Tell the Truth & Shame the Devil

by Lezley McSpadden

  I had to make him understand so he didn’t do like I had done for so many years of my life. I had been blaming other people for what I needed to be doing.

  “Look, Mike Mike, just like you write your rhymes, you can write these essays. I’m bein’ hard on you now because you gotta do this work to get where you need to go. I want you to be better than me, and to do more than me and yo’ daddy. I might not have finished high school myself, but you my firstborn, and I know you can do what I didn’t.” Mike Mike was quiet. He was a boy growing up, and it was hard getting him to listen sometimes, but I know he heard me loud and clear that night.

  I pulled to a stop in front of Mrs. Brown’s house and turned to him. “Mike Mike, you have to do what you’re supposed to do, not what you want to do and say that’s good enough you’ve done it. You are not an adult, and you’re not a boss. You gonna have to take orders from somebody. People are always gonna be tellin’ you or askin’ you things until you learn how to do those things and you become a boss of your own. So get your shit together so you can be on the tellin’-and-askin’ end instead of the other way around.”

  He kissed me good-bye, gave me a hug, and got out the car.

  It was a hard period, but we made it through the first semester, and 2014 was starting. I just had to keep pushing him. Mike Mike and me went back and forth so much I wanted to scream, but just when I was feeling like there was nothing else to do, something clicked. I finally broke through to him and he started working harder. Normandy High School got him linked up with the PAL Center. It was a special program that would help him get his diploma that was set up within the school. PAL stood for Positive Alternative to Learning. I felt like everyone was rooting for my baby. I thought about that African Proverb: It takes a village to raise a child. That always meant so much to me when Mike Mike was born, because my family and the Brown’s helped me so much because I was so young when I had him. But now it had new meaning. Mike Mike’s village had opened up to the staff and administrators at the school, too. I had all the support I needed.

  Years back, when Mike Mike was evaluated by the school as having ADHD, I said that my son just learned differently. He had a visual and creative mind. So when I sat down with the administration and they created an Individualized Education Program, or IEP, for Mike Mike. It was set up to spell out his learning needs, and what the school would provide to help him and how his progress would be tracked. So to come this far after he had overcome so many obstacles, I knew we was going to be alright

  He was so determined to finish school that he went to both sessions of special classes, from 8:00 to 11:00 a.m., and then again from 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.

  “I’mma get this done, Mama!” he promised.

  I knew he wanted it not just for me but for himself.

  Slowly but surely things were getting on track, but I was still holding on to my fear that he wouldn’t get all the schoolwork done, so I took him to Job Corps so I could show him options for life after high school.

  When we arrived, we were greeted by an instructor who was our tour guide for the afternoon. He was a middle-aged, balding black man who looked tired and worn-out, like he didn’t want to be there. Even the suit he was wearing slouched.

  Mike Mike had a cautious look on his face as we passed other young guys his age who didn’t seem like they was doing much more than chilling up in there. Nobody seemed too motivated. We were trailing behind the instructor, so I asked him what was wrong.

  “Mama, this place got a lotta rules. It’s like a bootcamp. I ain’t feelin’ livin’ up in here either.”

  “Look Mike Mike you ain’t gotta do nothin’ that don’t feel right. You haven’t gotten put outta school. You ain’t twenty-five with a record. You aren’t out of options. You got choices.”

  Mike Mike was quiet for the rest of the tour, and by the time we heard one of the last student’s testimonials, he pulled me to the side again, “Mama, I realize I don’t wanna just go to Job Corps. I’d rather work hard at school and get my diploma.”

  At that moment I saw a fire in his eye.

  “Mike Mike, I’m proud of you for saying that, ’cause here, sure you can take up a trade, but with a high school diploma you can go anywhere, even to college.”

  On the ride back home, I was filled with emotion. Mike Mike still had a long way to go to get that paper, but I knew he was going to do it. My baby had patience, resilience, and determination.

  • • • •

  It was a big month of joy. Mike Mike’s birthday was coming and we were getting closer to him getting his diploma, too. I thought I was excited, but Louis was just as hyped pressing me to find out what Mike Mike wanted to do for the big one-eight.

  Lately, we were stronger than ever. It had been almost four years. I always said I wanted a man who was my equal and I had finally found that in Louis. When Louis and me first started dating, it was just a few weeks in when he turned to me with a playful, boyish grin, and said, “You know if we still together three years from now, we gonna get married.”

  I didn’t think anything about what Louis was saying. I never thought seriously about marriage. But now my kids were getting older, and life was good. I was ready to make him make good on his promise. I was dressed and waiting in the living room for him to get home from work. Louis walked in with his work clothes on and I decided to call his bluff right there on the spot.

  “So are we gonna get married today?” I said smacking my lips.

  “Yeah, you ready?” he said, taking my challenge.

  “Okay but I ain’t waiting for you to get changed and dressed.”

  “So I’m rollin’ like this?” He flashed me that same boyish grin from years ago.

  Next thing I know we were standing in front of the judge at the county city hall. We didn’t have rings or anything, but Louis professed his love and we made it official. We didn’t even have a photographer. An Asian couple who had just gotten married videotaped us and we took a selfie. It wasn’t the way I used to dream about, with the big fancy dress, bridesmaids, flower girls, and a big old diamond ring, but it was real. I had a man who wanted me just as I was. This was real love, and I didn’t have to search, or wonder any more. It was official and we may have done it a little backwards for some people, but it was just right for me. We were excited to start planning for the big wedding and were going to have all the kids in it.

  • • • •

  May 20, 2014, was Mike Mike’s eighteenth birthday. Every birthday was a big birthday, but as I started having more kids, we started picking out special ages to do parties.

  Mike Mike and Déja both being teenagers was definitely breaking the bank, but you only get these times once. I wanted to make sure I could make as many of their birthdays as memorable as I could.

  For Déja’s fifteenth we surprised her. Brittanie drove Moo Moo, Jazzy, and her kids to pick up Déja. I was already at Skate King skating rink with Mike Mike, their cousins, and a few of Déja’s friends. Each person was standing on the corner with a sign that had a letter on it. Together they spelled out HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DÉJA. Mike Mike was standing next to his cousin Li’l Don. The two of them was straight clowning, dancing, and being goofy as Brittanie pulled up with Déja.

  Déja was all smiles. She was especially happy that her big brother was there. Mike Mike was known not to skate, but me and Brittanie were determined to get him out there today.

  “C’mon, Mike Mike, get out here with us!”

  “No, I ain’t skatin’!”

  But I’m the mama, and mamas always win. I convinced him to put on some skates. He was about seven feet on them, and his tall butt couldn’t stand up on them for nothing. Mike Mike’s knees were wobbling, and we hadn’t even made it to the rink floor yet. Brittanie had Mike Mike on one side, and I had him on the other.

  “Okay, Mike Mike, we gonna lift you up. Put your foot forward on the break,” I said.

  “One, two, three!” Brittanie counted.

  We tried to pull him up
, but Mike Mike was too busy trying to hold his pants up. His feet were just slipping and sliding, moving back and forth in the skates. We was trying not to laugh, but it was hard, and the more we snickered, the madder he got.

  Déja was coasting along with her friends, moving along to the music.

  “Man, naw, I ain’t finna do this!” he said with a frown.

  He had finally gotten up but was leaning on the wall.

  “Mike Mike, c’mon, lean your foot forward” I said, trying to control my urge to laugh.

  “C’mon, one, two, three!” Brittanie cheered.

  Then, just like a cartoon, his legs got to moving like scissors and that boy landed flat on his butt.

  “Ouch! Boy, you done hit my toe!” I shouted.

  “I ain’t gettin’ up! Take these skates off me. I cain’t pull my pants up!”

  “Mike Mike, how you gonna pull your pants up and you cain’t stand up on your feet?” Brittanie teased.

  But Mike Mike wasn’t playing anymore. Brittanie took one foot, I took the other, and we got those skates off him as fast as we could, but we fell out laughing while we did it, because here he was bigger and taller than us and pouting like he was five.

  “I told y’all I don’t skate, uh-uh!” Mike Mike said, standing up. He quickly pulled his pants up and was back to being cool again.

  For his eighteenth birthday, Mike Mike didn’t have to worry about roller skates, just having a good time Mike Mike style. He had gone from kiddie parties with cake and ice cream and party hats to deciding that for his menu for his sixteenth birthday on out, he wanted me to serve his favorite food: grilled barbecue chicken breast. Having family around was a must too.

  Mike Mike sat down in Louis’s makeshift barber chair, a stool he put in the middle of the kitchen floor. Mike Mike’s teen years brought a lot of phases with his hair. One minute he wanted to grow an Afro, the next he wanted a low fade, then he’d go back to a longer ’fro style, but never braids. He always joked about how curly and shiny Louis’s hair was and called him Ginuwine, after the R&B singer. Today, Mike Mike was going for a mohawk.

  “Hey, Ginuwine!” he joked. “Can you hook me up?”

  “I got you, Mike Mike.” Louis laughed, shaking a plastic barber cape out, then snapping it around Mike Mike’s neck. Louis turned on the clippers, and Mike Mike lowered his head for Louis to go to work.

  “You good, Mike Mike? ’Cause today’s a big day. Eighteen, man,” Louis said, guiding the clippers over Mike Mike’s head.

  “Yeah, I’m cool. I’m tryin’ to figure some things out too,” Mike Mike replied.

  “Well, you know it’s all about makin’ the right choices. Everything you do from here on out is a life choice. No more go to the principal office if somethin’ go wrong,” Louis said, turning the clippers off.

  “I know. I’mma have more responsibilities when I get outta school,” Mike Mike said, looking at him.

  “That’s why you gotta be prepared out here, especially as a black man. I’m proud of you for not ever gettin’ in no gang or even havin’ a baby young,” Louis said.

  “Naw, Louis, I wanna be ready for havin’ kids and stuff. Let me ask you this, Louis. How long would it take for me to go to school to be a computer programmer? I’m thinkin’ ’bout doin’ somethin’ like that.”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe a year or two. They gotta lotta programs out here,” Louis said, stepping back to check out his work.

  “Yeah, I’m thinking about that place Vatterott.”

  Then he proceeded to hit Louis with a flurry of questions, from “How long was it for you to get your barber license?” to “How much money can you make doin’ that?”

  When Louis finished, Mike Mike checked the cut out and gave a nod of approval.

  “Stay focused, Mike Mike.”

  “I’m listenin’, Louis. That’s what I’m tryin’ to do.”

  “And this gonna be your summer to just expand your mind, feel me?”

  “That’s whassup,” Mike Mike said, standing up, giving Louis a pound.

  Mike Mike turned to walk out the kitchen, but Louis stopped him.

  “Listen, one more thing, Mike Mike,” Louis said, clearing his throat. “Even though I’m with your mother now, you still the man of the house. I’m gonna always be here for you even when you think I’m not.” Mike Mike and Louis hugged each other. Louis was just a friend like that to Mike Mike. He never tried to be his daddy. Seeing them together made me feel like I had done something right.

  The birthday barbecue was in full swing in my mama’s backyard. I had granted Mike Mike’s wish for tonight’s party to just be about him and the fellas. I put some ice on the sodas and beers that was in the cooler on the patio and made my way back in the house, because no females were invited tonight, especially his mama.

  He might’ve been trying to do some things like get a little drink like teenagers be sneaking. I wasn’t tripping like I did when he was seventeen. I knew he was protected with Louis and Bernard being there. Plus, he was right at my mama’s house if he did get a little tipsy. I was loosening up, because he was eighteen, he was responsible, and I trusted him. We had made it through the storms of life and we were here, baby. Eighteen! Louis was on the grill, and Mike Mike, Bernard, his cousin Maurice, Mike Mike’s friend Anthony, Louis’s son, Li’l Louis, and Louis’s homeboy, Shannon, and my half-brother, Leslie, were all sitting around the table.

  I spent the party in and out of the house refreshing the cooler with ice, picking up plates and trash, and putting out new food and more chicken.

  I finally decided to take a breather. I stood at the patio door taking it all in. I couldn’t believe Mike Mike was eighteen. He still had some maturing and growing to do, but he was on his way. I looked over at Louis, and smiled to myself. I was so happy that Mike Mike and Louis had connected and was cool from the jump. Also, I had to pinch myself sometimes that I didn’t have a bunch of drama in my life, even with a man around. We had our ups and downs like most couples, but Louis wasn’t abusive. To him, a real man didn’t put their hands on a woman. Plus, me and this man could cook in the same space. We just had good chemistry like that. We both enjoyed cooking and making sure people enjoyed themselves when they were eating. The kitchen was normally my territory, where I found peace, but I didn’t mind letting Louis invade every now and then. I guess this was proof enough that God had a plan when we got together. I giggled to myself and even felt myself blushing a little bit. It’s funny, I guess you never know how love is going to come to you when it finally does.

  Just as the night was ending, I heard some thunder in the sky. Mike Mike was making his way back inside with a stack of paper plates.

  “Mama, move wit yo’ short self, shorty! You just so little, that’s why don’t nobody believe you my mama! Move, get outta my way,” he teased, sliding me out the way when the rain started coming down.

  “You had a good time, Mike Mike?”

  “Most definitely, Mama!” he said, bending down to kiss me on the cheek.

  “After you graduate, I want you to enjoy your summer of freedom, ’cause you earned it,” I said, handing him a card and some money.

  “Thanks, Mama.”

  He kissed me again.

  “Me and Maurice gonna go downstairs and hit the studio. I made some new beats!” Mike Mike smiled and looked back at me one last time before disappearing into the basement, where he’d set up a makeshift studio in Mama’s laundry room.

  I finished cleaning up and headed downstairs to say good-bye to Mike Mike. The beat coming from his computer had me bopping my head. I crept down the steps. Mike Mike had his computer on Mama’s dryer and was punching buttons on the keyboard like he was in a state-of-the-art studio. Maurice was across from him in his headphones, silently practicing a rhyme from a notepad.

  Mike Mike suddenly broke out, spitting a rhyme. I looked at my baby and I could see all his passion and promise. These eighteen years had been hard, but he’d come through; we’d come through
. He was gonna be fine.

  • • • •

  While I was working at the counter, I got a call from Miss White. A little part of me always started sweating when her number popped up on my phone, but this morning she was calling to say Mike Mike was graduating with the alternative graduates in the summer class. When I hung up I was shaking all over. Tears began to fall from my eyes. I got chills up my spine and stood up and shouted, “Thank you, God!”

  I turned down Mrs. Brown’s street and started honking my horn like crazy when I spotted Mike Mike up ahead. I had held the news in all day. I jumped out of the car and ran to him.

  He knew that I knew the good news and let loose the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face.

  “Mike Mike, you did it!” I said throwing my arms around him.

  I wanted to pick him up and spin him around, but my baby was too big. Instead he swung me around.

  “I’m really gonna graduate.” In one way, he was saying it like he almost didn’t believe it. At the same time, there was a confidence that I saw in his eye that I hadn’t seen before.

  “Everything’s gonna be good now. We been through a lot, but you over this hump and you gonna be able to graduate and make a good life for yourself.”

  We stood on her porch and hugged for a long time.

  • • • •

  It was a month before the actual completion of the program, and I walked around with a smile on my face every day. Nothing was going to bring me down, and I had become a regular crybaby. I even cried tears of joy when I ordered him a cap and gown, and the school took pictures. I was at work floating on cloud nine, showing his picture to any of my coworkers who would listen.

  “Yeah, Miss B,” I said to one of my older coworkers. “The proof is in the picture!” I bragged.

  The week the program ended for Mike Mike, my cell rang. The screen read MS. WHITE. I quickly answered.

  “We are going to have a small ceremony today. I really want to give you the diploma,” she said.

  “No, no, he earned it. I have to work. I cain’t get off till 2:30, but he’ll be there!”