When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “Wow, that’s… I don’t know what to say, Mom. That’s too much. It’s crazy.”

  “Your father doesn’t want you to struggle. He wants you to be happy and comfortable. He just doesn’t want you to waste it that’s all. That’s the only reason it’s taken so long.”

  I nod slowly, allowing my body to process that. Much as it’s been great to work things alone and to be self-sufficient, I would have to be an idiot to turn down all that money.

  “So, son, are you going to take me to see your store anytime soon?” Mom asks me with a smile. “I’ve missed you a lot. How have things been since you got back? Have you reconnected with Brandon?”

  Urgh, Brandon… the one person that I really don’t want to talk about. Then I suppose I have to, because I want at least one person to know and accept me and Leah for the loving couple that we are.

  “Sort of,” I sigh. “I mean, we did for a while but then I did something to screw it up.”

  “Oh yeah?” Mom cocks her head and gives me a curious look. “What did you do?”

  I hang my head low, knowing just how this is going to sound. I’ve said the words over and over in my head and I know they aren’t good. When it’s just me and Leah it’s easy to forget about the judgements, but when I plan to say it aloud and I hear it, it isn’t good. I don’t want Mom to look down on me.

  “I’ve been dating his sister,” I say quietly. “And he thinks that it’s just a fling.”

  “Leah?” Mom clutches her hand to her chest in shock. Her face pales a little as she looks at me. “You and Leah? But I thought she was with that other boy. The one from… erm, oh, I can’t remember now.”

  Okay, maybe Patrick is the one person I really don’t want to talk about ever again. I never even met the guy and he’s a thorn in my side. Maybe it’s because Leah gave a little bit of herself over to him and I want to be the only one that ever gets to see what’s going on underneath her surface.

  “No, she isn’t, Mom. She hasn’t been for a while now. Me and her have been together for a while. We’re…” I pause before I say this, I know how huge it is. I hope it makes Mom see that much as it’s caused a lot of trouble, what me and Leah share is worth it. “I love her, Mom. We’re in love. It’s the best relationship that I’ve ever had.”

  Mom looks at me with wide eyed shock for a few moments before her face turns into a smile. “Well, you know what they say, don’t you? Love conquers all. You and Leah will find a way to make it work.”

  She stands up to hug me and I fall gratefully into her embrace. It was the best decision for me to come here today. At least now I have someone on my side. I feel much better now.

  “Okay, so why don’t you stay here for dinner?” Mom asks me, giving me a very hopeful look that I simply can’t resist. “Wait until your father comes home? Maybe then we can all have a talk and sort things out.”

  This is something that would’ve been my worst nightmare not so long ago, but today it doesn’t feel like that at all. Seeing my father isn’t as scary as I feared it would be, I’m ready to face him. Maybe by walking away from my family I was still acting childish, but now I’m being an adult. Now, I’m facing everything head on and that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do.

  “That would be awesome, thank you, Mom. I would love to stay for dinner.”

  Chapter Thirty One – Leah

  This doesn’t feel good, I think to myself as I sit in the café that I’ve chosen for the neutral location for us to have this dreaded meeting. It feels wrong, I hate lying to everyone… again. I just hope that it works.

  The strain in the air surrounding me and Zane with regards to Brandon has been weighing thick for days, and I know that Zane thinks we should just leave things to cool down a bit, but I can’t do that. I need to get it going. I’m going to have to try and force the issue to make it better. Fortunately for me, I’m not alone in this.

  “Are you okay?” Jenny asks while squeezing my hand. “This is the right thing to do, you know that, right? Brandon has been in absolutely bits. Ever since the fight, he’s all closed off and tense. He won’t talk about it, but you know what he’s like. He doesn’t like to share his negative feelings at the best of times, so…”

  “Oh, God, I can’t take it.” Even my voice is shaking. “I can’t stand it. Why aren’t they here yet?”

  “Well, I told Brandon to meet me here at half past and it isn’t quite that yet…”

  The funny thing is, much as me and Jenny had a good relationship before, this has brought us closer. We’ve talked a lot in secret about what’s happened and it’s really built our bond. She hasn’t judged me for even a second for falling for Zane. We haven’t had an in depth conversation about it, but I think that she understands.

  “Yeah, well I said quarter past to Zane because he’s usually late, so hopefully they’ll turn up soon…”

  The door swings open and both me and Jenny suck in a deep and panicked breath. In theory, this was the best idea in the world, but putting it into practice is something else. Now, I’m really freaked out.

  “What’s going on here?” Brandon demands, his eyes narrowing when he sees me. He runs his fingers through his hair looking increasingly stressed out by the second. “Jenny, why is Leah here? She chose him, remember?”

  Jenny rolls her eyes and snorts at him. “Brandon, do you hear yourself? Leah is your sister. You need to talk.”

  He pauses in the same standing position for a couple of seconds, flicking his eyes between us both. Once he makes the decision that he can handle this much – which is a shame because there’s still a lot more to come – he scrapes the chair back and he falls back into the chair glaring at us both. His arms fold defiantly over him.

  “Brandon.” I lean forwards, needing to talk. “I’m sorry that you think I’ve disappointed you. I understand why you’re angry at me, but if you’ll just take some time to listen to me…”

  “How can I listen to you?” he hisses, trying to keep his anger down because we’re in public. “You’re acting like an idiot. I don’t think you even see it. How can you spend any time with Zane, knowing what he’s like?”

  “Brandon, he isn’t what you think he is.” Am I whining? Shit. “We’re in love, this is different.”

  “Love? You aren’t in love. Zane Morris doesn’t know how to be in love. When will you see that?”

  I feel a tight ball of frustration in my chest. He’s being so stubborn just because he doesn’t want to understand. He won’t even open his ears for a second to listen to me. I squeeze my fists by my side, trying to contain myself.

  “Brandon, maybe you should just take some time to listen to Leah,” Jenny jumps in. “I’ve heard your side of the story over this, and I get it. I do know why you’re angry and hurt, you feel betrayed, you feel like you’ve been stabbed in the side. I know it. But, you haven’t listened to Leah and heard what she has to say.”

  Brandon looks at his girlfriend, at first glaring at her, but soon his expression starts to relax. I think that he might actually be about to listen to Jenny, but then I suppose the reality of me and Zane hits him again and he shuts down. “Leah, how could you walk out of our house? How could you pick him? What the fuck?”

  “Me and Zane have had something for a long time.” I need him to try and understand. “We liked each other even before he left five years ago, this isn’t something that we’re just running head first into.”

  “Oh, you are fucking kidding me.” Brandon smacks his hands down on the table, forgetting that we’re in public now. His anger has truly gotten the better of him. “You were fucking even when we were younger? Because I have some real news for you. You were one of many, and I mean many whom Zane Morris fucked around the whole school. You were definitely not special to him then. If you thought that you were, then you’re stupid.”

  I slide my eyes closed, hating the way that feels. I know that he was a player back then, I know I might not have been special, but I am now. I’m confident in his love
for me this time around.

  “I’m not stupid. I know what I’m doing, and I don’t appreciate you talking to me like that. You need to start respecting me. I’m very appreciative that you’ve always looked out for me and taken care of me, but now it’s time for me to look after myself. I know what I’m doing, you just need to trust me.”

  Brandon shakes his head, still refusing to pay any attention to me. “Your decisions have all been shit recently, I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re throwing your whole life away.”

  “I’m making my life better, that’s what I’m doing, maybe one day you’ll see that.”

  Just at that moment, when I’m really about to get into the middle of my rant, the doors swing open and Zane comes through it, completely unsuspecting of what he’s about to face. I feel bad because all I’ve done is rile Brandon up and piss him off. That wasn’t part of the plan at all. Shit, how can I make this right?

  “What the fuck is going on here?” Zane snaps, his walls already high. “Why are you all fighting?”

  “Because of you!” Brandon yells. “Because you cannot keep your fucking hands to yourself, that’s why. Because you have to defile my sister, and now I learn that’s been going on for years. Even in high school.”

  Zane’s face falls, this knocks him back a bit, I can see it in his face. I didn’t mean for any of this to come out, especially not like this. I was just trying to defend what me and Zane have now.

  “Brandon, it really isn’t like that,” I try one last time, but now male pride has gotten in the way and there isn’t any chance of anyone listening to me. Brandon is squaring up to Zane and I have the horrible feeling that things are going to go south again. Maybe I should have waited, perhaps this is too soon.

  “You are a scum bag with no respect for our friendship,” Brandon yells. “The more I think about it, the more wound up I get. You used to be at our house all the time, I used to feed you, I gave you a place to avoid your father, I did everything with you. The only one thing I asked you not to do was go anywhere near Leah.”

  “Does that not show you how serious I am about her? We wouldn’t be here if not. I wouldn’t do anything to throw away what we had. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember.”

  “Huh. Well you sure as shit have a funny way of showing it. You don’t care about me at all.”

  “I stood back and let you say all those terrible things about me the other day, without fighting back…”

  “Terrible but true.” Brandon sneers nastily. “I suppose the truth must hurt.”

  “Truth? You don’t even know the truth anymore. You don’t care to get to know me.”

  “People like you never change. It doesn’t matter at all. You’ll be a prick for the rest of your life.”

  “You’re being ignorant and you’re making everyone unhappy around you. Don’t you get that?”

  “You are the asshole who came back here and wrecked everything. We were better when you were gone.”

  “For you, maybe. But you don’t even want to know about your sister. You’re so busy trying to control her…”

  “Control? Just because I dint want her anywhere near you? That’s the most ridiculous thing that I’ve heard.”

  “You do control her. Even when you were kids. You were always way too involved in her life.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I suppose I got in the way of you fucking her then as well. What a real shame.”

  “It wasn’t like that, it was never like that. It’s always been different with Leah.”

  “If it was so different, then why did you go? Why didn’t you stay for her? And don’t try and blame that one on your father because you could have kept in touch, if you were so in love. But you didn’t.”

  I don’t know how he even knows that, but the accusation opens a wound. I can almost feel it burning.

  “I… I…” Zane stammers, the color flooding from his cheeks.

  “You… you, what? You have no excuse because you behaved like a dickhead. Just like you always did. Girls were just a play thing to you. If I’d known that Leah was one of them…”

  I don’t even know why they’re yelling so loudly, they’re right in one another’s faces. The neutral location was a terrible idea. I should have thought all of this through more. I need to work out how to get us all out of here before more stuff gets smashes to smithereens. It was bad enough in my room. Here’ we’ll have to pay for it.

  I dart my panicked eyes around, trying to hunt for an escape route. The staff look just as freaked out as I feel and not one of them appear brave enough to do anything about it. To be fair, this is a quiet and quaint little establishment. I’m sure they don’t usually have trouble like this. Brandon and Zane are both big, intimidating looking guys. They probably look very frightening. I guess it’s up to me and Jenny to stop this.

  “What do we do?” I hiss to Jenny. “This is horrible, we need to get them out.”

  She nods defiantly and pulls out her chair. She stands on it so she’s almost looming above the pair of them and yells at the top of her voice. “If you idiots don’t stop this now, I’ll call the cops immediately.”

  Brandon gives his girlfriend a strange look, but to his credit he does step back from Zane. Both of them have the sense to look sheepish since they’ve been caught out by many people acting foolish. If we were in the sort of place where it was filled with young people, this row would be on YouTube already, going viral.

  “We need to go,” I join in hurriedly, taking advantage of the moment of silence. “The staff want us to leave.”

  Maybe they haven’t directly said that, but they don’t need to. It’s obvious from their faces that this is their idea of hell. I can almost see all of them sag with relief when I suggest leaving them all alone. One by one, we file out in silence, all of us lost in our own bubble of sadness. Mine centers around Brandon. I cannot believe that he even said some of those things. I don’t know if any of us can come back from them. He might have gone too far this time. The damage that his anger has caused might well be irreparable.

  Chapter Thirty Two – Zane

  The cool fresh air hits my face, washing over my skin, but it doesn’t do much to calm my temper down. I thought that I was just going into the café to meet Leah for something to eat, I had no idea that I was about to be ambushed. Maybe Leah thought that she was doing something good with this, but the wounds are too raw and open. She should have listened to me and waited until things had calmed down. Now, I don’t know what we’re going to do. The communication channels have been opened. I don’t think we can walk away without closing them. Not unless we don’t ever want to talk again, which will make things very challenging.

  “We all just need to talk calmly,” Jenny tries her best. “We need to hear each other out. If we talk one by one without interrupting, then maybe we can actually get some resolution from this.”

  “Or, maybe I should just punch Zane again, since the first one didn’t get through.”

  Jenny leans up to Brandon and she hisses angrily at him. I almost want to laugh at him for getting yelled at but I know for a fact that will only ignite things further and make them impossible. Much as I’m wound up by Brandon, I do want to sort this out. I don’t want to lose him forever.

  I glance over to Leah, but her body language is completely closed off. She’s lost in a world of her own, all hurt and upset, trying to work out how she can make this okay again. I understand her well enough now to know that if I go over there she’ll just end up getting too emotional and upset for words. All the color has already drained from her cheeks. If she starts crying, I’ll comfort her, but I don’t want to be the one to set her off.

  “I don’t want him to come to our house, Jenny. I don’t have anything to say to him. I’m sure he doesn’t want to come either.” I slide my eyes closed and Brandon rants loudly. “After this, we don’t have a friendship, it’s done, over. There’s no coming back from this. We will never be friends again. That c
an’t be changed.”

  “Oh, for fuck sake, Brandon,” I can’t resist yelling back, just one last thing. “Can’t you see yourself ever letting go? What about if me and Leah end up married? What will you do then?”

  “You’ll both be dead to me if you end up getting married. In fact, you’re dead to me now. Both of you.”

  Leah shrinks forward even more. This is really getting to her. I need to try and stop it before it gets even more ridiculous. Maybe there isn’t any solution to be found today, but we don’t have to storm off after arguing with one another. That’s just stupid. We’re both so much better than that.

  “Look, Brandon, maybe we should arrange a time to talk just me and you? Yeah? That way, we can really get everything out in the open and talk about it properly. Isn’t that the best solution…?”

  But I don’t really get to finish my sentence, because the next thing I feel is the unexpected sensation of his rock hard knuckles connection with my cheek, making my teeth shake in my mouth. Because I didn’t know that it was coming, I stagger to the side, almost falling under the pressure of it. A red hot pain radiates all through my face and I find myself shocked that we’re actually here again. Another fight over the same damn thing.

  “I don’t want to fight,” I yell out, needing to be the bigger person. “I just want to talk.”