The Line That Binds

by J. M. Miller

  “You can come out now,” he called with a soft laugh.

  I waited, not willing to accept that he knew where I was.

  “Do I have to come up there and get you? Are you stuck under some boxes or something?”

  “No,” I said, standing and peering over the open floor.

  He stared up at me, tossing a helmet between his hands. His lips quirked into an amused smile. “Did you enjoy the show?”

  “It was entertaining enough. How did you know I was here?” I replied and moved to the ladder with the picnic basket. When I hopped off the bottom rung, he was standing within a foot of me. I backed against the ladder, extending the space between us. After our bike ride Monday, I knew being close to him made lines blur. That couldn’t happen right now.

  “The window shutter’s open.” He gave a head nod toward the loft.

  “Oh.”

  “What’s with the basket? Did you pack a snack?” His fingers flipped one side of the lid open and his body leaned closer to see inside.

  “No,” I breathed out. “I found it upstairs. It has pictures of my mom and Aunt Janine.” He was so close, all of my senses reacted. I could smell the mint on his breath as it whispered its gentle rhythm to my ears. I watched his lips crack an easy smile and I licked my own, wondering if the mint behind his breath tasted as good as it smelled. These feelings were easy enough to stifle during the week because I’d kept my distance. But he was so close now. It was impossible to ignore.

  “It’s weird that you found that out here, but Janine did have a habit of moving things and forgetting them. She used to call Pop to help her find stuff all the time. After Janine died, the housekeeper, Claire, found things everywhere. She’s the one who boxed most of that stuff in the basement.” He smiled wider and backed up a little, then looked into my eyes. “Look. I’m glad you don’t have your earphones in today because I wanted to talk to you.”

  I shifted sideways to create more space again. His statement was a reminder why I needed to stay away. “Don’t worry about it. There’s no need to apologize.”

  “What? No,” he said with a smirk, glancing around the barn before looking back to me. “I wasn’t going to apologize. I know you’re pissed about what happened Monday, and maybe I was wrong to say something with your dad there since it probably came across as me taking his side, but I stand by my words. Actually, I was a little pissed that you didn’t tell me you passed out before getting on my bike. We’re lucky nothing happened. But I’m willing to give you the benefit of doubt.”

  “You’re so kind,” I replied irritably. “I take it I should apologize to you then?”

  “No, I don’t want an apology. I just want to know if it’s happened again since Monday.”

  I glared at him. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Well, I want to make sure you’re okay.” His brows arched as he spun the helmet between his hands. “And, if you are okay, I wanted to ask if you’d go for another ride with me.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ben.” I turned and walked toward the door.

  “LJ, wait. Look, I’m prepared to offer my masculine arms to help clean the basement again if you’ll just take a ride with me,” he said and I turned back toward him. “Since you were right upstairs, I’m sure you heard Spaz’s comment about the new pegs on my Honda.” He tilted his head toward his dirt bike with a shy shrug. “What do you think?”

  “I don’t think I need your sissy arms for anything, but the help wouldn’t hurt.”

  “So that’s a yes?” He ignored my jab completely.

  “I suppose.” I knew I shouldn’t. I knew that this would lead to things better avoided. But for some reason I didn’t want to tell him no. He installed pegs for me.

  He arched a seductive eyebrow with a smile. His dimples appeared and lured me in further. When I stepped to the bike, he reached out and handed me the helmet. “This is going to be a little different. To be honest, I’ve never had another person on a dirt bike. Some of the trails get pretty narrow so I need you to hang on just like Monday. And you’ve been okay, right? Definitely no fainting?”

  “No fainting,” I replied and dropped the picnic basket so I could pull the helmet on.

  He threw on his own helmet, straddled the bike, and started it with a downward kick. His hand grabbed mine to help me on and I placed my feet on the pegs. They were positioned higher than the street bike’s. My knees bent up beside his waist as I settled behind him. This felt even closer, more intimate. Heat flashed through my body, from the closeness and from adrenaline.

  “Ready?” he yelled over the sharp, ripping motor.

  “Yeah.” I didn’t wait for him to grab my hands this time; I leaned against him and wrapped my arms tightly around the middle of his chest, holding him the way my body had wanted to since Monday.

  He took off through the barn doors and we rode straight to the woods. The trail was thin and mostly cleared of brush. In some areas, there were large ruts and exposed roots that Ben dodged or charged expertly. I leaned my helmet against his back and watched the world fly sideways, warping streaks of sun rays and leaves into long, rippling ribbons. The times I could feel the bike slow, I turned my face forward to witness the stillness we were about to tear through again. It was a rush. One that I could get used to.

  We passed through a small clearing and into a dense grouping of trees where he had to slow and drop his leg a few times to avoid trunks and low branches. When we broke out, the trail opened to a small river. We drove parallel to the water until the terrain started to slope. That’s when a narrow waterfall came into view.

  Ben pulled the bike beside a few large boulders and cut the engine. He tugged his helmet off and twisted in the seat. “What do you think?”

  I slipped my helmet off and stared at the fall. It was about the height of a two-story house and just shy of vertical. The top appeared thin, sunk into a wooded cliff, but the water flowed steadily, cascading through a maze of rocks until it reached a wide basin below.

  “It’s incredible,” I admitted. “Sadly, I’ve never seen a real one before. My family’s indulgences didn’t usually include vacations. The only other waterfalls I’ve seen are during Las Vegas floods and some manmade wonders inside casinos. But this is truly beautiful. Thank you for bringing me.”

  He laughed lightly and said, “No problem,” while he helped me off the bike. He kicked down the bike’s stand. “Given that info, how does this place compare to the desert?”

  I went to the water’s edge and picked up a river rock, running my fingers over its smooth, cool surface. “This place is nice, but there are some things I miss there.”

  “Like what? Pedicures and designer dresses?” he teased.

  “Sometimes. I’m never going to say I hated those things. They’re nice. But this is nice, too.”

  Water from the fall pummeled the rocks below, spraying a blanket of mist into the air. Rays of sunlight cut through the tips of the trees, hitting the mist and creating a rainbow that could be seen here on any cloud-free day. LJ stared at it from the bank with wide eyes, her lips parted in awe. Her face was peaceful, like she had no cares, no worries. I loved that I was able to do that for her, if even for a moment.

  “So what do you miss there?”

  “You really want to know?” she asked with a grin.

  “I asked, didn’t I?”

  “I miss my car,” she admitted. “Superficial, I know. I didn’t even go many places with it, but knowing it was there to use whenever I wanted was nice. I miss the Vegas shows, especially the off-strip magic shows. Gavin and I used to go just to point out all the mistakes they made. It was a cheap laugh,” she said, staring back into the falls.

  “Sounds like fun.”

  She chuckled lightly at a memory.

  I climbed one of the taller boulders and sat down. “I already apologized for misjudging you, but I wanted to tell you something else. This might make me sound like an idiot, but I’m just going to say
it. You look hotter now than you did with designer dresses and pedicures.”

  “Really?” she scoffed. “You saw me once when I was … better off. Maybe that’s not the best way to describe it. Anyway, you only saw me once before, and that was at the will reading. At an occasion like that, I find it hard to believe you had the time to judge how I looked.”

  “Well, that’s where you’d be wrong in assuming I didn’t have a nagging curiosity about your family, or a pair of eyes. I definitely checked you out. You were hot, don’t get me wrong, but you also looked … empty, if that makes sense. And I definitely wouldn’t describe that as better off.”

  The breeze from the falls flipped some hair around her face. She tucked the glossy, black strands behind her ears then stared at me with a timid smile. “Empty. That’s a good word. You didn’t know me at all then, yet you were able to summarize the last four years of my life with one simple word. I must’ve looked fantastic.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry,” I said, jumping off the boulder. “I didn’t mean it that way. I just wanted to tell you how much better I thought you looked now.”

  “No. It’s okay. Thank you.” She tossed the rock she was holding into the river, walked over to me, and leaned against the boulder. I followed her lead, leaning beside her. “Can I ask you a personal question, Ben?”

  “Sure. As long as it doesn’t involve my dresses or pedicures, you can ask me anything.” I smirked at her and shoved my hands into my front pockets. I honestly had no idea what she wanted to know, but I could almost guarantee it didn’t involve the well. And that was the only topic I still didn’t need her asking about.

  She smiled at my joke then focused on her boots, tapping her toes uncomfortably. “No. I was just curious how you came to live here. Why you’re with your grandfather. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I’ll understand.”

  “No. It’s okay. I actually think that we have some things in common,” I replied, looking down at my own boots absently. “My mom was a junkie. She left when I was eight. I’m not sure where she is now or if she’s alive.” I moved over to the smaller boulder to sit and patted the flat spot beside me for LJ to join me. I splayed my hands behind me and leaned back. “I was with my dad until I was ten. That’s when Pop got custody of me. Let’s just say my dad wasn’t exactly fond of being a single parent so he didn’t put up much of a fight. He was relieved when I left, even though he’d no longer have someone to fetch him beers or practice his right hook on.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “LJ,” I interjected as she stumbled through her words. “Relax. There’s no need to worry. You wanted to know, and I wanted to tell you.”

  “Wow. I, uh … I’m not sure what to say. You’re right about having something in common, I suppose.”

  “Yeah.” I laughed.

  “What did your mom favor?”

  “Dope. She liked needles. Otherwise, it was Oxy, Vicodin, or whatever stash she remembered around the house. What about yours?”

  “She looked like she was on something else at the will reading, but coke used to be her drug of choice. It probably sounds harsh, but I often thought she could’ve at least used her ‘high’ energy to clean the house. Instead, she used it to screw all the club’s employees.”

  “Man.” I shook my head. “Did your dad know?”

  “I’m not sure. Probably. I caught her once.” She laughed under her breath. “She wasn’t even shocked. The twenty-something dick stopped mid-pump and they simply waited for me to leave, like I was intruding.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Fourteen. It was about a year before she left. She didn’t care about much at that point.” She folded her leg beside her and shifted her body to face me. “What was it like with your mom?”

  “She was dosed most of the time. I remember her being happy when I was really little, though. We’d play outside a lot. Later on, she didn’t even want me around, and she slept a lot.”

  “Your dad didn’t try to get her help?”

  I shrugged. “Not that I know of. She just packed up and left one day, and he started drinking more.”

  “My dad fought with my mom a few times. He worked a lot to keep our lifestyle so he really wasn’t around as much as he should’ve been.”

  “But he cared.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. We didn’t really see it. He was too busy.”

  “Maybe it was his way of coping,” I said. She glared at me like she had on Monday. “Look, I’m not trying to be rude, or take his side. Yours worked, mine drank. At least yours didn’t hit you.” Her brows slackened and her eyes softened. “What’s done is done. You know? I’m thankful to Janine and Pop for bringing me here. So just think about it a little. Even if you’re still mad at your dad, you should be glad he’s here now. Judging by the way he acted Monday, it seems like he’s trying.”

  She gave me a little nod. “I know he’s trying, I just …”

  “Need some time,” I finished for her. “I get that. It took me a long time to deal with most of it. I’m not saying it’s completely gone, but I’m less angry.”

  “What helped?”

  “A punching bag, my dirt bike, and a good friend,” I said, thinking about Harper and how perfect her personality was for building other people’s spirits.

  “You think you can give me some pointers?” she asked. The corners of her lips twitched into a tiny smile.

  “Sure. I think I make a pretty good friend, so you’re covered there.”

  “Covered,” she agreed.

  “I still have the punching bag. And I will gladly share as long as I get to watch.”

  Her pale lips pulled into a bigger smile. “I usually clean, which you’ve already witnessed, but I can understand how hitting a bag might be more cathartic than scrubbing toilets.”

  “And maybe you should learn how to ride. I’ve seen the look in your eyes after getting off my bikes so don’t try to deny it. I could teach you.”

  “No offense, but I’m not sure I want to learn to ride a bike from someone who broke his jaw and smashed his lip.”

  “Hey, that’s your call.” I shrugged. “Wait. What’s wrong with my lip? It’s not smashed.”

  “No, it doesn’t look smashed. I just thought you probably smashed it in the accident because of the scar.”

  “Oh, right.” I ran a finger over my lip. “Yeah, it was from the accident. I had a lip ring. It didn’t tear all the way through, though.”

  “That was from a lip ring?” she asked and reached up to my face. I tensed up as the tips of her fingers skimmed my bottom lip. “It looks so much better now. Just a thin scar.”

  Her eyes stared at my lips then traveled up to meet my eyes. I looked deep, past the speckles of yellow in her green irises, feeling more emotion than I had in quite some time. I realized I’d been holding my breath at her touch, knowing this situation wasn’t the best idea but struggling to fight it. She said she’d been feeling okay, though. And after that thought, my brain refused to weigh the pros and cons, rights or wrongs.

  I let my breath out slowly and took her hand away from my face, looking at the scab beneath her thumb. “Yours isn’t so bad anymore either,” I said, running my fingers over her palm before meeting her stare again.

  Screw it.

  I reached my hand up to the side of her face and leaned in. She met me halfway and let her eyelids fall. I stared at her lips, relishing the thought I’d finally get to taste them. The instant I pressed mine to hers, I wondered why I’d waited so long. It felt like the best decision I’d ever made.

  I dropped my hands to her sides and scooted closer to her while our mouths found their rhythm. When our tongues met, something ignited in my skin, torching my body in one rapid movement. I fought the urge to pull her body on top of mine. It was something I’d do so easily with other girls; it was something they’d wanted as easily as I had.

  But this was different.

  I knew I w
anted more with her, like what I’d had with Harper. But I wasn’t even sure that could happen, or if it should happen. LJ passed out this week. She’d had headaches and nosebleeds and I still didn’t know if any of it was connected to a real curse or completely unrelated. And I didn’t even care about her plans with the property anymore. She seemed settled enough to stay.

  I ran a hand up her back and felt her body curve closer to me, wanting more. She pushed against my mouth urgently and it protested with needlelike pains the wider it was forced to open. I knew I should stop before things went further, but my body wouldn’t listen. Her hands rubbed the sides of my jaw, feeling my face like she wanted to memorize it. I knew how she felt because I wanted to do the same to her entire body.

  A wind gust blew strands of her hair into our faces, breaking the trance. I gently pulled my lips from hers, not really convinced I wanted it to end. Her eyes opened and looked up at me the way Harper used to.

  LJ wasn’t Harper.

  I knew that. But for some reason, I couldn’t get Harper out of my head now. I stared at LJ’s lips tipping into a delicate smile, and I was angry with myself for what I was about to do.

  I pulled my hands from her back and slid off the boulder. “It’s getting dark. I really should get you back.”

  “Oh, okay,” she answered, her smile dropping as she slid off the boulder.

  I smiled to reassure her, even though I had little reassurance myself. It worked some. Her eyes perked up before they squished under her helmet.

  I rode the trail as fast as I could without risk, taking care around the ruts and trees. I had us back to the property within ten minutes. The moon was high, bathed in the sun’s final airy rays. The sunset brought a chill that made LJ shiver against me when we pulled into the barn. After I put the bike to bed, we stepped outside and I slid the barn door closed.

  “Thanks for that,” she said, toting the picnic basket she’d found earlier in the loft. “It’s something I probably would’ve never seen without you.”