The Valkyrie

by Charlotte Vassell

  “Where is she by the way Hermes?” Glory asked curiously. She was a little worried about being ambushed on her way home.

  “Well she was at the Taj Mahal, then she went to Venice and now she’s at the Eiffel Tower.” Hermes said raising an eyebrow. “How curious.”

  Glory turned to Hermes “Thanks for sorting out all those deliveries for me Hermes. You can just charge it to Valhalla for the work crap and the hen do ones can be charged to Prometheus. I bet all those sodding dresses were a nightmare. Honour and I made a night of sorting them out.”

  “Are you organising Liberty’s hen do then?” Ares was keen to get on to the subject of weddings.

  “Yes, I totally forgot about it until yesterday. It’s starting to get slightly out of control.” Glory said.

  “Oh really?” Ares asked.

  “Well yes, between Olympus and Asgard alone there’s a stupid number of goddesses and nymphs expecting to be invited so in the end I just invited everyone the world over to avoid any trouble. I even invited Eris. I’m just going to get her drunk and put her in a corner where she can’t do anyone any harm.” Glory said.

  “Yes that’s not a bad plan.” Dionysius popped his head around the corner again. “She’s nice when she’s plastered.”

  “Where are you having it then?” Hermes asked.

  “I’m having it at Avalon, my mother’s old place in the country. She extended it over the centuries to keep up with new styles so now it’s a hodge podge of different buildings, it’s quite large. I’ve booked a DJ for in the Great Hall.” Glory said.

  “Can I come it sounds better than what we’re doing for Apollo’s?” Hermes asked.

  “No you can’t. What are you doing for Apollo’s?” Glory asked. Apollo’s ears burned. He hated that Glory was involved in his sham marriage to Liberty. He hated that the hen party was going to be at Avalon where he first spoke to her. He hated that she talked about his wedding so casually, but he knew deep down it must hurt her. Apollo was so in love with Glory in that moment that he wanted to throw up. It was making him lose the game of pool to Dionysius. He went over to the juke box and put on War by Edwin Starr as a small act of aggression.

  “Strip club.” Dionysius said.

  “Strip clubs are so easy. Someone else has to clear up the mess at the end.” Glory said causing Hermes to spit his drink out.

  “Sorry… You’re a little filthy aren’t you?” Hermes said.

  “Not any more. I’m banned from most of the strip clubs within a 3,000 mile radius.” Glory said. No one could work out whether she was serious or not.

  “You know Valour right?” Glory asked.

  “The one who…” Hermes began, they exchanged a glance that said they understood the pretence they were about to carry out.

  “Who quit recently. She’s sunning herself on a beach at the moment. Well she invented strip bars.” Glory said.

  “Why don’t we go drinking with you lot more?” Hermes asked.

  “I doubt you could keep up with us.” Glory’s phone buzzed, it was Honour calling “Hey babe, ok cool. So what like twenty minutes. How did today go? Awesome, I’m super proud of you two. Yeah, the more the merrier. Who? That’s probably not a good idea. Well if they’re that determined then I can’t stop them. Ok see you later.” She put the phone down and turned to the boys and said “We’re going to need a bigger table.”

  “Oh are there more Valkyries coming?” Dionysius asked wiggling an eyebrow.

  “Yeah I can’t tell whether you only talk in euphemisms either.” Hermes said as he and Glory nodded at each other.

  ***

  Liberty turned up at The Queen’s Head not long after Glory put the phone down. She’d gone home and changed and now was wearing a laid back pair of jeans, a grey t-shirt and a pair of American sneakers. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun. She walked into the pub and saw Glory chatting at the bar with Ares. Liberty interrupted their conversation by putting her arm around Glory’s shoulders and saying “Hey, can you explain The Great Window Escape for me now? You set tongues wagging. You’ve got another reputation now as terribly charming and rather mysterious to add your collection. Hera kept going on about the piano for forty minutes after. I’ve lived with you for how many centuries now and I had no idea that you could play the piano. I know you were in the Valhalla Brass Band for a bit but still, you’re bloody good. What is wrong with you today you’ve been enthralling everyone left right and centre?”

  “I have no bloody clue. I’m starting to get concerned. I’ve been as vile to everyone as I normally am and yet everyone is on the verge of losing it.” Glory said shrugging her shoulders. “My mother forced me to learn the pianoforte in the Eighteenth Century (CE) every time I went back for the weekend, before we fell out of course. I’m also a very accomplished water colourist. I’m afraid I’m rusty though.”

  “And humble.” Ares said. “Why did you fall out with your mother?” He was pathologically interested in arguments and how they escalate.

  “Waterloo.” Glory said.

  “Oh yeah that thing about Napoleon. I forgot about that.” Liberty said spotting Apollo out of the corner of her eye. “Darling.”

  Apollo, who had been checking his phone, came over and put his hand on Liberty’s waist and kissed her on the forehead. “I think you need a drink after that ordeal.” No one flinched.

  “Gin please.” Liberty said affecting the cute tone that she used to get her own way. “Oh Glory, Hera asked for your phone number by the way.”

  “You gave it to her didn’t you? That’s alright.” Glory winked at Liberty who went off to join Apollo at the bar. Glory turned to Ares “What is your mother up to?”

  “It’s probably something to do with wedding planning.” Ares thought he’d better check his phone as Hera had probably sent her critique of Glory. He scrolled through his messages. Aphrodite had written a small essay on why they should still be together and how she couldn’t live without him. Nestled in between the crazy was Hera’s text. It simply read: ‘Put a fucking ring on it!!!! I want legitimate grandbabies!!! XXX Mummy’

  Glory thought she’d better check her phone as Hera had probably sent her critique of the hen do plans as the invitations would have arrived by the afternoon. She had a new message from Bea saying that they were on their way, and one from Hera saying that ‘It was simply wonderful meeting you today Glory and I am very much looking to forward to getting to chat to you further at the hen party, Hera x.’ She had a text from Apollo from three minutes ago asking to see her tonight. Glory also had a message from Aphrodite, she wasn’t sure how she’d got her number, ‘Please don’t, Aphro.’ was all it said.

  “Your mother put a kiss at the end of her text.” Glory said to Ares. She always forgot how tall he was. He smelt good too.

  “She isn’t always a fireball throwing nutter. She’s quite nice most of the time.” Ares reached out and played with Glory’s pearl drop earring.

  Liberty saw it from across the pub. After her chat with her father the day before she decided she'd try and delve a little deeper into how Glory was connected to the war. She looked Apollo in the eye “Aren’t they cute?”

  “Who?” Apollo asked.

  “Ares and Glory.” Liberty gestured to the unfolding scene.

  “Yeah, they are cute together.” Apollo pulled Liberty close.

  “Hey guys.” It was drizzling outside and Eros's hair was damp. There was a group of three underage teenaged girls done up to the nines in the corner drinking Malibu and coke. They all died inside when they saw Eros all wet like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

  “So what happened to your mum today?” Liberty asked cutting to the chase.

  “She’s gone bonkers.” Eros said. He didn’t know what to do.

  ***

  Honour and Bea arrived at The Queens Arms with a small procession of noisy Valkyries following them. Dionysius was in his element. The pair didn’t just rock up with their sisters in arms though; they also turned up with the be
tter looking half of Asgard’s gods. Thor, Loki, Baldr and Magni followed them in. The poor teenaged girls in the corner didn’t have a chance once they’d clapped eyes on Baldr and Magni. The handsome pair strode off to talk to the young virgins.

  “The plan, so the plan. The plan is a quick one here and then house party back at ours.” Honour said lurching for the bar patting Glory on the head on the way. Bea was lurking behind Honour chain smoking.

  “What are you having?” Geoff asked, having seen them enter. He wanted to tell Bea off for smoking inside but he just knew it wasn’t worth the aggro. Geoff wished that he’d taken on extra staff that night, but now it looked like him and his new missus would get to go to Las Vegas in the New Year after all. Loki and Apollo made swift eye contact over the bar.

  “Absolutely everything, I’m having it all.” Bea said.

  ***

  The foursome of Asgardian gods came over to chat to Glory. Norse gods overall were very good dressers. There was a nice range of knitwear going on and some very well-manicured beards. Loki and Glory locked eyes for an awkward nano-second.

  “Baldr, nice shoes.” Glory said.

  “Thank you. I got them from a small boutique in Stockholm.” Baldr said to which Glory nodded in appreciation of the craftsmanship. They all started talking in Old Norse which started to piss Ares off. It was a concerted effort to exclude him from the conversation. He particularly disliked Thor; Ares could tell he was keen on Glory. The Olympians and the Norse lived in a perpetual state of uneasy compromise.

  Apollo was not having a good night. The girl he loved was surrounded by the guy she should have married, the guy who wanted to marry her now and an accompanying boy band of Norse gods.

  In all the hubbub Liberty went over to say hi to Thor et al. After exchanging pleasantries she dragged Glory off to the loos with her. They stopped in the corridor and exchanged what the fuck do we do faces.

  “One of the regulars out there had a packet of pork scratchings. I’ve never smelt anything so amazing.” Glory said.

  “How are they going to fit in the house?” Liberty asked.

  “It’s not like we haven’t got shit to do tomorrow.”

  “Have you planned the fucking hen do?”

  “Yes, it’s all sorted. You’re going through with the wedding?”

  “Yes.” Liberty said resolutely.

  “Ok.” Glory gave Liberty a supporting nod. She wondered what Prometheus had told Liberty last night that Liberty wasn’t telling her.

  “So Thor, Loki and Ares all here at the same time.” Liberty said probing Glory.

  “Loki is a nonentity.” Glory remembered what had happened last week between the two of them. “I’ve got to shake Thor soon anyway as that is going absolutely nowhere and I’ve no fucking clue about Ares.”

  “Did I hear Thor’s voice round ours earlier in the week?” Liberty asked as Glory backed into the loos.

  “Yes, but they didn’t fuck. He couldn’t get it up and then he ended up sulking.” Aphrodite said. Liberty automatically turned around and went out into the bar for back up. “If you don’t want Ares I’ll have him back.”

  “I don’t think that’s how it works.” Glory said.

  “Of course that’s how it works. I’m in charge of how it works.” Aphrodite’s shoulders heaved up and down as she tried not to sob audibly.

  “There, there, it’s not as bad as all that.” Glory patted Aphrodite on the shoulder. Aphrodite in turn twisted around and fell onto Glory’s chest and bawled.

  “But it is, it really is. Why don’t you love? No that’s not right, you do love. You’re in love right now but I’ve no idea who with. I should know that. It’s my whole being to know that. Your feelings of love are there but they’re not here.” Aphrodite said putting her hand on Glory’s chest and lingering.

  ***

  Liberty sprinted into the bar. Ares was talking very awkwardly to Apollo and Thor. The other gods were enjoying the Valkyrie caused pandemonium that had broken out in the rest of the pub. Geoff thought he was going to die. He didn’t know whether to call the police or a priest.

  “I’m really sorry to interrupt but Ares there’s a situation in the ladies that you need to help with.” Liberty said.

  “Is it Aphrodite?” Ares said. He was getting angry. “If it is I don’t care. I’m fed up with being manipulated by her. She’s big enough to sort herself out.”

  “Ah shit guys, I should have said that Aphrodite was here, sorry.” Hermes said cavorting past with a dryad in tow.

  “That is your mess, you go clean it up.” Liberty said, the fury gleaming in her eyes. Ares puffed his cheeks out and went in after Glory. He was so pissed off. Aphrodite had clearly spent the afternoon trawling all the romantic spots on earth trying to stop him proposing.

  ***

  “You’re sure that you’ve never told anyone about Apollo’s weird little crush on me? If I swear that I won’t agree to marry Ares today then will you swear on Styx that you won’t ever tell a soul about Apollo and me?” Glory asked.

  “I never thought it was worth mentioning. I just thought you were one of his nympho foibles that he has periodically. I swear on Styx I won’t tell anyone anything about you and Apollo.” Aphrodite could see what all the fuss about Glory was when she was this close. She remembered the kiss at the gig all too well. Aphrodite leaned in and kissed Glory, she just wanted to feel her. She wanted to feel what it was that Ares clearly did.

  “Whilst I want to see where this could end, you need to go home Aphrodite.” Ares said noting that Aphrodite’s lipstick had smudged onto Glory.

  “If I were you I’d go out through the fire exit. You don’t want to cause a scene in the pub.” Liberty said shaking her head. Ares pointed the way to the fire exit as Aphrodite wobbled out of the loos. He stood there for a moment staring at Glory’s shapely back before following Aphrodite out of the room.

  “It’s only 9.30pm.” Glory said.

  “How the fuck are we getting out of this house party?” Liberty said.

  “We could always go to work?”

  “My car’s here. I’ll meet you out front in two minutes. I’m going to say good bye to Apollo.”

  “Alright, tell Honour that no one is allowed to go in the living room because of those sodding dresses and if anyone other than me sleeps in my bed I’ll be furious.” Glory said over her shoulder to Liberty as she pushed the bar lock on the fire exit and walked out to an empty night sky.

  Lucifer

  Apollo sat in the leather armchair in his library and stared Ares down. What Ares had just said repulsed him. He was seething but doing well not to show it. “Could you repeat that, please brother.”

  “I said, that I’ll gladly not get involved in your war of succession, heck I’ll even back you as long as I get Glory.” Ares said.

  “Is that what we are reduced to brother? I can buy your loyalty with a girl?” Apollo looked far more casual than he felt about this.

  “Yes.”

  “How will Aphrodite take that?” Apollo asked.

  “Well she won’t take it lying down that’s for sure after her display today.” Ares glanced at Artemis who was staring at a bookshelf.

  “I take it you want me to do her in.” Artemis said turning her head.

  “That would be most convenient; just one quick shot would do the trick. You've done it before.” Ares said.

  “The god of murder is too scared to get rid of his controlling girlfriend.” Athena said. She was surprised by Ares.

  “I need an alibi is all.” Ares said cocksure.

  “Yes well.” Athena said as she got up and poured herself a glass of whisky.

  “All is fair in love and war… Alright then it’s agreed. I’d swear on Styx but she won’t be around for much longer.” Apollo said. Ares rose from his chair, shook Apollo's hand and left the room.

  “How extraordinary.” Artemis wandered over to the bookshelf she had been staring at and pulled a well-read volume out before goin
g over and joining Athena in a glass.

  “Indeed, well I think we have unquestionably drawn the line in the sand.” Athena said calmly before exiting and leaving the twins alone.

  “When did you start drinking?” Apollo was brooding. He knew then and there that Ares was a dead god.

  “Well, why not.” She said coming over and sitting on the arm of Apollo’s chair.

  “Yes.” He pulled out his phone and texted Glory, again.

  “What does she have that I don’t?”

  “She’s a D-cup to begin with.” He said looking at his twin sister. “Oh, you’re serious aren’t you? Why are you being serious?”

  “I’m in love with you.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “I know all about you.” She said brandishing Paradise Lost.

  “You know nothing about us.”

  “Why do you love her so much?”

  “Because she’s what I aspire to be, I want to be glorious.”

  “Is that it?” She asked incredulous.

  “What do you mean is that it?” He said standing up in indignation. “Is that it? She is the loveliest creature that ever did tread the wretched earth. She is my light and my dark. She is my everything. And what are you?”

  “Indeed what am I?”

  “A fool.”

  “I know all about you.”

  “Everyone knows all about me. I made sure of that. It all started as a joke a couple of millennia back but it worked: the mortals love to fear gods. I am that god. I am who they fear. I’ll end the world. I have so much power that I don’t know what to do with it all. I am Satan. I am Lucifer the bringer of light.”

  “You sound like a bad bond villain.” Artemis leafed through the volume in her hand and began to read impassioned and eloquently.

  “If thou beest he; But O how fall'n! how chang'd

  From him, who in the happy Realms of Light

  Cloth'd with transcendent brightness didst out-shine

  Myriads though bright: If he Whom mutual league,

  United thoughts and counsels, equal hope

  And hazard in the Glorious Enterprize,

  Joynd with me once, now misery hath joynd