Option to Kill nm-3

by Andrew Peterson

  She was crying. “I can’t. I can’t!”

  “Lauren, look at me. You’re saving my life. Do you understand? You have to hurt me to save my life. Your only other choice is to run away and never come back.”

  “But if I do that, you and Mom die.”

  “That’s right. Be the tough girl. Spies have to do difficult things. Do it!”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’m sure. Hurry, Lauren. Do it!”

  Nathan folded the sock a couple of times and put it in his mouth.

  Lauren’s face reflected the horror of what she was about to do, pleading for a reprieve.

  He gave her a smile behind the sock, and a nod.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…!”

  Lauren jumped into the air and stomped down with eighty-three pounds of momentum.

  His world went red.

  Chapter 32

  Nathan’s mind registered the event but had difficulty processing it.

  He felt his thumb rip free from the socket a split second before his bones crunched like dry pasta. A sickening wave of agony fogged his vision, but this was only half over.

  Screaming behind the sock, Nathan bit down, put his good foot against the anchor, and yanked his arm with all his strength. He had to pull free before the swelling set in.

  The manacle held.

  No! Not in this Marine’s world!

  Near unconsciousness, Nathan tapped a dark part of his soul. Spiraling inward to a place he’d spent half his life trying to forget, he whipped his head back and forth in a frenzy and pulled. Hatred, bitterness, and a desire to kill every living thing on the planet emerged from inside him like an exploding sun.

  Pain chewed into his brain as the carpal bones ground and compressed against one another. He felt everything in horrid clarity.

  He screamed through the sock and pulled harder.

  And harder.

  He pulled until his shoulder reached the separation point, and then gave it even more.

  In a final spurt of effort, Nathan sucked air through his nose and yanked with everything he had.

  With a sickening, liquid sound, his wrist literally extruded through the manacle.

  Nathan tumbled backward and slammed against the living-room wall.

  His vision grayed again, then began to tunnel inward.

  A low whistling in his ears got louder and louder as he teetered on the verge of blacking out.

  He fought to stay conscious.

  And lost the battle.

  Nathan…

  The voice sounded distant, echoing from a deep well.

  Nathan…

  He felt his body shake.

  Nathan…

  “Nathan! Are you okay?”

  He opened his eyes. Lauren’s face was inches from his.

  Reality slammed home. He was still in the living room of H3. The throbbing in his hand instantly became a brutal reminder of the horror he’d inflicted upon himself.

  Lauren’s voice pulled him through the haze. The room came into focus.

  She hugged him. “I’m sorry I hurt your hand.”

  He heard himself panting and struggled to control his breathing. “I’m sorry you had to see that part of me.”

  “What do you mean? What part?”

  He knew then that the dark place he’d visited had been completely internalized. She hadn’t seen or heard the inner battle he’d waged, nor did she know about the vicious monster living in his soul. And he’d never share that aspect of himself with her.

  Nathan looked at his hand. Aside from the blood, it didn’t look too bad. The bones were crushed, but it wasn’t horribly deformed.

  “Are you going to help my mom now?”

  “Yes, but first I need you to hide. Go into the bedroom on the east side of the house and get in the closet.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  Nathan squinted at the throbbing in his hand and leg, but managed a smile. “Don’t question orders. Good spies never question orders.”

  “I knew you were a spy!”

  “Guilty as charged, but you can’t tell anyone, ever.”

  “I promise I won’t.”

  “Go on.”

  Lauren left the room.

  Keeping his pulverized hand elevated, he hopped on one leg to the front door, each labored bound sending a jolt of fire along his broken shin. With sloth-like slowness, he peered to the east, along the row of houses.

  His stomach turned.

  Limping along the road, Voda had Jin by the wrist, dragging her. The ghillie suit coat he’d given her was gone. Although Voda was a good fifty yards distant, Nathan could see a red stain on Jin’s shirt. It looked as though she’d taken one of Voda’s bullets — a .44 Magnum hollow point. If that were true, Jin’s body had absorbed a massive amount of destructive energy, putting her at serious risk of bleeding to death. Even if the mushroomed bullet missed critical organs, she wouldn’t survive without medical care.

  Estimating he had fewer than ninety seconds before Voda arrived, Nathan struggled his way back into the living room and put the two-by-four against the wall where Voda had thrown it. He sat down next to the framing anchor and placed his body between it and where Voda would enter the room.

  “Lauren,” he whispered loudly, “Voda’s coming. No matter what you hear, stay put and don’t make a sound. You’re safe in there.”

  He decided to give Voda some additional confidence. As loudly as he could, he yelled, “Voda, you can have your alexandrites. Leave my sister out of this and I’ll tell you where they are!”

  Nathan’s body began an uncontrolled shiver as the adrenaline rush wore off. “Voda! Can you hear me? I said you can have your gems!”

  He heard Voda’s voice, muffled in the distance. “It’s too late for that. You had your chance.”

  He repeated his order. “Lauren, stay in there and don’t make a sound.”

  A minute later, Nathan heard Voda before he saw him, recognizing the sound of Jin being dragged across the concrete. Red-faced from exertion, Voda pulled Jin into the living room and dropped her arm. She lay still, unmoving, except for the heaving of her chest as she breathed. The bullet wound appeared to be high on her shoulder. Nathan prayed that her brachial artery hadn’t been clipped. If it had, she probably would have been dead by now.

  Nathan faked a jerk against the handcuffs and cursed.

  “I see you’re still feisty. There’s no fun in beating your sister when she can’t feel it, so I might as well begin with you.”

  “Stop,” Nathan pleaded. “I said I’d tell you where the gemstones are. I can’t tell you if you kill me.”

  “I have no intention of killing you. At least not yet.”

  “You’re a sick asshole, you know that?”

  Voda shook his head dismissively as he retrieved the two-by-four. Holding it like a baseball bat, he moved in. “What are you smiling at?”

  “I was just thinking about how I’m going to continuously bash your head on the concrete until your brains drip out of your ears.”

  Voda actually laughed at the comment. “I must have busted your cabeza worse than I thought.” He took a menacing step forward. “I’ll just have to wipe that stupid grin from your lips.”

  “Yes, of course you will.”

  Using his good leg, Nathan sprang up. Headfirst, he lunged forward, catching Voda completely by surprise. Like a linebacker, Nathan drove all his weight into his target’s midsection.

  They fell to the concrete, Voda landing on his back with a grunt.

  Nathan’s pulverized hand smacked the floor. Fresh agony erupted, threatening to overwhelm him. But face-to-face with Voda at last, Nathan regained his focus quickly. Before Voda could twist away, Nathan used his good knee like a piston and rammed his wounded leg.

  The man cried out and cursed.

  Time wasn’t on Nathan’s side. Half his body had been rendered useless. The longer this went on, the more likely Voda was to gain the advantage. One way or
the other, this was a brawl to the death. Knowing it would make his own concussion worse, Nathan head-butted Voda and felt the man’s nose collapse. His vision reeled for an instant.

  Voda let out an animal-like shriek and tried to knee Nathan in the groin. Nathan was no stranger to hand-to-hand combat and had already anticipated the move. He closed his legs before Voda’s knee could penetrate.

  Nathan took advantage of Voda’s dazed state. Using his good hand, he gripped Voda’s hair, lifted the man’s head up, and drove it into the concrete.

  For a split second, Voda’s body went stiff.

  With iron determination, he hefted Voda’s head again and slammed it down.

  Nathan repeated the move. Harder. Then did it again. And again, each impact sounding like a watermelon being dropped. For every girl Voda had murdered, Nathan cracked the man’s head onto the concrete. Over and over and over, until Voda stopped breathing.

  At long last, completely spent, Nathan rolled onto his back.

  Time drifted, and he felt an eerie warmness wash over him. Despite the pain, it felt good to lie there, but Jin needed immediate attention.

  “Lauren, you can come out now.”

  “I’m here.”

  He turned his head and knew she’d witnessed what he’d done.

  “Lauren, what you just saw…Are you okay?”

  “I’m okay,” she said with conviction.

  Nathan knew she hadn’t passed judgment.

  “It will be our secret.”

  “Forever.”

  Lauren took a tentative step forward and saw her mom. She rushed into the room and knelt beside Jin. “Mom!”

  Nathan rolled onto his good arm and felt for car keys in Voda’s pockets. Nothing. “Lauren, there’s an Escalade on the west side of H1. Go see if the keys are in it. Drive it over here. I’ll take care of your mom and stop her bleeding.”

  “I don’t want to leave her!”

  “Lauren, if we don’t get her to a hospital, she’ll die. Go on, run as fast as you can.”

  She looked conflicted.

  “Don’t question orders. Get going, now!”

  Lauren looked angry but ran from the room.

  Using one arm, Nathan crawled over to his sister. Next to his ballistic vest and boots, he saw his belt. He found his shirt under the vest, folded it into a compact square, and, using his good hand and teeth to tighten the belt, secured the compress against her shoulder wound.

  Jin didn’t react to the pressure with any signs of pain, and he saw why. A swollen contusion above her left ear seeped blood down the side of her face. Voda had bludgeoned her with something, probably the Magnum.

  “Jin, can you hear me?” He gently shook her arm, trying to revive her, and got no response. “It’s over. Lauren’s safe.”

  He shook her arm again. Nothing. He checked one of her eyes. Unconscious. Even though she couldn’t hear him, he talked to her anyway. “You’ve got a bullheaded daughter, you know that? You aren’t going to die, Jin — you can’t. Lauren needs you. I need you. There are so many things I want to say, I don’t even know where to begin.”

  Nathan heard the sound of an approaching vehicle.

  “Don’t worry, Lauren’s a good driver. You can’t die, Jin. You have to hang in there. You are not allowed to die….”

  Epilogue

  Nathan awoke and tried to focus. Where was he? In a bed at Sharp Hospital. He looked around, then down at himself. The lower half of his left arm was bandaged and secured in a sling, and his right leg — from the knee down — held a fiberglass cast. His mouth felt like a dry lake bed. He knew he was recovering from surgery to repair his broken carpal bones. The orthopedic hand specialist had told him he was going to need months of painful therapy to get his motion back. He’d also been warned he might need follow-up surgery down the road to remove scar tissue, but the surgeon thought he’d make a full recovery.

  He stared at the ceiling, trying to recall everything he could from yesterday’s battle in the desert. He’d been through some harrowing moments in his life, but pulling his broken hand through that handcuff — compounded by his fear for Lauren if he failed — was near the top. He remembered fashioning a pressure bandage around Jin’s shoulder. Lauren had driven the SUV up to the door, and they’d struggled to get Jin into the backseat. The rest came in foggy patches. Lauren must’ve driven to the outskirts of Victorville and gotten help. He remembered being wheeled into an emergency room. Harv and Grangeland had arrived sometime later, in the early evening, but the exact time eluded him. He had a loose recollection of Harv talking on the phone, making arrangements for his and Jin’s immediate transfer down to Sharp, but beyond that, things weren’t too clear. Morphine tended to do that.

  “Harvey said it was okay if I came in.”

  Lauren’s voice startled him. She was sitting in a chair near the window. She had a clean change of clothes on — an outfit that Nathan had never seen before.

  “You have lots of balloons,” she said. “Can I take some to my mom’s room? She doesn’t have as many.”

  “You can have all of them.” He elevated his bed and reached for the plastic cup of water on the tray.

  “I’ll get it.” Lauren held the straw to his lips.

  Plain water had never tasted so good.

  “How’s your mom doing?”

  Lauren fought back tears. “She doesn’t remember who I am.”

  Nathan put his good hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Lauren, brain injuries can have that effect. I’m sure she’ll remember you, but it might take some time. Your mom’s concussion was more severe than mine. That’s why I asked my mom and dad not to put any pressure on her. She needs time to sort things out. So what do you think of them? Your grandparents?”

  “They’re really nice. I like them.”

  “I think you charmed the senator, but don’t let him spoil you — I like you just the way you are. Are they still in the waiting area with Harv?”

  She nodded. “Do you think my mom will be like the guy in the movie who got shot in the head and couldn’t remember anything?”

  “I know the movie you’re talking about: Regarding Henry. That was totally different. The bullet scrambled his brain and he couldn’t even talk. That’s not what happened with your mom. She just got knocked on the head really hard. You shouldn’t blame yourself for anything that happened. None of it was your fault.”

  “But I forgot to trigger the ELT in your helicopter. You said if anything happened to you, I was supposed to do that.”

  “Lauren, I’d like you to tell me the truth.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You didn’t just forget, did you….” It wasn’t a question.

  She shook her head. “I saw Voda drag you into the house, and I knew I had to help you. Are you mad at me?”

  “What you did was incredibly brave, Lauren. Not one in a million kids your age would walk into a situation like that. No, I’m not mad at you. I never was.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. Do you remember the causality pyramid we talked about?”

  She nodded.

  “What do you think would’ve happened if you’d gone to the helicopter first? Remember, it was half a mile away, in the opposite direction.”

  “I wouldn’t have helped you in time.”

  “That’s right. We wouldn’t be talking right now, and your mom would be dead.”

  She looked at his bandage. “I’m sorry about your hand.”

  “For a second there, I thought you weren’t going to jump onto the board.”

  “Your hand made a terrible sound. I can’t believe I did it.”

  “I can. You’re a very brave girl, and you saved my life. Your mom’s too.”

  They fell silent for a moment.

  “Remember when you told me your mom didn’t love your stepdad?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Your mom never told you that, did she?”

  “No, I could
just tell.”

  “That was very intuitive on your part.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “It means you sensed it. Are you really serious about wanting to be an operations officer someday?”

  “You mean, like, a spy?”

  Nathan shook his head. “We don’t use that term. The most important part of being an operations officer is keeping secrets. What I’m going to tell you must be kept secret. You can never tell anyone, ever, not even your mom.”

  “Okay.”

  “Before my surgery this morning, Harv and I had a long phone call with someone who’s high up in the intelligence community. Very high. I’m not going to tell you who it is, and you shouldn’t ask, but this person knows secret information about your mom.”

  Nathan had actually been returning CIA Director Cantrell’s call. She’d left an urgent message on his phone the night before. They’d done the usual dance, and Cantrell hadn’t been forthcoming until Harv had insisted, telling Cantrell that Jin had used Nathan’s old CIA call sign. That, and Harv’s reminder of a debt she owed Nathan and Harv, got the director’s undivided attention. Still, Cantrell hadn’t revealed everything, but it had been enough for them to get a clear picture.

  “Haven’t you always suspected your mom had a secret life before you were born, but she could never talk about it?”

  Lauren nodded.

  “I’m going to tell you a story about your mom, because it will help you understand her better. Before you were born, your mom was a hero in North Korea. She carried out many successful missions all over the world and was at the top of her game. But she was married to a high-ranking government official who was jealous of all the attention she got. He also drank too much, and when he got drunk, he would abuse your mom. Now, I’m not talking about your real dad, who your mom mentioned in her note — this was someone else. Your real father didn’t marry your mom, and I’ll tell you why in a second. Well, the abuse got worse and worse. It went on for years, until one night, when he was super drunk, he tried to kill your mom.”

  Lauren’s eyes widened in shock.

  Nathan nodded. “And he nearly succeeded. Fortunately, your mom was a trained operations officer. She fought back and accidentally killed him in self-defense. Even though there were witnesses, it didn’t matter. Your mom was in big trouble. She’d killed an important person in the government. She went from hero to criminal in an instant. She was arrested and jailed without a trial.