Space Team: The Wrath of Vajazzle

by Barry J. Hutchison

  In the north, the winter lasted for most of the year, while the area around the equator would often get so hot in the summer the trees would catch fire, the roads would melt, and some of the more liberal Greyx would shave themselves bald.

  But while it wasn’t the largest or nicest of the Greyx-run planets, it was the first, and sometimes that’s important.

  For the Greyx, Greyx Prime was where it all started. They all knew the history, from the vague stuff about bacteria and swamps, to the more recent stuff about the warring factions and their unification under the leadership of Rhaxus.

  The Greyx living on other worlds might have better infrastructure, less lethal weather and fewer opportunities to be devoured from within by a ravenous invertebrate, but they didn’t have history like they did on Greyx Prime.

  All the Greyx kings had been crowned on Greyx Prime, from Rhaxus to Graxan. It had been several decades since the last coronation, which was why a few hundred thousand Greyx had flooded the streets of Greyx Prime’s greatest city (which was also, thanks to a quite startling lack of imagination by all concerned, called Greyx) hoping to catch a glimpse of the crowning ceremony.

  High above the city, the Shatner drifted along behind a bank of grey cloud, its scanners – or sensors, depending on your naming preference – working overtime.

  “So,” said Cal. “What we got?”

  “We got a whole lot of people, that’s what,” Mech replied, reading the lines of data that swooshed up the screen like movie credits on fast-forward. “I got no idea how we’re supposed to find Miz in all this.”

  “What about Kannus? Have you found him?”

  “Yeah, he’s easy,” said Loren. She tapped a few buttons and the image on screen magnified to show a bird’s eye view of a large building with an ornate roof. The image shimmered for a moment, then the heat imprint of several figures appeared inside the building.

  “That’s him in the middle,” said Loren. “Those other six around him are guards. We don’t know who the other one is standing off to the side, but whenever Kannus and his guards move, it moves, too.”

  “Miz?” Mech guessed.

  “Is she trying to tear his throat out?” asked Cal.

  Loren shook her head. “No.”

  “Then it’s not Miz.”

  Cal leaned forward in his chair and studied the screen. “He’d have to hide her, or she’d tell everyone what really happened.” He gnawed on his lip. “But where?”

  “Walk it through,” Mech suggested. “He gets her on his ship. Before the guards wake up or after?”

  “Before,” said Loren. “Even if his own guys were loyal to him, Graxan’s wouldn’t be.”

  “OK, then. So he stows her on the ship somewhere no-one’s going to find her, then he flies here, sends the guards away and takes her… where?”

  All three of them studied the screen. “We don’t know enough about this place. About Kannus,” Loren said. “There’s no saying where he might have taken her.”

  Cal sat up straight. “Unless…”

  “He didn’t take her anywhere,” said Mech.

  “On it,” said Loren, her fingers flying across her controls. “Where is it…? Where is it…? Got it!”

  The image changed to show an overhead view of Kannus’s lop-sided ship. The screen shimmered again for a moment, then a single heat signature flickered into life inside the back of the craft.

  “Alright!” cheered Cal.

  “So what’s the plan? We just swoop down there and get her?” said Mech. “Everyone’s gonna be busy with the coronation thing.”

  “The coronation,” said Cal, below his breath. He rubbed his tongue against the front of his teeth. “So Kannus hasn’t been crowned yet?”

  Loren shook her head. “No, the ceremony doesn’t start for a few minutes. Why?”

  “Does anyone else really not want that guy to be king?”

  “You can say that again,” said Mech.

  Loren turned in her chair. “Do you have a plan?”

  “Plan is a strong word for it,” Cal admitted. “It’s more… an idea.” He shook his head. “No, it’s not really an idea, either. A notion, maybe? Ah, let’s just call it an itch.” Cal sat back in his chair. For once, there wasn’t even a hint of a grin on his face. “And I’ve got a real urge to go scratch it.”

  “So we go kick his ass, then get Miz,” said Mech. “I like this plan.”

  “No, that’s not going to work,” said Cal. “If we just go there and start kicking the shizz out of him in the middle of the street, we’re going to be torn apart by, well, everyone.”

  “Well… what, then?” said Loren.

  “Mech, you go get Miz. Loren, stay on the Shatner and keep her ready. We might need to get out of here in a hurry,” said Cal. He flexed his fingers, then balled them into fists. “Leave Kannus to me.”

  * * *

  The streets of Greyx had been torn down and rebuilt countless times over the years. There were a number of reasons for this.

  Way back when, the settlement that would later become the planet’s greatest city, had come under attack on an almost weekly basis, and burnt to the ground roughly once every three months.

  Since the in-fighting had ended, the city had mostly thrived, despite the occasional earthquake, tornado and – some years back – flesh-eating sentient clouds.

  The city’s most recent incarnation was designed to stand up to pretty much anything the weather might throw at it. The buildings were low and stocky, the streets were wide and straight, and everything was heavily reinforced. It wasn’t pretty, but it was quite a lot less likely to collapse, and that was the main thing.

  The wide streets brought other benefits, too. Today, for example, they allowed thousands of excited Greyx to gather around the palace, waving flags, wagging tails and – as Kannus emerged through the palace's towering double doors – roaring their approval.

  Accompanied by his guards, Kannus approached a raised platform that had been built outside the palace and stopped at the bottom step. All around the clearing, military musicians blasted a fanfare on their trumpet-like instruments, and the roar of the crowd reached fever pitch.

  Kannus glanced back at his guards, then at the other figure who followed beside them. Sorshi, Queen of the Greyx, gave him a nod of encouragement, then turned her eyes towards the top of the steps.

  A rattling drumbeat echoed around the clearing, keeping time with Kannus as he made his way up the staircase. When he reached the top he cast his gaze across the cheering masses, then thrust the Bladestaff high above his head.

  The crowd, which had already been in a frenzy, somehow found the energy to up their noise levels even further. The palace windows rattled in their frames with the force of their adoration.

  Kannus lowered the Bladestaff, and raised a hand instead, calling for quiet. It took almost a full minute before the cheering faded enough for him to speak. He didn’t shout, and yet the words he spoke were heard all across the city. This was partly due to the Greyx’s enhanced hearing, but mostly due to the extensive PA system that had been set-up all around the place.

  “My brothers and sister,” Kannus said. The crowd went wild. He let it die down again before continuing. “By now, you will all have heard the news. Graxan – Great Graxan – has gone to face the Unshuk”

  No-one cheered at that. The excited murmuring of the throngs became a respectful silence. Kannus nodded approvingly – gratefully, even – then pressed on.

  “Graxan was like a father to me. More than a father, even. His daughter… my Lifebound… was also taken from us by the same pirates who killed her father. Mizette, like Great Graxan before her, died in my arms.”

  The crowd made not a sound now.

  “Her final words, before she, too, set off on her journey across the Unshuk’s dark realm,” Kannus said, grinding his back teeth together as if keeping his emotions in check. “Were, ‘lead them. Help them. Be their king.’
”

  Kannus cleared his throat and raised his eyes to the sky. “Even at the end, her thoughts were only for her people,” he said. “For all of you. For all of us.”

  A wave of applause rippled through the gathered crowds. A few cheers rose up.

  “And so, it is with a heavy heart that I assume the mantle of king,” Kannus said. “I have trained for this moment since childhood. I have dreamed of this moment since before even then. But not like this. Never like this.”

  His voice cracked and he hung his head, making a very good show of composing himself. The applause and cheering rose up around him. He let it build for a good minute or more, drinking their love for him in.

  “And now, Queen Sorshi, wife of the late, great Graxan, mother of Mizette, shall join me and pass over the reins of power.”

  The crowd went wild again as Sorshi took to the steps. In her hands, she carried a small cushion of finest Onkl silk. On it sat a small, unassuming-looking crown. It was fashioned from a dull base metal, with a single strap of black leather around the circumference the only attempt to jazz it up a bit.

  Kannus watched her approach. He held the Bladestaff in one hand, the spiral end of the handle resting on the floor. He had thought about returning it to its hiding place, but he liked the symbolism of it. He who wields the Bladestaff rules the Greyx. And wield it he would.

  Sorshi was almost at the top of the stairs when the sky went boom. All eyes raised in time to see the Shatner punching through the clouds and dropping into a stationary hover in front of Kannus’s podium.

  “No, but… How?” Kannus growled. He gestured to the guards stationed around his platform. “What are you waiting for? It’s the pirates! Open fire!”

  As one, the guards raised their blaster rifles and squeezed the triggers. Hot blasts of fiery energy streaked towards the Shatner, bounced harmlessly off its shielding, then ricocheted away. Part of the palace exploded as an energy bolt tore through it. Three more of the blasts streaked into the audience, and the crowds pushed apart in panic as two unlucky Greyx found themselves on the receiving end.

  “Stop!” cried Sorshi, hurrying onto the platform. “Stop this, people will get hurt!”

  Kannus shot her an angry glare, but bit his tongue. “Cease,” he commanded. The guards stopped firing, but kept their weapons raised.

  The panicked crowd quickly calmed down now that the chances of them being blasted by lasers had significantly lowered. They gawped up at the ship that had come swooping down through the clouds. They’d been excited at the thought of seeing a coronation. Seeing a coronation and a shootout with space pirates was twice as thrilling.

  A murmur of anticipation rippled through the audience as a ramp folded open at the back of the pirate ship. A human strode down the ramp, waving and smiling. He stopped at the end, looked at the ground quite some distance below, and took a step back.

  “Down a bit,” he called.

  From inside the ship, those near the front of the crowd could just make out some muttering.

  The ship dropped quite sharply. The man on the ramp let out a surprisingly feminine scream, bounced off his feet, then tumbled over the edge.

  The crowd gasped as the man threw up an arm and caught the edge of the ramp. He dangled there for a few moments, his legs swinging, his mouth spitting out a string of heavily censored curse-words, the last of which – “Oh, fonking fonk it!” – coming just before he released his grip and landed heavily on the ground.

  “I’m OK, I’m OK!” Cal wheezed, rolling onto his side and clambering to his feet. He wore a large Zertex-issue backpack, which almost made him stumble off-balance as he turned to face the crowd. “Uh, hi there!” he said. “Sorry to interrupt.”

  There was another boom as the Shatner’s engines ignited it, propelling it away from the palace. Cal gave the ship a wave, then turned back to address the audience. “I know this is probably not the best time, but I wanted to have a chat with Kannus and, well, I think you guys should hear what I have to say.”

  He winked at no-one in particular, then spun on his heels and tucked his thumbs into the straps of his pack. “Hey, Kannus,” he said, as a dozen armed guards rushed to surround him. “Miss me?”

  “This is the murderer who killed Great Graxan,” Kannus announced.

  A growl of resentment swelled through the crowd. Cal’s jaw dropped in mock surprise. “So that’s what you’re telling them? Pin it on the plucky and loveable space adventurer, eh? That’s just… well, it’s just mean, Kannus. It’s very mean. Frankly, I expected better of you.”

  Cal shrugged. “Because we both know what really happened, don’t we? You killed Graxan.”

  Kannus’s laugh came as a sharp, sudden bark, but it fell away just as quickly. “How dare you?” he spat. “Graxan was like a father to me. You killed him, just like you killed my Mizette!”

  “She was never yours. And do us both a favor,” Cal said. “Don’t ever say her name again.”

  “Murdering mongrel,” Kannus said. He gestured to the guards. “Kill him.”

  “Wait!”

  Cal, the crowd and Kannus all turned to look at Sorshi. She bowed her head, but only a little. “I am but a woman, and know little of such matters,” she said, quickly. “But would it not befit the king to deal with this murderer personally?” She raised her eyes and met Kannus’s piercing stare. “An attack on the royal family is an attack on all the Greyx. And you, Kannus, you are now all the Greyx, and all the Greyx are you. Justice must be served, and you must be the one to serve it. It is our way.”

  “Kan-nus! Kan-nus! Kan-nus!”

  It started as a few lone voices in the crowd.

  “Kan-nus! Kan-nus! Kan-nus!”

  Quickly, it began to spread like a virus through the throngs, until thousands – tens of thousands – of Greyx all chanted and punched the air in unison.

  “Kan-nus! Kan-nus! Kan-nus!”

  Cal held his arms out and grinned up at the platform. “Your people have spoken. Cal versus Kannus. Adorable-yet-rugged space captain vs murdering hairy shizznod.” He slipped the bag off his shoulders and tossed it aside.

  “Bring it on,” Cal said, raising his fists and firing a succession of jabs at thin air.

  Kannus glowered down at him, then looked out across the chanting crowd. His snout curved upwards into a smirk. “Very well,” he said, then his legs twitched and he sailed through the air, the Bladestaff still clutched in one clawed hand.

  The ground trembled when he landed, dropping down to his haunches and pressing his free hand against the cobblestone road. When he stood, the crowd went wild.

  “Kill him!”

  “Tear him apart!”

  “Avenge Great Graxan!”

  Cal bounced from foot to foot, breathing quickly in and out. He nodded towards the Bladestaff. “You’re not going to use that, are you?” He held his hand out at his sides. “I’m unarmed. You don’t need that to beat me, surely?”

  Kannus’s grip tightened on the staff’s wooden handle. He rolled it around in his palm for a moment, then, with a sudden downwards jab, embedded the metal tip in the ground.

  “There, isn’t that better?” said Cal, then he lowered his shoulder, roared at the top of his voice, and charged.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Cal’s shoulder slammed into Kannus’s stomach. A jolt of pain travelled the length of Cal’s spine, making his legs go weak. Kannus, for his part, remained unmoved.

  “Wow,” Cal grimaced, tilting his head to look up at the towering Greyx. “Those are some serious abs.”

  Kannus’s fist hammered Cal on the back, and Cal’s knees folded neatly beneath him. It was only by wrapping his arms around the Greyx’s waist that Cal stopped himself falling over all the way.

  Legs burning with the effort, he sprang himself upright, driving the top of his head into Kannus’s chin. Agony exploded through his skull and he stumbled back, hands pressed flat on top of his aching dome.
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  “Ow, ow, ow! Deeply regretting that one,” said Cal. “Totally going to have a concussion.”

  Kannus advanced. “You are pathetic, mongrel,” he said. “It is bad enough that Great Graxan and my Lifebound were cut down, but to be cut down by the likes of you is doubly insulting.”

  “Yeah, but they weren’t, were they? I thought we’d established that,” said Cal, backing away. He noticed Sorshi standing up on the platform and gave her a nod. “I’m sorry for your loss, uh… Miz’s mom,” he told her. “Rest assured, I’m going to kick seven shades of shizz out of this guy on your behalf.”

  He lunged forwards, swinging wildly with a punch. Kannus leaned backwards, avoiding the blow. Cal spun, off-balance, then tripped over Kannus’s outstretched foot.

  The crowd laughed and cheered as Cal rolled on the ground. He stood up and dusted himself down. “Nicely done. Impressive. You saw that one coming,” he said. “But how about this?”

  He threw himself into a sloppy flying kick. It was a move he’d seen Captain Kirk pull off with devastating effect many, many times. Unfortunately, Captain Kirk had never fought a fonking huge wolfman before.

  Except maybe in the animated series. Cal had never seen that.

  Kannus caught Cal’s leg in one hand and swung him around. The crowd let out a collective, “Whoooooa!” sound that started low, went higher as Cal sailed through the air, then ended in a cheer when he hit the cobbles again.

  “OK, OK, you saw that one coming, too,” Cal wheezed. He held up a hand, indicating that he needed a second to catch his breath.

  Once he had, he stood up, placed his hands on his lower back, and cricked his spine. “Oh, man, I don’t know if that made it better or worse,” he said. He took a few hobbled steps. “Worse. Definitely worse.”

  Kannus began to circle him, his claws extending from the ends of his fingers. Cal limped around in the same direction, matching Kannus’s pace.

  “Finish him!” roared a voice from the crowd.