If We Dare to Dream

by Collette Scott

  Glancing up, Ford stared at her for a few seconds and then straightened slowly. “Don’t worry about it. Hayden just never listens to me when I tell him where to put things.”

  Jamie felt a smile. Hayden never listened to anyone. He was the free-spirit of the family. “That wasn’t what I meant.”

  “There’s nothing to apologize for. You belong with us. We’re family.”

  “You have your own family. How will they feel when they get back and your little sister is freeloading off of you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Isabel was going to fly back here to be with you. You would offend us more if you refused to stay here, Jamie.”

  The stern look he sent her way was a bitter reminder of how long it had taken her to confess to her brothers the state of her marriage. High profile clients, a fast lifestyle and too much pressure had turned Clay from the attentive man she had met shortly after college into an out of control fool. In customary Jamie style, she had stayed too long in the hopes of mothering him back to her, ignoring her inner voice that warned her to leave after a year of marriage. A divorcee, rapidly approaching thirty and starting a new job in a slow and bungling economy, Jamie was everything she had hoped she would not be at her age. It was her worst nightmare, and she felt shame down to her inner being.

  “Well, when you speak to Isabel next, please tell her I send my love and thanks, and tell her I promise not to stay too long. Just long enough for me to find my feet again.”

  Ford’s hand came down on her shoulder, and he squeezed it gently. “You stay as long as you need to. I mean that.”

  Feeling emotional again, Jamie forced a laugh. Her vision blurred as the tears filled her eyes. “I guess this is when I say that I’m going to arrange my room for a little bit and make my graceful departure. Is that okay, or do you need any help out here?”

  Ford shook his head. “Take all the time you need.”

  With trembling lips, Jamie spun on her heel and walked from the garage to the paved and floral landscaped path down to her new home. The door was still cracked open, and she could hear the air conditioning running. Oh Hayden, she thought, closing the heavy territorial-style door behind her. Though the desert heat had eased quite a bit, it was still warm during the day and running the air with the door open was a total waste. She shook her head. Some things never changed.

  Taking a quick sweep of the single cream colored room that was now hers, Jamie realized that one of her brothers, most likely Grady, had neatly stacked her suitcases in front of the door to the closet, and the box marked ‘bathroom’ was resting on the sink down the short hall to the back of the quarters. Her kitchen utensils were lying haphazardly on the granite counter, and three of the cabinets were open as though someone had started putting her dishes away. The rest sat in the open box on the floor.

  While she and Ian had driven her Volvo down from Vegas late in the morning, her other brothers had left with the truck at the crack of dawn. Apparently they had tried to give her a helping hand by unpacking necessities since they had arrived two hours before her and Ian. The thought of their kindness made Jamie’s tears spill over her lashes, and she sank to her bed and placed her face in her hands.

  What had she done wrong?

  Promising herself just a few moments of self-pity, Jamie curled into a ball and thought back over the years that had passed since she had first left the Valley. She should have known then that she was making a mistake. All the warning signs had been present.

  First, her brothers warning her that Clay was not all that he seemed. While she had always had trouble introducing boys to her brothers in the past, this time all four brothers, including open-minded Grady, had not made any effort to like Clay at all. She had disregarded their warnings, chalking it up to the words of overprotective siblings and behaved in typical Jamie manner by rebelling.

  Then, during her final night out with Marissa and Rae, her two best friends emphatically warned her off Clay. Their wise words of not rushing into things and taking more time to get to know him had fallen on deaf ears. She had been so enraptured by his charm and subtle pressure to commit that she ignored their advice.

  The largest and most frightening warning sign fell with the man she met that last night out. Three weeks after she had moved, Marissa had called to tell her who the girl that had nearly vomited all over her had been murdered in a rape gone wrong that night. While she had been a little frightened, when Marissa told her who was arrested for the crime Jamie felt as though the rug had been pulled from her feet. The man they had arrested was the very same man who had followed her home. That charming and friendly guy that she had let her guard down for, had even wanted to know more about, had been charged with the crime and now sat in prison convicted of murder.

  Jamie still went cold as ice thinking about how close she could have been to being a victim herself. He had followed her almost to her development door. What would have happened if he had come closer? Could he have run her off the road in that big truck he had been driving? Had he given up because she was not intoxicated and went instead to someone he knew was? Whatever the case, she had learned a valuable lesson that night. No matter how good a judge of character she thought she was, she was wrong.

  Embarrassed at how foolish she had behaved that night, she never told a soul how close she came. Not even Clay during their happier days. She never told, but she remembered. When Clay had proven that he was not all he seemed to be as well, it had cemented her inability to trust her instincts.

  A knock on her door brought her back to the present. She sat up and wiped at her eyes, calling out to whichever brother it was to enter. The door swung open silently on well-greased hinges and revealed Ian. His close cropped hair was glistening with drops of water, and he had changed from his shorts and t-shirt to a pair of swim trunks. Jamie grimaced when she noticed he was dripping on the travertine flooring. Brothers, she fumed.

  “Don’t you have a towel?”

  Ian glanced down and then shrugged. “It’s white. He’ll never notice.”

  “But I will. Hold on.”

  She slid across the bed and hurried to the bathroom. Finding the box marked ‘linens’, she pulled it open and tossed a towel back at him. He caught it in one hand and shook it open.

  “So are you going to come and join us?”

  “I just needed to be alone for a second…to take a look around and see what needs to be done.”

  His astute and observant gaze told her that he did not believe a word she said. “Whatever.”

  She raised her chin. “Well, I did need time. Having all you guys hovering over me all weekend has left me exhausted.”

  “You and me both,” he muttered.

  He padded over to the refrigerator and pulled it open. Ducking his head inside, he withdrew a moment later with two beers in his hand.

  “Where did those come from?”

  “Courtesy of Grady. Apparently he insisted on hitting the grocery store before we got here. He didn’t get a lot, but at least there’s a few things to tide you over until you get a chance to go.”

  Twisting the tops off both, he handed one to Jamie and took a deep swig of his own. He pulled a chair out from the small dining table and sat down, the towel wrapped around his waist. Jamie held the cold bottle in her hand as yet another wave of emotion washed over her.

  “Just beer?” She chuckled. “You guys are amazing, you know that?”

  Ian’s face was serious, but his eyes danced with mirth. “Of course.”

  They enjoyed their beer in silence for a few moments until Ian came to his feet. “So are you going to throw on a suit and enjoy the barbecue with us or what?”

  Though she really just wanted to hide in her room, Jamie knew none of her brothers would accept that. After they had made the drive up to Vegas and then back again with all her belongings, she owed it to them to give proper thanks. If that meant a family dinner in Ford’s beautiful back yard, well she was in no position to say no. “What’s cooking?” />
  Ian’s love of food was evident in the dreamy, faraway look he bore. “Sirloin tips and baked potatoes, plenty of beer to go around and Hayden’s found some chips in the pantry.”

  “Sounds like good times,” she murmured.

  “It will be once you get there. C’mon, sis, get a move on… The pool’s heated…”

  Coming to her feet, Jamie reached forward and gave her brother a hug. When she pulled away, he was grinning down at her. “You make it sound so appealing, how could I say no?”

  “Then let’s go. I’ll meet you in the deep end,” he encouraged warmly. Spinning on his heel, he paused at the door and sent her one last smile. His voice was deep as he spoke, and the way he said her nickname warmed her inside. “Hey Jame? One more thing...”

  She cocked her head to the side.

  “I’m glad you’re home, brat.”

  The door closed behind him with a solid click. Though not overly expressive with affection, the use of his childhood pet name for her brought a smile of nostalgia to her lips.

  Reaching for her suitcase, Jamie went in search of a bathing suit. While some of her clothes made the long drive on hangers and were already put away, the items from her dresser were all neatly packed in her matching luggage set. Using the opportunity to unpack as well, she took a little longer than she expected, and dinner was just about ready when she walked out back wearing her suit and a towel as a cover up.

  The scene that greeted her in the backyard with the glorious desert views was one direct from her childhood. Hayden and Ian were doing what they did best, and what they had always done to her second oldest brother. Grady was currently being held under the water while Ford watched on with a fatherly eye from his position at the grill. Two steaks were already on a plate, and a separate plate held foiled-wrapped baked potatoes. As Jamie made her way through the maze of luxurious patio furniture, she sent a worried glance over at Ford.

  “Are they going to kill him?”

  At that moment both men released Grady, and he came to the surface sputtering and cursing. “Damn you both.”

  One of Ford’s dark brows rose. “Probably. Maybe you ought to get in there and referee.”

  She shook her head wryly. “Like old times?”

  “Just like old times,” he agreed. “Go on; I’ll finish dinner.”

  “Some things just never change, do they?”

  She heard Ford chuckle behind her as she crossed over to the side of the pool. Dropping her towel to the deck, Jamie pulled her knees to her chest and cannonballed into the water alongside the recently surfaced Ian and Hayden. They called out in surprise as Jamie reappeared between them.

  “Are you two ever going to grow up and leave poor Grady alone?”

  “Yeah, she’s right,” Grady grumbled.

  “When you don’t need to hide behind your baby sister for protection, Grady,” Hayden said with a laugh.

  Ian submerged again, and moments later Grady’s head disappeared under the surface. As Jamie cried out her protest, she too was pulled under the water.

  Just like old times, she thought as she kicked at Hayden. One foot slipped free and caught Hayden under the chin. When he released her with a surprised gurgle, she swam for the surface laughing. This game of water tag continued on for another five minutes or so while Ford completed dinner. When he finally called them to exit the pool and eat, Jamie was out of breath and her sides hurt from laughing too hard. She wrapped herself in her towel and joined her brothers at the table, suddenly feeling as though life could go on.

  It was nice to laugh again, and good to be home.

  Wait a minute, she thought, good to be home?

  ***

  The echo of a closing door somewhere off in the distance did little to break the tendrils of the dream that snaked out of his memory. He was eight again, sleeping in the small twin bed in the trailer belonging to his mother.

  A terrified scream, the sound similar to someone who has just come face to face with a murderer, woke Andrew in the night. Initially he reached for his constant bedfellow, a stuffed bear that was the last gift he received from his father before he left. Clutching Dexter to his small chest, Andrew lay awake in bed with wide eyes, his ears straining as he wondered what had awakened him. Was it the masked murderer from the scary movie his mother had watched with her friends during Halloween? Was he in the house?

  Before he finished his last thought, another whacking sound reached him from down the hall, followed by laughter and another cry. Andrew frowned. The cry sounded just like his brother Adam. This time the shrieks had developed into the sustained cries of pain. Lifting his head slowly and cautiously so as not to be noticed by any monsters in the house, Andrew looked over to his brother’s crib and found it empty. Where had Adam gone? How did he get out, and why was he crying now?

  Though so scared that his arms could not release the tight clutch on his beloved teddy, Andrew’s protective instincts kicked in. As slowly as he could, he slipped from beneath the thin sheet that covered him and slid to the floor, holding Dexter in one hand against his chest while he crawled to the closed bedroom door. He heard voices on the other side over the continued crying. They sounded annoyed. One of the voices was his mother’s, and he did not like it when she was annoyed. However, he could still hear his baby brother, crying in pain.

  Terrified to open the door and see what lay beyond, terrified to see what had happened to Adam, and terrified of the blows that would surely come when he interrupted his mother while she was entertaining company, Andrew’s shaking hand reached up and grasped the handle. None of that mattered at this moment. He had a job to do.

  He had to make sure Adam was all right. He had to protect Adam.

  The dream shifted in a swirl like the smoke rising from a burning Bradley. Dark wisps curled around his memory, bringing with it the pain and anguish that he struggled to keep at bay.

  Shouting voices, raised in panic, mingled together to form a cacophony of noise. It was impossible to make out who was saying what. The team was losing it. Why? What lay ahead? Had the insurgents found them again? The scent of burning flesh, the cries of the wounded, blood staining his hands, all seemed so far away. In the next moment, his ringing ears were jolted yet again. A blast, so loud that all the noise faded to a high pitched hum, rocked the vehicle, throwing him clear with a burst of pain and a startled cry. He had been hit. He knew he was dead. He stared up at the millions of stars in the black sky until his world turned to black.

  As quickly as the image appeared, it was gone. Though he tried to fight it and escape from the dream, he once again was returned to his childhood. His mother’s gaunt but smiling face appeared before him.

  “You’re my little man of the house,” Lisa said softly, stroking Andrew’s reddened cheek gently. “You take care of us.”

  Though her fingers brushed painfully against the rapidly growing bruise, Andrew stood still and erect. He refused to allow the tears burning the backs of his eyes to fill and spill over in front of his mother and her friend. There was a time when Andrew had thought his mother was the most beautiful and loving woman in the world. Over the two years since his father had left, he had watched her lovely dark hair grow thin, and her startling pale brown eyes become lackluster with the effects of the smokey stuff that the men she invited inevitably brought with them.

  He did not like those men.

  He did not like what they did to his brother.

  Though the blood still filled the inside of his mouth where his mother’s new friend had backhanded him and split open his cheek, Andrew remained still. His new front teeth felt loose in his mouth from the blow, and he allowed his tongue to carefully run along the inside to see if any others had come loose. Fighting against the trembling in his body and the pain in his elbow where he landed when he fell, Andrew shot a quick glance out of the corner of his eye to where Adam lay prone.

  “Leave him. He’s fine,” his mother said cheerfully.

  Placing her lit cigarette in th
e ashtray on the table, she slipped from her chair and came to her knees in front of him. He averted his gaze when her loosely tied robe opened revealingly. Unfortunately, by avoiding her nakedness, his eyes landed on the man who had just struck him. Seeing the man staring at his mother as though she were an ice cream cone that he wanted to eat made him angry all over again. Luckily his mother’s voice again reached his ears.

  “I’m sorry that you got in the way, Andrew-babe. Adam was being fresh, and Keith had to reprimand him. He’ll wake up in a few minutes. Worthless kid causes so much trouble. Look at you now. Does it hurt?”

  He shook his head bravely.

  “All right then, my precious boy, go back in your room and play with the door shut while I play with Keith.”

  Though only eight and a half and weighing in the 25% for his age group, Andrew nodded solemnly before hurrying to Adam’s side. He went down on his knees and picked up his brother. Though not yet two, Adam was heavy, and it took all of Andrew’s strength to carry him back to their room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Andrew placed Adam on his bed while his tears finally fell free. Though his cheek stung, he disregarded his own pain and stared at his brother, willing the toddler to open his eyes. Already Adam’s eye was swelling, and it appeared an angry red against his smooth, soft baby skin.

  Ignoring the soft sounds of pleasure and the low growl from the man who had struck him, Andrew cracked open his door and peeked, seeing only his mother’s back with the man’s arms around her hips as she straddled him. Knowing they would be too distracted with their game to notice him, he tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom where he found a clean washcloth hidden in the back of the cabinet under the sink behind half empty bottles of shampoo and an empty box of cotton swabs. He held it to the faucet and turned on the water at a slow drip, waiting for the cloth to become fully saturated. The soft sounds had grown more rapid and urgent. He knew he only had a few more seconds before they were done. Shutting off the water, he hurried back down the hall and closed the door behind him just as the man let out a ragged groan. The sound muffled the soft click of the latch behind Andrew’s panicked shove. He breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the door for just a moment before hurrying back to Adam. The toddler still appeared asleep, though he stirred when Andrew placed the washcloth across his forehead and gently over his swelling eye.