by Unknown
My mind wondered back to Justin. I find it difficult not to think about him. I've been fooling myself, trying to keep my distance, and now that I see him struggling to change, to make an effort, it's getting harder to do. I had feelings for him almost immediately, and those feelings had already grown into something stronger than I'd ever had with Steve—with anyone!
Who was I really fooling by denying this?
Steve takes a swig of his coffee. "Listen, once I had some clarity, and I was starting to understand your need to get away, I thought I would come here and see how you were doing. And, if it wasn't going well, maybe you would be interested in a Plan B."
"Plan B?" I asked.
"Yeah, if the job wasn't there, and money was getting low, but you still had your dream, I thought maybe we could do it together. Hit the road and see where is it takes us. I know it's not what you wanted, but I thought if that wasn't working—why not do something else?"
I knew this was going to get uncomfortable at some point, knew it the moment my phone rang and I saw his number.
"But," he said as he shoved a corner of toast covered with egg into his mouth, making me wait to hear what he had to say next. "That seems silly, since this is working for you, right?"
Was he really going to put us through this again?
"It's not silly, Steve. Don't call it that, I wouldn't. But I am happy here, it's working out for me," I told him.
"I know I'm making you nervous, Charity, but believe me you don't need to be. Whatever you have to say, you say, I can handle it. I love you, Charity, but I've come to terms with knowing that you don't feel the same. I just couldn't go on in my own direction with a "what if" digging at my heart," Steve said.
I continued nervously, "What is it that you want to know from me?"
"I'm starting over, just like you. Is there any chance you will come with me?" he asked.
Thank God I'd chosen a public place for this, I couldn't imagine being alone with him right now. This was not going to go well. It was a freaking disaster the last time.
"Please understand," he said, "I'm hopeful for a yes, but prepared for a no."
I braced myself. "It's still a no, Steve. I'm really happy here, with how things are now."
Get ready for the battle!
"Okay. Thank you for being honest and not dancing around it," he said.
What the fuck?
I watched, stunned, as he scooped more egg onto his toast and took a bite. He noticed I was frozen.
"Look," he said, smiling and chewing at the same time, "relax and eat. I'm fine—we're fine. Eat, their food is great and the coffee is delicious, don't let it get cold."
"I-I'm sorry," I said, stumbling over my words.
Steve laughed. "Don't apologize, you've done nothing wrong. I do love you deeply, but I can't keep what's not mine. And I'm excited, too." He swept his light blonde hair out of his pretty, blue eyes. "I can go now knowing I tried, that I did everything I could. If I didn't do that, it would have haunted me. I could see me drinking myself into liver failure if I left that hanging out there."
I could see that too.
"If this is all true, Steve, then I'm very happy for you. Maybe this is exactly what you needed to do for yourself," I told him honestly.
We were actually able to finish and enjoy breakfast together. Melissa texted me in the middle of it, looking to see how it was going and if I was okay. When I told her, she was just as shocked as I'd been. She'd already contacted his parents and his mother was in very relieved tears. I demanded he get, and stay, in contact with her. She didn't deserve the stress he was putting her through.
I walked out with Steve to say goodbye. The sun took the chill of the air conditioner out of my bare flesh.
"So, when will you be hitting the road?" I asked.
"Not sure, to be honest. Part of me wants to head right out now and get started, but I'm thinking this might be my last time up this far North. Maybe I should actually see the city, Freedom Tower, Top of the Rock. I've only seen them on TV until now," he said.
"Yeah," I agreed, "you should probably take a day and see it. This city is amazing."
Steve leaned in for a hug, nothing more, nothing to make me uncomfortable. "If you're up to it, keep in touch. I'd like to know you're safe and doing okay," he said.
I feel like such a jerk for the things I'd thought and not giving him credit. He's come a long way in really a short time. I promised to keep in touch as he asked, and then I watched him grab a taxi and disappear.
CHAPTER V
It turned out to be a busy Monday. Most of the executives, John included, were traveling, meeting up with JP for a big closing. Naturally, I was jealous that I wasn't getting to see him, but there was not a lot of time to dwell on that. All of the assistants we're frantically preparing last minute arrangements. Schedules are being set and changed every hour, reservations made and broken, verbal and visual edits on the presentations. Lena was even involved, stepping in for JP.
I suggested we pull together in the same location for the afternoon, that it would be easier for us to all hear the changes coming in at the same time. Lena set us up in a conference room, and we ran much smoother for the rest of the day.
We begin trickling out after seven. I text Trisha to see how the grill was, if they were busy. They were swamped. Trisha warned me not to bother and we made plans to get together tomorrow. When you're tired and hungry, what do you do in the city? Same thing is any place else—Chinese.
I ate while lying on my couch watching reruns on TNT. Yay me. The boredom of the evening was kicking in when my phone chimed for a message. It was an email to text from JP. I didn't know he had my phone number, but I wasn't surprised. If he didn't get it from my paperwork, or Lena, I'm sure he has enough connections and power to get it ten other ways.
"You have a delivery at your building's reception desk. It will be better if you wait to open it until you’re back upstairs. C U soon."
Okay, totally intrigued.
I slip my shoes back on and make sure I have my key as I head through my door for the elevator. A smile has already settled into my lips before I reached the desk, passing by a few groups of people that I assumed were some of my neighbors. He sees me coming to the desk, and I watch him bend under the counter top and return with a box.
"Miss Powers, how are you? Here’s your package," he said. His name tag says his name is William. There is a hint of South African in his accent.
"Thank you, William," I replied. "Anything I need to sign?"
"Yes ma'am, right here," he said, sliding a clipboard toward me.
I signed and thanked him, heading back to the elevators. It was hard not to open it, but I was sure, knowing JP, that it was something best not seen on the security camera.
The moment I was in my apartment I was tearing at the package, ripping at the glued flaps. I found a note from JP right on top.
"After the day we had, I'm sure you can use these. Apply liberally and turn on your laptop."
Apply liberally? What the hell?
I tossed out the packing paper and let out a laugh. There was a vibrator inside, and something called Zestra. I read the label and it was exactly what I thought, a clitoral stimulator cream. "Apply liberally" suddenly made perfect since.
There is no chance that I’m going to pass this up. I went into my bedroom with my laptop and the box, and stripped down. While my laptop booted up, I lie back on my bed, my knees up and spread, and rubbed the cream on my clit.
Nothing happened at first, other than it feeling nice having my fingers rubbing myself. Windows loaded on the screen and I signed in just as the tingle started. Moments later my clit is throbbing and demanding attention. It was incredible. JP had the vibrator’s batteries all ready to go, so I powered it on to high and slid its pink plastic body between my the folds of my girl parts.
The chat opened and my web cam started. I am already moaning, the Zestra in full swing under the finger-like toy buzzing me to climax. T
here was a yellow "JP" blinking for me.
"I always think I remember how sexy u r, until I c u again," he sent. "U don't have 2 type anything, just nod if the Zestra is working for u."
I nodded and moaned again. This was not going to take very long at all. I moved the vibrator up and down my clit with both hands and pumped my hips against it.
"Good," he typed. "Just read. I know what u like, I'll take care of you."
I took one hand off the toy and gently pinched one of my nipples, rubbing its tip with my index finger.
"I don't have anything on and I'm lying on the bed. I was almost hard just waiting for u, and when u came online and I saw u, I was instantly rock hard. I'm running my fingers over it wishing it was u touching me. The light touch makes it jump," he sent.
I'm picturing exactly what he's typing and I want to scream. I jerk myself off even faster with the vibrator, feeling my thighs quiver.
"I can't take the light tickling anymore," he sent, "so I grabbed my cock tightly in my hand, squeezing it to counter the pressure of the swelling. I thumb its head and it makes all the muscles in my groin contract. I gave it another squeeze and start stroking it up and down, its tip barely appearing out of my fist before I pull it back in."
I'm moaning loudly now. My clit is still tingling and pulsing from the cream, making me acutely aware of every touch and sensation. I think of the vibrator as his cock, separating my lips and riding the slit to my hard nub. I can no longer keep my legs under control.
"The heat of my hand feels good on my hardness, but I wish it was ur hand, or ur mouth. I will cum soon, just watching u is 2 much. I move my hand faster, sliding over the tight skin as I fantasize about what u feel like, taste like," he sent. "I want ur legs wrapped around my head, feel ur hot thighs on my face."
I have to put both hands back on the vibrator to hold it where I need it. My face is stretched into extreme pleasure, and I focus on the camera so he will know I'm cumming.
"OMG, I can't watch u cum without climaxing. U r so gorgeous. I'm cumming, I can't wait," he sent.
And so was I. I'm not sure I've ever cum this fast in my life, but the cream made me so sensitive that every vibration was explosive. I feel warmth spread out through my body. The throbbing in my clit takes over, controlling the pace of my heart. My chest heaves under the convulsions until it slowly subsides.
When I gain control over myself again, I sit up and type to him, "Holy shit—I luv this stuff! Zestra just became my best friend!"
"Lol. Well, after the day we all had, I thought u'd appreciate it," he replied.
I smiled at the camera. "I did. And I think u benefited a little bit from it 2."
"I certainly did," he sent.
"R u all set for the group breakfast in the morning?" I asked.
"Of course, thanks to u guys," he replied. "By the way, I heard how u got this organized—nice work!"
"It was just a little suggestion, nothing impressive," I sent, hiding that I was proud of myself.
"Fuck that," he typed, "you saved hours and headaches.”
"Thank u," I sent, seeing it was pointless to argue.
He paused for a bit.
"I'm not going to get home for a bit after this deal. And when I do, I'm still hoping I can c u outside of the office first?" he asked.
There is a sudden and very much unexpected wave of gilt. I immediately think of Justin. I didn't owe Justin anything yet, but maybe I owed myself something. The feelings I am juggling, they aren't going to stay down forever. Sooner or later, someone was going to be let down, and since they were both great guys, it was going to hurt me no matter how it went.
"I'll believe it when I c it," I replied, blowing off his actual question.
My phone chimed as it sat near me on my nightstand. I reached over and felt my stomach drop. It was a text from Justin—as if on cue. "I'm thinking about u," it said.
Something was evident on my face, because JP was asking if I was alright. I nodded at the camera and then typed, "Yeah. Someone I'm close to needs me right now. Will I hear from u tomorrow?"
"Absolutely," he sent. "I'll check in. Have a good night."
I watched the webcam light go out, and then I shut down the laptop. I reread Justin's text, wondering how to respond. Maybe he needed more than texting.
"U should call me if u want," I sent. I thought that was welcoming without being needy or pushy, and now I wait to see what he will do.
After a couple minutes ticked off, I had a picture of him sitting there, phone in hand after reading my response, debating with himself to call or not. He would want to, but he would be nervous and untrusting of himself. If he did call, then he was finally giving in to his heart over his mind.
Nothing happened.
I tossed it to my bed where it disappeared into the folds of my comforter. Maybe he was never going to get out of his own way. And now, despite all the warnings Trisha had given me about falling for him, I had let it happen anyway, and it was going to be hard.
My phone started ringing.
I dug for it and found it, half expecting it to be someone else, but it was Justin.
"Well hello, Handsome," I answered.
"How's my warrior?" he said, making me smile.
I love hearing him call me that. It sounds more genuine and thoughtful than the standard pet names. Sometimes, like now, it actually makes me feel like a warrior.
I breathed deeply into the phone, "Better now." I can picture him smiling.
"I was missing you," he confessed easily. "I'm glad you said I could call. I was worrying that you were getting tired of me."
"Not at all," I said reassuringly.
I heard him laugh lightly. "You don't have to pretend, Charity. I'm having a hard time on the days we don't speak—and it's my fault, I can imagine how odd it is for you, when you don't even understand why."
"You have your reasons," I said. "I figured you'd tell me when you were ready. Until then, I'm here."
"It doesn't have anything to do with you, it's things from my past," he said quickly, as if I might hang up on him. "It has to deal with my childhood, my parents," he started. "And I think it's time I explained it."
There was a lump in my throat that was either my heart or my stomach. This was huge. I let him tell me all of it even though it was the same story, for the most part, that Lena had already told me. This time, in Justin's words, it was much more emotional. I was in tears when he talked about finding his father's body.
"I still don't know where my mother is, and it's better, safer, for all of us that way. I can't bring myself to care enough about her to hear her side. She took my father away from me," Justin said.
I know he can hear me crying, so I don't bother trying to hide it. "Justin, I'm so sorry for you, and I'm grateful that you told me."
"I wanted you to know," he said. "I don't want you to think that I'm just a jerk when I'm struggling with things. My father, he loved my mother, he loved her more than life, and that's what it took away from him. Love stole his life. The best way I knew to deal with what happened was to protect myself from ever letting that happen to me."
"I get it," I said.
"All this time I've been convinced loving someone, having any feelings, was the end. I believed my father figured this out himself when my mother left that second time, and what he did was quit the only way he could. He quit on her, he quit on love. And I did what I thought was the same thing, I quit on love before ever letting it happen," he said.
He paused for a moment, preparing himself.
"Lately my head has been a mess," he started again. "You're all I think about, and the more I try not to, the more I do. I've never felt something so powerful. It would be easy to blame it on you, but that wouldn't be fair, or accurate. The solution might be to get away from you, but there’s a problem with that—I don't want to! The only time my head is not a mess is when I'm with you. The only time I am clear is when we're close. When I try to stay away, I fall apart."
; My tears haven't had a chance to stop. They are falling onto my still bare chest and running away.
"Lena called me and said something to me today that really affected me, changed the way I've been thinking for years."
Justin's voice is quivering. Whatever it is he is about to reveal, it is life altering for him. It may even be life altering for both of us.
"She asked me, what if my father hadn't quit on love at all. What if, even at the end, his love for my mother was as strong as it ever was, and it was the fear of losing that love that made him do what he did? What if he believed life without love was not with living?" he asked.
I could hear the realization in his voice still occurring. "Charity, if that's the case, I've been doing my father wrong."
"I don't want you to think I'm trying to influence you, Justin, but that does make sense, and it's a hell of a lot more understandable. If he just wanted to quit on love, he would have done that, carved it out of his life just like you did. Any man as romantic as your father sounds, it's just in them, and they don't quit on it because that would be quitting on themselves," I said.
He was silent, and I was afraid I had upset him. "If I've overstepped and upset you, I'm sorry," I said.
"No, not at all," he replied. "I think you're right, and I'm upset at myself. You and Lena seem to know my father better than I did."
"That's not it! You knew him best—but you were also hurt the most by his loss. Pain like that will cloud anyone, and it's easy to stand on the outside and look in like the rest of us. You did what you needed to do to survive, Justin, you don't regret that, not ever. I'm proud of you, proud of your strength, then and now," I said sternly, believing and meaning every word.
"What about you, Warrior? Do you believe in love like that?" he asked.
"Yes!" I said unfalteringly. "I believe people, when they fall in love at the same time, are unstoppable."
"And it's worth it, the pain that can come with it?" His voice is eager.
