Finding Love the Hard Way

by Vickery, Rebecca J.

  By the time they'd eaten the ices, the kids were sleepy-eyed and tired. Nick hustled them into the SUV and headed for home.

  * * * * *

  Once they arrived, Noelle helped the kids get ready for bed while Nick began unpacking the non-perishables in the kitchen. She joined him when the children settled down and they worked together stacking the groceries in the cabinets and small pantry.

  Then Nick made hot chocolate and invited her to join him in the living room. "If anyone deserves a break, we do." He carried both mugs and they dropped tiredly onto the sofa. He flipped on the TV and found a channel showing It's a Wonderful Life. "This okay?"

  "Yes, I love this movie. I used to not think much about it, but I have a real appreciation for it now." Noelle slipped off her shoes and curled her feet up beneath her.

  They watched the first scenes of the movie and during the commercials, she told him, "The restaurant was great. As long as I've lived here, I never knew about it. Rachael and Kenny were still talking about how much fun they had when they went to bed."

  "Stick with a cop, baby. We know all the best eating places." He waggled his brows at her and they both laughed. "Seriously, I met Antonio, Senior, when his wife and Antonio, Junior, were in a bad auto accident. They had a small take-out pizza place on a little side street then. I helped him get his citizenship papers and talked him into taking up the lease on the building they're in now when the former tenant defaulted."

  Noelle placed her empty mug on the coffee table. "It looked like they were doing very well. It wasn't Pop's Pizza before, was it? In the alley, near the hardware store? We used to get the best hand-tossed pizza there."

  "Yep, that was it. They still make pizzas on Friday and Saturday, but do family style serving three days a week. Scoot over here. Let's relax and watch the movie." He used her hand to draw her closer.

  She leaned against his side, enjoying the shared warmth. He smelled of woodsy aftershave with a hint of Italian spices. When his arm encircled her shoulders, she didn't pull away. She decided to relish these special moments until it was time to take her kids and leave. But she would have to be careful not to let things go too far.

  At the end of the movie, Nick turned toward her and tilted her chin up with a gentle hand. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds, giving her time to back away. When she looked directly back into his eyes, he lowered his mouth to hers. He'd allowed his mustache to grow back during the last couple of weeks and used it to tickle her upper lip. He nibbled at her mouth until she sighed and allowed her lips to part for him.

  Noelle closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck. She allowed Nick all the access he wanted and moaned as he deepened the kiss. She ran her fingers through his hair and, when he would have lifted his head, she pulled him back to her.

  * * * * *

  "Oh God, Noelle. You are so beautiful...so special," he whispered into her ear, and then he trailed kisses beneath her ear lobe and along her neck. This woman reached something deep inside him from the first moment he met her. She was totally feminine, but strong and courageous. She'd had to be for her and the kids to survive this past year. Then passion overwhelmed him and he could only think of kissing her, touching her, and making her his.

  Nick felt her fingers at his belt, but then Noelle paused. He lay above her on the sofa. His shirt was gone as was hers. Lost in a haze of passion, he hoped she would give in to their mutual desire and not push him away.

  "Wait, please. We shouldn't..." Noelle gasped as if she couldn't take in enough oxygen.

  He used his elbows to lift his weight slightly from her and cupped her face in his hands. "Why not? I want you, Noelle. I promise I won't hurt you." He planted a fiery kiss on her moist parted lips.

  "But... The kids..."

  "Sound asleep," Nick whispered, and kissed her again, while pressing his lower body to hers.

  "Mm-mmm, but..." Her last reason to refuse melted from her mind as his mouth moved down her neck and onto the generous curve of a breast, bulging above her bra.

  Swiftly indrawn breaths, hushed whispers, and groans of pleasure filled the room and soon they were lost in each other.

  Chapter Ten

  "I made coffee," Nick said, "but you'd probably rather go up to bed." He knelt beside the sofa, kissed her on the cheek, and tucked the afghan around her. "I have the early shift and should be home just after three this afternoon."

  Noelle sat up, tucking the afghan beneath her arms when she woke enough to realize she was nude, and kissed him. "Stay safe. Thank you for last night. It was...wonderful." She stroked his freshly shaved jaw with her fingertips. He'd been so patient and tender, but needy and demanding too. Nick made sure of her pleasure before his own, and she learned making love was totally different from sex.

  "For me too. And if I don't get out of here, I'll be late for work." He kissed her again and forced himself to leave.

  She waited a few minutes and then got up, gathered her clothing, and hurried upstairs. It definitely wouldn't do for Rachael and Kenny to find her downstairs wearing only a crocheted throw.

  Once showered and in her pajamas, she snuggled beneath the covers. What have I done now? Heaven, help me. Then fatigue from the unaccustomed night's activities interrupted her worrying and she slept.

  Thankfully, Rachael and Kenny stayed in bed a bit later than usual. Just after eight o'clock, they bounced into her room like energetic pups, asking a million questions about Christmas interspersed with demands for food.

  The day passed rapidly once they'd eaten breakfast. They washed and peeled veggies, prepared a turkey breast and a small ham for baking, and cooked the cornbread and sausage for the stuffing. The kids wanted to save the cookies and the chocolate cake for Nick to help bake, and that's what they did.

  Kenny yelled Mom more than once to gain her attention. When Noelle's thoughts drifted to Nick, she would stop what she was doing and stare into space. Though she decided it must not happen again, she couldn't regret making love with him. Her entire body felt well loved and more relaxed than ever, yet her senses seemed heightened, as if on alert for Nick to return.

  What will happen then? she wondered.

  * * * * *

  Nick hurried though traffic to get home. Usually he hung around after shift and traded insults with the other officers or went to the community center to shoot hoops – back when his house was empty. Now he couldn't wait to see Noelle and her two children. What a difference it made to have someone waiting at home. And, after last night, he needed to see Noelle, to talk to her. He prayed she wouldn't run away from what happened.

  Rachael and Kenny raced to share hugs as Nick entered the back door. He grabbed them up, one on each arm, and chuckled as they almost strangled him. "Here, let me get out of this coat and gear," he finally told them. He set them down and shrugged out of his coat. As he hung the coat, scarf, and his cap on the hook by the back door, the smells of cooking food stirred his senses.

  "Gotta lock up the hardware and change, then I'll be right down." Nick turned to leave the kitchen and came face to face with Noelle. He smiled and reached to touch her cheek. "Hi," he whispered.

  "Hi yourself," she whispered back. Surprising even herself, she tilted her head up toward his and closed her eyes.

  Unable to resist the invitation, Nick gave her a tender kiss filled with restraint due to their small audience.

  "Oh, yuck, you guys!" Kenny yelled. "When we gonna bake cookies?"

  "Hush, Kenny. She has to do that if we want Nick to be our new daddy," Rachael insisted, using her seven-year-old wisdom to explain the situation.

  Nothing else, other than cold water, could have parted two adults quicker.

  "Rachael..." Noelle didn't know what to say. She took a deep breath, thinking fast how to repair this—

  Nick interrupted her with a loud burst of laughter. "You should see the look on your face." He hurriedly kissed her forehead and backed away. "C'mon kiddos, let's go lock up my work belt and see what I can find
to wear while I help in the kitchen. What did y'all leave for us to cook tonight?"

  Rachael and Kenny left the room with him, chattering up a storm about the cake and cookies they wanted him to help bake.

  Noelle put her hands over her face and fought back her own laughter. "Oh my, what am I going to do with those kids?" she muttered. What am I going to do with Nick? seemed an even more urgent question.

  * * * * *

  They made cookies, baked the chocolate cake, and generally created a huge mess in the kitchen, but they enjoyed every minute. Nick showed them how to roll peanut butter balls and dip them in chocolate the way his mother taught him when he was a kid.

  Noelle whipped up scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast and they ate breakfast for supper. Nick loaded, unloaded, and reloaded the dishwasher and put dishes away to help with the cleanup while she supervised bath time. Then they watched A Christmas Carol and Garfield's Christmas Special until the kids' bedtime.

  Kenny and Rachael begged for a special bedtime story from Nick and Noelle finally gave in. They wanted him to read The Christmas Mouse and Rachael curled up on the foot of Kenny's bed to listen.

  Standing in the bedroom doorway, Noelle felt tears gathering as Nick began the story. Ken had bought the book for Kenny's first Christmas and read it to them at their insistence every year until the year before he died. Then he just stopped doing anything with the children. They seemed to get on his nerves and he mostly avoided them. Why hadn't she realized he was so depressed? Even Rachael had not been able to reach her beloved father. No wonder they're so starved for Nick's attention. She slipped away downstairs, until Rachael called her, ready to be tucked in.

  Rolling dough for a piecrust, Noelle felt strong arms encircle her waist from behind. Then a moist, lingering kiss landed beneath her ear. She stopped and leaned back against him.

  "What was it about the story that made you cry? Or shouldn't I ask?"

  "Ken used to read the story to them. I missed all the signs – he must have been so depressed – he left us long before he died. I'm sorry... You don't want to hear me whine about my husband." She brushed at the flour on her hands, and then turned to face him. "Nick..."

  "It's okay, Noelle. You can tell me anything – well, anything except you don't want to be here. If you're going to say that, could it wait until after Christmas, please?"

  "It's not that. I promised we'd stay until after Christmas and we will. But...we shouldn't..."

  Nick couldn't let her say it, and he kissed her to shut her up. "We are consenting adults, we enjoy making love. What's so wrong with that?" And he kissed her again, more thoroughly.

  "Officer, you have a very unique way of stopping what you don't want to hear." She sighed and gave in as he lowered his mouth once more. She couldn't fight both Nick's desire and her own.

  * * * * *

  Two hours later, Noelle slipped off the sofa and dressed, leaving Nick to sleep as she returned to the kitchen. She discarded the dried out dough and started over. She'd heard Nick tell the kids no one made apple pie like his mother, and it was his favorite. In one of the cupboards, when she was checking what they had on hand, she'd found an old handwritten recipe book. It gave her the idea to try the apple pie recipe inside as a special surprise for him.

  Noelle hummed as she worked and soon two bottom piecrusts were in pie pans waiting for the apple filling. She and the kids cooked the tart apples earlier in the day in a mixture of granulated and brown sugar, then seasoned them with cinnamon, nutmeg, butter, and a dash each of vanilla and cherry flavoring according to the recipe. She heated it slightly and separated the mixture into the pie pans. Her lattice strips of dough turned out well, and she was pleased as she stuck the pies into the oven to bake.

  Noelle cleaned up the kitchen while she waited for the pies. Once they were out of the oven, she looked around the kitchen where she already felt so at home. How will I ever be able to leave? She sighed heavily and flipped off the light as she headed upstairs to finish wrapping a few gifts.

  Chapter Eleven

  The morning sun streamed between the curtains in her bedroom on Christmas Eve day. She'd overslept and wondered what happened to Rachael and Kenny. Then she heard shrieks and a giggle from downstairs. She threw her old housecoat on over her sleep tee and shorts and hurried to see what her children were into now.

  Nick stood at the stove, his hair sticking up, wearing his sweat pants, a spatula in his hand, and a large skillet before him. Rachael was on a stool on his right dipping something and Kenny was on a stool to his left sprinkling something.

  "I thought you had to work this morning. You guys scared me. I thought you were up to no good." She laughed as she stepped closer and gave him and each child a quick kiss.

  "We are definitely up to something. I make a mean breakfast," Nick answered.

  It turned out they were making French toast. Rachael was dipping thick slices of bread in the beaten eggs, Nick was cooking it, and Kenny was holding out the plates for the slices then sprinkling them with powdered sugar. They had a fine assembly line going.

  "Awww, Mom, you spoiled it. We was gonna bring you breakfast in bed again," Kenny told her.

  "We really were, Mom. It was a special Christmas present for you," Rachael added.

  Noelle moved to the coffee pot and poured a cup. "Well, it's the thought that counts and this is a wonderful gift. But I'd rather eat down here with all of you this time."

  Nick flipped a slice of toast. "I asked a friend to take my shift. I wanted to be home today and tomorrow." He didn't want to miss one moment of Christmas with Noelle, Rachael, and Kenny, but he didn't add that part. "Don't forget, tonight's the Nativity and play at church. I want to be sure we get there early so we can get seats. Besides, I have a few things I need Rachael and Kenny to help me with, if you can spare them from kitchen detail."

  The morning sped by with laughter, more cooking and cleaning, and even singing Christmas carols along with the radio. Nick borrowed Rachael and Kenny to help him wrap a few presents, and then after lunch, they went to the community center with him to hand out fruit and grocery bags for the needy.

  * * * * *

  The live Nativity to one side of the church brought tears to Noelle's eyes as Nick explained to Rachael and Kenny what the large star, each animal, the three Wise Men, and the gifts they carried meant. Patiently, he explained why Joseph and Mary were in a stable and why Baby Jesus was placed in the manger. Then they went into the large old church to find seats for the play.

  The children sat on Nick's knees, their mouths open in wonder as they watched the colorful, well-staged performance. Noelle tucked her hand under his elbow and scooted close to him too, almost as enthralled as the kids. At the end, the entire audience stood and sang Silent Night and O' Little Town of Bethlehem.

  At the children's insistence, they walked around to say goodbye to the animals and Baby Jesus in the manger before leaving. The wind began to blow and the temperature had fallen while they were inside. Noelle reminded them of hot chocolate and snacks waiting at Nick's, plus the possibility of opening one present each from under the tree, to encourage them to leave and get out of the cold.

  With all the excitement, the clock hands crept toward midnight before Noelle could get the kids into bed. Even then they begged until Nick read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. They both fell asleep in Kenny's bed.

  "Here, let me carry her," Nick whispered to stop Noelle waking Rachael to take her to bed. They peeled off Rachael's robe and bedroom shoes, and tucked her in then headed downstairs.

  Noelle gathered the torn wrapping paper from the gifts each of the kids opened. They'd each chosen to open a gift from Nick, which hadn't surprised her. Kenny was thrilled with his police station building block set and Rachael couldn't believe she'd received a princess dress-up set complete with tiara and plastic high heels.

  Nick brought her a cup of hot chocolate flavored with amaretto and offered her a trash bag. "C'mon, sit with me," he invited, once she'd t
aken care of the mess.

  She slipped off her shoes and joined him on the sofa, leaning back into his encircling arm and stretching her legs out. After a sip of her drink, she told him, "It's so nice to have a few minutes of quiet after a long day. This evening was really special for all of us, Nick. Thank you."

  "You're welcome. It was very special for me too." Nick rubbed his chin over her hair. "Noelle... If you could have anything you wanted for Christmas, what would it be?" he asked after a few minutes.

  She remained quiet for so long, he thought she wouldn't answer him.

  Noelle wiped away a tear and softly told him, "That's not a fair question, you know. Too much has happened... My kids need so much..." Her voice broke as she cried, and she couldn't say anymore.

  He lifted the mug from her hand and placed it with his on the end table. Then Nick tugged her across his chest, so she laid back in his arms, looking up at him. "Would you ask for your husband back; for your old life with him?"

  "Not for myself...no. But my kids need their dad. Or maybe not, the way he was before he died." She pushed up and stood, then crossed her arms defensively across her stomach. "Why are you asking me this? Why did you have to make me cry on Christmas? We can't change the past."

  Nick stood too and reached out to hold her cheeks in his hands. "But we can change the future, sweetheart. I didn't mean to make you cry. But I needed to know—" Nick suddenly stopped talking, let her go, and walked to the Christmas tree.

  Noelle thought he was angry with her. Maybe he'd become tired of her crying all the time. But then, he turned and walked back to her, a smile on his face. "I promised myself I'd give you until Christmas Day, and I made it. It's officially past midnight, which makes it tomorrow." He leaned down and kissed her.

  She pushed him slightly away before he could distract her, and asked, "Nick, what are you babbling about? What did you have to know?"

  "I had to know if you still wanted your husband. I hoped you would tell me you wanted a home, and a man to love, and a father for your children. Then I was going to offer myself, and my home – you know, as a special Christmas gift to make your wishes come true. But instead you cried, and I...sort of...lost my courage."