The Redemption Lie

by Amanda J. Clay

  Nina wanted to say fuck you and your coffee, but she had a headache. She nodded.

  “Yeah, black coffee. And a glass of water.”

  Beck nodded to the person in the corner of the room who proceeded to fetch her request.

  “You sure do turn quickly,” Nina said.

  “I'm sorry we had to bring you in,” Beck said.

  “Why don't you just save the niceties. You're not sorry for any of this. What is it that you want?”

  “You know what we want Nina. We need your cooperation on this. We need information.”

  “I already told you I'm not getting involved in this shit. You have no idea who the fuck you're dealing with. These guys will gouge out your eyeballs and use them as sex toys.”

  Beck cringed at her description. “Graphic, thank you.”

  “Yeah well you better get used to it. Because they can do a hell of a lot worse to everyone you love.”

  “Good thing for me I don't love anyone,” Beck said.

  Nina rolled her eyes. “Everybody loves somebody.”

  “Who do you love, Nina?” Beck said.

  “Can we please not play this game? What’s your ammunition, Mr. federal agent?”

  “Ammunition?”

  “I know how the game is played. You brought me back in because you tried the nice way, and that didn’t work. So now it’s time for the bad cop routine. How is it that you expect to convince me to join your team?”

  Beck raked his hand through his hair and sighed. He pulled a file from his bag and scanned it, pretending to read it as if it was the first time.

  Nina shifted, the base of her spine tingling. A hundred scenarios danced through her mind at what the words in that file might say. The scam in Vegas? That detainment at the Estonian border? Oh God, not the Ukrainian who Luther had…she shook her head. She couldn’t even think about it.

  “Well, as much as I don't want to do it, we do have something that I think might persuade you,” Beck said.

  Nina shifted uncomfortably in the stiff plastic seat. She waited for him to continue.

  “Some new evidence has come to light about your involvement in the death of Gravis Dawson. And, there's enough evidence to implicate you and send you away for a long time.”

  Nina's heart nearly stopped. She struggled to swallow a hard lump that had nestled in her throat. He deserved to die for what he did. But she had never wanted it to go that way.

  “That's bullshit,” she said, the words barely a whisper.

  Beck's eyes flicked up to meet hers. Their steely blue-gray cutting right through her façade.

  “I had nothing to do with that,” she said.

  “Are you sure? Because the evidence is overwhelmingly in opposition to that sentiment.”

  Nina glared at Beck. “You don't have anything real. If you had any real evidence against me you would have already arrested me.”

  “Maybe. How about fraud and money laundering?”

  Nina's blood went cold. “I’ve played this game before. I paid for my crimes.”

  Beck smiled then. “Have you paid for all of them? Money laundering has a six-year statute. Yours ain’t up,” Beck said, his tone entirely business.

  Fraud. Money laundering. Up to ten years in prison. The minimum sentence that Luther would have served had he not been killed in the shootout six years ago. Some days she wished he had survived, and that he would be rotting away in a solitary cell in a dank prison.

  “You’re bluffing,” Nina said, her voice coming out breathy and haggard.

  Beck raised his eyebrows. “You think so?”

  “You have to be.”

  “Do you really want to find out?”

  Nina forced steady breaths in and out. She reached for her coffee and sipped it slowly, trying to think. The sounds of the small, cluttered station ticked off in her mind. Fear formed a thick lump in her gut. Prison for the next decade? Who are you kidding, Nina, they’d never let you get that far. They’d never let you live.

  “Okay so what's this evidence?” she said.

  Beck laughed. “Do you think I would really tell you?”

  “How am I supposed to know you’re not full of shit then?”

  “I guess you'll just have to trust me,” Beck said.

  “Am I under arrest?” Nina said.

  “Not yet.”

  Nina laughed incredulously. She pushed herself up from the rickety plastic chair. “Then I think I want to go.”

  “You can’t run from this,” Beck said.

  “I know. Trust me, I know that all too well. But I can get a lawyer. Thanks for the coffee. I’d love to say have a nice life, but unfortunately I’m sure like a cockroach, you’ll be back.”

  She forced a mile and left Beck in the interrogation room.

  She knew the game was just beginning.

  Chapter 8

  The room smelled rank. He was annoyed at how these men could live in such filth. The first thing he was doing now that he was back was have a cleaning crew come in and sterilize this cesspool. He didn’t even want to think about how much blood and cum he was probably sitting in right then on the moth-eaten couch. Had it always looked like this? Was the furniture always this shoddy? No way. They probably sold the good furniture for blow and pussy. Sold fine leather for a 30-minute high and a blow job. Short-sighted fuckers. Six years gone and he might as well have never existed. He flicked a speck of dirt from his white French cuff.

  If his time back in Tallinn had taught him anything, it was the importance of having a little respect for your home. Horatio and his family would have never stood for such filth, even for his henchmen.

  But he was back now. Delivered from death and stronger than ever. Everything changed today.

  “This is going to cause a problem for us, Luther,” Badger said. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his cheeks red with broken capillaries.

  “It’s not going to be a problem. Stop worrying about everything,” Luther said.

  “You underestimate these guys. That was always your problem, Luther. You don't give the authorities any respect.”

  Luther grunted. “Respect. Why the fuck should I respect the authorities?”

  “You gotta respect the power and reach that they have. You’re stupid to think they don’t have resources,” Badger said.

  Luther sighed, exacerbated by Badger’s short-sightedness. He was loyal, but narrow in his scope and downright stupid at times. “I know goddamn well what they're capable of. I don't fuck around with the DEA. But I also don't think it's gonna be a problem. Nina's not that stupid.”

  Everyone at the table was silent. The men exchanged wary glances.

  Luther looked them each in the eye. “If anyone has something to say just say it.”

  Badger spoke up again. “Boss, we respect you, you know that. But Nina has been nothing but trouble from the beginning. She gets your head all fucked up.”

  Luther could feel the rage bubble building up inside him, but he kept his face a stony mask. He never let them see his inner workings.

  “I will deal with Nina,” Luther said.

  “Let's just take her out and be done with it,” Carl said, his words smooth with his southern twang. Had that accent gotten thicker since Luther had been gone? Luther couldn’t stomach the slow, lazy sound of it.

  Luther smacked him across the face hard. “Don't you suggest that again. Nina is mine. If I decide to kill her, that'll be my decision. Until then none of you are to touch her. Do you all understand? No one is to lay a finger on Nina.”

  “You got it, boss. We won’t touch her. But you can’t ignore her either. That DEA prick is all up in her business. I saw him,” Badger said.

  God, Luther thought, everyone really thought he was one giant pussy when it came to Nina. Well, aren’t you? A small voice said. Look at what she did to you and yet you’ve allowed her to live.

  “I may have use for Nina yet. I will handle her in the way I see fit,” Luther said.

  “She's got pr
otection now, it'll be harder to get to her,” Carl said.

  Luther tasted bitter bile as he thought about Nina with that young agent sitting in a coffee shop, talking, laughing, far too intimate for his liking. The suit clearly had more than professional designs on her and Luther wasn’t going to suffer it.

  “I can handle some monkey in a cheap suit. Nina can't hide from me. When I'm ready she’ll come to me.”

  God he loved that woman, or at least he loved her as much he was capable of real love. Luther didn't lie to himself about the kind of person he was. He was mostly dead on the inside, but he still felt things—anger, ownership, pride. He thought it was a misconception that sociopaths were incapable of empathy. He still had affection for people in his life. He cared about his brother. Some of his men—Horatio and his family. And Nina. Nina had been the crux of his world this past decade. Nina ripped his heart still beating from his chest and swallowed it whole as he watched, gutted and bleeding. A woman like Nina didn't realize what she could do to a man.

  The thing that really killed him about all of this is that he thought better of her. He thought she was smarter than this, that when she got out of prison she would've run far away from here. Why the hell would she come back to this place? Why the hell would she be here in plain sight, so easily findable? Did she really think that they weren’t going come after her? She must've really thought he was dead.

  Six years must have seemed a lifetime to her when for him, it was merely a blink and a flutter of time.

  He sighed. He knew she’d turned. She’d betrayed him. And for that, despite the love that burned still within him, she had to die.

  “Enough business. Let’s relax a little, shall we?” Luther said. He snapped his fingers and the half-naked women who’d been lurking in the wings came over, their artificially tanned legs hoisted on plastic platform heels.

  One of the whores came and sat on his lap then, her fat ass squeezed into a tight red G string, tits flopping around exposed. She wiggled her ass against his crotch. He ran his hands over the softness of her belly and cupped one melon of a breast. She was nothing like the tightness of Nina’s small form. Smooth, tight skin, firm muscles. She had a lean runners body, ate well. He appreciated a woman who took care of herself. A goddess beneath him in the throes of their intense desire. He remembered every moment with Nina, every time he’d brought her to orgasm, even back to the very first time. She’d been so young, so vibrant, so eager to know more of the world.

  He’d brought her to his penthouse suite at the Royale Casino. He tipped expensive champagne to her lips, let her revel in the expansive view of the Sierra’s. Sexual excitement had altered the lines of her body, fusing it into new lines against his. A woman’s body changes when she’s aroused, a supple shifting at the base of the spine, a sharper curve at that hollow of the back. Breasts tighten and lift, and the muscles draw tight. These things can no more be controlled than an erection. His erection grew now as he thought back.

  “So distracted, Daddy,” the woman on his lap said. He groaned, remembering her presence. Yes, distracted.

  He pushed her off his lap. He didn’t fuck whores.

  “You’re not for me, my dear.”

  She pouted overly injected lips.

  He shooed her away with his hand. “Go on. My gentlemen will keep you busy.”

  She frowned, the realization that she wasn’t sleeping in the boss’ room tonight flashing in her light eyes.

  Luther leaned back and returned to his memories. He would bring them to reality in due time.

  Chapter 9

  Beck settled into his small makeshift desk and tried to focus on the case. Tried to focus on a way to get through to Nina enough to convince her to work with them. He’d dealt with his fair share of difficult assets, but Nina was an anomaly in her defiant intelligence. But she was more than just a criminal, he could see that. He wanted to help her see that.

  Jesus Christ, Graham, what’s with you? He’d been accused more than once of having a savior complex, that he found vulnerability and weaknesses in everyone he came across and felt the intrinsic need to fix people. He’d been told he was naturally attracted to needy people, people he could still save. He supposed it had a lot to do with Jack. There was a reason he'd enlisted, volunteered for the deadliest missions. He needed to save people, rescue the innocent, even if only from themselves. He could never have saved his mother. He couldn't have saved Jack.

  Neither of his parents had ever forgiven him for Jack. Even if Beck had only been a kid himself. He knew, deep within the recesses of his rational mind, that there was nothing he could have done. Jack made his own choices and it wasn’t Beck’s responsibility. But still, had he been just a little less selfish, paid a little more attention, maybe Jack would still be with them. If he’d been a better older brother, a better role model, maybe Jack would've made better choices.

  Beck snapped back to his office and the case at hand. He needed to get his head straight, to focus. Likely he just needed more coffee. His stomach grumbled, reminding him he hadn't eaten anything this morning. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a whole grain energy bar. What he really needed was a proper green protein shake and a brutal workout.

  “Becker, that's not a breakfast.” He heard the high-pitched soprano of a female voice.

  He snapped up and met Shelley’s eyes—like round cerulean saucers rimmed in thick black charcoal.

  The Tahoe VPD office manager shimmied closer and leaned her narrow hip against his desk. She tilted her head letting her curled blonde hair flow over her artificially tanned shoulders. She had probably been one of those girls who bloomed early but was also destined to fade early, bewildered into blowsiness far too soon.

  “Hey, Shelley,” Beck said. “It’s Beck, not Becker.”

  Shelley brushed off her comment with a flirty grin.

  “You look so serious all the time.” Shelley hopped up to sit on Beck’s desk. Something in the upturned soprano of Shelley’s voice grated on a nerve.

  “Serious job.” He tried to answer back with as little inflection as possible. He didn't want to engage her.

  “Do you have to wear a suit? I mean not that I’m complaining.”

  “Um, yeah. I mean, no, I just prefer it. Hey, can you please not sit on my desk?”

  Shelley pouted and twirled a lock of hair around her finger as though she were some 80s high school bombshell and grinned. Did girls YouTube this stuff to find out how to mimic it?

  “Sorrr-yyy,” she hopped off. “So, how are you? Are you settling in here ok?”

  “Fine. Look, Shelley, I’m actually really busy okay? I don’t really have time to chat right now,” Beck said. It came out a little harsher than he intended.

  Shelley looked slightly hurt.

  “Okay well I was going to get some coffee on the corner. Can I bring you anything? Maybe something proper to eat?” She eyed his energy bar pathetically.

  Beck silently told himself to be nicer.

  “I appreciate the offer, but I'm good, thanks.” He forced a smile that he hoped looked sincerer than it felt stretching his lips.

  She puckered up her lips, looking like a fish, not moving. Was that some kind of flirty look he was missing?

  “I, um, will see you later?” Beck said. It came out as more of a question than a statement.

  Shelley smiled. “Oh I’ll come by later and say hi. See how you're doing.” Before she left she brushed her bright red fingernails over his forearm. “Don’t work too hard!”

  Beck shuddered, the lingering feel of her fingers on his skin like spiders.

  “Graham! Get in my office.” Martinez’s voice bellowed out across the partition walls. Beck rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Couldn’t he catch a moment’s rest?

  “Yeah, coming,” he muttered.

  Beck stepped into Martinez’s temporary office. The low hum of old-timey blues buzzed in the background.

  “You keeping on Nina?” Martinez said.

 
“How so?”

  “Follow up with her on our little offer.”

  Beck ran a hand through his hair. “I was trying to give her a little time to consider.”

  “We don't have time, Graham. Stop playing grab-ass with the admin and focus on the case.”

  “I’m not—”

  “Doesn’t matter. Just go by Nina’s place tonight and put the pressure on. We have a ticking clock here.”

  “Yes, sir.” Beck turned to go.

  “And Beck? Don’t kid yourself that she’s still fully human, Graham. You don’t spend your life with a man like Luther and keep your humanity. Provided she ever had any humanity to begin with.”

  Beck knew he should heed Martinez’s words, but for some reason, he wanted to believe in her. He wanted to believe Nina wasn’t simply the sum of what Luther had made her into all those years ago. Maybe it was just him still trying to save everyone.

  He didn't think that he could save Nina either.

  It also didn’t appear Nina needed saving.

  Chapter 10

  Nina picked up her phone and ran her fingers over the keypad. It was times like this when she longed to talk to her sister. When she wished that they still had a normal sibling relationship where she could call at any hour and gush about her life, talk about her dates, her darkest fears. But Nina had ruined any chance of that.

  She could always call her mother, and she’d certainly answer. Her mother never missed an opportunity to lecture Nina. Even after Allison Sullivan swore Nina was disowned from the family, her mother took every call Nina made from prison. She couldn't resist the opportunity to gloat, to tell her what a disappointment she was, to remind her of how well Cammy's life had gone.

  Allison had pitted the sisters against each other their entire lives. And despite it, Nina had always idolized her big sister. But without intention, Cammy had cast a broad dark shadow over Nina's entire childhood. It had been difficult not to simmer on it in moments of weakness.

  There was a time when Nina equated tattoos and cigarettes to maturity. Not hard work. Not emotional intelligence. Youth is wasted on the young, her grandmother used to always say, usually earning her a solid eye roll from Nina.