Texas Desire

by Holly Castillo

  “Wh-what do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, anger and fear in her voice. “Unhand me this moment!”

  “You’re shivering to death. You need to warm up or you won’t be in any condition to take care of yourself—or me, for that matter.”

  Olivia briefly stopped struggling and her eyes flew to his face. “You have no right to handle me this way. I’ve already been trying to get warm and will do so successfully as I go about my chores. Let. Go. Of. Me.” Her last few words ended in a growl, and she was desperately fighting back the fear that was clawing at her.

  Was he going to rape her? He had said it had been a long time since he’d been with a woman. Maybe he was desperate enough to use her as his plaything until she either escaped him or he grew tired of her. She felt the mad desperation clawing at her heart, making her want to scream, making her want to cry in fury. She had been known as Senorita Fria in town because all of the men thought she was frigid. If only they knew why.

  Chapter Nine

  Cade saw the fear and panic building in her eyes. Weren’t they past this stage? She had actually teased him earlier, revealing a playful, soft woman that he hadn’t imagined existed. Why now was she so afraid of him?

  He lessened his grip on her, but still kept her close to him. “I will never hurt you, Olivia. You should know that by now. Why are you so afraid?”

  He could tell she was fighting to control her emotions. “Cade, please...”

  Her plea was so desperate he released her, and he saw shock and confusion cross her face. He had expected her to bolt, and she did move away from him until she was at the edge of the bed, but she didn’t get out. Subconsciously she rubbed her wrists from where he had held her, and he wondered if his grip had been too strong. Her eyes were wide as she watched his face, but she said nothing.

  “What is it, Olivia? Talk to me.”

  She shook her head, then closed her eyes for several moments, and when she reopened them she seemed to have gathered her wits about her.

  “Why did you do that?” she demanded, though her voice quivered.

  “You’re practically shivering to death. It is incredibly warm under these blankets and close to the fire. I can’t lie here and watch you freeze.”

  “You... you wanted to—”

  “I wanted to take care of you, Olivia. You’ve done so much for me... it’s the least I can do for you right now.”

  Her eyes were wary, but he could see she was tempted to move closer to him. Her eyes roved over the blankets covering his body and he could see a blush touching her cheeks. “It-it’s highly improper... I shouldn’t—”

  “There isn’t anything proper about this, Olivia. You’ve been with a naked man. And now you are living with him without a chaperone. Proper behavior was thrown away the moment you said you would take care of me. Why are you so afraid to lie near me? And don’t give me another foolish excuse about being proper. We’re way past that.” His tone was slightly gruff, but he was also gentle. She reminded him of a trapped deer—afraid of which way to go that would lead her to safety.

  “You won’t understand—I can’t tell you...” Tears welled up in her eyes, though he could tell she was fighting very hard not to let him see them. “This is terribly embarrassing,” she whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

  Cade reached out and ran his knuckles lightly down her cheek and her eyes shot to his.

  “I was afraid—I thought—” She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked at him directly. “You said it had been a long time since you had been with a woman. And since I’m the only one available, I thought you meant to...” She swallowed hard as she searched for the words. Finally, she just blurted it out. “I thought you were going to rape me.”

  Cade tried hard not to recoil from her out of surprise and anger. “Rape you? You think I am the type of man that would rape a woman? Is that what you think of me?”

  “No! I mean... I don’t think so, but you frightened me. Your reaction to me undressing you earlier—”

  “Was purely because an extremely attractive woman who has been driving me crazy with her gentle caresses and soft touches that are more than just caring for my injuries was undressing me with desire in her eyes. I couldn’t stop my reaction to your touch, and I’m sorry if that frightened you.”

  Her eyes widened and he reached out to caress her cheek again. “I would never hurt you, my sweet angel. Never.”

  Her cheeks were bright red as she slid under the covers and moved closer to him. When she was close enough, he wrapped his arms around her and began to rub his hands up and down her back. She stiffened in his arms, but she didn’t pull away.

  “Talk to me, Olivia. Why are you so afraid? What happened to you?”

  “What do you m-mean?” Her shivers fought with her emotions for control of her voice.

  “You are more than just scared of being close to me. You’ve touched me and soothed me for hours and it didn’t seem to bother you. But now that I reach for you... there is genuine fear in your eyes. What happened to cause you to fear me so much? What have I done?”

  Olivia shook her head and he could have sworn she subconsciously moved closer to him. “You’ve done nothing at all, Cade. If anything, you’ve been a true gentleman. You had many opportunities to take advantage of me, but you didn’t, and for that I am forever grateful.”

  “But someone else did take advantage of you. Someone hurt you.” Anger built inside his chest. How could anyone hurt this incredible woman?

  “Cade, I can’t tell you. I’ve-I haven’t told anyone. It’s too painful to talk about. No one knows. And I should keep it that way.”

  Her eyes were large with a plea to him and brimming with tears she clearly didn’t want to shed. But he couldn’t let it go. He had to know what it was that had traumatized her so much she was still trembling viciously in his arms.

  He reached up and ran his knuckles down her cheek, a gesture he was quickly learning seemed to calm her. “Talk to me, angel. Tell me what happened,” he spoke softly, and then regretted pushing her as a tear slid down her cheek.

  “I was fifteen,” she said, her voice shaking as another tear slipped free. “I had to run to the market to gather items for the cocina and felt fortunate that we had a wagon and a mule to help me haul all of the things. I went behind the homes as a shortcut to reach the kitchen. I should have... if only I had been more careful! I was such a little fool!”

  “Shh.” Cade tried to soothe her gently, but she was shaking even harder, her teeth clicking together. “Olivia. Olivia!” He finally caught her attention, and her eyes that had been seeing something that tormented her slowly refocused on him. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t.”

  “How can you say that? You don’t even know what happened.”

  “I have a rough idea.” He tried to keep his face passive, even though he was furious.

  He could only imagine what had happened to her, and what he was picturing made him want to hurt the bastard or bastards that had hurt her.

  “They were waiting for me. They had seen me in the market and followed me on the other side of the homes, and then moved ahead of me so they could stop me before I made it to the kitchen.” Olivia was breathing heavily and, from the look on her face, she was reliving the horror she had faced years ago.

  “One of them climbed up into the wagon and forced me to stop. He put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t scream. A couple of them were officers, and a couple were regular infantry. They pulled me from the wagon and slammed me up against the side. It knocked my breath out of me, and they used that as an advantage to begin... to begin...”

  “You don’t have to tell me anymore, angel. You don’t have to tell me anymore.” He didn’t know if he could listen to any more.

  She had experienced something horrific, and didn’t need to relive the experience. He didn’t want to make her go through this.

  It seemed Olivia wasn’t even able to hear him as the te
ars slid silently down her face. She was completely reliving her nightmare, and he had pushed her too far to pull her back and get her to stop. He felt like an ass.

  “They began trying to kiss me. I tried to pull away, but they were too strong. And then they hauled me to the back of the wagon and... and...” She drew a deep breath. “They forced me to bend over the wagon and hiked up my skirts. Their hands were all over me—touching me in places... I just tried to imagine I was somewhere else. I just wanted it to be over as fast as possible. I knew what they were going to do.”

  Olivia’s eyes suddenly focused on Cade’s and she clenched the muscles in her jaw. “But then I decided to fight. I wasn’t going to let them use me and discard me in the trash. So I kicked the man directly behind me in the... well, you know where. He made an odd sound and moved away, giving me the chance to pull my blade out of my boot. And I didn’t even think twice as I sliced the officer in a way that would make certain he would never have children.

  “He screamed louder than I ever would have. The other men jumped away from me and I raced back to the front of the wagon and jumped in. I raced to the back of the cocina, and ran inside and hid in my room for God knows how long. Grandma found me curled up in the corner of my room, rocking back and forth. She thought I was being lazy and was furious with me. And I was just so relieved it was over.”

  Cade shook his head. “You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known. To have survived that, not only to survive, but to avoid rape...”

  Olivia closed her eyes briefly. “I may not have been raped, but they took away a part of me... I don’t feel like... I don’t think that I’m a true woman any longer. They took that from me and I’ll never be able to get it back.”

  Without her realizing it, Cade had unfastened her bun at the nape of her neck and fanned her hair out, the soft black silken length clinging to his hand. “They’ve taken nothing from you. You defeated them.”

  She lowered her eyes and tears streamed down her cheeks and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing.

  When she lifted her eyes, they were full of pain, and regret, and—self-loathing. “I can’t come to a man pure and innocent anymore. I know what a man wants to do with a woman now... I know the vulgar things a man thinks and does—”

  “Not every man. Not every man is like that, Olivia.”

  “Regardless,” she spoke softly, her throat strained. “If I ever had a chance to find love, it would be destroyed as soon as he learned of my past. The whole town knows about me cutting that man. That is one of the reasons they call me Senorita Fria. They think I’m a cold-hearted old maid that will cut a man’s juevos off if he tries to get near me. No man even looks at me twice, even if he doesn’t know my past. I was not blessed with beauty, which has probably saved me through all the years.”

  “Olivia, you are incredibly beautiful. These men are fools to miss out on the chance to be in your presence.” His brow was furrowed in confusion.

  “I do believe that your fever has damaged your vision,” she said, giving him a slight smile through her tears.

  “What makes you think you aren’t beautiful? Who has hurt you so much to make you look at yourself in such a way? Was it the men that tried to rape you?”

  Olivia shook her head and wiped at the tears on her face. “I’m feeling warmer now, so I’ll just—”

  “At some point you’re going to have to tell me. I won’t let it go until I know who has hurt you.”

  Olivia’s hands began to tremble, but not from the cold.

  She clasped her hands together tightly. “There was a man one time... a young man who was so handsome. He knew how to talk so sweet to a girl. And I fell for him. Hard. I was only sixteen. He was relatively new to town, so he wasn’t as fazed by my actions, but I never could tell him the whole story of what had happened.”

  She paused suddenly and looked up at him. “You don’t want to hear this. There’s no reason. All you need to do is rest.”

  “Tell me, angel. Tell me what happened.”

  “One day he asked me on a picnic and my grandfather agreed to let me go. I thought we were having a marvelous time until his friends showed up. They were all very mean boys that got in trouble around town most of the time. I was shocked that he was friends with them.” She closed her eyes then slowly opened them again. “They began to throw mud and dirt at me, calling me a whore. They were relentless. But it was as if something broke off inside me. My ability to care, to have feelings... I felt like ice on the inside.”

  Cade caught a stray hair from her face and smoothed it back into place. “Angel, I’m so sorry...”

  “That was only the beginning. The young man I thought I had fallen in love with began to punch my face repeatedly, until I nearly passed out. I was so confused. None of it made any sense to me. It was later that I found out he was the nephew of the man I had sliced when I was fifteen.”

  Cade grabbed her hand and held it tight, giving her the strength to finish her story. “They then stripped me bare and tied my hands in front of me. They all looked at my body with disgust. The boy I had been with led me forward at a fast walk while the others followed behind, throwing rocks at me. They paraded me down the main street of town, crying out that I was the town whore and I deserved to be punished for my sins. I thank God that there was a kind, older woman who ran out of her house with her shotgun and drove them all away. Then she hustled me into her home for protection and wrapped my nude body in a blanket.”

  She glanced up at Cade and smiled slightly. “To this day, I still make sure to have a tripas and egg taco ready for her.”

  “And what happened to the boys that did this to you?” his voice sounded gruff.

  Olivia shook her head. “Nothing. No one would come forward against them, because they all had influential parents who could make our lives rough.”

  “Look at me, angel,” he said softly and her eyes focused on his face. She knew she probably looked atrocious.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I thought that the first night I saw you. I truly thought you were an angel that had saved me. What those boys did to you back then... you can’t let that define your life. You’re the one that chose to become Senorita Fria. You chose it as a protective cloak. But it is a cloak you hate and it is weighing you down every day.”

  Olivia’s eyes searched his for several long moments “I’m sorry I misjudged you.”

  “After what you experienced, I’m surprised you even took me into your home to care for me. Why did you? I’m a complete stranger and I was running from the army. Why have you done all that you have for me?” His fingers played in her hair and she knew her face was showing several different emotions before focusing on him.

  “You were hurt. And you were fleeing the Mexican Army, my enemy. I had to help you. And once I saw your injuries... well, I just couldn’t risk letting you die after escaping certain death already.”

  “Why did you trust me in the first place?”

  “I don’t really have a good answer for that,” she said softly, her eyes searching his face, watching his expressions closely. “There is something about you—something that I can’t explain with words—that makes me want to believe you.” Her fingers reached up and lightly touched his cheek. “I want to trust you,” she whispered.

  Cade gave her a soft smile. “Then let’s start tonight,” he said softly. “Stay with me so that I know you are warm.”

  Olivia felt an odd fluttering in her chest. “Alright. But if you try anything...”

  “Trust me, I’ve seen the knife you carry. I value my juevos a little more than that other guy did.”

  Olivia’s soft chuckle was the last sound before they both drifted off to sleep.

  “I haven’t done anything to you yet, so there’s no reason to go jumping out of bed now, is there?” His voice was low and slightly slurred with sleep. His hand was in her hair, slowly combing through the long length with his fingers.

  He had felt Olivia jump when
she had realized she was asleep in his arms, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He looked down at her and grinned. “You haven’t answered me.”

  “Just so you know, I am not in the habit of waking up in bed with strange men.”

  “I should certainly hope not. Because I’m far from strange.” Her lips twitched, which made his grin even bigger. “Let’s just lie here and enjoy the warmth of the bed before you start running around in the cold again.”

  Olivia looked as if she wanted to disapprove, but then she just groaned and settled back in against him. “How is it that you talk me out of the most logical things I should do?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, looking down into her eyes, wondering how many different shades of color he could find in them if he tried to count them again. “Perhaps it is my charming personality?”

  “Mmm,” she replied before lowering her head, tucking it directly under his chin. She fit against him perfectly, and the feeling of her curves pressed along his side were causing his body to have an immediate reaction. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her and caress her and demonstrate to her exactly how beautiful he thought she was.

  But, after everything that had happened to her, the wisest thing to do was to hold her gently, never letting on how much he desired her. So he continued running his fingers through her hair, forcing his body to stay relaxed. With her prior experiences with men, he was shocked that she was comfortable enough to lie against him as it was.

  “Do you... well, do you often find yourself in this situation?” she asked hesitantly and he nearly laughed at how cautious she was about broaching the subject.

  “Waking up in bed with strange men? No, no, that hasn’t really ever happened to me.” She swatted at him playfully, then let her hand fall on his chest, exploring the whorls of blonde hair that covered him.

  “No,” he said, his voice thick with growing desire. “No, I don’t often find myself in this situation. I don’t know that I’ve ever been in a situation where I have such an incredible woman that is interesting lying next to me.” He was beginning to feel light-headed. Probably because all of the blood in his body was headed towards one place.