Rules of the Game

by Sandy James

  “Depends.”

  “Depends?”

  “Do you still have an unreasonable hatred of lawyers?”

  “Scott…I’m sorry. You know I’m sorry.” I’d only said it a million times already.

  Haven’t I?

  Or had I only thought it? I honestly couldn’t remember. “I’m really sorry. It was stupid of me to say the things I said. Will you forgive me? Please?”

  His lips pursed. “I guess it depends on what you think I should forgive you for. I won’t apologize for being a defense attorney.”

  “I don’t expect you to! I was wrong. I just…” Gah! I threw my hands up, having no idea what to say. Why was it a woman who made her living out of words always had the hardest time finding them when she really needed to say something important? “I told you once that it didn’t matter what you did, that I didn’t care if you dug ditches. Remember?”

  “I remember.”

  C’mon, Maddie, just spit it out. “Jack’s death was hard on me, and I needed to blame someone. I guess…I just picked the person I thought was the best target. Since the defense attorney was protecting the guy who killed my brother, he became my focus.”

  His responding scowl made my frightened heart skip a beat.

  I’m saying this all wrong.

  Leaning back, Scott crossed his arms. That body language said it all—I was losing him. “The guy was just doing his job.”

  “I get that now.”

  Scott scoffed. “What changed your mind?”

  “You. You changed my mind. What you did for my son changed my mind.”

  “Explain.”

  How could I explain what I didn’t entirely understand myself? “Eli was innocent. You made sure the judge knew that. You made sure things were fair for him.”

  His face and arms relaxed. “And?”

  “And Mom told me more about the accident, that things were done wrong after the crash, and the guy who hit Jack might not have been drunk.”

  Damn, but I was getting tired of trying to read his emotions, especially when Scott looked pissed again. “That doesn’t explain why you don’t hate attorneys now. That explains why you don’t hate the guy who hit your brother.”

  “I’m trying to explain. Everything’s just coming out wrong because I’m nervous.” I took a deep breath and tried to channel my mother’s way of clearing up things so they always made sense. “If that man’s lawyer hadn’t been looking out for him, he could’ve been in prison for something he didn’t do—maybe getting gang raped or something. I might hate him, but I sure don’t hate him that much.” So much for channeling Mom…I sounded like an idiot.

  “Finally!” A smile broke out on Scott’s face, which only confused me. After all the stupid things I said, how in the hell could he be smiling?

  “Finally what?”

  “Finally, you understand my job. I protect people who need help—I make sure even guilty people get a fair trial.”

  I nodded like crazy to show him that I truly got it. “I think the reunion dredged up so many bad memories. Of Jack. Of…well, just lots of memories. You were…I don’t know…caught in the crossfire? I don’t think any of this was ever about you being a defense attorney—not really.”

  “It was about other memories too. Wasn’t it, angel? Not just your brother.”

  Not only did I understand Scott, Scott also understood me. I nodded, sniffing back threatening tears. “I had to face Craig again…I had to face…the rape.”

  His hand covered mine. “You never really dealt with it, did you?”

  “Yes…and no. I mean, I had to face the reality of having Eli, so I did deal with it. But after that, I sorta…buried it in some dark corner of my mind and pretended it never happened. I probably should have had some counseling or something.” I shrugged like I didn’t care, which was a million miles from the truth. This discussion was frank, honest and one of the most difficult I’d ever had. But my future with Scott depended on it, so I’d open every old wound and let fresh blood flow if that was what was necessary.

  “I think you should see someone now.”

  “Now?” While I might have considered it when I was younger, I had my life together now.

  “Why not?”

  “It’s been so long ago…”

  “But it still haunts you, especially now that Eli’s in your life.” Scott gave my hand a squeeze. “I think a counselor could help you deal with your brother’s death too. Don’t you?”

  Since the past still got to me so much that I’d almost thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me, he won the game, set and match. “Makes sense. I never worked my way through those five stages of grief you taught me about, did I? Because I buried my head in the sand, I’ve always had all this…emotion…anger, hate. And I always direct it at the wrong people, in the wrong direction.”

  “You’re saying I was a lightning rod?”

  “I’m saying you inspired feelings in me that scared the shit outta me, which is why I was such a moron. I never should have let you walk away. Ever.”

  “It’s over now.”

  All I could do for a moment was nod and wipe away a stray tear. “I’m sorry, Scott,” I finally croaked out, my voice gravely and rough. “I’m so, so sorry. I tried to push you away because I was scared I couldn’t trust you with all my emotional baggage—scared you couldn’t possibly love me enough to want to deal with the mess I call a life. I’m sorry I couldn’t trust in your love enough to believe in you.”

  “I’m sorry too, angel. I should’ve been more patient.”

  “But you were. You were patient and loving and I should have told you that.”

  “You had a lot dumped on you in a short time.”

  I heard his words, but I didn’t really process them. Instead, I had an epiphany that almost knocked me on my ass. “Oh, my God…”

  “Maddie? What’s wrong?”

  “I get it.”

  “I thought we’d already—”

  “No, I mean I finally get Kathryn West.”

  The poor guy look confused; I couldn’t blame him. I’d obviously been confused for a long, long time. Scott’s brow knit. “I don’t—”

  “I became Kathryn West to help myself get through all the bad things that happened to me. She was my therapy. I’d wanted to be her for so long—but I was her.”

  Scott’s smile was so warm, he melted my insides. “By George, I think she’s got it.”

  The waiter came waltzing over with our food, and after all the revelations and confessions, things between us got quiet as we shared a meal that, to me, tasted like sawdust. Of course that could have been because I was eating at Chez Pottsville rather than due to my nerves.

  All I wanted to do was beg this man to marry me. Why couldn’t I spit out the words?

  Scott put his fork down, his eyes so intense, I twisted my napkin into a knot.

  “Maddie, will you please stop fretting and just say what you want to say?”

  He made it sound so damn simple—just come out and say what was in my heart. My whole future was riding on this!

  But I loved him. More than anything.

  So I took that leap of faith.

  I walked around to where Scott sat. I grabbed his hands to get him to stand up. Then I looked up into those blue eyes I loved so much. “Will you marry me?”

  “I told you, ask me when you’re serious.”

  I was serious as a heart attack. Taking the last step until our bodies almost touched, I picked up his right hand with both of mine. First I kissed the back of it, then I raised his hand to my chest, splaying his fingers over my heart—the heart that had been empty until he filled it. The heart that had been cold until Scott Brady gave it life.

  Finding some courage, I pressed on his hand. “Can you feel my heart beating?”

  “Yes.”

  Without letting him move his hand, I rose on tiptoe to kiss him. One slow, lazy kiss, but it had the desired effect. “What do you feel now?”

/>   His grin reached my soul. “It’s faster.”

  I swallowed once and leaped from the ledge. “Until the day my heart stops beating, I’ll love you. Will you marry me?” I tossed him a lopsided smile. “I’ll get down on one knee if you want me to. If you play your cards right, there might even be a diamond ring in it for you.”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Scott’s arms wrapped around me as his mouth pressed against mine. The kiss could have lasted forever or only a few seconds. Time seemed to have lost its meaning. The loud applause of the people in the restaurant finally pulled me back into the real world.

  My face flushed hot, but I couldn’t stop the smile that burst out. “We have an audience,” I said with a nervous chuckle.

  He glanced around at all the customers, waiters and waitresses smiling and whispering. “Seems so.” His lips touched my forehead. “When?”

  “When what?”

  “When do you want to get married? I mean, you asked. I accepted. Seems like you might’ve made some plans.”

  “Um…gee…” I guess I’d been so terrified that Scott would say no that I hadn’t even allowed myself think about how things would go if he said yes. I’d never pictured a dress or bridesmaids or flowers. “I…I don’t know. How long does it take to plan a wedding?” Oh, God. It would probably have to be in Pottsville. Mom would insist. How long did it take to arrange a decent wedding? A couple of months at least. “Maybe this winter?”

  He shook his head.

  “Um…how about over Thanksgiving?”

  He just shook his head again.

  “Then when?”

  “Now.”

  Was he serious? “Pardon me?”

  “Now, angel. I checked, and in Indiana, there’s no waiting period.”

  “You checked? When?”

  His cheeks flushed, making me wonder if he’d revealed a little more than he’d wanted to about how anxious he’d been to marry me. Damned flattering reaction. “Back at home. Before I hopped on my bike to come here.”

  He’d really checked. Did that mean he’d been planning on coming here to marry me? Had I known that…well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have agonized so much over asking. I kissed him again simply to show him how happy he’d made me. “Wanna go to Vegas?”

  “Why bother? No waiting period here. Let’s just stay another day and get married tomorrow.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Deadly serious.” Scott pulled out his wallet, threw a couple of fifties on the table, and grabbed my hand. I didn’t even argue about who would pay even though old habits died hard. “Let’s go.”

  “Go?”

  “To tell your parents. We’ll get the license in the morning, get married before lunch, have a meal with your family, and then go home. I’ll get the bike shipped back so we can fly.”

  Talk about a whirlwind courtship. “I need to call Eli.”

  “Of course. But why don’t you let me ask him instead of you telling him? He’d probably like that.” He lifted his leather jacket from the back of his chair and held it open for me.

  I slid my arms into the soft lining, wrapping myself in the scent and comfort I’d missed.

  I was home.

  * * *

  “I can’t plan a reception overnight!” Mom looked like she’d burst into tears at any moment. I could hear the disappointment clear in her voice.

  So like me. I’d already let her down by depriving her of her grandchild’s childhood, and now I was taking away her fun in planning my wedding. She’d probably call an attorney in the morning and cut me out of her will. Then she’d change all the locks and her phone number. “We don’t want a reception, Mom. Just a meal with the family.”

  “I’ll call the lodge.” Daddy reached for the cordless phone. “We can set up tables there. How many tables, Connie?”

  “Depends on how many people I can call tonight. And I’ll have to run to the store now and get deli trays and—”

  “We just want to go to a restaurant with you and Daddy. Terri and Mike too. And Eli’s coming.”

  She ignored me. “—the bakery will surely having something we can use already made.”

  “Mom!”

  “What?” At least I finally got her attention.

  “No reception. Scott’s family can’t even be here on such short notice.”

  Her eyes shifted to Scott, who said, “How about we have a reception over Christmas? That would give you plenty of time to plan something nice.”

  I didn’t object. Not that it would have mattered if I had. To Mom, planning an event like this was like crack. And she was seeking a fix. She grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, started scribbling out a list, and walked out of the room.

  “Sorry,” I sheepishly offered, worried Scott would hate my family making a fuss over our wedding. “She does that to everybody.”

  “It’s okay.” Scott’s smile seemed warm and genuine. Thank God, he accepted my eccentric family. His hand reached for mine, and our fingers interlaced. He lifted our joined hands to kiss the back of mine. “You know what, Maddie?”

  “What?”

  “You’re going to marry me tomorrow.”

  Damn right, I was.

  * * *

  The county courthouse seemed like a cold place to start a life together.

  Things hadn’t been quite as simple as Scott and I had hoped. The license office had limited hours, so by the time we got the license, it was difficult to find a judge who had time in his busy day to perform a marriage. Finally, a judge had cleared some time on his schedule for our ceremony, mostly because he was a fellow Knight and Daddy had all but begged. The man finally relented, saying he could fit us in after a couple of sentencing hearings. So we sat and waited outside the courtroom in the drafty courthouse vestibule while some poor schmucks found out how many years they’d be calling the Pendleton Reformatory home.

  I was fidgety. I wanted this knot tied good and tight before Scott came to his senses and ran for the hills. We sat on a hard wooden bench that was so uncomfortable, I kept shifting from side to side. I also fiddled with the material on my skirt, but every now and then, Scott would pat my thigh or my shoulder so I’d settle down.

  Terri and I had gone on a quick shopping trip this morning and found the perfect wedding ensemble at a vintage shop. It was very Jackie Kennedy chic—an ivory linen dress with capped sleeves and a tea-length skirt. No veil because I always thought they were ridiculous. Terri had helped me plump up my hair and clip it with gold barrettes. Add the ivory pumps, and I could have stepped out of a Vogue magazine—in a 1960 edition. But, as my sister said, it was so…me. And so perfect for a spur-of-the-moment wedding in stuck-in-the-past Pottsville.

  Scott wore a dark gray suit that complemented his coloring. He also stopped on the way and brought a small bouquet of orchids for me to hold at the wedding.

  Now, those orchids rested on the seat beside me as I clutched Scott’s hand. Eli had opted to go inside and listen to the sentencing. Mike, who was nothing but an overgrown kid, tagged along. Daddy couldn’t stop pacing as he made ten strides down the tile and ten strides back before doing the same thing again. And again. And again. Until I wanted to scream. Terri and Mom sat on a bench a little farther down the vestibule, and my poor sister was probably comforting Mom about not getting to plan a big Catholic wedding.

  As if.

  I was just about to ask Scott what time it was again—probably for the thousandth time—when the courtroom doors opened. Several people came out, hauling briefcases and talking quietly. A bailiff finally emerged, grinning at us. “C’mon in, folks! Judge Adkins is waiting.”

  Jumping to his feet as if he was actually anxious for the ceremony, Scott pulled me to stand and dragged me into the courtroom as Daddy, Mom and Terri followed. Eli and Mike had evidently made themselves at home in the now empty room.

  The judge came marching in, holding a small black book with a weathered cover. “I nee
d the bride and groom,” he said, motioning for us to come stand next to where he stopped in front of the big bench from which he passed judgment. “We’ve got a wedding to get done.” His charming smile calmed my rattled nerves.

  As I started to follow Scott, Daddy grabbed my shoulder. “I should at least get to walk the bride down the aisle.”

  Tears stung as I turned and saw his face. The only time I’d seen Daddy this choked up was when my brother died. I could see the unshed tears in his eyes, and I realized how hard it must have been for him to give Terri away at her wedding. I also realized just how much he loved his daughters. The man was such a big ole teddy bear at heart. “Of course.”

  I smiled at Scott as Daddy led me farther away. With a nod, Scott went to stand in front of the judge and motioned to Eli to stand at his side. My son was his best man. A happy tear spilled over my lashes, and I didn’t even wipe it away.

  Daddy swallowed hard. “You ready, Madalyn?”

  All I could do was nod. He tucked my right hand in the crook of his elbow and led me to where everyone waited—Scott on the right with Eli and Mike standing next to him, Terri on the left with Mom by her side. When we reached Scott, Daddy gave him a long, hard stare. “You be good to my little girl.”

  Scott’s whole face lit with a smile. “I will, sir.”

  Daddy nodded, took my hand and set it in the one Scott had extended. After I leaned in to kiss my father’s cheek, he moved behind us to go stand next to Mom. He sniffled a few times, barely heard over Mom’s sobs. She always wept openly at weddings, so I dismissed that reaction and focused on the man I would marry in a few short moments.

  God, he’s handsome.

  “Thank you,” Scott whispered, grinning at me. “And you look beautiful.”

  I smiled back at him, not even caring that I’d spoken my thoughts aloud. “Thank you.”

  The judge cleared his throat. “Dear friends and family, we’re gathered here to join this man and this woman in matrimony.” He opened his little book and started to recite the traditional lines, minus the religious references.