She turned to face him, holding the hot tortillas on a plate and slowly walked towards him. “I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life. You made me feel...” She hesitated as she tried to find the words. Finally, she just shrugged her shoulders. “You made me feel. I have felt nothing—empty—worthless, for a very, very long time. And you changed that for me for those moments we were together, Mr. Cade, and I am grateful to you.”
Cade watched her facial expressions closely. He felt as weak as a newborn, but he could still sense something was wrong. Something had changed, and she seemed more aloof now than she had been the night he had come into their home, very close to death. She had saved his life twice now, and he wondered how he would ever repay the debt. But he got the feeling she didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
“What happened?” he asked as she drew closer to him.
She sat down in the chair near the bed, her back ramrod straight, and began to tear the tortillas into smaller pieces for him to eat.
Her eyes darted to his. “Surely you remember what we... how we—”
“I remember holding an incredibly beautiful and sensual woman in my arms. And I remember that, despite the nightmares she has gone through in life, I was able to touch her body, to make her sigh with desire, to draw her against my body, and to have her sweet caress over my body to the point that I didn’t know if I would last long enough to please her. And I wanted—want—to please this beautiful woman.”
He held her eyes with his intense stare, hoping to understand what he was trying to convey to her. Had he been too bold? Should she be offended by the things he had just said?
Finally, she tore her gaze away from his and held a piece of tortilla to his mouth. He took it from her, but continued to watch her as he chewed slowly, waiting for some type of response from her. Finally, he reached out and caught her hand, and he watched her visibly fight the flood of emotions that filled her. What had he done to make her feel this way? Had he lost everything he had gained with her?
“Why have you ever felt worthless, angel? How can you not see the treasure that you are, the beautiful woman that graces anyone with her presence?”
She tugged slightly at her hand, but he would not release her. As her eyes stared at his, she couldn’t hide the shimmering of unshed tears. “Talk to me, angel,” he whispered.
“I have never had a man want me,” she whispered, matching his hushed tones. “And you have been incredibly ill and unable to think with a clear mind. You see a woman that doesn’t exist. You see a woman that will make do until you can return to the one who holds your heart.”
A thousand questions swirled through Cade’s mind and he released her hand so he could reach up and cup her face and swipe away the tear that had slipped down her cheek. “My mind is completely clear now, Olivia. And I crave you now more than ever. You are a temptation unlike anything I have ever faced. I know exactly what I see when I look at you, and you are blind not to see it yourself.”
She closed her eyes briefly and leaned into his hand, allowing him to caress her cheek, but then pulled away, focusing on the tortillas. “You must eat,” she said, her voice thick with unshed tears. “You need to regain your strength.”
He refused to take the next piece of tortilla that she held to his mouth. “There is no woman in my life, Olivia. What makes you think there is a woman I crave to return to, that I crave more than you?”
Olivia shook her head. “It isn’t important. What happened between us was a mistake. And when you have fully healed, you will feel the same.”
He caught her wrist and could feel her pulse racing. “Why? Answer me. Why?”
Another tear slipped down her cheek and she pulled her wrist free of his grasp. “You-you spoke as your fever held you. I know there is a woman that holds your heart. I know there is a woman you wish to be with far more than you ever wish to be with me. And—and I know it has been a long time for most of the Texians to be with their women, and that even someone like me will satisfy your ache temporarily until you can go home to the one you truly want.”
Cade stared at her in absolute confusion. What the hell was she talking about? “I have no home to return to,” he said, his voice firm even though emotions raged within him, threatening to break him. “The Mexican Army saw to that. They made certain my home was burnt to the ground, burnt to ashes, and made me watch the destruction.”
Olivia’s eyes darted to his in surprise and sympathy. “I am so very sorry, Cade. I did not know... I wouldn’t have...” Her voice trailed off. Then, hesitantly, “And your wife? Did they take her prisoner? Or did they... did they—”
“My wife died a little over two years ago giving birth to my baby girl. She and I were close, but she resented me for taking her from Virginia, from all of her friends and all of the things she knew and cherished. We grew apart, and the conception of my daughter was a complete shock to both of us. We were not, uh, intimate very often.”
“Cade, I did not mean to remind you of such terrible things. Please, just eat a little more and rest. You need to heal and get stronger.”
“No, you deserve to know the truth. You deserve to know what kind of man you have saved. And, if after you hear my story, you choose to stay as far from me as possible while I heal, I will understand.”
She withdrew the piece of tortilla she had been holding close to his face and sat back, her expression pensive. He could tell she didn’t know if she wanted to hear the rest of what he was going to tell her. But he owed it to her...she deserved to know why the Mexican Army hunted him, deserved to know why he wanted to heal and be on his way.
“I moved my wife and son from Virginia to Texas six years ago. I was a successful banker and we lived a very comfortable life. But when I heard about the opportunities available in Texas, the idea of leaving the confines of the city and starting fresh in a new and unknown territory appealed to me deeply. My wife was in support of it, too, until we got to Texas and she realized exactly how uncivilized the territory is. It took us an hour to ride to the closest general store, and there were very few women around for her to socialize. It became a nightmare for her.
“My son though...” A whimsical smile crossed his lips as he pictured his son riding his favorite horse, grinning at him with excitement every time they went to town, every time they went to check the crops they were growing and the cattle herd they were cultivating, every time they went hunting. “My son loved Texas. It was as though he had been born to live here.”
“Sounds like he takes after his father.”
Cade struggled to maintain his composure. “I became a Texian about three years ago as the military visited us, threatening us, demanding taxes, demanding that we give them whatever they wanted since we belonged to Mexico. They treated us as if we were their property, as if they owned us, and if we stepped out of line, they had no problem killing us.”
Cade closed his eyes for several moments as images and smells flashed through his mind, things he hadn’t wanted to remember ever again. But he needed to tell his story. He needed to purge it from his conscience. He opened his eyes to focus on Olivia, who had turned white as she had listened to him.
“I shared my Texian passion with a few other landowners around me, and together we gathered information and passed it through the chain to the Texian Army. We let them know where people were stationed, how many men they had at different points in our area. But I was a fool to trust the men around me. I was a fool to trust at all.
“I had gone to the general store for supplies when I saw the smoke on the horizon. I raced home as fast as I could, but there was nothing I could do. The Mexican Army waited for me there, along with one of my fellow landowners who was a spy for Mexico and had fooled us all. They-they brought my son out...” He paused and swallowed hard, but couldn’t stop the tear that slid down the side of his face.
“He was just a boy. He had just turned ten only a few weeks earlier. He was just a boy,” he whispered. He cleared his th
roat and continued, grateful that Olivia hadn’t stopped him, grateful that she was letting him tell his story. “They beat me quite a bit in front of my son, and I’ll never forget him yelling for them to stop, and the anger and fear on his face. They finally stopped and forced me to my knees in front of him. Then they asked me if helping the Texians was worth my son’s life. I pleaded with them and told them I would join the Mexican Army if it meant they would spare him. And finally they agreed and let him go free and he ran into my arms.
“I held him as he cried, I soothed him that everything was going to be okay finally, and that the worst was over. And that was when they yanked him from my arms and slit his throat in front of me. His eyes widened in shock and unbelievable fear, and then slowly glazed over in death and they dropped him in front of me, leaving his body lying before me.
“I don’t remember much that happened after that. I remember stroking his face. I remember crying to God in anger and in grief. And I remember his body slowly growing cold in my arms.” Cade stopped talking for a few moments, allowing the tears to slide freely down his face.
He hadn’t grieved the death of his son—he hadn’t had the chance to. And now it was sinking in fully that he would never again see the energetic, happy young boy playing in the fields, racing his horse as the wind whipped at his blonde hair, so much like his own. He would never again receive one of those giant hugs that his son gave him when he least expected it. And he would never again get to kiss him on the forehead to say good night and whisper “I love you.”
A choked sob escaped him, and instantly Olivia was there, holding him, cradling him and whispering softly in his ear. Her fingers wiped at the continuous flow of tears, and he could feel the warmth of her own tears striking his face. Gradually he began to hear what she was saying to him as the rush of the sound of his heartbeat in his ears faded.
“He’s riding a beautiful horse in Heaven, racing through the clouds. He is watching you, still looking up to you, still admiring you as his father. Where he is now, is safe and bright and beautiful. He is happy, Cade. I believe it with all my heart. He is happy.”
Cade felt his tears slowing and he pulled Olivia back far enough that he was able to see her face, see the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Just as she had done for him, he wiped them away with his fingers. “God, you are an amazing woman,” he whispered, and pulled her back to him, pressing his lips to hers gently, softly.
Reluctantly, he pulled back. “After what seemed to be hours, and at the same time felt like only seconds, they yanked me away from my son and drug his body away. I yelled and I screamed, but it only earned me more punches and kicks from the men around me, including the man I had once thought was my ally, my friend.”
Cade shook his head. “The man has a black heart. There is something so cold and so harsh within him, he takes pleasure in seeing others in pain and suffering. And it was as he smiled at me I remembered my sweet baby girl. I screamed for her and the men laughed at me. They pointed to the burning house and said she was already turning to ash with the house. My vision turned red. I launched at one of them and brought him down with my fists, then took his pistol and shot the next soldier that came near me. But I was outnumbered.”
“Cade,” Olivia whispered, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you tell me this. I’m so, so sorry.”
“No,” Cade shook his head. “I needed to tell you. You deserve to know. The face of the colonel is branded in my mind forever. He was just as cold and ruthless as my former ally, Devon. He may have even been worse than Devon. He was the one that had slit my son’s throat. He was the one that had given the orders to burn my house down with my sweet little girl inside.”
Cade focused his eyes on Olivia, and they were cold and angry, no longer grieving. “I will stop at nothing to see those two men dead. They deserve to die—they are animals—they aren’t even human.”
Olivia ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it out of his face. “They will face their punishment, one way or another. You can’t risk losing your life to kill them.”
“Yes. I can. And I will. Because I found out something, something they didn’t want me to know.”
Olivia looked at him quizzically, her fingers still in his hair, her face close to his.
“My daughter is alive.”
Chapter Eleven
Olivia pulled back slightly, shaking her head. Was he still feverish? Was he wishing for the impossible? “No, Cade, they told you. She burned in the fire. She’s dead. There is nothing you can do.”
Cade stared back at her, his eyes determined. “They took me prisoner. I don’t remember much of the journey, because they took turns beating me every time we paused in our travel. But soon we were right outside of San Antonio, and they were setting up camp. They dumped me in one of the tents, my feet and wrists tied. I think I was in shock, because nothing felt real. I didn’t even feel the pain in my body from all of the beatings.
“But then, late one night, one of the soldiers snuck into the tent and cut me free of my bonds. I had given up, though. I didn’t have any fight left in me. They had killed my children, everything I lived for. What was the point in fighting them? But he forced me to my feet, forced me to pay attention. He grabbed my upper arms and yanked me forward until I was only inches from his face. That was when he told me...He was a spy for the Texians. He had been there at the very beginning when they raided my home.
“He told me how brave my son had been, how he had done everything possible to protect my daughter. But they took her. They took her prisoner with the hopes they could use her as bait or a trap for the Texians in the future. He shook me by my shoulders so hard my head snapped back and forth and he spoke softly but harshly and told me my sweet Isabella is alive. That they hold her prisoner somewhere among the camp. He said I needed to escape, and then come back for my Bella.
“It was as if he had dumped cold water on me. She was alive. That was what I clung to, and that is what gave me the strength to get to your home. Unfortunately, as I escaped, I encountered the colonel, and he almost looked happy that he had found me loose within the camp. I think he relished the idea of killing me. But I fought like a man possessed. He sliced my leg with his sword, and that was nearly my undoing...until you.”
Olivia was shaking as she pulled away from him slowly, her eyes closed, and tears slipped from underneath her eyelashes. When she opened her eyes finally, they were full of hope and determination. “She’s alive,” she whispered. “Your baby is alive, Cade. We must find her.”
Cade shook his head slowly, his hand cupping her face. “This isn’t your fight, Olivia. I cannot risk you getting hurt because you try to help me. You’ve already helped me enough as it is. All I ask is for you to allow me to gather my strength, and then I will be gone. I won’t burden you anymore.”
Olivia didn’t know what to say. But what she did know was that there was no way possible she wasn’t going to help him find his daughter and rescue her from the foul men who held her. She didn’t care what it took for her to be successful—they were going to find and save Bella.
She suddenly remembered what had started their entire conversation in the first place and a blush touched her cheeks as she realized how wrong she had been. Bella wasn’t his wife or his lover. But she was the woman, or girl to be factual, that held his heart.
“What is it?” he asked, and she realized he had been watching her intently. “I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me. I plan on killing those men, even if it is in their sleep. And I know that doesn’t set well with you. I can tend to myself if you want to leave.”
Olivia shook her head. “I’d kill them myself if I knew who they were. My parents were executed by the Mexican Army. I understand very well the desire to set things right.”
“Then what is it? There is something you are thinking that you aren’t sharing with me.”
Had they spent that much time together that he already knew her so well? She handed him
another piece of tortilla, unable to meet his eyes. “I-I had thought... I mean, it’s just that, in your sleep...you called out for Bella many times. And I thought-I thought—”
“You thought she was my lover.” A corner of his mouth lifted and, for the first time since he had started telling her the horrid story of the past several weeks for him, his face relaxed. His hand reached around and pulled her head down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, then each cheek, then finally held her lips hovering over his. “Kiss me, angel,” he whispered. “Kiss me.”
Olivia couldn’t resist him. All of her reservations seemed to have flown away and she dipped her head, tentatively moving her lips over his and he moaned softly in appreciation. Empowered, she moved her lips more urgently, and tentatively licked his lower lip to taste him. He inhaled deeply and his hand cupped the back of her head and he crushed her to him, his lips moving just as urgently over hers, and soon they were tasting each other, their tongues lightly skimming each other’s lips, then sliding together, almost as if dancing together as they tried to get closer and closer to each other.
When they pulled apart, they were both panting, and Olivia felt as though her heart was going to burst out of her chest. “Is it always like this?” she asked him, her voice quivering with passion.
“No, angel. No. It is never like this.” And he pulled her back down to his lips that no longer craved anything except the taste of her.
“Move slowly, and lean on me. Don’t worry about putting too much weight on me. I’m stronger than you think.”
Cade sat perched on the edge of the bed and looked up at Olivia with a slight smile on his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’ve already shown me how strong you are.” He noted, then drew a deep breath and returned his eyes to the floor.
His leg throbbed as if in anticipation of what was to come. But he would never get Bella if he didn’t start rebuilding his strength, and he couldn’t do that without pain. Clenching one hand into a fist, he wrapped his arm around Olivia’s shoulders, and slowly they began to stand.
Texas Desire Page 11
