When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “I’m doing well,” I replied, letting her ruffle my hair the way she had always done when I was a kid. “It’s good to see you, Jane.”

  “When did you come in?”

  “Two nights ago.”

  “And are you here for a while, or just passing through?” Jane asked, leaning against the cashier counter and folding her arms across her chest. Her eyes darted between me and Bobby.

  “Actually, that’s why we’re here,” Bobby said. “Andrea’s decided to stay for quite some time. Months, hopefully.”

  “Well, isn’t that just wonderful?” Jane smiled. “It would be good to get some life back into that house of yours. No good that house with just a man in it bringing home all sorts of scandals.”

  I smiled and nudged my brother, who feigned ignorance. It was cute to see how scared he was of Jane, even at his age. She had a way of making us feel like we were kids again.

  “Well, don’t worry,” I said. “Now that I’m there, there will be no scandals.”

  “You better make sure of that, missy,” Jane pointed at me. “We’re gonna make an honest man out of your brother yet.”

  “Okay, ladies, not why we’re here,” Bobby cut in, obviously uncomfortable.

  “I need a job,” I said, saving Bobby any more embarrassment. “I was wondering if maybe you needed an extra bagger or something.”

  Jane looked at me, hard and long, and quickly glanced down at my hand. I hadn’t removed my ring, and it stood out like a sore thumb. She looked at me again and winked.

  “I actually need some help in the back,” Jane said. “Well away from the customers, a little privacy and all. Storage is a mess, and I can’t ever seem to find someone who could keep a good system in place. Nothing efficient enough to make me happy.”

  “Then you’ve found just the person,” I beamed. “Efficiency is my middle name.”

  “Then that’s settled then,” Jane nodded. “How soon can you start?”

  “Right now, if you need me.”

  Jane waved a hand and scoffed. “Nonsense. Take your time to get comfortable and come in whenever you can. No rush. I’ve been dealing without a system for years. A few more days won’t hurt.”

  “How about tomorrow?” I asked, looking at my brother questioningly. He only shrugged.

  “Baby, there really is no rush,” Jane said, laying a hand on my arm.

  “I know,” I smiled. “I just can’t sit still for long.”

  Jane squeezed my arm. “Then tomorrow it is. I’m going to look forward to having someone with half a brain in their head to talk to. These college kids, it’s almost as if I’m babysitting them. All they want to do is sit around and get paid.”

  ***

  “That went well,” Bobby said, leading me back to the truck. His eyes were darting everywhere at once, as if he were looking for something.

  “Better than I expected,” I agreed. “Will you stop that?”

  “What?” The question was directed to me, but Bobby wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were scanning the entire street.

  “He’s not here,” I said.

  “Who’s not here?”

  I turned around quickly, Andy’s smile catching me off guard. Dressed in a casual shirt and jeans, he looked every bit as attractive as the other day. I was glad we had been talking in the dim light of the living room where he couldn’t see me eyeing his muscular body and tracing his jaw line with my eyes. He had been a scrawny kid when we were growing up. I had never imagined he’d ever look like this.

  “Hi,” I greeted. “Didn’t notice you were inside.” I gestured towards the grocery bag in his hand with Jane’s logo on it.

  “I was paying when I caught you two talking to Jane,” he said. “I was hoping I’d catch you out here.”

  He reached out and clamped Bobby’s hand, then looked around him as well, trying to figure out what Bobby was searching for. “You okay, man?”

  “He’s looking for Dennis,” I said.

  “I’m keeping an eye out for Dennis,” Bobby said. “There’s a difference.”

  “Oh,” Andy said, flashing me a smile. “So, is the coast clear, 007?”

  “Shut up, Andy,” Bobby replied, glaring at his friend before continuing his perimeter scan. I held back a laugh, the seriousness with which my brother was going about his task making him look like a lousy bodyguard in a B movie.

  “So how about we head out for some drinks?” Andy suggested. “You know, stay out of the public eye and all, Mr. President.”

  I couldn’t hold it back any longer and burst into laughter. Bobby glared at the both of us, eyeing us as if we were two children who had just broken playground rules. He couldn’t keep up the bravado, though, and a smile crept onto his face.

  “I have to be at the station,” he said. “Night shift.”

  “Well, I just finished my shift, so I’m free,” Andy said. “Andrea?”

  “Absolutely not,” Bobby cut in before I could reply.

  I looked at him as if he had just said the most ridiculous thing ever. “Excuse me.”

  “I’d rather prefer you stay at home,” Bobby said. “Stay low, until we’re absolutely sure Dennis isn’t going to do something stupid.”

  “You mean, you want to lock me up, is that it?”

  “No,” Bobby sighed. “I want you to be safe.”

  “You’re being silly.”

  “And frankly, you’re being naïve,” he shot back. “You’re the one who was terrified he’d come after you. Now, all of a sudden, you think you’re clear?”

  “I didn’t say that,” I shot back. “Of course, I’m terrified.”

  “Then start acting like it.”

  I was beginning to fume. “Being scared is one thing, Bobby. But I’m not going to let it ruin my life.”

  Bobby glared at me. “You left home two days ago,” he almost shouted. “Two days. And you’re already acting like you’re home free. I can’t protect you if I’m not with you.”

  “I’m with her,” Andy suggested.

  “Stay out of this, Andy,” Bobby shot, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

  “No, don’t stay out of this,” Andrea said. “You sent him to our house yesterday to watch me while you were gone. What difference does it make?”

  “You’re not exactly at the house, are you?”

  “Because a door is going to stop Dennis.”

  Bobby growled and threw up his hands in frustration. “You know what? Fine. Go. Whatever!” He turned to Andy. “Just make sure she’s home by ten.”

  “Aye, aye,” Andy saluted, looking extremely uncomfortable.

  “I have a curfew now?” I shot.

  “Ten, Andrea,” Bobby hissed. “I’m serious.”

  ***

  If anyone ever said the university crowd didn’t change Mansfield, then they had no idea what they were talking about.

  Pub 32 was a small establishment when compared to the various bars and night spots in and around Hartford. However, the university crowd definitely made it look extravagant. The crowd also made me feel particularly old. Sitting in the corner booth that Andy claimed was reserved for the men and women of Mansfield Fire, I couldn’t help but watch the ‘youngsters’ go about their night, mixed in groups of various sizes, laughing and drinking and talking over the music as if their life depended on it.

  It was exhilarating and tiring all at the same time.

  Andy slid into the bench opposite mine and pushed me my beer. The cold glass was refreshing against the otherwise almost unbearable heat around me. I felt lucky that smoking had been banned indoors. I couldn’t imagine what this place would have been like with a cloud of suffocating tobacco smoke clogging up my lungs.

  “Not the same as Hartford, but not bad, either,” Andy said, lifting his glass.

  I smiled at him and raised my own in a silent toast, drinking a large gulp of the cold beer and smacking my lips in approval. He laughed, and I laughed along with him.

  He was in his element here, as if
he owned the bar himself. The minute we had walked in, the bartenders were already cheering him on, and one or two of the waitresses had given him quick hugs and pecks, as if welcoming a celebrity home. The photographs of Mansfield Fire that hung on the walls everywhere made me feel like I was in the company of a rock star, where everyone knew him on a first name basis, and probably admired him like a god. I couldn’t help but wonder if Bobby got the same treatment.

  “So, you guys hang out here a lot, I presume,” I said with a smile.

  “A lot is an understatement,” Andy laughed. “This is like our second home. The people here are incredible, and the relationship between the department and this place goes way back. I think the first owner’s son was a fire fighter at one point. Probably what got this whole ball rolling.”

  “You’re definitely popular,” I gestured to the photographs hanging around us.

  Andy looked at them for a second and shrugged. “It’s a small town. Everyone’s popular.”

  “Small town my ass,” I laughed. “The University of Connecticut is right in your backyard.”

  “Or you could say we’re in UCONN’s backyard,” Andy joked. “We’ve become dependent on it completely, I guess. Kind of put Mansfield on the map.”

  “Since 1881,” I pointed out. “I’d almost say Mansfield only grew because of it.”

  “Hey, give us some credit.”

  I smiled and took another swig of my beer. My parents had always expected me to finish high school and enroll in UCONN. Keep their girl close to home kind of thing. I think I broke their hearts doing more than just marrying Dennis and throwing my life away. Then again, I had never been completely happy here. I had always thought I was made for more. It was funny how life turned out.

  “So, Bobby’s really keeping a tight leash on you,” Andy cut through my thoughts.

  “He’s always been protective,” I said. “Makes me wonder where the hell he’s been these past couple of years.”

  “Have you asked for his help before?”

  I looked at him for a few seconds before dropping my eyes. No, I hadn’t. I had always thought I could handle my problems on my own. Besides, ever since my parents had practically disowned me, I hadn’t thought Bobby would have cared much anyway.

  “Can I ask you something?” I looked up, meeting his gaze.

  “Shoot.”

  “Your dad,” I started. “How did you put up with it?”

  “You mean how did I stay quiet while he beat my mom?”

  I shook my head. “You were as much a victim as she was. How did you finally put an end to it?”

  “I pushed him down the stairs.”

  My jaw dropped, and my eyes grew wide. “You did what?”

  He chuckled and looked away, and I could instantly see how uncomfortable he’d become. “I used to brag about it, but in all honesty, I think it was an accident,” he said. “I definitely meant to push him. But not down the stairs. I think I wouldn’t have done it if I had known that’s what would have happened.”

  “Wow,” I mouthed. “Was that during the time you suddenly disappeared from our lives?”

  Andy nodded, looking at me. The mirroring of pain in his eyes was enough to make me want to hug him. “My mom was taking it hard. He put her in the hospital a couple of times, and each time I thought she’d had enough. That this time, for sure, she’d leave him. But she always went back. So, I stayed home more. At least that way, he had two people to beat, and my mom wouldn’t take the whole heat.”

  “You loved her a lot, didn’t you?”

  “I loved the idea of her,” Andy replied. “I loved what she could have been for me if not for him. But the woman I knew had lost herself in the middle of all the abuse. Over time, I guess she just forgot how to be herself. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  “It turned out pretty okay, all things considered,” Andy shrugged. “Unlike other people who aren’t so lucky.” He leaned in and held my hand, and I felt a bolt of electricity shoot up my arm. “It’s a good thing you got out.”

  “I’m not out of the woods just yet,” I said, trying to force a smile.

  “You’ll get there.” Andy winked. “You have a support team here cheering you on.”

  “I think my support team’s already getting frustrated.”

  “It’s been two days,” Andy smiled. “He’ll get used to it.”

  The music was suddenly turned up, and a bunch of the college kids started to cheer and dance. I watched them as they moved to the beat, jealous of the carefree attitude and the college life I had missed. I felt Andy grab my hand again and pull me out of the booth.

  “We got an hour before your curfew,” he said. “Come on, let’s see if we can turn this night around and get you to smile.”

  “What are you doing?” I laughed as he dragged me to the center of the pub.

  “We’re going to dance, Andrea Canfield,” Andy yelled.

  ***

  Andy got me home at ten, as promised, with a quick hug goodbye that I partly wished could have included a kiss. He waited until I was at the door and opening it before he pulled away, and I stood there watching his car disappear down the road.

  What the hell are you doing? You just ran away from a toxic relationship, and you’re doing what exactly?

  I had no idea. The only thing I was sure of was that I felt safe around Andy. I hardly knew him, true, and there was still so much I was trying to figure out for myself. Let alone worrying about Dennis coming after me and the constant need to look over my shoulder just in case. Was this denial? Was this my sick way of trying to pretend that everything was normal, when nothing really was? I had no idea. All I knew was that I felt a strange attraction towards Andy, and it made butterflies flutter inside me.

  You’re married.

  No, I wasn’t. I stopped being married a long time ago, and it was a little scary how quickly I was accepting it. Like I hadn’t just been speeding out of Manchester two days ago, obsessively checking my rearview mirror in case Dennis was coming up behind me. I wondered if there was anything logical about what I was doing, and quickly realized no, there wasn’t.

  “Andrea?”

  Bobby was waiting for me in the living room, half asleep on the couch, the TV still on. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, stretching as I walked in and slumped down on the chair in front of him.

  “What time is it?” he asked.

  “Ten, dad,” I teased.

  He gave me the finger and ran a hand across his face. “I have to do a double shift tonight and tomorrow morning. You should get some sleep but I’ll back in the morning for a while and then I’ll be dropping you off at Jane’s, on my way.”

  “I can take my car,” I said.

  “I’d rather you’d not,” Bobby replied. “Andy was telling me we should probably park it in the garage anyway. It’s like a beacon for Dennis the way it’s parked outside like that.”

  I thought about that for a second and decided that it probably would be for the best. “Is Andy babysitting me again tomorrow?” I asked.

  Bobby looked at me, his eyes searching mine. He stayed like that for a few seconds before saying, “No, he’s on the morning shift, too.”

  “Oh.” I heard the disappointment in my voice and noticed that Bobby had to.

  “Andy’s my best friend,” he started, “but that also means I know a lot about him. I love him like a brother, but I have to warn you. He might not be someone you want to get too hooked up on.”

  “I’m just enjoying his company, that’s all.”

  Bobby eyed me. “Just be careful, okay? I trust him to keep you safe, but that’s pretty much as far as it goes when it comes to Andy and women.”

  He got up, stretched, and made his way outside, leaving me alone in the living room to think about what he had just said.

  Chapter 8: Andy

  I drove home feeling like a million dollars.

  Andrea was like a breath of fresh
air. For the first time in a very long time, I actually felt good around someone. I didn’t feel like I had to put on some show, make a spectacle to impress, or up the macho to swoon. I felt like I could be myself, completely and utterly me, and still have a fucking good time, too. I even caught myself whistling as I made my way upstairs, already running through possible things to do the next time I saw her.

  I liked her. A lot. And even though that feeling was foreign to me, it didn’t scare me. I had always expected that I’d be the type of guy who shied away from a relationship. At least a real one. Crazy nights, a different girl every time, and dodge Hannah as much as I could until she lost interest in me. Then probably grow old and die alone. And I was okay with it.

  Andrea made me reconsider that.

  You know that her interest in you would only be rebound, right?

  Probably. She had run away from an abusive marriage, was hiding from her husband, and was pretending to be okay. I was willing to bet that beneath the whole bravado was a terrified little girl. Getting involved was going to mean nothing but trouble. Add to that the fact that she was Bobby’s sister, and you had a recipe for disaster. The right thing to do was just keep my distance and help out whenever they needed me to.

  But I couldn’t help feeling like I wanted more.