‘If I’d come home, I’d have seen how things were. I could’ve helped. I could’ve saved her.’ She whispered the last sentence.
Then she threw her head back and her eyes blazed. ‘But I didn’t because I’d turned into some unfeeling monster. That’s why there’s no future for me and you, Connor. I can’t risk loving like that ever again. Who will I hurt or destroy the next time love fails me, huh?’
His mouth had gone dry. ‘Who says it will fail?’
She stared back at him—wounded, tired…resolute. ‘I’m sorry, Connor, but that’s one gamble I’m not prepared to take.’
His stomach…his heart…his whole life, dropped to his feet at the note of finality in her voice. She was wrong, so wrong to exile herself from love like this.
To exile him!
He’d imagined her in his arms so fully and completely, and for all of time. To have her snatched back out of them now was too much to bear. This woman standing in front of him was all about love…but she’d exempted herself. And that meant she’d barred him from love too because he would never settle for second best again. For him, anyone but Jaz Harper was second best.
‘According to your philosophy then, I’d better not have the gall to go falling in love again.’
Her jaw dropped, but then she pressed her lips together into a tight line. Pain rolled off her in waves. It took all of his strength not to reach for her and do what he could to wipe that pain away.
‘I mean, what if I let jealousy get the better of me again for even half a second? Given my past form, I quite obviously have no right messing with women’s hearts.’
She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. He hated the defeated slope of her shoulders, the way she seemed unable to throw her head back when she pulled her hands away. ‘That’s not what I meant and you know it.’
‘You said the only thing left that you could do for your mother was to save the bookshop. You’re wrong. The best gift you could give Frieda is to live your life fully and without fear…to finally let love back into your life. You don’t get it, do you, Jaz? Frieda never wanted you to come back to Clara Falls for her own comfort or peace of mind. She wanted you to come back for yours!’
He watched her try to take in the meaning of his words.
‘Do you think she’d be pleased by what you are doing to yourself now?’
She paled.
‘Do you think she’d be proud of you?’
She just stared back at him, frozen, and he wondered if he’d pushed her too far. All he wanted to do was drop to his knees in front of her and beg her to be happy.
She took a step away from him. ‘Take me home, please, Connor.’
She wouldn’t meet his eyes and his heart froze over. ‘I’m supposed to be running a book fair. I need to see if I can manage to salvage something from this day.’
And then she turned away and Connor knew that was her final word. His words hadn’t breached the walls she had erected around herself.
He’d failed.
They made the fifteen-minute journey from Katoomba hospital to Clara Falls in silence. Jaz’s heart hurt with every beat it took, as if someone had taken a baseball bat to it. A pain stretched behind her eyes and into eternity.
The force of Connor’s words still pounded at her and she could barely make sense of anything. She’d thought she’d started to put things right, to make things better. Except…
Connor loved her.
One part of her gave a wild, joyful leap. She grabbed it and pulled it back into line. She and Connor?
No.
She forced herself to swallow, to straighten in her seat. They’d reach Clara Falls’ main street any moment now.
She realised she still clutched Connor’s sweater around her like an offer of comfort. She inhaled one last autumn-scented breath, then folded it neatly and set it on the seat beside her.
She tried to ready herself for the sight of a closed bookshop and no customers, for fairies and pirates who would rightly demand payment anyway. She tried to push to the back of her mind how much money she’d plugged into advertising, on orders for sausages and hiring barbecue plates. She tried to think of ways she could allay the disappointment of the authors and poets who’d promised her their time free of charge this afternoon as a favour to their community.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Connor glance at her. ‘You think that Mrs Lavender and co have had to cancel the book fair, don’t you?’
She ached to reach out and touch his shoulder, to tell him she’d never meant to hurt him. She didn’t. It wouldn’t help. ‘Yes.’
He frowned. ‘Why? Do you think you’re that indispensable?’
‘Of course not!’
She didn’t think she was indispensable to him at all. He’d find someone else to love. One day. And she wanted him to. She gritted her teeth. She meant it. She did. He deserved to be happy.
She reminded herself they were talking about the bookshop. ‘Mr Sears will have found a way to sabotage the fair.’ And without her there to run the gauntlet…
Her stomach roiled and churned as they turned into Clara Falls’ main street.
There weren’t as many tourists down this end of the street as usual. Even though the day was disgustingly bright and sunny. Her mouth turned down. She wished for grey skies and hail. Somehow that would make her feel better.
But the sun didn’t magically stop shining and rain and huge balls of ice didn’t pour down from the sky. She bit back a sigh and kept her eyes doggedly on the streetscape directly beside her.
As they moved closer towards the bookshop, Jaz wanted to close her eyes. She didn’t. But she didn’t move her eyes past the streetscape directly beside her either. She would not look ahead. She didn’t have the heart for that.
She didn’t have the heart to glance again at Connor either.
She wished the car would break down. She wished it would come to a clunking halt and just strand her here in the middle of the road, where she wouldn’t have to move until it was closing time in Clara Falls.
It didn’t happen. The car kept moving forward. Jaz kept her eyes on the view beside her. A few more tourists appeared. At least it wasn’t only her shop that was doing poorly today.
Then the scent of frying onions hit her.
Onions!
She slid forward to stare out through the front windscreen.
People.
Oodles and oodles of people. All mingling and laughing out the front of her bookshop.
Connor pulled the car to a halt and a cheer went up when the townsfolk saw her.
A cheer? For her?
Her jaw went slack when she saw who led the cheer.
Mr Sears!
Not only did he lead the cheer but he manned the barbecue hotplate full of sausages too. Carmen grinned and waved from her station beside him. Somehow, Jaz managed to lift her hand and wave back.
Just as many people—perhaps more—were crammed inside the bookshop. It was so full it had almost developed a pulse of its own. She recognised two staff members amid all the chaos, caught sight of a fairy and couldn’t help wondering where the pirates had set up for the face painting.
She turned to stare at Connor. ‘But what…?’
He didn’t smile. He just shrugged. ‘Why don’t you hop out here? I’ll park the car around the back.’
She didn’t want to get out of the car. She didn’t want to leave him like this. She’d hurt him and…
And she couldn’t help him now.
She slid out of the car and stood on the footpath, watched as the car drew away. Only then did she turn back to the crowd and wondered what she should tackle first.
Not what, but who. With a sense of unreality, she made her way through the crowd to Mr Sears. ‘I…’ She lifted her hands, then let them drop. ‘Thank you.’ Somehow that seemed completely inadequate.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘Thank you.’
And then he smiled. She wondered if she’d ever really seen him
smile before.
‘In this town, Jaz, we pull together.’
‘I…It means a lot.’ She found herself smiling back and that didn’t seem completely inadequate. It felt right.
She glanced around and what she saw fired hope in her heart. Oh, Mum, if you could only see this. She swung back to him. ‘What can I do?’
‘Carmen and I have things sorted out here for the moment, don’t we, Carmen?’
The teenager’s eyes danced. ‘Aye, aye, Captain.’ She saluted her father with the tongs and her sense of fun tugged at Jaz.
He pointed to the door. ‘You’ll find Audra Lavender and Boyd Longbottom directing proceedings inside.’
She went to turn away, then swung back. ‘Did I just hear you say Mrs Lavender and Boyd Longbottom?’
‘That’s right.’ He winked. ‘I think you’ll find it’s a day for miracles.’
She started to grin. ‘I think you must be right.’ She turned and headed for the door.
‘Jaz, dear.’ Mrs Lavender beamed when she saw her. ‘I hope your poor arm is okay.’
‘Yes, thank you. It’s fine.’
Mrs Lavender had set up two sturdy card tables against the back wall in preparation for the cheese and wine Jaz had ordered for the afternoon readings. She’d pushed the leatherette cubes against the walls and into the spaces between the bookcases. It would leave a circle of space around the authors as they gave their readings. Perfect.
‘And the authors can use these tables for signings afterwards, you know, dear. I mean, once the crowd hears our three guests, they’re going to want to buy the books. And yes, we do have plenty in stock,’ she added when Jaz opened her mouth.
Jaz closed it again, noticed Boyd Longbottom sorting bottles of wine in the stockroom and nodded towards him. ‘How?’ she whispered.
‘I said to him this morning—“Boyd Longbottom, I need help with our Jazmin’s book fair and I don’t know who else I can ask.”’
Jaz’s eyes widened. ‘It was that easy?’
‘Well, now, he did say—“If you agree to have dinner with me tonight then I’m all yours, Audra Lavender.” And he said it so nice like. A lady shouldn’t turn down a nice offer like that, should she?’
‘Of course not.’
Jaz couldn’t help thinking back to the way Connor had told her he loved her—as if he couldn’t help but say it; as if there hadn’t been another thought in his head.
Jaz leant forward and clasped Mrs Lavender’s hand. ‘I’m pleased for you.’
The older woman’s eyes turned misty. ‘Thank you, dear. Boyd and I, we’ve wasted enough time now, I think.’
Jaz straightened and her heart started to thump, but she wasn’t sure why. She searched the room for Connor but couldn’t see him anywhere. He was the usual reason her heart rate went haywire.
‘Mrs Lavender, thank you for everything you’ve done today. I…’
‘Did you really think we’d leave you in the lurch?’
‘I certainly didn’t expect you to take so much upon yourselves.’
‘Why not?’
Jaz stared, and then didn’t know quite what to say.
‘You’ve given an old woman a new lease of life. You’ve given your staff a fun and harmonious working environment. This book fair, it’s galvanised us, made us work together. You’ve made us feel as if we matter.’
‘But you do!’
‘Precisely, Jazmin Harper. We all matter. Even you.’
Before Jaz could respond, Mrs Lavender rushed on, ‘And I don’t know what you did to charm Mr Sears, but it was well done. The moment he saw Boyd and I wrestling with the barbecue, he was across the road like buckshot. He started directing and things just fell into place.’
‘I’m very grateful.’
‘Jazmin, dear, you’re one of us. We look after our own.’
Jaz felt the walls of the community wrap around her and it felt as good as she’d always imagined it would.
‘I…well, now that I’m here, what can I do?’
‘Mingle. Chat and charm. Bask in the glow of the fair’s success. And take care of that arm. Everything else has been taken care of. We know where to find you,’ she added when Jaz opened her mouth to argue. ‘If we need to.’
Jaz had to content herself with that. She mingled. She chatted. As she moved about the room, it occurred to her that she felt comfortable here—here in Clara Falls, of all places. More comfortable than she had ever felt anywhere in her life before.
‘Your mother would’ve enjoyed this,’ Mr Sears said, coming up beside her as the guest authors prepared themselves for the readings.
The scent of frying onions still seasoned the air. She glanced out of the window behind her. Connor had taken over the sausage sizzle. A pulse fluttered in her throat. She had to swallow before she could speak. ‘Yes, she would’ve had a ball.’
Mr Sears followed her gaze. He turned back to her. ‘Don’t make the same mistakes Frieda and I made.’
‘Which was?’ She held her breath. It was none of her business but…
He stared back at her. ‘I loved your mother from the first moment I clapped eyes on her.’ His lips tightened briefly. ‘I understood why she wouldn’t get involved with me when I was married. But when my wife died…’
Mrs Sears had died over ten years ago, when Carmen and her brother were just small children.
‘I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t take a chance on us then. I knew she loved me.’
‘Didn’t she ever tell you why?’
He was quiet for a long moment. ‘She said we couldn’t be together until all the children were grown up. She said her reputation would make things too difficult for them.’
Jaz’s jaw dropped.
‘And I took that to mean that she cared more about what people thought than she cared about me.’
He broke off for a moment, then pulled in a breath. ‘I wanted the bookshop so badly because I suspected the letters were in the building somewhere. And I wanted it because it was part of her. I treated you very badly, Jazmin. I’m sorry.’
‘Apology accepted,’ she said without hesitation. ‘But, speaking of the bookshop, I am looking for a business partner.’
His eyes suddenly gleamed. ‘The two of us could make Frieda’s dream a reality.’
She nodded.
‘We’ll talk about this further.’
She smiled. ‘That’s what I was hoping you’d say.’
He sobered again. ‘I let my disappointment that Frieda wouldn’t marry me turn my love into something ugly and twisted.’ He reached out, touched her hand briefly. ‘Don’t you go and make the same mistake.’
Then he was gone.
Jaz’s heart pounded and burned. She turned to the partially completed portrait of Frieda on the back wall for guidance. Oh, Mum, what do I do?
The partially completed portrait didn’t give her so much as a hint or clue.
Perhaps if Jaz could finish it…but she couldn’t seem to bear to.
It wasn’t that she couldn’t bear to. She simply couldn’t do it—it was as plain as that. Something blocked her, something stood between her and her ability to find and execute that final essence of Frieda.
Would Frieda want her to take a chance on Connor?
She glanced out of the window again. Sun glinted off his hair and yearning gripped her. But…
No! Fear filled her soul. She couldn’t risk it; she just couldn’t. She’d won more today than she had ever expected. She had to content herself with that. It would have to do.
The rest of the afternoon breezed along without so much as the tiniest push from Jaz. Everyone agreed that the author readings were a huge hit—not least the authors, who must’ve sold dozens of their books between them.
Connor packed up the sausage sizzle and disappeared. Jaz did her best not to notice.
Just when she thought the day was starting to wind down, a new buzz started up. Connor stood at the back of the room, in the same spot the guest authors had,
calling for everyone’s attention.
Jaz blinked and straightened. She chafed her arms and tried to look nonchalant.
‘As most of you know, today wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for one special lady—Jaz Harper.’
She gulped, tried to smile at the applause that broke out around her.
‘Jaz returned to Clara Falls to honour her mother’s memory, and to make her mother’s final dream a reality. I can’t tell you all how glad I am to see the town come out in such numbers to support her.’
Jaz noticed then that most of the tourists had wandered off—they’d probably left after the readings. The people who were left were almost all locals.
Connor gestured to the partially completed portrait on the wall behind him. ‘As you can see, Jaz means to leave a lasting memorial of her mother here in Clara Falls. It only seems fitting that the grand finale to the day should be Jaz putting the finishing touches to her mother’s portrait. If you agree, put your hands together and we’ll get her up here to do exactly that.’
No way! He couldn’t force her hand this way. She wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t do it.
But a path had opened up between her and Connor and everyone was clapping. Some people cheered, yet others stomped their feet, and Jaz had no choice but to move forward.
‘What is this?’ she hissed when she reached him. ‘Payback?’
‘Just finish the damn picture, Jaz.’
His voice was hard, unrelenting, but when she glanced into his face the gold highlights in his eyes gleamed out at her. ‘Connor, I can’t.’ She was ashamed at the way her voice wobbled, but she couldn’t help it.
He took her hands in his. ‘What is it you focus on in the photographs that you turn into tattoos? What is it that you see in those photographs of people you don’t know, but capture so completely that you bring tears to the eyes of their loved ones?’
She searched his eyes. ‘Details,’ she finally whispered. She focused on the details—one thing at a time, utterly and completely.
‘Will you trust me on this?’
She stared at him for a long moment, then nodded. ‘Yes.’
He wouldn’t lead her astray on something so important. Even though she had hurt him. She knew that with her whole heart. He would try to help her the way she’d helped him.
Bachelor Dad on Her Doorstep Page 17
