The Valkyrie

by Charlotte Vassell

  “Have you got a condom?” Glory asked. Why was she sleeping with him again?

  “Of course I have one, but I'd rather not. I don't like how they feel; besides our children would be adorable. I love you. I adore you.”

  ***

  Glory got to Avalon an hour before the guests were expected. The DJ she booked had arrived to set up his decks in the great hall in an hour which gave Glory time to spruce the place up. Britannia had stopped going there a few centuries earlier so the old place wasn’t in bad knick and Glory would always go there when she needed some breathing space. She was going to cheat and use magic to get it ready. She set up four bars throughout the house that were going to be staffed by some wood elves that she’d hired. There were going to be two of them at the door plying everyone with booze as soon as they got there. The evening was going to start as Glory meant it to continue. In the Georgian part of the house there was to be a small concert in the music room, ambrosian tea was set up in the drawing room and there was to be cards in the parlour for the more conservative guests. At Honour’s request she’d also put a fun fair up in the garden.

  ***

  Aphrodite had been staking out the house in Hackney all afternoon. She’d seen a torrent of Valkyries leave just after 12pm as she sat on the wall over the road disguised as a tortoiseshell tabby. All the mortals who walked past couldn’t stop themselves from giving her a ruffle behind the ear. Finally Aphrodite saw Glory leave. She prowled around the property and nosed into the windows making sure that there was no one inside before she made herself appear in the house. There had to be something in there that she could use to take Glory down. A girl like that was bound to have a genocide worth of skeletons in her closet, a portrait in the attic or an evil little box at the back of her knicker drawer.

  ***

  Glory was pretty satisfied that she had enough gin and ambrosia to cover all eventualities. She walked into the drawing room for a moment’s break. She sat down on one of the sofas with a cup of ambrosia and started thinking about what was she was going to wear.

  “Are you going to offer me any of that?” Zeus said. He was sitting on the piano stool at the other end of the room.

  Glory shot up “My goodness you scared me.” she said getting off the sofa and going to pour him a cup.

  “Thank you.” Zeus said as Glory handed it to him. “I like your china, it’s nicer than Hera’s. Not that you should tell her that. She’d be phenomenally angry about it.”

  “Is everything alright?” Glory asked. That was a very large question to ask Zeus but Glory could tell that he didn’t get the subtext.

  “Perfectly so.” Zeus said looking out of the window. “Ares has asked for your hand in marriage and I’ve consented. I wrote a letter to your mother informing her of your upcoming nuptials. I’m sure she’ll be delighted.”

  “Do I get a say in this?”

  “Of course not. You aren’t talking much, I expected you to be more vocal in your joy. Hera likes you, you know. She very rarely likes my children. You must have done something to charm her. Hera’s got overexcited about the whole thing; she made Ares take her to Hephaestus’s forge to have the engagement ring made today.”

  “How lovely.” Glory said mimicking the happiness that she thought she was supposed to be feeling.

  “Yes. Well I had better be off. You know, you’ve taken Apollo’s marriage to your best friend very well everything considered.”

  “In hindsight Apollo and I were never meant to be.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Although, I have always wondered why you split us up?”

  “Apollo is a psychopathic narcissist and you’re the sort of girl that drives him to the brink. In fact you’re probably the archetype: you’re an anti-hero with a uterus. He would have done all sorts of crazy for you. Who knows where it would have ended.” Zeus said patting his stomach and with that he was gone.

  ***

  Hermes was preparing for Apollo’s stag do. He’d stocked up on beer and cocaine. Plus he’d vacuumed his living room. Dionysius had set up some speakers in the corner so Hermes could play his special Spotify playlist for background music during the pre-drinking before they went to the strip club.

  ***

  Liberty, Honour and Bea arrived early in case Glory needed help with anything. Well really they were all curious about Avalon. Glory had never allowed anyone to go there before, not even Liberty. When they got there they were not disappointed. Britannia and Glory had both shoved all the crap they had accumulated over the years around the place and the walls were covered in art depicting their lives. They wandered through the entrance hall. There was a whole room full of portraits of Glory over the years. Liberty’s favourite incarnation of Glory was the restoration one where she had ringlets and a heaving bosom.

  “There you are.” Glory said appearing on the staircase. “Oh please don’t look at all these awful portraits. There are some lovely seascapes in the next room.”

  “I like your bonnet in that one.” Honour said pointing to a Gainsborough.

  “Your house is insane.” Liberty said.

  “Well I grew up here so it had to be bonkers.” Glory said.

  “Thank you for going to all this trouble for me. I love you.” Liberty said.

  “I love you more. Why aren’t you wearing a pink sash and L plates?” Glory said as the pair girl hugged.

  “Why are there so many taxidermy lions around? They’re cool but really macabre.” Bea smiled at Glory.

  “Lions were associated with my mother.” Glory smiled back. She was determined to be civil. “If you follow the gallery down the left you’ll reach the drawing room. Honour could you send out one of the wood elves so they can start handing prosecco out once everyone starts coming.”

  “You’re weirdly good at hosting parties when you’re sober.” Liberty said.

  “I’m weirdly good at a few things. I did all the taxidermy for starters during that week I stopped drinking after Ypres.” Glory said.

  “Is there anything I can help you with?” Liberty asked.

  “No, it’s all under control. It took very little effort on my part. I got engaged this afternoon.” Glory said.

  “Congratulations” Liberty and Honour said together. Neither of them understood exactly what was going on. Glory had always been very anti-marriage.

  “I hope you are very happy with Ares,” Bea said as Honour and Liberty moved down the gallery as Bea lingered. Bea leaned in and whispered “that was the right thing to do; everything will work out just fine.”

  ***

  Apollo was sitting in Hermes’s armchair with a very large glass of neat vodka. He was the only one who had turned up as yet.

  “You all right bro?” Hermes asked.

  “Yeah I’m good.” Apollo said.

  “You look mardy. You’re getting married. Cheer up.”

  “Am I not allowed to reflect on all my joyous misdemeanours on my penultimate night of freedom?” Apollo asked with a smirk.

  “Will you stop with the misdemeanours after you’re married?” Hermes asked. Apollo just laughed.

  ***

  Liberty’s guests had started to arrive in droves. She stood with Glory welcoming everyone. There were so many of them, Liberty had no idea who most of them were but they all seemed to know who Glory was. Liberty couldn’t help but feel that they’d only turned up to gawp at Glory. Nearly every single one of them had had a run in with the empire. This annoyed her slightly; it was her hen do after all, even if it was a sham wedding. They were nice to face her though. Glory stood behind her and directed them all to the different rooms that they’d probably prefer.

  Artemis and Leto arrived together. Leto was very polite to everyone and waltzed through the entrance towards the closest bar. Artemis however shook Liberty’s hand formally and thanked her for the invitation. She then moved on to Glory as other guests piled in behind her and took Liberty’s attentions elsewhere.

  “Thank you for hosting toni
ght. It should be an enjoyable evening.” Artemis said.

  “Not at all, it’s my pleasure.” Glory said smiling to Artemis as she moved off towards the music room. Artemis scared her slightly. Her strong resemblance to Apollo was one thing but the intensity of her stare unnerved Glory. Artemis didn’t like her much. Glory could understand this; she was nearly as far from the ideal of chastity as Artemis was from orgies. The Coronis vase that sat on her desk at work flashed into her mind: Artemis’s arrow piercing Coronis’s body for her infidelity. She had a feeling that Artemis had most likely been watching her for the last couple of days for the same indiscretion. Although Glory thought this was Artemis’s own initiative. She trusted Apollo.

  ***

  Apollo’s stag do had started to liven up: the wine was pouring, Dionysius had finally arrived with a troupe of scantily clad maenads and the bass was low. The male half of Olympus was squeezed into Hermes’s place and they were having bloody good time. Zeus had turned up and was talking to Ares who for an angry guy seemed pretty pleased with himself. Apollo didn’t like that. However he did like that his drink kept being topped up.

  “Why are you so pleased with yourself?” Apollo asked.

  “Glory said yes.” Ares said

  “Congratulations brother.” Apollo raised his glass. He had thought that Liberty had been trying to wind him up earlier but apparently not. He refused to believe that Glory could do such an awful thing to him. This was a disagreeable turn of events. Something had to be done.

  ***

  By 8pm everyone had arrived at Avalon. Glory had noticed that Aphrodite hadn’t turned up which could have been a good thing. Liberty looked knackered from shaking hands with the multitudes.

  “You look like you need an ambrosia break.” Glory said.

  “I’ve got some coke in my bag.” Liberty said.

  “I think we’d better go and mingle.”

  “Yes, that would be the proper thing to do. Can I go have a lie down first?”

  “Sure, go up the stairs and take the second left. I set up a room for you in case you wanted to stay here tonight.” Liberty nodded and hugged her friend before trudging upwards for a quick nap. Glory watched Liberty’s back as she wandered wearily upstairs. She knew that she had to go and find Hera and get the discussion about Chippendale furniture over and done with.

  ***

  Apollo didn’t like the bar they were in. The barmaid kept flirting with him, the slut. She wasn’t Glory.

  ***

  Glory found Hera playing an intense game of whist with Fortune, that she was clearly determined to win. Hera didn’t pay much attention when she told her that she’d accepted Ares’s offer. She asked Hera and her fellow card sharks whether they would like a cup of ambrosian tea. They all said yes but were rather too engrossed in the game to pay much attention to her. Glory went and instructed one of the wood elves to sort them out and disappeared promptly from the room, thankful for the lucky escape.

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the bar they were in. Now the barmaid had her tongue down his throat in the disabled loo, the slut. She wasn’t Glory.

  ***

  Glory went in search of Honour and Bea. She found Honour in the garden about to get on the Ferris wheel. Honour waved wildly for Glory to come and join her and the pair got on. Honour had a bag of ambrosian cotton candy with her that Glory nibbled at.

  “Where’s Bea?” Glory asked.

  “She said she felt tired so she went for a quick nap.” Honour said taking in the view of England’s green pastures.

  “In other words she’s shagging Liberty.” Glory said raising an eyebrow.

  “So that’s definitely a thing then. Apollo won’t tolerate that.”

  “Well…” Glory said tailing off.

  “Bea intimidates me.”

  “Keep your wits about you.” Glory put a finger to her lips before changing the subject and pointing southwards “If you crane that way you can make out Glastonbury.”

  “Oh yes, that sword of yours in the armoury that’s stuck in a rock.” Honour began.

  “That’s Excalibur.”

  “You’re so fucking cool, I hate you sometimes.”

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the bar they were in. Now the barmaid was sucking him off, the slut. She wasn’t Glory.

  ***

  Honour had decided that they should go get a drink and have a dance in the great hall. There was some serious pill popping going on around them. Honour scored some MDMA off one of her cousins and was proper going for it. Glory stood on the side watching Amethyst gurning with some of the handmaidens from Asgard. Part of her really wanted to join in but there was a much larger part telling her that it would be unwise. She could feel herself being scrutinised from across the room. She was sure it was Artemis. The DJ she booked had been a good choice. There was a lot of Taylor Swift and Beyoncé remixes (good misandrist classics) interspersed with some hard core and jungle classics.

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the bar they were in. He was fucking the barmaid over the sink, the slut. She wasn’t Glory.

  ***

  Glory left Honour doing the running man to Girls That Run The World in the great hall. She wandered through her house to the music room where she found an empty seat next to Athena and settled down to some Wagner.

  ***

  Apollo didn’t like the strip club that they were now in. The girls looked ropey, the sluts. They weren’t Glory. The barmaid had had her neck broken and left out by the bins with the rest of the rubbish, the slut. She would never have been Glory.

  ***

  During the concerts interval Athena turned and chatted to Glory. Most of their conversation was about the merits of German Romanticism. Athena congratulated her on her engagement and exclaimed that it should be a most prosperous union. Glory wasn’t going to mention the vases. She had decided that to do so would be unwise.

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the strip club they were in. Dionysius was getting a private dance from a girl whose roots were showing. Hermes and Ares were doing lines of coke off some girl’s orange peel arse. Zeus had disappeared about twenty minutes ago with three girls and probably wouldn’t reappear until tomorrow morning despite telling Hera that it wasn’t going to be that sort of affair. Eros just sat in a corner quietly getting a kick watching it all.

  ***

  Glory left the concert and went to go and check that the wood elves were doing alright and whether they were running short of gin yet.

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the strip club. He was sitting in a private room making the two bleach blonde girls fuck each other. They weren’t Glory.

  ***

  After making sure that there was enough booze left, Glory went on drunk patrol in the great hall. It had reached that part of the night where some of the girls couldn’t handle their booze anymore. She had booked minibuses to take everyone home once they’d had enough and she had a spread sheet of everyone’s addresses from when she sent out the invitations. There were a few Valkyries who had reached the point of no return that she had to herd out of the great hall and into a minibus.

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the strip club. He was having a threesome with the girls now. They still weren’t Glory.

  ***

  The concert finished at around the same time as the card players had had enough of losing all their money to Hera. Glory waved goodbye to them all from the portico as they went home after a lovely civilised evening. Liberty appeared at the top of the stairs saying that she didn’t feel in the mood and was driving home. She’d find Bea and Honour and take them back with her. Glory kissed her goodbye on the cheek.

  ***

  Apollo still didn’t like the strip club. One of the girls was crying and the other one was unconscious in a corner dying of internal bleeding. They weren’t Glory.

  ***

  The party was winding down. The fun f
air rides had stopped, all the bars had finally been drunk dry and the DJ had turned the lights on in the great hall revealing the stragglers who Glory quickly escorted out of the house and into minibuses.

  ***

  Apollo was standing on a street corner in Soho. He picked up his phone and checked where Glory was. He had slipped a little tracker app onto her phone earlier in the week. He set off for Avalon as he had once before.

  ***

  Glory was pleased to finally have the house to herself again. She magicked it all clean, thankfully no one had thrown up on her carpets, and went and sat down to the piano in the music room. She was lost in the melody when she Apollo walked into the room lingering by the door. She stopped playing.

  “Please don’t stop. You play so beautifully.”

  “Hardly.” Glory said getting up and rifling through the sheets for something different to play.

  “I need to shower, where’s the bathroom?”

  “I’ll take you, it’s a warren upstairs.” Glory said about to walk over.

  “I can find it on my own.” Apollo said backing out of the door.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m just a bit drunk is all.”

  “Alright, well go up the stairs, go right and it’s the ninth door on the left hand side. I’ll be in the library if you want me.”

  “Of course I want you.” Apollo said. He looked at Glory. How could he not want her? Apollo felt the need to absolve himself of those whores. He needed to wash away the unclean from his skin and purify for Glory. He could not go near her covered in blood. He couldn’t have her smell them on him.

  ***

  Glory went back downstairs and into the library. She lit the fire and curled up on a leather armchair near it with her copy of Wuthering Heights. She had read it so many times that the spine had nearly had enough. After ten minutes she put the book down and reflected that the last week had been so strange. Rationally she knew that any form of relationship with Apollo was a bad idea and had managed to stick to that for so many hundreds of years and yet here she was irrationality itself. Glory knew then that she had to still be in love with him. That box of Eros’s wasn’t effective enough. Maybe she should just open it and get it done with? She heard Apollo come in and wander around the room looking at the volumes on the shelves. He finally selected one and came over to Glory.