by M. Clarke
“Yah!” They cheered, and the three of us scooped up some dough at the same time.
Licking my finger, I said, “That’s some mighty tasty dough.”
After we placed cookies in the oven, the girls took out a book as instructed, and I checked my messages. I’d turned off my phone for four days but had messaged Olivia and my mom that I was fine and would message them back when I got back online. Josh and I were linked through many social media platforms, and I wanted to avoid him as much as possible. Besides, it was good for me. I needed clarity, peace, and time alone.
I powered my phone on, not because I wanted to, but because Ivan or Kathy would call or text, and I needed to be available. I would worry too if the person taking care of my kids didn’t answer. My screen went crazy with messages, not only from my social media sites, but from Josh too. I messaged Mom to reassure her, and then I texted Olivia.
Olivia: I know you’re watching your nieces, but I’m worried about you. Please call.
Me: I’m fine. I’ll call you when I can.
Olivia: Okay. Know that I’m thinking of you and am here for you.
Me: Thank you.
Josh had messaged me every single day, asking me to contact him. Did something happen to Em? That didn’t make sense. Why would he? Though I hadn’t spent much time with Em, I got attached to her too, and part of me missed her. Forget Josh. Stop thinking about him. Doing just that, I went to my email to clear the messages.
The picture I posted of Josh and Em went viral. Josh was holding Em, who smiled and looked adorable in his arms. He had given her a goofy face and she ate it up, the way I always did. Fans shared, liked, commented, and hash tagged.
@Josh Bennett the #SexiestDadAlive.
I want to be the mother of your child. @JoshBennett #SexiestDadAlive
Cutest baby and hottest dad @JoshBennett #SexiestDadAlive
Oh my heart @JoshBennett #SexistDadAlive
I smiled at all of it and wondered if Josh saw it too. Hopefully the support would help his vote. He’d been neck and neck with Logan the last time I’d seen the poll, but that was about five days ago. Why did I care? Cause you’re an idiot. He chose his X-Shell Bitch and not me. Sadly, I told myself it was none of my business. I couldn’t begin to start to try to be his friend if I didn’t heal first. But … my heart. The pain, so real, consumed me when I thought of our times together. Did I make a mistake by pushing him away? No. Stop thinking. Like Josh said, you make your bed and you sleep on it.
“Shit!” I breathed under my breath, and flashed my eyes to the girls. They gawked at me with their mouths open. “You didn’t hear me right. I said bit, not sh…never mind.” I knew they didn’t believe me when they giggled.
“Cookies. Ahhh!” I rushed to the kitchen and opened the oven. Shoving an oven mitten over my hand, I waved the heat away and took out the tray of cookies. The girls waited by the island with wide eyes.
“Yummy.” Hanna rubbed her tummy.
“Double yummy.” Hailey licked her lips, her tongue making a full circle around her mouth.
“Cookies and milk?” I asked.
They both nodded in delight.
Hanna ran to the sofa and brought back my phone to me. “Your phone is ringing.”
I hadn’t noticed. “Thanks, Hanna.” I looked at the caller name, and my pulse hit the roof. My slowly mending heart began to bleed again.
Josh: Call me. We need to talk.
A tug on my sweater broke me out of my stare on the screen. Innocent brown eyes full of worries met my eyes when I tilted my head lower.
“Auntie Isla, what’s wrong? Why do you look so sad?”
I set the phone to silent and dropped it on the counter. “Everything is fine.” I faked a smile, something I was getting good at. Taking a plate full of cookies and milk, I said, “Let’s eat.”
Chapter 28
Josh
Mom greeted me by the front door with teary eyes when I rang the doorbell. She looked comfortable in her blue sweat suit. She spread her arms out, closed them, uncertain of what to do. “Josh,” her voice quaked. “Come in. You don’t have to ring the bell. This is your home, too.”
“I know, Mom.” Unable to explain why I rang the doorbell like a stranger, I crossed the threshold, holding my breath, and peered up to the massive crystal chandelier. It was beautiful, but I’d always been afraid to walk under it, so I maneuvered around it. “Is Dad here?”
“He’s in his office. I’ll let him know you’re here. He’s expecting you.”
I nodded. “Is Jasmine here?”
“She’s in the backyard.”
“I’ll go find her.” I sauntered down the short hallway to a large room filled with expensive leather sofas, dark wood cabinets, and the largest flat screen I’d ever seen. My parents’ home was a bigger version of mine. Similar layout, yet different. Opening the double glass door that led to the backyard, I called, “Jasmine.”
Jasmine sat on the side of the pool, kicking her feet in the water. She loved to swim. Though the sun was out, it wasn’t swimming weather. After she waved, she got up and sprinted toward me. “Hey. I’m so proud of you for being here.” She embraced me so tightly I thought she would crush me.
“Damn, girl. Are you growing muscles?” I squeezed her biceps.
“Stop it!” She smacked my arm and headed to the kitchen. After she gulped some water, she flopped on the sofa. I was about to join her when my parents entered. The humor between my sister and me evaporated. Silence replaced the laughter we shared.
“Josh.” My father’s tone, dry and flat, greeted me. He wore trousers and a sweater, looking all business-like. Not a readable expression marked his face. Nothing new about that.
“Dad.” I gave him the same greeting back with a nod.
Dad sat on his favorite single chair and mom sat on the sofa next to him. Jasmine plopped next to me, giving me her support. She had always been understanding and encouraging. My baby sister had been the buffer between us since her younger years. But she couldn’t buffer the silence. Even she seemed uptight.
Mom clasped her hands together. “It’s been so long since you called or visited us.” She broke the silence, giving me a small smile.
“You know the reason,” I barked and immediately regretted when she jerked. Fuck! I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. Mom and I hardly ever clashed. It was the support she didn’t give me and being on Father’s side that pissed me off.
“Don’t use that tone with your mother. Your fight is with me,” Dad said, surprising calmness in his tone. “We have some things to talk about. It’s time we clear things up and move on.”
“Okay. I agree.”
Father relaxed his shoulders and rested his arms on the armchair. “I’m not sure where to begin, but I want you to know that your mom and I are proud of you for being drug free, for being professional with your career, and for being independent financially.”
“Me too,” Jasmine added softly, patting my back, as if unsure whether to speak. I drew strength and love from my little sis. Her support meant everything to me.
“Thanks,” I said sincerely, smiling at Jasmine and giving my father the benefit of the doubt that he would listen and not accuse.
“I know I haven’t been easy on you,” he continued, his eyes locked on mine. “And at times, I’ve treated you like a child, but no more. I know you still harbor resentment toward me. I tried to get you into my real estate business when you didn’t want to. You have to understand that as a father I want the best for you. And I thought I was doing that. Parents are not perfect. We make mistakes. We say things we don’t mean. And we forget how it feels to be your age. We try so hard to protect you that we forget in order to grow and mature, you have to make your own mistakes too. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, but I also want you to know that I hurt too. Son, I’m sorry. I’m just as stubborn as your grandfather was, and I know you’re the same. It’s time to break it.”
Mom wiped the tears streaming down her face
. As she listened to Dad’s words, she nodded and placed a hand on Dad’s shoulder. Though it might appear as if Dad was the central person of the house, Mom kept us unified. I would bet Mom had a lot to do with Dad’s choice of words. Regardless, he said what he believed to be true, or he wouldn’t have said it.
Hearing Dad say the words I’d wanted to hear so long wrecked me. The bandages over my wounded heart I’d kept locked deep inside started to peel off one by one. I couldn’t recall the last time he had called me son. Overwhelmed by words I didn’t expect to hear, I choked up, and I swallowed to keep the tears from falling. I managed to croak out, “Thank you for acknowledging all of it. I’ve been too pissed off to come around. I know it wasn’t the best way to handle our problem, but I only wanted you to hear me, hear what I wanted. What’s best for you might not be best for me. And I also felt so much guilt for not meeting your expectations. I felt like a failure.”
“I know, son. Again, I’m so sorry. I could apologize thousands of times, and I know it won’t make up for the fights we had, but we can start fresh today.”
Feeling heavy bricks lift off my shoulders, I curled my pressed lips a little. “I would like that too. But there is another issue we need to resolve.” I paused in fear I wouldn’t like what I would hear. “Shelly is back, and I have a child. She told me you offered her money to have an abortion. Is this true?”
My parents were stunned to silence, but then it faded. Dad’s muscles twitched and his eyes told me he was not happy. Shit! Would we go back to square one? Would that situation cause a rift between us again?
“No,” he said sternly, shifting in his chair uncomfortably. “I never offered her money for an abortion. That wasn’t my choice to make. However, I did offer her money to give you full custody of your child. Before you get upset, please hear me out. Again, I thought I was doing the best for you. I know I should’ve consulted you first, but I acted without thinking. I panicked. Shelly wasn’t good enough for you. She was unstable, manipulative. I thought she would drag you down with her, and you saw none of that. I needed to protect you. I thought about the hell Shelly might bring upon you once the baby was born. Though I couldn’t be certain, I knew you two wouldn’t last. I could be wrong about this, but I think you stayed with her because you knew it would upset me.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face. Of course Shelly would have twisted her story. What was I thinking? I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was too afraid to find the truth? I would have eventually, so why the lie? There was a reason for this adage: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And partly Dad was right. I paraded Shelly around to piss him off.
“I thought you were ashamed of me. I thought you didn’t want your name smeared among your social group.”
His chest rose and fell. “I’m not going to lie. Those thoughts did enter my mind, but you were more important to me. You won’t understand until you’ve raised your own child.”
“How much?” I asked, anger building inside me, and it wasn’t caused by my dad that time.
“How much what?”
“How much did you offer Shelly? A million or more?”
He stiffened. “She asked for a hundred thousand.”
I felt relieved it wasn’t much. A hundred grand was chump change for Dad, but it was a lot for Shelly, especially since her mom struggled. But it didn’t make it right that she took the money and also deceived me. “Oh.” I relaxed into the chair.
“I would have paid more. I mean…if it meant she would give you full custody.”
I nodded, the only response I could give him.
“Speaking of Shelly, have you seen your child?” Dad asked hesitantly, his nose wrinkled as if it pained him to say it.
“Boy or a girl?” Mom asked excitedly.
Jasmine stiffened next to me. Her body language told me she kept the secret, not telling our parents about Shelly and the baby just yet. I loved her even more for it.
“I have a…” I started to say and stopped. “You have a granddaughter, and she’s beautiful.”
Mom clasped both hands over her mouth from squealing, her eyes glistening with happy tears.
“A daughter.” Dad grinned. “How old is she?”
“She turned one recently.” Their enthusiasm hugged me like a warm blanket, and my whole body eased.
“Can we see her?” Mom asked, then her expression turned sour. “Do you have visiting rights?” Then she leaned forward to press more questions. “Have you spent time with the baby? What’s her name? Is she well? Is Shelly going to skip town again? Does she look like you?” She looked horrified. “Are you and Shelly back together?”
I chuckled, not because her questions were funny, but because I loved how we were communicating, as if we never had anything to fix. Just like that, everything fell back to normal. I believed my dad’s sincere apology, and I believed things would be different. More than anything, I needed to let resentment and pain go. By my own choice, I had been stuck in the past with no way out.
“I have every other weekend for now. Shelly and I are not back together.” I skipped the part that it almost could have been. And as much as I wanted to tell them about Isla, I couldn’t until she and I were fixed too.
Dad leaned back into his chair, looking more relaxed than ever. The lines on his face and his muscles eased. “We should celebrate her first birthday together, and we need to invite the whole community.”
My eyes grew wider in shock. “Are you sure, Dad? We can have a simple family party.”
“No. Emma is our first granddaughter. And it’s her first birthday. We need to do this right. And if you need anything … a good lawyer perhaps?” He coughed, attempting humor, but failed. “Let me know. I’m here for you, son.”
“Thank you.” My heart expanded with joy and gratitude.
Jasmine, who had been quiet, linked her arm around mine. With her eyes round and big, she said, “See. I told you everything would work out.”
I kissed her gently on the forehead. “Thank you, Auntie Jasmine, for always being there for me.”
“You’re my only brother.” She gave me the goofy grin I’ve always given her. “I have no choice.”
When we stood to get ready to go out to dinner, Mom rushed to hug me, and then Dad did too.
I understood why my dad wanted to protect me because I had the same need for my daughter. I would do anything for her. Only when you’re a parent yourself can you truly understand what unconditional love is. Though I thought I would’ve done things differently, who was I to say I wouldn’t have done the same if Emma were in my situation. Emma wasn’t going to date until she turned at least twenty-one. God help the man she dated.
When it came to protecting the ones you love, sometimes things got carried away. Like the need I had at that moment to get Isla back. Nothing would stop me from getting her back. I would do anything.
After a peaceful dinner with the four of us, I promised to call soon to set the date for Emma’s party and headed home. After I got home, I texted Nathan.
Me: Nathan. It’s me.
Nathan: I know. The phone told me.
Me: Oh, right. Isla…
Before I could send another text he interrupted.
Nathan: When?
Me: When what?
Nathan: You’re slow today.
Me: Oh, got it.
Nathan: What do you need me to do?
Me: Lots of things. You won’t like it.
Nathan: Olivia and I can’t wait. You made up your mind quickly.
Me: My heart knows what it wants. It took me losing her to realize what my life would be like without her. And I don’t plan to waste another second on what-ifs.
Chapter 29
Isla
“Mommy. Daddy!” The girls hugged Ivan and Kathy as they entered through the garage door.
“Hi,” I said after hugs. “How was your trip?”
“I really needed that,” Ivan sighed. “Thank you so much.”
; “It was great to get away,” Kathy added. “But we missed the girls.” She glanced at them adoringly.
“You’re welcome.” I twisted my lips. “Anytime. Let me know.”
Ivan gathered the bags while Kathy sniffed the air. “The house smells so sweet.”
“Auntie Isla baked cookies with us,” Hanna informed her. Do you want some?”
Before Kathy could respond, Hanna tugged her mom to the kitchen, while Hailey did the same with Ivan.
A plate full of chocolate cookies rested on the island.
“We just baked them this morning, Mommy.” Hanna lifted the plate, unwrapped the plastic, and handed one to everyone, looking proud.
“Oh my,” Kathy murmured, devouring a cookie in her hand. “I’m going to eat more.”
As Ivan called the girls to the living area to open their gifts, Kathy kept her eyes on me.
“Are you okay? What happened? I know something is wrong, Isla.” Her tone determined, she planted her hand on the granite island as if to make a stand.
I caved and told her everything: My suspicion about Josh still caring about his ex, my insecurities, and how I let him go.
“Oh, Isla.” She embraced me. Her sympathetic tone did not help suppress the hurt but fed it until it was so full I started to tear up. “Why didn’t you tell me before I left? We could’ve talked through this.”
Her warmth and the patient strokes on my back undid me, and I cried on her shoulder. “I’m not sure if I did the right thing.” I sobbed. “He wants to talk. He’s been calling and texting me every day.”
Kathy pulled me back, her eyes wide. “He wants to talk?”
“Yes.” I smeared the tears on my face. “He probably wants me to get my things because Shelly is moving in. She hated when I was around. I’m sure she doesn’t want anything of mine in their house.”
Her brow furrowed. “You should call him and see what he wants.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I’ll find out when he’s on an assignment so I don’t run into him. I can’t face him right now. I feel like when I collect my stuff out of his place, it will be permanent.”
