Only You (A Sweet Torment Novel)

by Joya Ryan

  I clicked on my tablet, making a few notes. “Yes, fifty people, family event.” If Leo’s family was going to be there, that meant I’d meet a couple more of his sisters for the first time when I dropped off the food. Maybe have a chance to make a good impression. Which somehow felt extremely important. A silly notion. It didn’t matter if Leo’s family liked me. I was his assistant. End of story. Yet it did matter to me. A lot.

  “The party is next weekend and if the food can be there a little before it starts at two, that’d be great.”

  “Consider the food handled.” I smiled. Pizza my ass. I would get the best caterer in town and hope to hell he could squeeze in a small order for me. Something without too much sugar that, with any luck, would blow Regan’s mind on how healthy and awesome it was. This was my chance to make it right. Show I could mingle with them. Even if, deep down, I knew I was nothing more than a temp. I still had to try.

  “Great. How did dealing with Colin go?” he said. A loud huff escaped and I almost slapped my hand over my mouth. But it was too late. “That bad, huh?”

  “Nothing I couldn’t handle,” I said honestly. “I told him I’d be in touch to reschedule. I didn’t want to put anything on the books since I didn’t know your timeframe for going over the terms he sent.”

  Leo smiled and beckoned me with a finger to come to him. I did. So quickly and easily, as if pulled by an invisible leash. Sad, but true. The effect he had on me was becoming more consuming.

  “Want to take a look with me?” he asked, and pulled out the documents Colin had sent over. He got up and offered me his seat, then hovered over my shoulder. “What do you think?”

  I glanced back at him. He was asking for my thoughts on such a serious acquisition? Pride bubbled just beneath my skin and I read over the thesis and basic outline of Colin’s proposal.

  “He wants to sublet the number 2347 slip of New York for a term of one year at . . .” my voice died when I saw the price he offered. And I thought my rent last month had been high. “Wow.”

  I flipped through a few more forms and read them quickly, which was difficult with Leo leaning over me. I could feel his breath skating over my neck and smell the spicy warm scent I was beginning to recognize as purely his own.

  “So? What are you thinking?” Leo asked in a tone that sounded genuinely interested.

  While politics and shipping were different, the basics of business remained the same. Plus, I’d spent the little free time I had reading about and researching the company to better understand the Savas shipping empire.

  “I know I’m still learning, but there are several factors to consider,” I said, “like size of the slip, what kind of ships it supports, the amount of goods able to pass through, and what kind of revenue it would create.”

  I chanced a glance at him and he was smiling. “That’s correct. You’re on the right path.”

  I smiled back, liking that Leo was helping me. Letting me learn while remaining supportive in finding my own answers. It felt like a fun quiz and the prize was Leo’s respect. Which made me desperately want to win.

  “Are you using the slip?” I said.

  “I could do without it for a small period of time. The other slips can support the extra load, so no money would be lost on my part by subletting to Davis for a year.”

  “Okay, but you have to look at what’s in it for you, and that has to counterbalance the risk you take.”

  I didn’t need to look at him to know he was staring daggers at me. He spun the chair enough so that I faced him and I had no choice but to meet his eyes.

  “Do you think what’s in it for me is worth the risk?”

  I swallowed hard. “Depends on what your end goal is. Do you want to build some kind of long-term relationship with Davis Shipping? Is this purely to turn a bigger profit? Or can he assist you in the future in exchange for providing this boon to him now?”

  “You always look at things this way? What is stood to be gained?”

  “Yes. Because what other logical way is there to look at things?”

  His eyes searched mine as if seeing something in me I wasn’t sure I wanted him to see. My practicality. Nothing about my thoughts ever strayed toward sunshine, romance, or happy endings. I wasn’t Amy or Hazel. Didn’t have that kind of faith in people or the world. Everyone had an agenda. Always. I’d identified my own agenda at a young age and stuck with it. Nothing romantic about that. And that was written all over Leo’s face.

  “What if logic isn’t my first thought on a matter?” His tone was dark and I knew we weren’t talking about Colin or the slip anymore.

  “It has to be. Otherwise . . .” I got lost in the depths of those blue pools staring back at me.

  “Otherwise what?”

  “Emotion will dictate and that leads to stupidity.” My chest hurt saying it, but it was true. There were things I wanted in life, just like everyone else. But jumping in with both feet never turned out well, especially when my track record, as Colin pointed out, was no help.

  I was a risk. The key elements required to be a stable candidate for anything, including for Leo, were tainted when it came to me. And yet, he gave me pieces of those elements. Like trust. Made me feel like he just might believe in me.

  But that was the kind of thinking, the kind of emotion, that got people in trouble. Because facts were facts. I was trying to outrun a past and a scandal I couldn’t control and I was trying to start over with a piece of paper that gave me the best hope for a clean slate. Leo’s endorsement. Because there wasn’t another soul on this earth who would give it to me. For some reason, I wanted his approval, for reasons beyond a different job or the future.

  I liked the way he looked at me. As if I were something strong. As if he respected me. And it gave me power. Made me feel like the world wasn’t crashing around me and I wasn’t losing my life, my friends, my dignity.

  It made the fight feel a little less brutal.

  Leo gently shook his head. “Perhaps you’re right. Emotions can lead to stupidity.”

  A sharp pain stabbed between my ribs. He took a few steps away and I rose from the seat.

  “You say that like you understand.”

  He grinned but there was no humor there. “I’ve been stupid, Paige. And it cost me once. Big. You’d think I’d learn.” I frowned but he simply ate me up with his gaze and said, “I look at you and all I feel is . . . stupid.”

  I swallowed hard. “What happened before?”

  “I believed in a woman I shouldn’t have.” My stomach knotted tighter. “But that was years ago.”

  I took a step toward him and ran my fingertips along his knuckles. He looked at where I touched him, then at me.

  “It sounds like she was the one who was stupid.” And instantly I could relate.

  Because my shoes that had been pinching all day suddenly felt like someone else’s. Someone’s I was filling. Someone I didn’t want to be. But once again, I knew better than to think of a different ending to what reality would provide. Leo was an important man. While the idea of someone hurting him made my entire body buzz with the need to take down whoever would dare such a thing, I remained calm, and stepped away.

  My hand fell from his. There was only one thing I could do before I left. That was secure my future. The small part I played in his family’s party was a good start. I may never be a list-worthy woman but I could at least show I had some class beyond Rice Krispies treats and crappy taste in television.

  “I have the party down for next Saturday and I’ll set up your next date for the day before if that works for you?” I said.

  Leo nodded. “Friday date, Saturday party. Sounds like a busy weekend.”

  I nodded. “I promise, no flower surprises this time.” I picked up my tablet and walked to his door. He stood next to the window, and I could feel him watching me walk away.

  “Hey, Red?” I looked back to see him give a half smile. “Good job today.”

  “Thank you.”

  With t
hat, I left the CEO where he belonged—behind his desk, ruling the world—while I walked out into the cold, hoping to God one day I’d find my place.

  Chapter Fifteen

  You have the restaurant reservations confirmed?” Leo asked, tugging on his jacket.

  “Yes, all set for you and your sister.” Regan had called yesterday, wanting to meet Leo for lunch. The conversation had been quick, but she wasn’t rude. She just made me all the more anxious for tomorrow. I’d show up with arguably the highest-rated food in New York and hopefully get a few minutes to smooth things over with Regan.

  “I won’t be coming back for a while,” Leo said. “Probably just to pop in and change before—”

  His eyes met mine and I gave a stiff smile and finished what he wouldn’t. “Your date, Leo.” He looked uncomfortable and before he could say more, I clicked on my tablet and reminded him, “I’m in charge of your schedule, remember?”

  “Right.” He took a few steps toward me. “But why do I feel like this is wrong?”

  “Wrong?”

  “Dating. And you—”

  “We don’t have to go over this again. It’s really okay. I get it.”

  “I don’t think I get it though, Paige. Last weekend I recall having a nice time with you.”

  The thought of last weekend and that nice time made my heart race and my cheeks flush. And for a split moment, I got caught up in it.

  “Nice, huh?” I smiled.

  He nodded and took another step toward me. “Very nice. So nice, in fact, I want to do it again.” Another step. “Say the word and I’ll have my assistant clear my entire schedule . . .” He leaned in to nip my earlobe before whispering, “We can be in bed in five minutes . . . naked in three . . .”

  I took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than what he was offering. “I am your assistant.” I smiled when he trailed those lips down my neck.

  “Mmm, you don’t say? Well then, what’s the word, Red?”

  I opened my mouth to say yes, when Leo’s office door opened instead, and I shot myself away from him before we were caught.

  “Hey you!” A cheery voice came from behind me. I turned to see Regan walk into Leo’s office. She paused for a moment, looking between Leo and me. My cheeks were flushing like a mother, and Leo looked a little flustered himself. I felt like I had just gotten caught sneaking out with my high school boyfriend or something.

  “Regan, what are you doing here?” Leo smiled, obviously not concerned his sister had shown up instead of meeting him at lunch. He hugged her quickly and she smiled. “We were going to meet in an hour.”

  Though Regan was not as relaxed as Leo, there was a kindness about her. Sure, I probably wasn’t her favorite person in the world, but I could tell she wasn’t cruel or mean. She seemed to really care about her family and that was admirable.

  “Nice to see you again, Paige,” Regan said, and shook my hand.

  “You too.”

  “I told Paige that Lyssa is still talking about her,” Leo added with a smile as if trying to score me brownie points.

  “Yes, she is,” Regan agreed. “I understand you’re bringing the food tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “Yes.” Yikes, that came out a little eager. Truth be told, I was excited to have secured a top chef to make the hors d’oeuvres and finger foods.

  “Well, we really appreciate that,” Reagan said.

  “I’m happy to help.”

  Regan seemed like a genuine person. She was a Savas and obviously wealthy, but she’d decided not to work for the family business, becoming a hospital administrator instead, and she didn’t give off the unease of power and money. In cream slacks and a red blouse, she looked very much a wealthy soccer mom but nothing over the top.

  “Knock, knock,” another voice chirped from the doorway.

  “Vanessa?” Leo said in shock.

  “Hi.” She gave a shy little wave and stepped in, crossing the room to Leo to hug him. I noticed there was something more to the hug. Something like history.

  “I hope you don’t mind, I invited Vanessa to our lunch date. She just moved back to New York. Can you believe it?” Regan said with a wide smile and slight nod of her head.

  Leo mimicked her action, nodding right back. “How exciting.”

  Regan glanced at me with a certain questionable gaze. “Where are my manners? Vanessa, this is Paige, Leo’s assistant.” Regan put a lot of emphasis on the word assistant and I knew why. To make clear to everyone in the room, including me, what I was.

  I smiled the best I could, but when Vanessa looked me over, her quiet, sweet demeanor apparent in her floral sundress and sunny hair, I knew right then what this was. A setup. Except I didn’t recognize Vanessa’s name. Kyros had said Leo’s sister and family wanted him to move on. And it looked like Regan had come up with a candidate off-list style.

  “Vanessa and I were best friends in school and she’s been a family friend for years,” Regan said to me.

  I shook the woman’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” Her gaze instantly snapped back to Leo and there was definite interest there. “I hope you don’t mind my dropping in on lunch. All of my preschoolers are done for the day, and when Regan mentioned lunch, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see you.” Vanessa rubbed Leo’s arm. “It’s been a long time.”

  Leo glanced at me and started to babble something, but between his looking uncomfortable and my realizing I was in the middle of a bad episode of Blind Date, while feeling like my heart was about to explode from a throbbing ache, I cleared my throat and said the only thing I could.

  “It’s no trouble at all,” I answered for Leo. “I’ll call the restaurant now and let them know to expect three for lunch.”

  “Thank you, Paige.” Regan smiled.

  I nodded, beyond ready to get out of this room and this situation. I had just been on the cusp of falling into bed with Leo and likely not leaving at all for the rest of the day. But life interrupted that idea. Real life. A life I needed to keep in mind, because whatever dreams I had involving Leo’s smile on my skin weren’t realistic.

  “Well, it was nice meeting you, Vanessa. And Regan?” She turned and looked at me. “Always a pleasure. I hope you all have a wonderful time.”

  Vanessa gave another little wave in my direction and I wanted to bat the thing away with a sledgehammer. Everything about her was cute and sweet and . . . perfect. Perfect for Leo. Perfect for his world. I swear to God if she mentioned that she saved puppies on the weekends when she wasn’t teaching preschool, I’d throw myself off a cliff.

  I made the mistake of looking over my shoulder before I exited, and met Leo’s blue gaze. It was on me, and I hoped to hell he didn’t see the pain on my face.

  “Oh yeah, this feels amazing,” Hazel said, sinking onto my couch, clad in sweatpants and fuzzy socks, hot cocoa in hand. “We needed a night like this.”

  “Couldn’t agree more,” I said, raising my cocoa to hers and clinking it. It had been a hell of a couple weeks at work, not to mention a hell of a day. After meeting the woman who would never be me, then feeling like an idiot slinking away from the guy I liked, I was ready for something stronger than spiked cocoa.

  Leo was due to go out on another date within the hour, but Hazel was spending the night and helping to keep my mind off the fact that the man I was falling for was out with another woman.

  Another gorgeous woman with breeding and a background his family approved of. Oh, and since she was on the list, she was obviously open to a serious relationship, so there was that. That is, if Vanessa didn’t already leave a blistering perfect impression behind.

  Jealousy sucked. But I had made a choice to think of Leo and what he wanted. And I wasn’t it. So I’d need to buck up, and get over it. Or just drink more.

  I eyed the whipped-cream vodka on the counter and had a sneaking suspicion option two was going to win out tonight.

  Thank God Hazel was known for spiking hot chocolate, so when I took a
sip, the vodka sting was welcome.

  “You look like you needed a break,” Hazel said, looking at me as I sat on the couch next to her.

  “Just a busy week.”

  “Yeah, but lots to look forward to!” Hazel said, nearly bubbling over. “Now that the date is set, we’re going to have to—”

  “Wait, what are you talking about?”

  Hazel’s face paled as if she just realized she’d let something slip.

  “The date?” I asked again. The only date of importance I could think of socially was . . . “Do you mean Amy and Roman? They set a date for the wedding?”

  Hazel nodded, then looked at the floor. Right then I realized that Amy and Hazel had been speaking, maybe even hanging out, more than I realized without me. Not that they couldn’t hang out just the two of them, but setting a date was big news and Amy didn’t even call.

  “Oh, I see,” I whispered. That stung. Badly. Not from jealousy or envy. But from fear. Fear I was losing my best friend and that I was nothing more than a plague to be ignored.

  “This whole scandal is getting crazy and Amy isn’t really talking to anyone associated to the governor’s office outside of Roman obviously. The press has been calling her a lot and she said if she is seen with you, they’d just pester you more, and she doesn’t want you to have to deal with that—”

  “I know,” I whispered. “I get it. Best to lay low. Stay away from everything until it’s over.” I smiled but the ache in it hurt. “I avoid phone calls too.”

  “About that . . .” Hazel set the cocoa down on the coffee table and faced me fully. “Your mom has called me a couple times.”

  “What? Why?”

  “She asked me about what’s going on with you. About what she’s hearing on the news. I guess some guy has been pestering her for information about you.”

  “Fucking reporters,” I mumbled, and took another hefty swig of my drink. “I’m sorry, she shouldn’t be calling you.”

  “It’s fine. I just didn’t know what to say to her. She started telling me about something that happened when you were younger.”