Marks on My Skin (Love & Ink #1)

by J. A. Howell

  “Yeah.”

  Darren nodded and flagged down the waitress. “A couple beers?”

  She nodded and rushed off. He returned his attention to me.

  “The only reason she told me about her mom was because I met the woman.” I said.

  “Yeah but she didn’t have to tell you the rest.” He thanked the waitress and took a draw from his beer, eyeing me contemplatively. “For some reason, she really trusts you. I mean, it’s crazy because it took her a long time to tell even me all of that. Fuck, Liam doesn’t even know the whole story and they’ve been friends for years now. I’ve seen her hook up with plenty of guys, even try to date a few, but she always keeps them at an arm’s length and she’s never let anyone other than me dominate her. I’m sure it’s a huge turn on for you when she does it, but you realize just how much trust she is placing in your hands when she lets you tie her up and spank her, don’t you?”

  I was at a loss for words and could only nod.

  “Shayne’s been through hell and back. She may pretend like this is something else, but she likes you, Kieran. A lot. It’s part of the reason I wanted to talk to you. I love that girl and I would kill for her, make no mistake.” His eyes burned holes through me but I gulped back my beer, not breaking my gaze from his.

  “I like her too. I don’t want ta hurt her.”

  “And the shit with your wife?”

  “I’m divorcing her. Sent out the papers this morning.”

  “Good. From what I heard, you’re better off. I just wanted to make sure this isn’t some bullshit rebound crap. Shayne deserves more than that.”

  “I know she does.”

  Darren sat back in his chair and his shoulders relaxed. “Good. Now that brings me to the other thing. I can see you would be a good Dom with Shayne, but you really don’t have a clue what you’re doing, do you?”

  “I’ve been reading up on…stuff. I mean, I know…some things.” My voice came out less confident than I would have liked. Darren laughed and took another swig of beer.

  “Look, it’s fine to admit it. Do you think I came into the scene knowing everything I do?”

  This time I laughed. “Well…yeah, actually.”

  Darren snorted. “Well, I didn’t. I used to be big on goth, back when that was a thing. You meet some interesting chicks that way.” A grin crossed his lips, apparently recalling said “interesting chicks” but he waved a hand dismissively, dispelling those thoughts and the curious look I was giving him. “That’s a story for another time. My point is, I had to learn, and so do you.”

  “Alright so…is there some sort of class?” I asked, with more than a hint of sarcasm.

  “Actually I have some beginners’ workshops I run out of The Castle as one of the Dungeon Masters. But I had another idea.”

  “Oh?” I lifted an eyebrow at the odd smile creeping over Darren’s lips.

  “With those classes I go over basic stuff, and for the most part you do have that. There’s a couple safety tips you still need to know. For example, using another safe word when your sub doesn’t want you to stop but needs to say something out of scene…like hey you’re about to slip in lube.”

  I glowered at him. “Uh huh.”

  “Sorry, that’s still funny.” He snorted and scrubbed a hand over his face. “There are other things that I know Shayne in particular has preferences towards. And also a few fantasies she has.”

  I nodded, still wondering where he was going with this.

  “She um…also told me a few things she noticed about you.” Darren’s eyebrow ticked up.

  I leaned forward, rather curious what exactly she had noticed. Darren’s grin widened.

  “You like to watch, don’t you?”

  “What?! Like a feckin’ peeping tom?”

  “Well, yeah except you don’t go peeking into other people’s windows…do you?”

  “No!” I huffed taking a swig of my beer and glaring at him.

  “She told me you get off watching her, or watching the two of you in the mirror when you two are having sex. Is that not true?”

  I shrugged. “No, it is.”

  “So, you’ve got a bit of a voyeur in you. Nothing wrong with that. Most men do. We’re visual creatures. Now Shayne…likes being forced to confess things. I think it’s her way of allowing herself to open up about stuff she would normally not tell anyone. Anyway, she’d told me one time, she thought about being shared.”

  “Shared?”

  “That’s what I just said.” Darren laughed. “I mean…not like what happened to her before. With two men that care about her. Two men that she trusts. So I was thinking, we could do our little lesson with Shayne…and then give her something she’s always wanted to try.”

  I blinked at him, dubious. “You want me to share her with you?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded in a casual manner, as if he’d just suggested going halfsies on lunch—not on Shayne.

  “No! That’s…no.” Heat rose through my face and I chugged the rest of my beer. “Besides, what makes ya think she’d still want that?”

  “Well for starters it didn’t come up until after she met you. Granted I think the interest was always there…she just didn’t have another guy in mind.”

  “Where’s the feckin’ waitress? I need another drink.”

  Darren flagged her down again and I lit a cigarette as I waited for her to return.

  He tilted his head at me as I tried to light the cigarette, then held up his own lighter. “Why does the thought of that bother you? The thought of sharing her.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, walking in on my wife feckin’ five well hung men, maybe?”

  Darren unsuccessfully hid a grin at that.

  “That’s not feckin’ funny, arsehole.”

  “Oh, calm down. What she did and what I’m suggesting are two different things. Your wife excluded you. Not that you’d have given that idea the green light, but she didn’t even bring it up to you. She didn’t give you that option. She didn’t take your feelings into consideration at all. It was all about what she wanted. It wasn’t some fantasy. It was her being a cheating bitch.” He nodded toward my cigarette pack and I held it out to him, letting him grab a smoke before he continued. “It made you feel like you weren’t enough for her…didn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” I admitted, flicking cigarette ash on the sidewalk.

  “Right. And that’s what you believe Shayne thinks now because she has those fantasies, isn’t it?”

  I nodded. Shayne was right. It was hard to get anything past Darren. He knew just how to cut to the core of something. He took a long drag, studying me.

  “Shayne hasn’t come to me to play ever since you two started messing around. Believe me, that speaks volumes. Like I said, I can tell she really likes you. And honestly, if it really weren’t something you were willing to try, Shayne would be fine never indulging. It’s purely a sexual fantasy she’s had. Just like her and I…we really are just friends…but when she’s needed that release, I’ve given it to her. I mean, she’s hooked up with a guy here and there, but usually it isn’t very fulfilling for her. I think, deep down she can’t let go with just anyone. Not the way she does with you or I.”

  I took in a deep inhale and blew the smoke out slowly, considering his words. “I don’t know…”

  “I’ll tell you what. You think it over, weigh your feelings on it. We can chill today and chat some more and I’ll have her meet us at The Castle tonight. If you still don’t want to, we’ll just go through the things I wanted to show you and teach you about…but if you’re willing to try it for her, then we’ll go from there. Personally, I think it’s something you’d enjoy. And if you’re worried about feeling left out or something. I won’t let that happen. Neither will Shayne.”

  “Heard Kieran landed himself in the ER last night.” Liam grunted from the doorway of my room. I looked up, wide-eyed, but from his expression Niall must not have told him just how he’d ended up there. Still it brought back memories f
rom last night and I averted my gaze from Liam.

  “Yeah. He got a concussion, but he’s fine.”

  He let out another grunt and pushed himself off the doorframe.

  “Liam, wait.”

  “I’ve got an appointment comin’ in, Shayne.”

  “I know you’re upset with me, but I’m tired of us ignoring each other. Can we please talk?”

  On top of the mixed feelings I’d had since last night, I didn’t want to have this rift between us. With a sigh he turned back to me with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Fine, talk.”

  “You’re my friend. I’ve missed you and we have this amazing shop together. I’m sorry that things happened with Kieran how they did. I can’t help…that I like him, but that’s how things happened. You can stay mad at me for it, or we can try to get along again, but I’m tired of us ignoring each other.”

  Liam let out a deep sigh, and the scowl he usually wore faded. His dark blue eyes glistened and I realized there were tears brimming in the corners. “I just thought…I always thought there was more between us. That first day I met ya when ya started here, back when James still ran it, do ya remember that?”

  I nodded and swallowed hard.

  “I thought ya were beautiful. I couldn’t concentrate on my work that day. I nearly misspelled someone’s kid’s name on their tattoo and got cursed out by his wife fer it.”

  I smiled, remembering the incident. Everyone in the shop that day heard the man’s wife cursing him out in Spanish. I’d felt bad, so I’d offered to take him out for a beer after work. But still, what did that have to do with Kieran?

  “Then we went ta The MotorHead bar, got drunk off our arses…then went back ta yer place.” He looked up at me, eyes wistful and sad. I did remember that night. We’d been flirting all evening, and at the time, I thought I was attracted to Liam. We’d kissed then, the whole way up to my apartment, tripping and giggling and kissing some more. But we were drunk, and when the clothes started coming off, the sexual chemistry wasn’t there…it wasn’t enough. He wanted slow and gentle, I needed it rough and hard. It had turned into an awkward type of tug of war, with me pushing his hands down to my ass only for him to pull them back up to gently cup my face. Finally, drunk and frustrated I’d yelled for him to take me up against the bookshelf, and in his equally drunk and over-eager state he shoved me into it—toppling me and the whole bookshelf.

  “Yeah, I remember.”

  “I mean… I was drunk and then I accidentally hurt ya and smashed yer bookshelf. I felt like an idjit, but then ya laughed it off and we stayed up talkin’. I thought maybe it was good we didn’t just hook up.”

  “We work together. It was better that we didn’t. You know that.”

  Liam looked down at the floor, tightening his jaw. “I know. I know yer right… It wouldn’t have been good then. But we’ve gotten so close over the years, then ya wanted ta buy the shop with me when James left…I thought maybe then ya’d realize it was right. For us.”

  My eyes widened. I tried to say something, but what could I say to that? He’d been in love with me? I tried to recall a time that he might have attempted to make his feelings known, tried to get closer, but no…he hadn’t. I was sometimes aloof, but no. I would have noticed, wouldn’t I?

  “Liam, you never said anything. You never talked to me about it. How was I supposed to know?”

  “Feck, just nevermind, Shayne. Forget I said anything.” He stalked back to his room, anger taking over once more. I followed after him and grabbed his arm.

  “You can’t tell me all this now and be mad at me because you never told me how you felt. That’s not fair.”

  “Just forget it, Shayne. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No, you should have and that’s the problem. You built up this idea of me and when it didn’t magically come to fruition, you took it out on me and Kieran. I’m sorry. Maybe if you’d spoken up or given me some sign that you had feelings for me things would be different…but this is what they are.”

  “I was too busy watching ya hook up with all those random arseholes! Ya always were goin’ on about how ya don’t do relationships and I respected that. I thought, maybe ya weren’t ready, so I gave ya yer space. Then my brother strolls into town and ya two are spendin’ every wakin’ moment with each other. When exactly did ya want me ta speak up?”

  I loosened my grip on him, taken aback from his furious tone. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

  “And I’m sorry I said anything.” His eyes burned with anger and hurt.

  I tried to say something more, but the bell on the door jingled and a man walked in, nodding at Liam.

  “Now if ya’ll leave me alone about this, my appointment’s here.”

  “Fine. I’ll see you later. I’m going home.”

  “Shayne…”

  “No, you’re right. I should leave you alone. Goodbye.” I was out the back door with my purse before he could stop me. He was right though. We needed space, especially after this new development. On top of all this, thoughts of last night still lingered, adding to the inner turmoil swirling around in my head. I sat in my car, breathing deep, trying to calm my anger with Liam and the unsettling feelings that kept arising every time I thought of Kieran. He’d fallen asleep almost immediately last night. His pain meds had kicked in and I’d laid there studying his face, relaxed with sleep. I’d curled into him, tracing the outline of his nose, his lips, and his jaw. I’d breathed in his masculine woodsy scent and traced my fingers through the light sprinkling of chest hair. I’d felt happy and content lying there with him. At one point, he stirred, turned his head to me, and stared at me through long, dark lashes, blue eyes unfocused in a sleep and painkiller induced haze. I’d smiled at him and he’d smiled back. Heavy limbed and drowsy, he’d reached a hand over and stroked my cheek, then pulled me into his arms before his eyes drifted shut once more. My heart had thumped in my chest and I’d realized at that moment that whether I wanted to or not, I was falling for Kieran. Hard.

  Startled and horrified by this sudden feeling, I’d left at once. There were so many reasons that feeding any sort of emotion like that was a bad idea. Surely it hadn’t meant anything to Kieran and he certainly didn’t remember it in the state he was in. He knew what things were between us and he was okay with that. But then why, every time I thought about him, did that same pang come back? I wasn’t under any disillusion that we had any sort of future together and I didn’t want that. Right?

  Liam hadn’t come out of the shop after me, but I glanced at the back door warily and finally started my car. I pulled out my phone and dialed Darren.

  “What’s up, cutie?”

  “Can I come over? I need to talk?”

  “Talk?” He teased. I let out a sigh.

  “Yes, talk.”

  “No can do. I’m out. Everything okay?”

  Frustrated even more so, I pounded the steering wheel with my fist. “Fucking Liam!”

  He lowered his voice, confused. “Wait…you’re fucking Liam?”

  “What? No! I tried to talk to him about things with Kieran and he told me he was in love with me.”

  “Oh….Ohhhh.”

  “Yeah. It was a mess. I just left the shop.” I wanted to tell him about Kieran, about my panicked departure last night, but I couldn’t say it. I wouldn’t. I was just being stupid. I’d been worried when he’d hurt himself. Maybe those were just feelings of relief that he was okay…not anything else.

  Darren cleared his throat, pulling my attention back to him.

  “Tell you what. Go home, fix yourself some tea or a drink. Something to calm your nerves. Then draw a nice warm bath, listen to some music, and put on some of your favorite lotion. Then, around six, slip on something hot, get yourself all sex-kittened up and meet me at The Castle.”

  “I don’t know. Not really in the mood for any of that tonight.”

  For once, I really wasn’t. That was even more alarming.

  Darre
n let out a soft laugh. “No? Kieran will be disappointed.”

  I swerved and a horn blared behind me as I came back in my lane. “Kieran? Wait, he’s going?”

  “Please don’t get in an accident, Shayne. And yes, he’ll be there. We’ve been doing a bit of male bonding today.”

  “Oh?” I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

  “Mmmhmm. So you’ll be there?”

  I couldn’t very well say no. Curiosity alone wouldn’t let me. I’d known they were meeting for lunch, but had they really been spending the day together? And what exactly were they planning, the two of them together? Despite my mixed emotions, I sighed in resignation.

  “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  Double Up

  I followed Darren into The Castle and my heart thumped in rhythm to the beat of the industrial music blaring from the speakers. He led me through a large main room where several stations were set up. Couples played under the glow of multi-colored lights. I watched them, entranced, anxious to see Shayne, and unsure of what would happen tonight.

  “Up this way. There’s a private room toward the back.” Darren called to me. I followed him up the stairs.

  “Are we even allowed to do that here?” I asked. I hadn’t noticed anyone else having sex like at his little private soirée.

  “Not down there, no. They have some designated areas, but you have to okay it with the Dungeon Master first.”

  “Let me guess…”

  “It’s okay with me if it’s okay with you.” He grinned.

  “And Shayne too, ya mean.”

  Darren’s eyebrow lifted in question and he pushed a crimson door open. It was a smaller room with several stations set up like downstairs. A spanking horse, a St. Andrew’s cross for whipping and flogging, and what looked to be an engine lift in the middle of the room.

  “What’s that fer?” I asked, eyeing the lift with a suspicious look.

  He laughed and tugged on one of the chains. “For later.”

  I let out a grunt and turned my attention to the other side of the room. “What’s in there?” I nodded toward an open door to what looked to be a sort of workroom.