When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “What about you?” I ask tartly. “Any girlfriends? Or just a string of one night stands?”

  “Hey!” He actually has the audacity to look like tis offends him, as if he isn’t the king of sleeping around. I used to call him a fuck boy for crying out loud. “I don’t know what you think about me, but it isn’t true.” His face breaks out into a knowing smile. “Or maybe it is true and I’m just looking for the right girl.”

  The right girl… I cannot believe that I used to think that was me. What a fool. No one is the right girl for Zane, he doesn’t have anyone that will get under his skin properly. Probably not until he’s about forty, then he’ll consider settling down and having kids, way behind everyone else. Far behind me. I don’t know what I want in life, but I do want to find love before I’m too old. I want a family someday, with the right person… who may or may not be Patrick, the jury is still out on that one. For now, I’m just enjoying him a lot.

  “I’m going to give Brandon a call,” I reply hotly. “I’m sure he’s very keen to see you.”

  But before the phone reaches my ear, I feel a hand resting over mine, preventing me. I don’t want to give in to every one of his commands, that definitely isn’t the person that I want to be, but it’s so hard to think straight when I have electricity crackling all over my skin. All I want to do is scream and act out.

  “Don’t call him yet,” he pleads. “I want to talk to you for a little while first. We need to talk, right?”

  It’s only the offer of answers that stops me in my tracks. I haven’t had a chance to find out the truth before, not from the horse’s mouth anyway, and it’ll be interesting. It might even provide me with some much needed closure so that I can finally move on. Maybe this is why I haven’t given myself over to Patrick yet.

  “Fine.” I slam my cell phone on the side. “You want to talk? About what?”

  He smiles at me, seemingly enjoying the spark of anger in me. He appears to like dragging me kicking and screaming out of my shell in any way that he can, even if that’s rage. “About what happened. About the fact that I didn’t say sorry to you for vanishing in the middle of the night, about the fact that I didn’t even bother to call you, despite the fact that I knew I should do.” His eyes flicker down and I get a glimpse of the softer side under his hard shell for just a split second. “I have a lot of regrets in my life, Leah, but that has always been the worst one. I shouldn’t have turned my back on you like that, it was so very wrong of me.”

  Once he stops talking, I realize that I’m panting like a crazy person and gripping onto the kitchen counter so hard that my knuckles have turned white. I never expected him to say any of that and it’s shocked me. I know I should reply, it’s the right thing to do, but the words are balled up in my mouth, stuck.

  Holy shit!

  Chapter Fourteen – Zane

  I love seeing Leah squirm, it’s hilarious. But that isn’t why I’ve said all of this. It’s true and it feels good to get it off my chest. It’s freeing actually, to say those words. I didn’t think that it would be. I never even thought that I would say them I certainly didn’t plan it, but when am I going to get a chance just as good as this?

  And my God, this boyfriend means nothing. He’s so clearly boring. If he wasn’t, Leah would have some enthusiasm about him but she doesn’t. If I decide that I do want to be with her again – and I can’t be sure that I will because right now my head is all over the place – then she’ll be putty in my damn hands.

  “I… I see…” Leah stammers. “I guess I never thought… I mean, I tried not to read too much into it.”

  But it’s obvious from her expression that she’s lying. She probably broke her heart over me which sucks. I wish I could tell her that she was the only girl that I actually cared about back then. With her, it was always different. I felt things that I wanted to explore. I would have done too, if I hadn’t been forced to leave.

  “Yeah, so now you know anyway.” I offer her a one shouldered shrug, staring to feel embarrassed. Leah is uncomfortable that I’ve laid my heart on the line so I suppose it’s best to get back to being the joke me. “Not that I expect you to care much, I just want you to know. So, what do you do these days? You a stripper?”

  “A stripper?” As anger fills her face I can see her relaxing a little. This is her safe place when it comes to me so that’s fine, I’ll stick to it if it makes things easier for you. “Of course not! I work in an office.”

  “Ooh, stimulating. That must be lots of fun for you. Honestly, I think you’d be better off as a stripper.”

  “That’s it.” She grabs her cell phone once more. “I’m calling Brandon now. I think he needs to see you.”

  I don’t stop her this time, to be honest I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself for much longer. With the images of her in that red polka dot dress still in my mind, and the sight of the grown up version of her today, there’s a real stirring in my pants and I have the feeling that any minute I’m going to grab her and ravish her. Screw her boyfriend, forget everything else in our way. I really want to just… act wild with her.

  “Hey, Brandon,” she says quietly into the phone. “You will never guess who’s here?” I can’t hear the other end of the conversation, but I know for a fact that he won’t be thinking of me. Why would he? I’m sure when I walked out of his life he didn’t ever think he’d see me again. That’s why he hasn’t pushed the contact between us, just as I haven’t. “No, no, look.” Leah glances at me. “I think it might be best if you just get home and find out. Trust me, it’s going to be a really big surprise. Alright, I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

  As she hangs up the phone, I decide to try a different tactic with her, mostly because I need to do something to get rid of the very obvious thick sexual tension that’s clinging to the air. Brandon isn’t stupid, he’ll smell that the moment he walks in, and while he might not be as protective of his sister as he once was, I’m sure that he’ll still kick my ass without a moment of hesitation. I don’t want that to be my home coming.

  “So, how did Brandon meet this Jenny? Who is she? Is she good for him?”

  “Oh, well for a while he was with this girl from college. Her name was Natalie. Urgh, I hated her.” She shakes her head in disgust. “He couldn’t see it because he was all loved up but she was a real bitch. All controlling and nasty, scheming too. I warned him that she would hurt him which was exactly what she did?”

  I lean across the kitchen counter to get in closer. “Why, what did she do?”

  “She cheated on him with his friend. It was a truly terrible time, I’m sure you can imagine, right?”

  Ooh yeah, even the thought of Brandon getting his heart broken makes me wince. I bet he fell apart and sobbed. That’s the only problem with being the good guy, it’s easy to get trampled all over. Mind you, it isn’t like I’ve always been strong myself, it’s just my father that’s destroyed me, rather than a girl.

  “So, when he came back here I don’t think he ever planned to fall in love, but Jenny works with him, and well… she’s just the sweetest, you know? She’s really good to him and she makes him happy. I think that they will end up getting married. At least, I hope they do. It’ll be good for them both.”

  The idea of my friend being ready to get married is almost too much to handle. But I suppose this is the age that a lot of people think about settling down to start a family. I mean, not everyone. Some guys are age are still really into the bar scene. I don’t know about me, I’m not sure where I am anymore. I’m not exactly wifed up but I don’t want to hook up with every random skank the comes my way either. I have no interest.

  “Oh well, that’s something,” I reply with a long nod. “I’m glad that he’s in a good place.”

  “You’ll see for yourself when he gets here. Although I don’t know if Jenny will be with him or not.”

  We stare at each other for a few more moments, neither of us quite knowing what to say. Even though I tried, there are still a wh
ole load of things hanging in the air, left completely unsaid, and that shows. I wish I could bring them up, but it’s too awkward. It’s too quick, I don’t want to push things. I don’t want to freak her out. Plus, Brandon is on the way. There’s no way in hell that I can start a serious conversation between us when it’ll be interrupted at any moment. Much as I don’t think I will, I hope I get another chance to say it all.

  “Oh, I think that might be him.” Leah glances towards the door as we hear noise. “Yeah, it sounds like it.”

  We move apart rapidly as if we’ve been set on fire, I get the impression that Leah thinks we’ve done something wrong which is crazy because we haven’t. We’re just sitting here talking.

  Leah moves to the other side of the kitchen and she busies herself. I straighten my back and wait impatiently for Brandon to finally get in here. I’m nervous about Leah but also happy to see my friend again. As I hear his footsteps, I smile to myself. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a real genuine friend.

  “Oh my God!” Brandon exclaims loudly as he spots me. “Zane, is that really you?”

  I jump up and extend my arms, welcoming him in for an embrace. “It’s really me, buddy, how is it?”

  He wraps his arms around me and we pat each other’s back in a friendly manner. It’s almost as if the last five years haven’t happened and I’ve just been gone for one night. It’s like this is the morning after the party and we’re meeting up to discuss all the gossip from the night before. Strange, how that’s happened.

  “It’s good,” Brandon replies smilingly. “Really good. Better now that you’re here. Honestly, I didn’t ever think that I would see you in this place again. I thought you were gone for good, off to be some doctor.”

  “Doctor?” Leah pipes up inquisitively. “Really? You trained to be a doctor?”

  I can’t believe that we’ve been sitting in the same room for ages and that hasn’t come up yet. I’m surprised that she didn’t already know. Maybe she really didn’t ask me after I left. That hurts me a little, but I suppose I have to think that perhaps I left her in such a cruel way she had to protect herself from her feelings.

  “Erm, I did a lot of medical qualifications yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

  “You’re going to be a doctor, I’m going to be a lawyer, we really have it made.”

  I smile thinly, unable to burst Brandon’s bubble. I’ll tell him later on the news that I’m going to disappoint him and my father by opening a custom bike shop. That’s my dream, I won’t let anyone take it from me.

  “Oh.” He pats my shoulders hard. “And Jenny will be here soon. Jenny is…”

  “Your girlfriend, yeah I know that.” I nod and smirk. “Leah’s been filling me in.”

  Brandon flicks his eyes between us for a couple of seconds, but he doesn’t seem to pick up on anything. Either he doesn’t want to see the sizzling chemistry between us, or he doesn’t think that I’m competition to this boring sounding Patrick. Urgh, Patrick. I haven’t ever met the guy and already hate his guts. I want to wring my arms around his neck and warn him away from the woman that I want. In a way, she’s mine.

  “Oh great, so you’ll be able to meet her soon. I think that you’ll really love Jenny. And we should go out tonight, just the three of us. Unless you want to come, Leah?”

  We both look her way, but I’m pretty sure I’m the only one with a desperate hope in my eyes. If Leah comes, the night will be worth it. And if she brings her boyfriend, even better, I can scare him off,

  “Oh, no, I have plans with Mandi actually. I can’t.” She gives us both a bland look, disguising all of her feelings. “Maybe next time though, it sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “So, it’ll be just us three, but that’s alright, isn’t it?” Brandon doesn’t care about the rejection, but why would he? He has his girl, he doesn’t need his sister trailing along after him. Even if they’re adults now, I’m sure that he still view her as an inconvenience.

  “Sure, I love being the gooseberry.” But I give Brandon a smile so he knows that I’m joking. Of course, I would prefer it to just be the two of us, but what can I do? “Nah, that sounds fun. Where shall we go?”

  “All the people that have stuck around in town always hang out at Kings. We should go there.”

  Okay, so it’ll be like a high school reunion, I suppose that could be fun. It’ll introduce me back into this life much easier, which is just what I need now. I’ve gone from being right in the center of things to the outskirts, looking in. I don’t like that place, I want to be back where I belong.

  “Sounds awesome. I would like to see everyone again.”

  Just as a pretty brunette walks in and throws her arms around Brandon’s neck, Jenny, I presume, Leah walks out. She barely looks at anyone as she goes, but she does take one spilt second to dart a glance at me. That makes my heart skip in my chest and I can’t drag the smile off my face. She wants me. She still wants me after all this time and I definitely want her too. I can’t resist her, I can already feel that cheeky sensation building in my chest. Leah is mine, I’m pretty sure that she’s always been mine, and now I just need to remind her of that. I need to stake my claim in her and take her for my own.

  This time, I won’t let anything or anyone stand in my way.

  Chapter Fifteen – Leah

  Oh my God. My heart pounds as I race from the house and into the car. I need to get away, this is too much.

  It’s almost like a dream, or a nightmare I can’t quite tell. Zane is back and within about thirty seconds he’s turned my world upside down. Everything that’s been steady and just fine for far too long feels all weird.

  I don’t know where I am as I bring the car to life and I drive down the road. I’m definitely going on autopilot while I move. My brain isn’t on the driving but it’s on him. On the man I thought I’d left behind five years ago.

  It isn’t until I get to Mandi’s house that I even move again. I dive out the car and head to the front door, secretly praying that it’s just her inside. Much as I like Jon and I know that he’s good for her, this is one of those times that I really just need to speak to her alone. I need her wise advice. She knows the history that I share with Zane, all of it, and she’s the only one who really knows the ins and outs of me and Patrick. She understands.

  I hammer on the door much too frantically, my anxiety bursting through with each and every pound.

  “Hold on,” I hear her call impatiently. “I’ll be there in a moment. Oh…” As she spots it’s me her face lights up. “I thought it was a cold caller the way you banged. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  I shake my head, feeling myself go pale as I do. “No,” I whisper. “I’m not, I need your help.”

  She invites me inside, not needing any more information than that. I’m so glad that she’s still here. There was a short period when we finished high school when I thought that she was going to move away and leave me forever. I was outwardly happy for her, but inside I was gutted. In the end, she landed a job that kept her here, thank goodness. At times like this, I don’t know what I would do without her.

  “Right, I’m going to get us some drinks and chocolate. You start telling me what’s happened.”

  Since there aren’t any obvious signs that Jon is here, I feel comfortable to start. “You will never guess who’s turned up at the door today. Never in a million years. I can hardly believe it myself…”

  “Who?” Mandi’s eyes widen in surprise. She can probably see from my face that it’s serious. “I don’t know.”

  “Z… Zane.” I can’t stop myself from stammering as I say it. “Zane Morris.”

  She slumps down in the chair in front of me, forgetting about all her offers of food and drinks as these words wash over her. She looks about as pale and green as I feel as she considers what this means. Thank God I don’t have to explain how much this turns my world upside down. Mandi just knows.

  “Oh my God,” she gushes. �
��Are you serious? What the hell is he doing back here?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug helplessly. “I just know that he’s back. Probably for good.”

  “Wow.” Mandi gives me a look out the corner of her eyes. “And… what does that mean?”

  “Huh? What does that mean? I don’t know what it means. It’s just really weird, isn’t it?”

  “I guess what I’m asking is what it means for you, Leah. Did you feel anything when you saw him?”

  “I…” I wish that I could deny it but I know I can’t. it’s obvious, Mandi can probably see it. “I don’t know.”

  “Did he give you the same shivers that he used to? Did he make you feel all sexy?”

  I remember that lustful look in his gaze. He wanted to devour me, I could almost see him wanting to sink his teeth into me as he stared at me, and I’m pretty sure that if he tried anything I wouldn’t have been able to resist. I know that makes me a terrible person, but he has that magnetic pull over me. I guess it’s because I liked him when I was a teenager, and he was my first everything. There’s a connection there that I can’t get rid of. But that doesn’t make it right, that doesn’t mean I need to actually think of him in that way again. I can’t.

  “He just made me feel strange.” At least that’s honest. “I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

  “I see.” Mandi nods along for a few seconds. “So, it was different to how you feel when you’re around Patrick.”

  I sigh loudly, not wanting to think too much about this. But I suppose that’s why I’m here, to listen to what Mandi has to say. Maybe I don’t always want to hear it and I won’t always listen, but still. I need to know.