by KC Burn
His irritation getting the better of him, Raven kicked out at the nearest thing, his sofa. Then promptly dropped down on it as pain flared in his hip.
“Fuck. Damn cocksucking bastard.”
Like it was the sofa’s fault. But Raven had been spoiling for a fight for a while, and he was running out of things to do to distract himself from thinking about the sexy Caleb, with whom he’d made a complete ass of himself.
He’d given Caleb his number, but he’d been agonizing ever since, vacillating between despair that Caleb hadn’t called and muscle-melting relief that he wasn’t going to have to worry about being naked with someone. Or worry about having another panic attack while in the process of getting naked with someone. Worrying about his future employment was bad enough. Sure, he had the whole Tartan Candy gig coming up this weekend, but he’d already done what he needed to do for the weekend. As many times as he thought he could springboard the Tartan Candy thing into a career or business of sorts, he couldn’t help thinking it was doomed to failure. All this free time to think wasn’t good for him. Not at all.
Tossing a glare at his phone, which was blatantly not ringing—damn Caleb for not calling—Raven snatched up the TV remote. Might as well binge-watch some show or other on Netflix. After so much time incapacitated after his accident, his options were getting pretty slim. Reading was out of the question. All the books in his to-be-read queue on his e-reader were romances, and that was the last thing he wanted to think about now. It was one thing to read them voraciously after his accident, when he’d assumed that living vicariously through the characters was as good as his romantic life was going to get. But their messages of love and acceptance would only feel like lemon juice in a paper cut now that he’d actually met someone. Someone who wasn’t really interested, even if Raven could stop acting like such a fucking weirdo. Rejection. It wasn’t the same as his parents not wanting him, but it still hurt like a bitch.
He started up a cop show and curled up with the fleecy blanket he kept on the back of his couch. Maybe he needed a pet. A cat. He’d never had a pet, not ever, and until the accident, he’d never been lonely, never had any significant time at home, and he’d heard cats weren’t as much work as dogs. A starter pet.
Partway through the second episode, his phone rang. Raven paused the show and picked up his phone. Unknown number, local area code. The implications sent his heart racing, and his palms began to sweat. Telemarketer? Wrong number? The event guy from the hotel? Or Caleb?
Did he answer or let it go to voice mail?
Raven took a deep breath. He’d survived worse than talking to a sexy man.
With only a slight tremble in his finger, he accepted the call.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hi, Raven? It’s Caleb?”
With those few words, the wild flutters in his stomach subsided to a minor flurry and Raven smiled. “Hi Caleb. Good to hear from you.”
It took a few minutes to find their conversational footing, but once they did, it wasn’t hard to talk to Caleb, not at all, even while avoiding Raven’s own personal taboo topics. The first conversation was not the time to discuss his new sex phobia, his early years, or his past in porn. The porn thing, especially. He’d been forcibly reminded only a few days ago that people could be quick to judge. He hoped Caleb wasn’t like that, but he’d rather get the opportunity to learn more about Caleb, and let Caleb do the same for him, before dropping that sort of bombshell.
After Caleb had explained a little about his job, there was a weird pause. Raven had been about to tell Caleb a bit about his classes, but for some reason, he sensed Caleb wanted to fill that expectant silence.
“So, um, I’m having a great time talking to you.”
Raven waited, breathless. Was this a brush-off?
“Do you want to have dinner with me this weekend? Maybe catch a movie?”
Oh. Oh, Raven was so fucking torn. He’d never been on a proper date, not like this. Not like regular people dated. Figured that the first time he’d been asked—and badly wanted to say yes—he had a job, of all things. He hadn’t even told Caleb about his fledgling business venture, not wanting someone who already owned his own business to laugh at him. Now he didn’t have much of a choice.
“I’d love to Caleb, but I can’t.”
“That’s okay, I understand.” Disappointment colored Caleb’s words, and almost immediately, Raven sensed the withdrawal. Did Caleb think he wasn’t interested? Because that wasn’t true. The more he talked to Caleb, the more he wanted to see if there was some way he could overcome his weird hang up.
“I have this… gig, I’ve been calling it.” No help for it. Raven glossed over the attempt to make it into an actual business venture, but he’d already told Caleb he’d done some modeling—just not exactly what kind—so it wasn’t a surprise when Caleb assumed it was part of a modeling job. Raven didn’t bother correcting him. He’d know better after the weekend if Tartan Candy could be a real thing; no sense in opening himself to ridicule only to discover it was just a crazy pipe dream.
“What about next weekend?”
Raven hadn’t realized how tense he’d become until he heard the question. He hadn’t scared Caleb off yet.
“Next weekend sounds good.”
They made a loose plan to meet up the following Saturday night.
“I’d better go. I’ve got some early appointments in the morning.” Caleb sounded tired, and Raven wouldn’t feel good about keeping him on the phone. Just because Raven didn’t have anywhere to be for a couple of days didn’t mean he should keep Caleb from getting a good night’s sleep.
“Okay, then, I’ll see you next Saturday.” The days would last forever; Saturday seemed eons away.
“Maybe I can call you between now and then?”
Another sparkly burst of happiness lit up inside him. “I’d like that.”
After he hung up, he started up the TV show again, this time wearing a big smile. Soon, he’d be ready for the hope his books offered.
Chapter TEN
CALEB FIDGETED in his seat. This was going to be an excruciating evening, but when his cousin Alberto had called him mere minutes after Raven had told him he was busy all weekend, Caleb hadn’t seen any reason not to go on this so-called date with Isabel’s friend. One date, and he’d be golden with his family for a while, he hoped.
He’d changed his mind about the wisdom of a double date. It would be easier to claim that they didn’t click without witnesses to prolong the agony. Instead, he’d suggested he’d meet the woman at a restaurant, and Alberto had agreed to arrange it. Friday worked out best, for both Caleb and….
Fuck. What was her name again? Caleb dug out his phone. She’d texted him earlier to confirm.
Francesca. That was it.
While his phone was out, he couldn’t help but send Raven another text, this time wishing him good luck. They hadn’t spoken again since Wednesday, but they’d texted several times a day, and Caleb was enjoying the simple, uncomplicated method of getting to know Raven. Whenever his text notification came up and Caleb saw the shock of red-streaked hair that took up most of Raven’s avatar, the anticipation and happiness that filled him was surprising, but welcome. He couldn’t ever remember being so eager for messages or contact from any man.
Tonight was the first night of Raven’s new modeling job, and he’d sounded so pleased to have it. Caleb wouldn’t have thought a man who looked like Raven would have any trouble getting modeling jobs; he could stare at the guy all day.
Caleb waited a couple of minutes, but there wasn’t a response, and he tucked his phone away. He couldn’t expect Raven to have his phone at hand while he was working. It had only been a few days, but he didn’t doubt Raven would text him when he got a chance.
A pretty dark-haired woman bustled into the restaurant. She was medium height and curvy, and she carried a giant purse. Or maybe it was a laptop bag. Or a suitcase. Caleb didn’t know. Aside from the oversized bag, she was perfectly made
up and looked fashionable.
She scanned the tables, and the second her gaze landed on him, her perfect crimson lips widened in a smile and she headed straight for him.
“Hi, you must be Caleb.” She plunked down her bag on one of the chairs at the table and held out her hand.
Standing, he shook her hand and tried to smile. Inside, he quailed just a bit. Even if he wasn’t gay, how on earth had Alberto believed a woman like her would be interested in a blue-collar laborer like him? Hell, Raven was way out of his league as well, but there was a down-to-earth quality to him. Francesca looked like a movie star.
“Nice to meet you, Francesca.” Politeness was the least he could do, but he expected their lack of chemistry would be obvious by the end of dinner, without him being a bastard about it all. After all, if he acted like a total dick, he’d never hear the end of it from his family. They wouldn’t care that this was the last place he wanted to be tonight.
“Nice to meet you too.”
Caleb sat before he truly remembered his manners, and he turned around to look for a server. He was halfway out of his seat before he realized another server picking up drinks at the bar only bore a resemblance to Raven, and wasn’t actually Raven.
Now that he could see the guy’s face, he wasn’t as pale or as attractive as Raven, although he was quite cute. He also didn’t have those surprisingly sexy bright red streaks in his dark hair or those stunning blue eyes. He’d have been pissed that Raven had lied about where he’d worked, but Caleb couldn’t deny the almost crushing disappointment that he wasn’t actually seeing Raven tonight.
He slumped back in his chair… and remembered he wasn’t there alone.
“Um, is something wrong?”
Caleb made a valiant effort to regain his composure. “Oh, no. Sorry. Just thought I recognized someone, but I was mistaken.” Modeling at a romance-writers convention was a ridiculously elaborate lie to avoid telling Caleb about a job as a waiter; foolish to have doubted for even a second.
Their own waiter showed up and took their drink orders before the subsequent silence became uncomfortable. Caleb asked Francesca about her job but got distracted again by the dark-haired server. How on earth could he have mistaken that ass for Raven’s? Granted, he’d never seen Raven up close wearing pants, but he’d bet Raven would fill out the uniform-style khakis far better than the look-alike waiter. The kilt, though. That was something else. Caleb could easily develop a fetish, when he’d never realized how fucking sexy they were.
He shifted a bit in his chair and glanced over at Francesca, who had a strange expression on her face.
“Um. Sorry. What was that you said?”
Francesca was gracious enough not to call him on his complete lack of attention, and he nearly kissed their server when he returned to get their dinner order. Of course, Caleb hadn’t even glanced at the menu.
“I’ll have a burger.” Every place had to have a burger, right?
Except both Francesca and the waiter looked at him oddly. Again, Francesca gave him an out by patting his hand. “Honey, remember we decided on Italian tonight, not the burger place.”
Flames of mortification licked into his face. He’d been so distracted by this unwelcome date he hadn’t even realized Alberto had set up their meeting in an Italian restaurant. He wasn’t thrilled by Francesca’s calling him honey, either, but he wasn’t in any position to quibble.
“Right. Sorry. Lasagna, please.” Please, God, let it not be one of those nontraditional Italian places. He let out a breath as the server stabbed a finger at his small tablet.
By some small miracle, he managed to make it through the rest of the meal without another humiliating lapse, but he knew he hadn’t been scintillating company. Not even close. Which meant Francesca ordering dessert and coffee, telling him blatantly she wasn’t going to be sharing, took him by surprise. He thought she’d want to ditch his sorry ass as quickly as possible.
In an ongoing attempt to be polite and sociable, Caleb ordered a coffee, but he wasn’t going to tempt fate by trying to decipher a dessert menu. He wasn’t willing to risk another humiliating mistake.
When the server returned with Francesca’s chocolate cake, Caleb couldn’t contain his gasp. It was enormous, and Francesca had already put away a sizable amount of some sort of pasta. Caleb had barely tasted his own meal; he had no idea what she’d ordered.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to help you with that?” The question came out before Caleb could stop himself.
Francesca raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “You have got to be kidding. We’re obviously not having sex, and I don’t have to worry about a second date, so I’m having chocolate. And if I don’t manage to eat the whole thing, I’ll take it home.”
Her words didn’t seem irate, but Caleb hadn’t meant to make his feelings quite so obvious. Nor did he want her to report back to Alberto that he’d been such a dud.
“What are you talking about? I’m having a great time.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” The curse word seemed out of place on lips that still retained their blood-red color despite having eaten a whole meal and a glass of Chianti.
Caleb’s cheeks heated again; he’d fooled himself into believing he’d been an adequate if lackluster date, but Francesca’s words indicated he hadn’t even come close. He felt awful. The date wasn’t something he’d wanted to do, but surely he could have been polite enough to at least be a pleasant dinner companion.
“I’m sorry. You seem great.”
Francesca stared at him, a forkful of chocolate cake paused halfway to her mouth. Sardonic laughter broke her temporary paralysis, and she ate the mouthful of cake before speaking again.
“I don’t know why Alberto set this up, or why you agreed, because you’ve spent more time checking out that waiter’s ass than talking to me.” Francesca jabbed a thumb over her shoulder, and sure enough, the dark-haired server who reminded him of Raven stood a few tables behind her. “And you’ve been so preoccupied with checking for I don’t know what on your phone, I’m not sure you could even tell how great I really am.”
Francesca didn’t seem angry, but that didn’t stop Caleb’s breath from catching in lungs that suddenly seemed no longer able to process oxygen. Sweat popped out on his forehead, and he shifted in his seat.
“I didn’t… I don’t….” What could he say? How could he fix this? His vision blurred and his pulse rocketed, making him dizzy.
“Hey, hey, calm down.” Francesca grabbed his hands, tight enough to give him something to focus on.
He looked her in the eye and could only imagine he looked like a rabid animal desperate to escape a trap.
“You’re not out. Of course. It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.” Sincerity shone in her eyes, and Caleb conceded maybe she was as great as she claimed.
“Thank you.” The words came out with a croak, and Francesca loosened her grip on his hands to shove her untouched glass of water toward him. Grateful, he grabbed it and chugged it down in one go.
“Want to talk about it? I promise I won’t tell Alberto or Isabel, but… is this really what you want to do? Is this how you want to live?”
Two weeks ago, he’d have found the strength to deny, deny, deny. Then again, two weeks ago, when his mind wasn’t filled with a lithe, kilted man, he might have been able to concentrate better on his “straight” persona.
Instead of answering her questions right away, he asked one of his own. “Was it really that obvious?”
Francesca snorted. “There wasn’t a rack in this place that caught your eye, but that guy’s ass? You were like a cat following a laser pointer. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fine ass, but I’m surprised no one else in your family has figured it out.”
Raven had cracked the dam Caleb had been using to bottle himself up, and suddenly he found himself opening up to Francesca in a way he hadn’t with anyone other than Jaime. When their server came back, they ordered another round of coffee and talked for another ho
ur. When they finally left the restaurant, Caleb felt lighter somehow. He’d agreed with Francesca’s assessment that if he wanted forever with a man he’d have to figure out a way to come clean with his family—probably—but she also agreed with him that it was too soon to know that for sure.
It was nice to know he had a stay of execution provided by an objective observer who wasn’t part of the family. Caleb didn’t have to make any drastic decisions yet. No matter how intensely attracted he was to Raven, or how interested in exploring a relationship, the truth of the matter was that they’d almost had sex once and talked on the phone once. It was insane to consider causing any major upheavals in his life this soon.
They walked out to the parking lot together, Francesca’s car parked close to Caleb’s truck.
“Not gonna lie, Caleb. I’m a little disappointed. You’re hotter than Alberto, and you seem like a great guy. And finding decent single guys in Orlando to date can be sheer hell.” She slipped him her card. “But maybe we could still hang out sometime. Be friends. I’d like to know how it goes with your guy.”
“I’d love to go out again sometime.” Being in the closet with his family made having friends hard, but Caleb could use more friends in his life, without a doubt. Francesca seemed like she’d make a solid, loyal friend. A sudden thought struck him. “What about Alberto and Isabel? What will we—you—tell them?”
Francesca pressed the button on her car keys to unlock her car. “That we had a nice time but we didn’t click. Don’t worry, I won’t give you away.”
“Thanks.” Caleb couldn’t resist giving her a hug, and for a split second he wished he could have been attracted to her. Despite her sophisticated appearance, she had a practical earthiness that appealed to Caleb, but he was 100 percent gay, and he knew faking a whole relationship with a woman would be well beyond his limited acting skills. One enormous lie in his life was all he could handle.
