would be exactly what would happen. Something in my gut told me so. And I’d learned to listen to that gut feeling. Blake Samberg, Jake’s partner on the force, told me more than once to always trust my gut.

  “It sounds to me like you are stalling,” Aunt Astrid said.

  “Stalling? The engine never got started,” I joked.

  “Hey, is that Blake?” Bea asked, pointing across the street. I hated to admit it, but my heart jumped in my chest, and I tried not to look so interested as I stretched my neck and squinted my eyes.

  “That looks like him and Jake,” I said. “They don’t look too good.”

  Something had happened that had them running toward the café. We weren’t even officially open for the day. They knew this. For them to be coming over now had to mean something was wrong.

  Quickly, Bea scooted around the counter and hurried to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. The happy little jingle bells made their music as they clanged against the glass.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked as they stepped in. It was Blake who came up to me. The look of worry in his eyes scared me. He was the first to speak.

  “Cath, we just heard over the radio. Tom has been shot.”

  3

  Devil Worshipper

  For a second, everything stopped. The clock. The coffee percolating. My heart.

  “What?” I muttered. My voice didn’t even sound like my own. It was like someone else was doing the talking while I just moved my mouth.

  “He responded to an 043. Domestic assault,” Jake said as I looked up at Blake. “From what his partner called in, they showed up at the residence. The woman was high, drunk, maybe both. She and her boyfriend were arguing.”

  I just stood there, staring. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to react? I couldn’t think. Not a single thought came into my head. I just looked at Bea, who was holding Jake’s hand as he spoke. Aunt Astrid had her hand to her mouth. I didn’t even feel Blake’s hands holding mine until I squeezed them.

  “Just as they knocked on the door, the woman ran and retrieved a gun from another room. She opened fire at the door, her boyfriend, anything.” Jake looked at Bea.

  “They’re rushing him to St. Joseph Hospital,” Blake said quietly. “Come on. I’ll drive you there.”

  I nodded, swallowing hard as Blake led me to the car, leaving Bea, Jake, and Aunt Astrid at the café. He opened the door for me. I got in like we were just heading off to the grocery store.

  I didn’t speak while he drove. He had the portable red light slapped on the top of the car and a siren coming from somewhere. The cars parted for us like we were royalty. Except I couldn’t enjoy it. Normally, I’d be thrilled to ride shotgun in a cop car with the siren going and light flashing. But I felt embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see me or see Blake making such a fuss.

  “Is he dead?” I asked.

  “I don’t know, Cath.” Blake gripped the steering wheel nervously. He would have told me if Tom were already gone. Blake was one of those guys who knew how to rip a Band-Aid off. Quick and fast and then it’s all over with but the remaining sting.

  It felt like we were moving in slow motion. I was sure everyone we passed was staring and knew it was me in Blake’s car. The people walking down the street, they had their loved ones waiting for them. They had their boyfriends and husbands safe at work or home. They weren’t worried about them at all. Was I the only one?

  Finally, we pulled up into the emergency parking. Blake pulled the car into a slot, leaving the light on top, hopped out, and quickly ran around to my side to open the door. I took his hand, and within minutes we were inside the building. With his badge in his hand, he asked at the information desk where Tom was. I saw a whole corral of wheelchairs and wanted to flop down in one and have him wheel me to Tom. My legs were getting weaker by the second. This was all becoming too real.

  The person at the information desk pointed us to the emergency room, where there were dozens of stalls of people in various states of, well, emergency. I had expected to see Tom sitting at the end of a bed with maybe a bloody shirt where the bullet hit him in the shoulder or the arm. Maybe through his leg or something. He’d look up at me with those blue eyes, and they’d twinkle as he’d smile, shaking his head.

  “Can you believe this?” he’d say, wincing.

  But I didn’t see him. There were a bunch of nurses hustling around. Now and then, a doctor came from somewhere only to disappear somewhere else.

  “They said he was in 14G,” Blake said. There were little signs above each stall with different letters and numbers. I couldn’t read them. I’d forgotten my letters.

  When we finally located 14G, it was empty. I let out a deep breath. Maybe he was released already. I looked to Blake, whose face had turned gray.

  “What is it?” I asked. Obviously, he knew something and wasn’t telling me.

  “The ‘G’ numbers are for life-threatening emergencies,” he said matter-of-factly. “If he isn’t here, he’s either in surgery or…”

  “Or?” I whispered, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I bit my tongue to keep them back. This was all going to turn out fine. If I started blubbering all over myself, I was going to feel like an idiot when I finally saw Tom. This wasn’t the movies.

  “Sit down, Cath,” Blake said, quickly pulling up a chair.

  I hadn’t realized that I was losing the feeling in my legs. I flopped down in the plastic chair in stall 14G while Blake took three long strides to reach the nurses’ station in the center of the emergency admittance area.

  A pretty blonde with purple scrubs typed a few things on her computer and said something to Blake that set him off. He pointed in my direction. He held up his badge. The nurse shrugged and said a few more things. Blake nodded and shook his head. When he came back to me, he put his hands in his pockets.

  “Come on, Cath. Let’s go wait in the waiting room.”

  “Can’t we wait here? Won’t they be bringing him back here?” I asked. The truth was I wasn’t sure I could move. My whole body felt like it was encased in lead.

  “He’s had to go into surgery. The bullet went through his chest.”

  “But he was wearing a bulletproof
vest, right?” Weren’t they required to wear that? It was standard issue. At least that was what they said on all the cop television shows.

  “Come on, Cath. I’ll get you a cup of coffee.” Blake helped me up and led me to the official waiting room. There were a couple other people there, but they looked relaxed, bored even.

  “Why are we in here?” I asked.

  “The nurse said that Tom is about to go into surgery,” Blake said in that monotone he always used to state just the facts, ma’am. “The doctor will tell us what he can.”

  “When?”

  “I’m not sure.” He patted my back gently. “I’ll get you a coffee. Just wait here.”

  Blake’s reply wasn’t comforting. Now that I was in this other room, I didn’t feel like sitting down. I walked to the window and looked outside. It was such a pretty day. The sun was out. There were a few puffy white clouds against the blue backdrop. People were driving in and out of the parking lot. Not everyone who came here was in the shape Tom was in. Some people were having casts removed or giving birth or getting X-rays. For some reason, I felt like I was the only one here who was scared. Nothing made me feel more selfish, but it was the truth.

  Then, as if I couldn’t feel any worse, I heard my name being called.

  “Cath. Cath Greenstone. What are you doing here?”

  I turned around to see Tom’s mother, Patience. She looked at me over her wire-rimmed glasses. She hadn’t been crying. Her makeup was still impeccable. I, on the other hand, suddenly realized my eyes were stinging with tears that were in a nonstop wave down my cheeks.

  “Detective Samberg brought me here when he heard over the radio that Tom had been shot,” I muttered. “Did they tell you anything?”

  “Did who tell me anything?” she snapped.

  “The giant rabbit at the door. The doctor, for Pete’s sake!” My voice cracked with frustration.

  “You mean the doctor wouldn’t share any information with you because you are just the girlfriend? I’m his mother. I’m family.” She waved a finger in my face. “And I don’t want you here.”

  “I have every right to be here, Patience.” Tears ran down my cheeks. “I’m worried about him too. I just want to know if he’s going to be okay and then…”

  “And then what? You’ll leave? Only to come back again. Really, Cath. You’re like a bad penny,” she scoffed. “You need to get out of here. I know what you are, and you aren’t good for my son.”

  Just then, Blake came back with a coffee in his hand. He saw me crying and quickly pieced together what was going on with this Dolly Parton look-alike.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his badge.

  “Yes, you can remove this woman from the hospital. She’s a danger to my son and, frankly, probably everyone else in here.” Patience crossed her arms.

  “She has a right to be here, Mrs.…?”

  “Patience Warner, Officer,” Patience hissed. “That woman is the reason my son is in there.”

  “What?” I cried.

  “If you weren’t in the picture, he’d be able to concentrate. He wouldn’t have gotten in this position. Instead of focusing on his work, he was distracted, wondering what your problem is and why you are the way you are.”

  “Mrs. Warner, you need to calm down.” Blake stepped in between her and me.

  “She’s probably put a spell on him.” She pointed madly at me. Blake was no obstacle for Patience Warner. “You know she’s a devil worshipper, don’t you? God only knows what kind of sinister, deviant things she’s mixed up in.”

  “Patience. What are you saying?” I stammered.

  “I want security!” she yelled. “Security! Get this witch, this devil worshipper out of here! She’ll curse all of you!” Her voice was like a blow horn.

  I looked around the waiting room. A crowd had started to gather, and they all looked at Patience and me like we were a disturbing sideshow attraction. It was a disgusting display, but they couldn’t look away.

  “Mrs. Warner. This is a hospital. People don’t need you upsetting them further,” Blake commanded. She looked up at him and sneered.

  “You can see what she is, but you don’t do anything,” Patience continued. “Mark my words, everyone who is here right now, your loved ones won’t get well. Not while she’s here!”

  I knew the truth about Patience. Aunt Astrid had seen it, and Bea too. She had her own supernatural gifts, but she didn’t use them to help anyone. Obviously, from this display.

  One of the men in the waiting room slipped out the door and brought back a rather large security guard.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but you ladies can’t be making a scene in here.” He was tall and muscular and had a Taser on his hip.

  Blake tried to talk to him, but a badge didn’t seem to mean too much when Patience made it clear we were not family.

  “She’s just the whore my son is dating,” she spat to the security guard. “She has no relation to us.”

  The security guard looked at me sympathetically but shook his head. I stood there with my mouth hanging open like I was trying to catch flies.

  “You’re out of line, Mrs. Warner!” Blake shouted, making her jump as her eyes widened. “There is no need for that kind of talk. Cath is just concerned. We all are.”

  Patience didn’t say another thing but instead started to cry to the security guard about her son getting shot while on duty. It was an amazing act. But even though I couldn’t see what was around her like Aunt Astrid could and I couldn’t read her aura like Bea could, it didn’t take any special gift to see Patience was disturbed.

  The security guard started to get nervous when Patience didn’t stop. I was beyond shocked and afraid if I started to speak, I’d say something that I’d regret. Thankfully, Blake was there and spoke over Patience to the security guard.

  “We’re leaving, Officer.” He reached out his hand, and the security guard shook it, nodding and instructing us we could call and get an update on the patient’s condition.

  “No, you won’t!” Patience continued. “I’ll make sure they don’t tell you anything! Not a single word!”

  Blake took my hand and started to lead me out of the room.

  “Patience, why?” I muttered as Blake pulled me past her.

  “Because you’re evil,” she hissed.

  Blake practically had to drag me out of the hospital. My legs had gone numb. As if the situation wasn’t bad enough, Patience had to throw a one-two punch and put me down for the count.

  I wanted my aunt. I wanted someone to take me in their arms and say it was all going to be okay, that there was something wrong with Patience, and that there was nothing wrong with me.

  But there was something wrong with me. I was a witch. I was never going to be seen as normal or kind or helpful. But Patience was a witch too. Why wouldn’t she want to work together to help her son?

  Normally, I liked being alone. Solitude never frightened me. But right now, I felt lonely and isolated. I felt like no one could understand what those words Patience just uttered did to my heart.

  Blake led me to his car, and before I could get in, he took me in his arms and held me tightly.

  “It’ll be okay, Cath.” His cologne was subtle, but I always liked it. He smelled like sweet spices that were used to make a fall rum drink or something. I couldn’t help but melt into him. I cried a little bit but tried to keep the hysterics to a minimum. “That woman is not well.”

  “I don’t know, Blake,” I sniffed. “Maybe she is right about me.”

  “No.” His voice was soft. “You are the most genuine person I know. If she had any sense, she’d see that too. What you see is what you get with Cath Greenstone. And what you get is more than most people deserve.”

  Before I could stop myself, I wrapped my arms around Blake and hugged him tightly.

  Again, the car ride back to the café was a quiet one. But it was easier to relax without the siren and th
e red light drawing attention to us. We were nothing more than another car on the road.

  “What am I going to say to Aunt Astrid and Bea?” I muttered. “How do I tell them what that woman said? I’m humiliated. I didn’t even get any information on Tom’s condition. It was a big waste of time to go there.”

  “There is more than one way to get information, Cath. You have plenty of experience doing just that under your belt. Some of your choices border on illegal, but so far, no harm, no foul,” Blake said in that deadpan way he had. “That Patience woman doesn’t realize her son is the victim of a crime. He’s not getting his appendix removed. I’ll be able to find out about his condition and let you know.”

  “Thanks, Blake.” I looked at him. For a second, he turned from the road and looked at me. Never getting more than a smirk from him, I nearly broke into tears again. He looked so worried about me. And maybe I saw something more there. Maybe, but my vision blurred with tears.

  Of course, the timing couldn’t be any worse. We were pulling up to the café. I didn’t have any time to ask or say anything. Not that I knew what to ask or say. But I would have liked another few minutes alone with him. Instead, I opened the door.

  “Thanks again, Blake. You are one in a million.”

  “I’ll let you know what I find out.”

  I nodded, shut the car door, and headed into the café. Bea and Aunt Astrid were waiting.

  4

  Love Handles

  “I can’t believe that woman.” Bea took my hands in hers. “You poor thing. I should have gone with you. We all know what kind of woman she is. What was I thinking, letting you go off by yourself?”

  “It’s okay, Bea.” I wiped my nose with a scratchy napkin. “How were we to know she was going to switch her insanity to level eleven? But I don’t know anything about Tom. I don’t know what happened except that he was shot and that they took him in for emergency surgery right away.”