by M. Clarke
“I’ll go with you,” she said, caressing my arm. “I hate to say this, but you know what they say. Let him go, and if he comes back to you, then he was meant to be yours.”
“They had a baby together. He wants to be a good father. He’s not coming back to me,” I stated. “Maybe it’s better this way.” Wiping the last tear I swore I would give to Josh, I stood taller. “I’m fine. It gets to me sometimes, but I’ll get over it.” I paused to take a breath. “I’ll be looking for a place of my own starting tomorrow.”
“No hurry, Isla. Take your time. You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.” I appreciated her sincerity, but I needed a place of my own.
“I know. Thank you. I’m thinking about visiting Mom soon. We saw her during Christmas when she stayed the week at your place with Jeff, but maybe it’ll help.”
Mom and Dad had divorced when we were young. We rarely spoke to Dad since he moved to England, and Mom married Jeff after I graduated from high school and moved out.
“I’m sure she would love that. We plan to visit her during Thanksgiving. You should join us.”
“I will. We can all fly to Texas together.” I gave her a hint of a smile by lifting my lips a little, and then I remembered something. “I won’t be home for dinner tomorrow night. I have an assignment. The distraction will help. And I have one next week. The busier I am, the better it will be for me.”
“You really like this guy, don’t you?” she asked softly. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“I did. But it’s over now. Time to move on.” Easier said than done, though. Josh wasn’t easy to forget. His goofy smile, his jovial personality, his kind heart, the way he loved his daughter, the way he cared for his friends, his distinctive bluish-greenish eyes, and those badass tattoos—he was one of a kind. Closing that chapter behind me, I dragged Kathy to the girls. “Tell me all about your trip.”
After a few rounds of laughs, I felt a little bit better. The distraction of being around family helped, but alone in my room with too much time to think, unable to tame the hurt, I let it all out. Again.
Chapter 30
Josh
Isla wouldn’t answer her phone or text me back. What was I thinking? Of course she wouldn’t. She didn’t want anything to do with me, and I didn’t blame her. I’d hurt her so much. But she didn’t know I was hurting too.
The scent of her still lingered on my pillow, and the bed seemed colder as I shifted and turned through sleepless nights. The absence of her in my home was unbearable. Every tortured time I walked into my home reminded me Isla no longer lived there. Every minute I had to wait to get her back, I was in hell.
I had to wait a week, an entire fuckin’ week. Isla stayed at her brother’s place to watch her nieces while the parents were out of town; that much I knew. So I couldn’t do anything except to plan the events to come. I’d thought about visiting her when the kids were in bed, but I didn’t think that reunion would go so well, and it definitely would not be appropriate. So plan B would have to do, even if it drove me insane to wait a week.
I texted Nathan.
Me: Are we all set?
Nathan: Yup.
Me: I’m nervous.
I couldn’t believe I admitted that, but it was so easy to talk to Nathan. He coaxed out emotions in me. And it felt fuckin’ great to have a friend like him.
Nathan: You got this. Just be honest. Go all caveman if you have to. I support that.
Me: I’m down for it.
Nathan: Stop talking to me and go get her.
Me: I’m a fuckin’ pussy for letting her go.
Nathan: No talking about pussy. The only pussy I want to think about is Olie’s. Now go before I get out of my car and kick you out of yours.
I inhaled the cool air and took in the beauty of my view. So breathtaking, I stared at it a bit longer than I should. White speckled lights dazzled the night sky, and the bright round moon, appearing so close I could almost reach out and touch it, reflected golden lights along the quiet ocean. There was no other oceanfront home for miles, so perfect for my trap. A sudden gust of wind chilled through my bones, and I entered my parents’ beach house.
Standing in the living area, I peeked through the shutters, making sure Nathan had parked in front of the house while I parked behind it. I didn’t want Isla to see my car and drive off. After the coast was clear, I hid behind the tall wooden cabinet filled with books, where not even a shadow of me could be seen.
Approaching footsteps made me stiffen my back against the wall, and my heart pounded out of my chest as I waited. When the door creaked open, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I wanted to jump out and hold my Isla and beg her to take me back, but I had to hold back.
“Wow. This house is gorgeous. I wonder who owns such a grand place?” Hearing Isla’s voice, I peeked out and smiled at the sight of her. Damn, I missed her.
“Holy cow,” Olivia muttered, her heels clicking on the wooden floor. “I want to live here.”
“Is it just the three of us?” Isla asked.
“I don’t know. I didn’t check the list. Did you read the email?” Nathan dropped the bags beside the door, and Isla did the same.
“I—it was kind of vague. I’m wearing the Knight Fashion women’s athletic wear I got a week ago as instructed. And the return email was from Tom. Where is he? Is he our photographer?”
Tom? Nathan got Tom? I laughed inwardly. This is going to be hilarious.
“I’m going to assume so since he emailed us,” Nathan replied.
“Looks like we’re doing the shoot in the living area. The white backdrop and the lights are all set up.” Olivia pointed out the obvious, clearly stalling.
Usually emails came from Matthew or his secretary regarding our assignments, but once in a while the photographer set the time and location.
I slipped inside the guest bedroom as another set of footsteps clunked out from the kitchen. Tom held a mug in his hand, and as he passed the hallway he winked at me. He had seen my head poking out. I flushed with warmth, and I scooted back to get a better view.
“Hey, you finally made it,” Tom said, placing the mug on the side table after he took a drink. As he picked up his camera and adjusted the lenses and lights, he was ready to play his part. “I’m going to take pictures of Isla first. Matthew wants single pictures and then couples.”
“Oh. Okay. So I just wear this, right?”
“Isn’t that what I said in the email?” Tom scowled. He was pretending, but I didn’t like the tone he used on my Isla. Had he been for real, I would have said something.
Isla swallowed, squinted, and twitched her nose, irritation on her face. “Okay. Then I’m ready.”
“Nathan and Olivia remove yourselves,” he barked. “Oh, wait.” He flung a set of keys at Nathan. “I need a bag from my car. Go get it. Thanks.” His way of getting them out of the house. Good plan, Nathan.
As soon as Isla got on her mark, he started to shoot. Then after a few minutes, he stopped. “Hey. You in the bedroom. Get up from your nap. I need you. Get your ass out here. Pronto. I don’t have all day.”
“Who’s in there?” Isla sounded worried.
“Your partner,” he stated matter-of-factly.
“My partner? I didn’t see …” Her eyes, wide and alert, set on me and froze. Her lips parted to speak, but no words came out.
“I got an email today. I’m replacing the model who got sick,” I explained.
“Oh,” she breathed, and she literally looked like she was going to hyperventilate.
Isla had bags under her eyes, and she looked like she had been crying. Though the makeup did bring out the glow of her beautiful face, she seemed pale and drained. I did this to her, and it killed me.
Isla eyed me from head to toe. “He’s not wearing the Knight Fashion—”
“We don’t got all night. Get to your marks,” Tom cut her off, pointing the camera at us.
Isla scowled and ignored Tom like bef
ore at the beach.
As soon as we got to our position, Tom spat out directions. “Josh, go behind Isla. Put your arms around from behind.”
My body burned with need when we made contact, and I trembled a little from missing her. I reveled in her heat, the feel of her, the scent of her, but at the same time, my heart spattered on the floor. I’d hurt her so much. I could tell from the way it took every ounce of her will to touch me. Her stiff body remained rigid, not an inch of her relaxed. She seemed disgusted in our embrace, and that thought alone killed me.
“Good. Good. Good. Isla, turn around,” Tom continued to direct as he clicked away on the camera. “Josh, press your cheek to Isla. I need cheek to cheek.”
We did as instructed, and then I made my move. “Why didn’t you call me back? I thought you said you’d be my friend.”
Her body quaked, and an annoyed, soft growl vibrated from her throat. “I told you it would take time. I needed time. What the hell do you want from me?” Her anger grew.
“Are you two fighting again?” Tom lowered his camera. “Be professional, will ya? Isla, form your body to his. That’s it. Isla, turn around. Now, shut up and kiss and make up.”
Isla dropped her arms to her side, her lips poking out, her eyes darting from me to Tom and then Tom to me. “What the hell is going on?”
Tom threw up his hands. “I know what’s going on, but obviously you two don’t. Either both of you get your shit together and make up or stay away from each other.”
Isla dropped her jaw, her fists on her hips. Her lips parted, but before she could say a word, Tom pulled her close to his chest and gave her a peck on her forehead. I scowled.
“Oh, Isla. You’re about to find out. It was nice fake working with you today.” He backed away, leaving her mouth agape. “Josh. Know that this was a one-time thing. However, I’m going to send these shots to Matthew. They turned out great, especially when you both looked so pissed off right at the camera.” He let out a boisterous laugh. “I love my work.” With a wink to Isla, he walked out the door with only a camera.
“Isla.”
She whipped around, eyes shooting daggers at me. “What the hell was that, Josh?”
I crossed my arms. “It’s your fault, Isla. You wouldn’t call me or talk to me. I had to get you alone somehow.”
Her arms flew up, her face burning red as ever, and huffed air out her mouth. Then she bunched her sexy auburn hair into balls with her fists. “You. That was…” Her eyes darted over every inch of the living place. Looking for her bag perhaps? She had no idea Tom had moved her bag closer to the kitchen behind the wall. Already having an idea of what she was thinking, I raced to the door and blocked her.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Her eyes darkened even more, and she looked sexy as hell, all mad and bent out of shape. “Get out of my way, Josh. This was…what you did…I can’t believe…” She paused, looking out the window, and then continued. “Nathan and Olivia. Oh my gosh. I’m going to kill them,” she seethed.
“Isla. I’m sorry,” I said quickly before she went even crazier on me.
Her chest rose and fell, faster than I’d ever seen before, well except when we made love. “You should be,” she sneered, her eyes still cold and hard. “I shouldn’t be here. You wasted my time. I thought I had a gig. This is…” Her lips pursed, and her hand swung at me. I gripped her hand before it made contact with my chest. Then with her other free hand she smacked my arm.
“I’m so sorry, Isla.”
“Why?” she sighed, as if all energy drained out of her.
“Because I let you go, and I shouldn’t have. Because I’m a stupid idiot. I failed to realize you mean everything to me.” I started to push her to the sofa word by word, away from the door, as I continued. “Yes, I needed closure. You were right about that. But that was all I needed. I didn’t need Shelly. I don’t love her. She is my past, only my past. I want you to be my future. I care about you more than you could possibly know. I love you, Isla. I’m hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you.”
Her back lightly bumped into the wall. I hadn’t realized we had walked across the room together with me pinning her eyes, declaring my love for her. Isla’s face paled, blank and unbelieving. She looked like she saw a ghost as her eyes stayed glued to mine.
“Did you hear me, Isla? I love you. I love YOU. I LOVE YOU.” I accentuated every word, each word getting louder.
“Yah,” she swallowed. “Are you sure?” Her words were barely audible, but I heard them loud and clear.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” My lips curled, feeling happiness fill my lungs, my heart, and every inch of me from her presence. There was not an ounce of doubt that Isla was the one for me, my forever. I would fight for her if it took forever to get her back.
“I…I—”
Her eyes softened, though still wary. But I knew that look. Thank God she still loved me. I crushed my lips to hers and kissed her like there was no tomorrow. Passion built between us, already bubbling, and overflowing. When I let go, our panting breaths collided as we lovingly stared into each other’s eyes.
“Tell me you love me back. Tell me I still have your heart,” I demanded. Though her kiss confirmed it, I needed to hear the words. “Tell me, Isla,” I growled.
Heat and lust gleamed in her eyes. Cupping my face, she looked squarely into my eyes. “I did love you, Josh Bennett. I never took my heart back. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.” Then tears glistened in her eyes. “You hurt me so much. I thought I was dying.” She smacked my arm, anger flaring in her eyes. “You took me.” She threw another hit, and I let her. That’s it Isla. Let it all out. Let out all the anger, frustration, and all the hurt so we start again. “You consumed me.” A third swing hit my chest this time. “Then you drowned me.” Then she shoved me, pushing me back. My relaxed muscles betrayed me as I stumbled. “I hate you. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t want to fall in love with you again.” Tears streamed down her face, twisted with confusion. The shock of her words stunned me to silence.
I regained my footing with a new plan set in motion. I didn’t let her go on. As thoughts ran wildly in my mind, asking whether she would take me back or not, I didn’t risk letting her go. Dropping to my knees and coiling my arms around her waist, I held on to that anchor, my love for her. That was the only thing that would bring her back. So I shoved all my pride out the door and let the wind carry it. I had to get her back. I wanted to cross the line and never return.
“I’m so sorry, Isla,” I continued, mumbling into the fabric over her stomach. “I was stupid to let you go. Please, let me make it up to you. I don’t know what else I can do to convince you, but you have to know that I was hurting too.”
Isla’s slack arm dangled by her side, and a teardrop fell on my cheek. Shit! Come back to me. It was a stupid thing to pray for, but I prayed to God she would give in, because I didn’t know what else to do.
“Isla, I love you.” I started to kiss her stomach, inching up the middle, and then straight between her breasts. A gasp, and a hitch of breath escaped her mouth. And as I continued to kiss and blow heat through the fabric, I started to unzip her sweat jacket. “I love you,” I said again. My dick sprang to life when I realized she only had a bra under it. I used that to my advantage and slid my tongue across the top of her breasts. Then I reached lower and filled my mouth with her delicious, erect nipple waiting for me. I murmured, “I love you so much.”
Isla moaned, and her back met the wall again. As I continue to bathe her with my tongue sliding slowly up her neck, I gripped her hard ass with both of my hands, pulled her to the erection under my jeans, and began to rock. I couldn’t help myself. The scent of her sweet flower, the feel of her softness, her body calling out for me as her muscles eased, I lost myself in her. I whispered in her ear, “I love you, only you. You are my world, my happiness.”
When our lips collided, I tasted the salty tears still falling from her
eyes. Isla didn’t hold back. She gripped my hair so tightly, pain rippled through me as she poured her anger and hurt. I groaned, but I didn’t stop her. She could pull out every single strand of my hair if she wanted, and I would let her. I didn’t give a fuck how much she hurt me. I just wanted her back. And then finally, there it was. Her want and desperation showed in the way she hungrily kissed me back and whispered the words I prayed for.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 31
Isla
How dare he! How dare he set up a trap for me? Every vein, bone, muscle in my body vibrated with anger, and there wasn’t enough room for hurt. My blood boiled at that moment, and I hated him. I really hated him. But then he declared his love for me. He said the words I’d yearned to hear since the day I walked out of his life. And oh God, if he continued his declaration, I would jump into his arms. It took everything for me not to give in. No. I wouldn’t make it easy, because as much as I loved him and wanted to be with him, the hurt had blackened my heart. I didn’t know if I wanted him back. Loving him had hurt too much.
Needing to release my anger, I started to yell and slap his chest. I wanted to show him how I felt, how much he had hurt me. I wanted to punch him, let all my anger out, but I didn’t want to hurt him. He let me rage. He became the punching bag I needed as I spewed the words “I hate you” with rage I couldn’t fathom pouring out of my mouth. I didn’t mean it, but it felt so damn good. As if my three little words were a physical entity, they slapped across his face. Hurt blazed in his eyes. But then he dropped to his knees and held me like he would never let go. God help me. I broke.
All the love I felt for him flooded back in full force. I never really hated him. It was the hurt talking, telling him to stay away, protecting my heart. But…oh, Josh. My mind whirled, and the room spun as the heat of his kisses moved up the front of my chest while he unzipped my sweatshirt jacket. When he apologized and showed me how much he loved me, I crumbled. I gave in. I didn’t care about the hurt anymore. There was no game to play, and I could tell he had hurt too because when he walked out of the shadow, he looked like shit. Stubble dotted his jaw, bags hung under his eyes, and he looked like he’d lost some weight. No more hurting. It was time to move.
