Lysistrata

by Flora, Fletcher

  “You will not be involved in any way. I promise.”

  Leaving him in a state of greater agitation than ever, since his anticipation was now given a reasonable chance of fulfillment, Lysistrata retreated and exchanged places with Myrrhine, who approached Cinesias in turn. Lysistrata watched developments closely, prepared to advance in an instant if Myrrhine proved excessively susceptible and permitted things to get out of hand. The truth was, though she did not care to admit it, she had herself been severely tempted to indiscretion with Cinesias, more because of his simple availability than anything else, and she was for that reason more sceptical than ever that Myrrhine was to be trusted at all in such a delicate and critical situation.

  “Myrrhine,” said Cinesias, “is it actually you?”

  “It actually is,” said Myrrhine.

  “I swear I have never seen you look so absolutely ravishing before. To be honest, I came here with the intention of beating you soundly before taking any other action, but now I have decided to change the order of things, and in fact I may not beat you at all.”

  “That’s kind of you, I’m sure. And what comes first in the new order?”

  “Why, love, of course. As a husband, I intend to love you at once in accordance with my rights.”

  “Well, I have never denied that I love you and take pleasure in accommodating you, and I am not prepared to deny it now, but it must be clear even to you that certain things are not accomplished in certain places.”

  “Tell me quickly what you mean, for I am not in a humor to discuss the matter at length.”

  “It’s wide open here, as you can plainly see if you will look about you. Anyone who happened to come along could see us, and this would be, in my opinion, somewhat embarrassing.”

  “That’s no great problem, if you are so modest. We’ll go into the Cave of Pan.”

  “What would we lie upon?”

  “So far as I’m concerned, the grass will be satisfactory.”

  “Well, I’m not so common as to lie on the grass, even if you are, and I insist upon something more appropriate.”

  “I’ll carry in a bench.”

  “That might serve the purpose if we had some cushions.”

  “I declare, Myrrhine, you seem determined to drive me to distraction. I simply can’t understand why you wish to make an issue of cushions at a time like this.”

  “I am not going to break my back on a hard bench, whatever you may think of me. If you wish me to accommodate you in the Cave of Pan, you must find some cushions for the bench, and a cover besides.”

  “That’s clearly impossible. Where would I find cushions and a cover here?”

  “That’s your problem. If you are half so anxious as you pretend, you will manage. Moreover, we must have some perfume with which to scent ourselves.”

  “Perfume! Do you expect me to carry bottles of myrrh in my chiton?”

  “Perfume is essential, as you know very well. Only the most vulgar women accommodate unscented men.”

  “Well, you may be as delicate and refined as you like, and you may cry to heaven for cushions and covers and myrrh, but I am tired of this intolerable evasion, and I propose to show you instantly just how vulgar a man can be when he is provoked sufficiently.”

  Saying this, he leaped forward and seized Myrrhine by the hair, but Lysistrata charged at that moment from her place of observation with such ferocity, raising at the same time such a clamor for assistance, that he released his hold immediately and took to his heels. Not actually wishing to capture him, nor even knowing what disposition she would make of him if she did, Lysistrata gave up the pursuit and watched him disappear.

  “Myrrhine,” she said, “you were truly admirable, and I want to tell you so.”

  “I would prefer that you didn’t,” said Myrrhine, “for the truth is, I wish you had not felt called upon to interfere.”

  16

  STARING ACROSS the bright water of the bay toward the wooded island of Sphacteria, Lycon thought bitterly that it was simply impossible to anticipate the trouble one might come into, or the dirty tricks that might be played upon one by the gods. It seemed to be entirely irrelevant that one did one’s duty and behaved consistently in a reverent and patriotic manner. One’s life turned sour just the same, and instead of being rewarded for one’s honest efforts with pleasures and the regard of his fellows, he was humiliated and made a fool of, and deprived of all pleasures whatever. There was certainly no justice in this, so far as he could see, and it was extremely difficult to maintain a proper attitude under such unmerited adversity.

  It was simply incredible how certain things lost the importance once attributed to them, and how other things, on the other hand, acquired importance they had never seemed previously to possess. This was a peculiar metamorphosis and quite disturbing to one’s sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and it was definitely not fair that one should be made to feel that he had wasted practically all his life in the pursuit of costly trifles that were in no way worth the time and effort. Pylos was a case in point, though it would certainly not be wise to admit it publicly. When it was established as an Athenian fortification under Demosthenes in the seventh year of the war, it was considered a glorious victory and had been celebrated in the streets and marketplace of Athens. It had in fact caused withdrawal of Spartan troops under the general Agis from the soil of Attica, but by and large, nothing much else had come of it.

  The Spartans had occupied the island in the bay, the same which could now be seen, and had been blockaded there by the Athenian fleet. Their position was clearly hopeless, which they were finally ready to acknowledge, and they sent an embassy to the Assembly of Athens to sue for peace, which would have ended the war long ago. But Cleon had wanted the chitons off their backs, nothing less, and so nothing was agreed upon, and the war went on, as it was still going. Eventually, with the assistance of a great fire which swept the island and destroyed defenses, the Athenians had invaded the island and defeated the Spartans, who had surrendered, but by this time it was too late to arrange terms of peace as a result, and it had been, in the opinion of Lycon, who was now thinking of it, entirely too bad, to put it mildly, for if peace had been secured, it was quite likely that he would not now be in the shameful and unfortunate position in which he in fact was.

  Affairs changed so quickly, that was one of the great troubles. One was given no time at all to prepare himself or to decide upon a reasonable course of action in given circumstances. Only a short while ago, he reflected bitterly, he had been a happy man with no good reason at all to believe that he would be otherwise in the near future. He had done honorable service at Pylos for seven months and ten days and was on his way home to a wife whom he considered exceptional in the qualities and skills that give pleasure to a husband, and he had nothing on his mind but accommodation and comparable pleasantries. There was simply no way to anticipate that he was on the verge of ruin, everything going sour all at once, and that he was by the incomprehensible caprice of the gods doomed in his innocence to humiliation and disgrace, an object of the contempt and anger of his fellows who had once held him in high esteem.

  It was absolutely intolerable, the way he was treated. He, Lycon of Athens, who had done battle with Spartans. He was plainly scorned and avoided, as if he were at least a leper, and he was forced constantly to resort to Acron for companionship. He was also scorned and avoided too. But though a fine fellow in his way and a crony of long standing, Acron did become rather tedious, if he was taken too steadily and without relief. There were even certain unreasonable fellows who were furious with him, and wished him punished severely as being in some way responsible for all that had happened. He had heard mutterings and threats that made him wonder about his safety, and he had actually been compelled to punch an Anagyrian in the eye for making remarks that could only be taken as insulting.

  It had been a mistake to return to Pylos so quickly. That had to be conceded. He had thought, of course, that his difficulty would,
in effect, resolve itself, but he had been wrong about it. It was apparent that nothing had improved at home, but on the contrary everything had gotten worse than he had ever dreamed possible. Well, he was prepared now to believe anything, for anything imaginable was surely possible in a world where someone like Lysistrata and her crazy friend Calonice could start a rebellion of women that could spread throughout Attica and all the states of the Peloponnesus in little or no time at all and have all the men in a positive frenzy. He had even heard that Sparta was actually capitulating to the extent of sending an embassy to negotiate for peace. He had heard it, and he believed it, for he was ready to believe anything whatever. If he and Acron had remained in Athens instead of running off to Pylos, it was unlikely that anything would have turned out better, but certainly nothing could have have turned out worse, and perhaps they would at least have been given credit for trying and would not now be glared and grumbled at by quondam cronies who even threatened them at times with bodily damage.

  What he had been thinking he would do, and was now determined to do in spite of anything, was to return to Athens the quickest possible way and take whatever consequences were to be taken, and he wondered if there was a supply vessel going there anytime soon that he could catch a ride on.

  Starting out toward the island of Sphacteria, he was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Acron approaching from behind, but he was aware of his presence all at once.

  “Hello, Acron,” he said, not turning his head.

  “Hello, Lycon,” Acron said gloomily. “How are things with you?”

  “Things with me are bad, and you know it.”

  “Yes, I do, and they are equally bad with me.”

  “It serves you right, Acron. Don’t think that I have forgotten how you abused and blamed me in the beginning of this business, and now it is only just that you should suffer the same treatment for having been so unreasonable.”

  “Well, I was excessively upset at the time, and I’ll not deny that I may have used poor judgment. I declare, Lycon, you have the most tenacious memory for matters which would be better forgotten. Anyhow, it would be foolish for us to renew our differences now, for if we did, neither of us would have a soul in the world to associate with.”

  “That’s true. Our necessary interdependence extends even to the passing of the time of day.”

  “I’ve been thinking of old Cadmus lately. I wonder how he’s making out.”

  “It was reported by an Athenian who was on leave at the time that he disgraced himself completely in an engagement on the Acropolis, going the opposite way from everyone else, and that he is scarcely seen outside his house since that time.”

  “I doubt that Cadmus feels the disgrace to any appreciable extent. He has a hide like an elephant in such matters.”

  “You are right there. His staying so closely at home undoubtedly has more to do with security than a sense of shame.”

  “I can’t help feeling a little guilty about him, though, to tell the truth. When we came back to Pylos, we did not leave him in an enviable position, you’ll have to admit that.”

  “I’m perfectly willing to admit it.”

  “Tell me, Lycon, what do you think will be the outcome of it all?”

  “I wouldn’t venture to predict, and I don’t even like to think about it, for I can see terrifying possibilities every way I look.”

  “It makes me uncomfortable to hear you talk like that, Lycon. I swear it does. Do tell me what you mean precisely.”

  “Well, suppose the rebellion is put down without anything established. It is highly unlikely, as I see it, that we will be permitted to resume our former stations without suffering any consequences whatever, and the consequences are likely to be unfortunate by even the most conservative estimate. On the other hand, if the rebellion succeeds, Lysistrata and Calonice, as well as the other women involved, will certainly be arrogant and intolerable and impossible to live with pleasantly.”

  “Do you think it can possibly succeed, Lycon? Do you really?”

  “Incredible as it may seem, I’m beginning to believe it can. You have heard the reports the same as I, Acron, and are surely aware of the fantastic accomplishments to date. I have it from witnesses that Nausica, wife of old Cadmus, is an absolute demon when it comes to combat.”

  “I don’t know. I would never have believed such a thing possible, and it is confusing and rather alarming to discover all of a sudden that it is. Did you hear the news that Sparta is considering a peace embassy?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “Do you think acceptable terms can be arranged?”

  “I would not have thought so a month ago, but now I am not so certain.”

  “Tell me truly, Acron, how do you feel personally regarding the establishment of a peace? We are quite alone here, and you can speak freely to an old friend.”

  “Between the two of us, I am in favor of it.”

  “Really? Do you actually want to quit killing Spartans and other Greeks?”

  “Yes, I am ready to quit. The war does not seem to interest me as much as it formerly did.”

  “Since you have answered me so honestly, I may as well admit that I would also like to quit. I have been intrigued lately by the prospect of doing other things. It seems to me, however, that there are points of difference which can never be settled to everyone’s satisfaction. I’m certain, for example, that the Spartans would never quit unless we agreed to return Pylos to them.”

  “It would serve them right if we did,” said Lycon bitterly.

  They were silent for a few minutes, remaining quietly side by side and staring out across the bay.

  “It is unbearable here,” Acron said after a while.

  “I agree,” said Lycon. “Things are made difficult for us.”

  “We are scorned and shunned and made to feel miserable.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Do you suppose it would be possible to leave?”

  “Since you ask the question, I don’t mind admitting that I plan to go back to Athens on the first supply vessel that will take me.”

  “Would you object to my going along?”

  “Not at all,” said Lycon. “You are welcome to come if you want to.”

  17

  LYSISTRATA WAS radiant. She had bathed and scented herself with perfumes and unguents and had put on a purple robe. Her hair was bound about her head in thick, bright braids.

  “Lysistrata,” said Nausica, “you are at this moment as beautiful as any woman I have ever seen, and I doubt that Helen herself, in spite of all the claims made for her by Homer, was any more beautiful.”

  “I agree,” said Calonice, “and this leads me to wonder if it is quite safe for you to venture among all these men, considering their condition after such long deprivation.”

  “I am grateful for your compliments,” said Lysistrata, “and also for your concern. However, although I admit a slight danger, it is necessary for me to go and speak to the embassies which are now gathered in the Propylaea and waiting for me. They made the condition, you know, that I should appear and give their negotiations a direction. We cannot afford to jeopardize the final phase of our victory by an excessive concern for the safety of our virtue.”

  “Yes,” Nausica said, “you must certainly go in spite of the danger, Lysistrata, for it has been established that Spartans and Athenians can never get together without a quarrel, and they would never accomplish anything without your assistance. If it will make you feel more secure, however, I’ll be happy to accompany you with my stick.”

  “I don’t think so. You have acquired a reputation for ferocity that would not be beneficial in a peace conference, and might even work to the contrary of what we want.”

  “I suppose that is so,” said Nausica. “I can see that I have nearly outlived my usefulness.”

  “As for me,” said Calonice, “I still find difficulty in believing that we have brought it off. Do you suppose they will actually reach agree
ment on terms?”

  “They will either reach agreement,” said Lysistrata, “or they will be sorry. Not, of course, that they will not quibble and fuss, for that is the nature of men, especially men who have become famous and are charged with affairs of state. But we must allow them their pretensions, which are essential to their vanity, and I am sure that it can be arranged so that each party will imagine that it has rooked the other. And now it is necessary that I go without further delay, for if I leave them waiting too long together in their present urgency, they may begin making use of each other and discover at the last moment that we are not so essential as they have been led to believe. That, you will admit, would be disastrous to our cause.”

  “If you have no objection,” said Nausica, “we will walk to the Five Gates with you.”

  “On the contrary,” said Lysistrata, “I shall be delighted with your company, and I tell you frankly that there is one aspect of peace which I do not anticipate with pleasure, and that is the termination of the fine fellowship we have developed under arms.”

  “To tell the truth,” said Nausica sadly, “our stations will be reduced in a number of ways by the peace. I suppose, since the fable of masculine dominance is essential to a tolerable life at home, that I will have to give up threshing Cadmus with my stick.”

  “Perhaps not entirely,” said Calonice. “You could thresh him with discretion in emergencies, I should think.”

  “Do you really think so? It might be managed at that, now that I consider it. Anyhow, to be perfectly honest about it, I have been missing old Cadmus lately, and I’ll not deny it. I have it in mind to consider the signing of the peace a special occasion, which is the only time, if you will recall, that I am inclined to accommodate him.”

  “For my part,” said Calonice, “I do not require anything special, and I wish Acron were here this instant instead of in Pylos.”