The Color of Grace

by Linda Kage

But honestly, Ryder had instilled a sense of doom inside me, making me think that no matter how hard I tried to avoid a relationship with Todd, my efforts would be useless. I was in the boy’s sights; he was locked on and ready to engage his target. Frankly, he intimidated the heck out of me.

  Not a quality to instill true love.

  I was almost queasier about meeting him at the bowling alley than I had been walking into the gymnasium Monday night to meet him after the basketball game. Thinking I’d diffuse some of his romantic notions—and I only call them romantic for lack of a better word—I had Barry drive me to the bowling alley instead of letting Todd pick me up as he’d wanted to do.

  Mom and I hadn’t spoken all week. The temperature inside Barry’s house had grown about as frosty as it was outside.

  Each day she carried on our silent treatment, my resentment grew. Aside from the nerd herd, my mother was my best friend on earth. I had always, always gone to her to talk about everything. And now that I needed her the most, when my world had never been so confusing and new, she failed me because she was jealous Barry had bought me a stupid necklace instead of getting her one.

  And speaking of the nerd herd, I felt a step removed from them as well. A bunch of Southeast students thought it’d be funny to post a hoard of comments on my Facebook profile that simply said, “Stangman’s Woman.”

  Bridget, Adam, and Schy were not pleased to think they were the last ones to find out I had a boyfriend. I tried to explain, tell him I wasn’t dating Todd, I’d only agreed to see him socially that Friday night and, okay, the Monday before that. But I don’t think they quite believed me. I’d left too much out of my earlier Ryder stories to fill in the gaps for all their questions.

  They only talked to me over the phone on Wednesday for about ten minutes, and I had to call them. On Thursday, I didn’t call, letting them make the next move, but they didn’t make it.

  Friday night, Barry pulled his Mercedes up to the front entrance of the Osage bowling alley and stopped before turning to me with a fatherly smile. “Do you have enough money?”

  I nodded. “I’m fine. Thanks.” Since gifts from him obviously irritated my mother, I wanted to decline as many handouts from Barry as possible. But he offered them non-stop; it was becoming harder and harder to say no.

  He leaned toward me as if he wanted to kiss me on the cheek with a fatherly kind of peck goodbye. But since I hadn’t experienced a fatherly move in over thirteen years, it majorly freaked me out. Panicking, I shoved open the passenger’s side door. “I’ll call when I’m ready to be picked up. Thanks again for the lift.” Rushing the words, I gave him no chance to get close as I flew from the car and onto the curb.

  “No problem,” he called, waving at me and smiling in such a way that made me feel guilty for bailing on him. “Have fun.”

  I shut the door, deriding myself for overreacting when Barry had been the only person nice to me in the past week. But honestly, it was going to take time for me to relax completely around him. I hoped he didn’t think I was ungrateful while he waited for me to loosen up.

  Shivering as a gust of wind swept up my dad’s logging jacket and chilled me, I rubbed at my arms and hurried inside the building.

  It was a typical bowling alley, not much different from Hillsburg’s bowling alley. Dark with a low ceiling and loud music playing the number one hits, Osage Lanes boasted Friday night as glow bowl. I stood in the entrance a moment by one of those claw machines that held a bunch of stuffed animals no one could ever win and watched half a dozen glowing balls roll down assorted lanes and knock over a couple dozen pins.

  Brushing my dark hair behind my ear in a nervous manner, I glanced around awkwardly, hoping to spot someone familiar.

  “Hey, Violet! Is that you?”

  Hearing an all-too familiar voice call out an all-too familiar nickname, I glanced up and winced. Bridget’s older brother of all people grinned back.

  “What are you doing here?” Joel asked.

  “Bowling,” I stated the obvious.

  “Ah, going to be a smart aleck, are we?” Reaching out his long, gangly arm, he wrapped his elbow around my head before I could stop him. Then he bent me slightly and rubbed his knuckles against my skull, giving me a completely humiliating noogie.

  Which made me very grateful I didn’t have an older brother.

  “Cut it out.” I struggled a moment to break free, hoping no one from Southeast had just witnessed my torture.

  Laughing, he let me up.

  I pushed away from him and straightened with an indignant glare as I tried to pat my hair back into place. “What’re you doing here?” I finally asked once I’d brushed myself back into order.

  “It’s league night over in Hillsburg, so my buddies and I came here,” he explained.

  I nodded. “Well…” I’d grown up around Joel. Being Bridget’s older brother, he was always around. But we’d never been that close as to actually talk—in extended conversation.

  Before I could hunt up something else to say, Ryder appeared at my side, making me suck in a startled breath.

  “Grace,” he said, reaching for my arm but not actually touching me. Sending Joel a censoring stare, full of suspicious distrust, he asked, “Everything all right?”

  I couldn’t believe it. Did Ryder honestly think I needed saving? From Joel Forthright?

  Insane.

  But really kind of sweet.

  Before I could answer, Joel sent Ryder a once over, taking in his letterman’s jacket. Turning to me with a quirked eyebrow, he bluntly asked, “Why’re you hanging out with a Southeast kid?”

  “Probably because I go to Southeast now,” I said, using my dry voice.

  His eyes widened. “No way.”

  Mimicking him, I widened my eyes right back. “Way.”

  “Get out of here. I didn’t know that. So, uh, what? You don’t hang with Bridge and the rest of the nerd herd anymore?”

  Flushing because now Ryder was going to forever think of me as a nerd herder, I scowled. “Yes, I’m still friends with your sister. I talked to her Wednesday night. Remember? You answered the phone.”

  He looked thoughtful a moment before he snapped his fingers and pointed at me. “Yeah, right. Okay.”

  I caught myself just in time to keep from rolling my eyes.

  “So why’re you going to Southeast?”

  “Because Barry lives here.”

  He blinked. “Who’s Barry?”

  “My new stepdad.” I thought I was going to have to remind him that he’d gone to Mom and Barry’s wedding last month, but he snapped his fingers again.

  “Oh, yeah. That guy, right?” He pointed behind me.

  “Huh?” I spun around to find Barry opening the front door of the bowling alley, toting a small bag under his arm. My purse.

  He lifted it and smiled when he caught sight of me. “You left this in the car,” he said, holding out my purse even as he glanced at Joel and then Ryder who flanked me on both sides. “Thought you might need it.”

  Hurrying toward him, I offered a grateful smile. “Thanks. Yeah, I definitely would’ve needed it.”

  As I took the purse from him and clutched it to my chest, he backed away from me as if he was going to head right back out the exit. “Have a good night.”

  “Thank you.” I turned away only to find Bridget’s brother departing as well.

  “Catch you later, Violet.” He waved over his shoulder as he disappeared into the video game room.

  “Did he just call you Violet?” Ryder wanted to know, lingering at my side. When I nodded and rolled my eyes, he wrinkled his nose. “Why?”

  Because he’s a complete weirdo, I was tempted to answer. Instead, I shrugged. “Because my last name’s Indigo, which…is close to the color violet, I guess.”

  “Violet?” Ryder repeated on a frown. “I thought Indigo was closer to blue?”

  I sighed. “It is.” But that was Joel for you. Not the brightest bulb in the pack.

  Reali
zing I was standing next to Ryder and feeling a lot more settled than when I’d first entered the bowling alley, I cleared my throat. “So, where’s everyone else?”

  “We’re it so far,” he said. He motioned vaguely over his shoulder toward the shelves of bowling balls. “Kiera’s still trying to find the perfect ball.”

  I nodded and finally spotted Evil Cheerleader Barbie putting a ball back only to lift another and grimace as she hefted it.

  “The rest should be here soon.”

  “I guess I’ll go rent my shoes then.” I started away.

  But Ryder stopped me. “Hey, you want to make a bet?”

  I silently groaned. Great. If he thought I was going to be any kind of challenge to beat in real bowling, he was going to be sadly mistaken. The only thing I’d be good at was making gutter balls.

  I paused to frown up at him. “What kind of bet?”

  “Five bucks says every time Kiera kisses me tonight, Todd will turn to you and do something similar.”

  My jaw dropped open, not expecting this kind of bet. “Excuse me?”

  He arched a brow. “You didn’t believe me when I said he was competitive. This’ll prove it.”

  It was hard for me to decide whether I wanted to be offended or charmed. Sure, it was sweet; he wanted to prove he hadn’t been lying to me and he’d been trying to help me out with a friendly warning about Todd. Then again, a kissing bet sounded offensive for the poor, unsuspecting party members involved. And honestly, how many times was he going to be smooching on Kiera, trying to make Todd react? Ugh.

  But I couldn’t just turn him down. The boy needed to learn not to issue such challenges. And expect to win.

  “Fine,” I said. “You’re on.”

  No way did I think he’d triumph. Marching away from him, I rented my shoes only to discover I had three extra twenty-dollar bills in my wallet that hadn’t been there before. Pausing, I lifted my face and glanced toward the exit, wondering—

  Would Barry go through my purse to give me extra cash?

  Unease roiled though me at the thought of him digging into my private things.

  Using my own cash to rent my shoes, I stuffed the change into my purse and grabbed my ugly bowling footwear at about the same moment everyone else arrived.

  Todd entered Osage Lanes with a posse of loud teens streaming in behind him. When he spotted me, he grinned and opened his arms, hurrying toward me.

  “You made it,” he said and folded me into a close hug, kissing me on the cheek before finally letting go. “Can I get you a drink? Some kind of snack?”

  I gritted my teeth, wondering what it was about people wanting to buy me stuff all of the sudden. But I politely shook my head, saying, “I’m good. Just ate supper.”

  There were so many of us, our group took up two lanes. Of course, Kiera and Ryder had to be paired up to play in the same lane as Todd and me. I kind of wished Mindy and her boyfriend would end up with us too but only a few people whose names I had kind of sort of learned played with us.

  Kiera went first, which really didn’t surprise me. She was simply the type to make a fuss if she wasn’t always placed before everyone else. Todd made sure I went second, which caused me to groan. If they’d forgotten to add my name to the game completely, I think I would’ve appreciated it more.

  After Evil Cheerleader Barbie threw one roll and immediately gutter-balled it, she turned directly to Ryder with a puckered lip. “My ball’s too heavy.”

  Ryder sighed, slugging to his feet. “Just…finish this turn and I’ll find you a new one, okay?”

  Grinning since she’d gotten her way, Kiera kissed him and turned back to the pins to roll her second ball. Another gutter.

  Todd sat next to me and leaned in close enough to take a whiff of my shampoo. “I think it’s the bowler, not the ball, that’s the problem.”

  Glad Ryder had already gone off to search for a new ball and wasn’t present to see Todd lean toward me, I surged to my feet to take my turn. Quickly throwing my first ball before Ryder could return, I was surprised to knock down four pins my first try and four the second round.

  “All right, Grace,” Todd cheered. “Way to go.”

  Next went another cheerleader—a girl I actually liked. Then Todd, then some boy I was pretty sure went by the nickname Grunt, and then it was Ryder’s turn. But he still hadn’t returned with Kiera’s new ball. Everyone glanced around until we caught sight of him chatting with a middle-aged man as he held Kiera’s new ball down at his side.

  Todd pushed to his feet and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Yo, Yates,” he yelled through the bowling alley. “It’s your turn, man.”

  Embarrassed for Ryder’s benefit, I turned my red cheeks away from Todd so he couldn’t see how much his yell horrified me. But geesh. How inappropriate, as my mom would call it, to interrupt his conversation.

  Ryder lifted his face, spotted us watching him, then turned back to the man and said something—probably that he had to go—before turning back to us and making his way to our lane.

  “Will this do?” he asked his girlfriend, handing over the new ball.

  Kiera took it, weighed it in her hand, and grinned. “It’s perfect. Just like you.”

  “Dude, who was that old geezer?” Todd asked, letting out a derisive snort as he glanced the man’s way.

  “His name’s Brady,” Ryder explained. “He was telling me he and his wife come here every Thursday night with their two kids.”

  Ryder could talk to anyone. Reluctantly, I admired him for that fact. And even as I felt my approval spark and some of my resentment for him slip, Todd laughed, holding his middle.

  “Man, you can be so lame. You’ll talk to any bum off the street, won’t you?”

  Ryder shrugged, the move implying he couldn’t care less what anyone thought of him. Then he hiked up his bowling ball and took his turn. I studied his back as he poised himself, aligned with the lane, his bowling ball tucked up under his chin as he studied the triangle of pins.

  He really didn’t care what anyone thought of him. I found myself admiring that ability as well and had to wonder if that’s what made him so popular. The inability to knuckle under peer pressure.

  But, no, Ryder Yates was so popular because he was simply Ryder. He had the looks, the money, the personality. Classmates flocked to him to get themselves noticed.

  They were all using him and he, well, he didn’t seem to care about that either.

  He finally took three steps forward, swung back his arm and let go of his ball. It rolled down the slick aisle and flattened all ten pins.

  I wasn’t surprised.

  Kiera screamed and jumped from her seat, flying toward him with her arms open. She nearly bulldozed him over when he turned around with a big smile. She leaped and landed in his unsuspecting arms, wrapping both legs around his waist and kissing him breathless. It was such the perky cheerleader move, I almost gagged.

  Across the seats, Mindy caught my attention and rolled her eyes. We shared a small smile.

  Todd plopped moodily down next to me and hooked an arm over my shoulder. “Lucky shot,” he whispered in my ear and then kissed my hair, nuzzling his nose against the dark locks.

  It made me remember Ryder’s bet yet again. Doom dropped heavily into the base of my stomach. I was so going to lose five bucks.

  Chapter 15

  Stable, wholesome, organic, orderly. Brown is supposed to be a practical, natural color. Earth. Wood. Stone. It’s true to its environment, never changing, oh-so-reliable. The only thing reliable about me these days is confusion. I no longer feel like the wholesome girl I was in Hillsburg, and nothing is neat and tidy anymore. Nothing is stable here. Nothing is brown. Not even me.

  * * * *

  Todd kissed me again before the night was over.

  I tried to avoid it. Honest.

  I didn’t even want him to drive me home. But when I called Barry’s house, ready to be picked up after we’d finished bowling, no one answered the ph
one. And Todd just so happened to be hanging around after I hung up. I must’ve looked as lonely and desperate as I felt because he surged toward me, all perky and hopeful as if he knew exactly what kind of predicament I’d found myself in.

  Grr. Fate had it in for me, didn’t it?

  “Everything okay?” he asked, but he didn’t sound worried. The turd sounded optimistic.

  I nodded but admitted, “My stepdad didn’t answer the phone.”

  His eyes lit. “Do you need a ride home? I could give you a lift.”

  As I glanced past him, my gaze sought an alternate outlet. Too bad Joel was long gone. I would’ve made him give me a lift home, or better yet, I would’ve made him take me to his house because I needed a dose of Bridget like you wouldn’t believe.

  Mindy’s boyfriend was holding open the front exit for her to precede him outside. I suppose I could’ve dashed after them and begged a ride. But that would look a bit too obvious. I caught sight of Kiera and immediately glanced Ryder’s way. He wouldn’t have a problem dropping me off at Barry’s house. I’m not sure how I knew that; I just did. Except I did not want to be stuck in the same automobile with him and Kiera for any length of time. So I nixed that. With dread pooling in my gut, I looked up at Todd, bit the inside of my lip, and gave him a sick, little smile.

  “That would be wonderful, thank you.”

  He tried to engage me in conversation on the drive, but it didn’t really take. I answered in short, one or two word phrases, which made me feel all rude and ungrateful. But the more I learned about Todd Stangman, the less I wanted to.

  He played mean jokes on his friends. Not just fun, light-hearted teasing like sprinkling salt and pepper and maybe a little ketchup in someone’s drink when they were off in the bathroom, but cruel jokes like tacking a sign on someone’s back that said, “I’m horny,” and then writing the friend’s name and phone number underneath.

  Ryder had been the one to spot the note and tear it off the poor guy’s back. As the boy’s face had turned a dark, scarlet red from mortification, Todd had burst out laughing, slapping at his knee, unable to stop, letting everyone plainly know he had been the offender.