Pieces of Forever: A Christian Romance (River Falls Book 1)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  She fell back into her chair with an audible thud as Madison marched inside.

  Ava may not be jealous of Madison. But that didn’t mean she necessarily wanted to chat with her.

  Madison hurried toward her. “Ava, I’m glad I caught you.”

  Ava’s stomach clenched at Madison’s perfectly made up face. Not a single blemish marred its smooth surface, and yet it wasn’t overdone. She was a natural beauty.

  Like Ava had been once.

  Ava rubbed her cheek. “What can I do for you?”

  “Nothing really.” Madison picked up a pen from the cup Ava kept on the edge of her desk, twirling it in her fingers.

  “Okay, then . . .” Would it be rude to point out that it was past closing time?

  “I stopped by because I wanted to get something straight.”

  Ava closed her eyes.

  Here it came.

  Madison was going to say she liked Joseph. And Ava was going to have to pretend she was fine with it. No―not pretend. She was fine with it.

  “Look, Madison, if this is about Joseph―”

  “Of course it’s about Joseph.” Madison gave her a disbelieving look, as if it couldn’t possibly be about anything else.

  “You can save your breath. There’s nothing going on between us. So you’re free to . . .” She made a vague gesture, hoping Madison could fill in the rest.

  But Madison crossed her arms, towering over Ava. “That’s what you think? That I want to date Joseph?”

  Ava held back a snort. Madison had never been a good actress. “I heard you in the pie shop the other day. I know you started working for Joseph because you like him.” She held up a hand as Madison tried to interrupt. “No, it’s fine. Really. You and Joseph make much more sense than he and I do.”

  Understanding dawned on Madison’s face. “You overheard Mindy. She was being stupid when she said that. I took the job with Joseph because I wanted my family to see― Well, never mind. But it had nothing to do with Joseph. I mean, yeah, sure, maybe the thought of dating him crossed my mind for thirty seconds. Which is how long it took me to realize he was still in love with you.”

  Ava shook her head. She knew he thought he was―but that was only because he thought she was still Old Ava―beautiful, happy, high school Ava―not New Ava. Not broken Ava.

  “Ava―” Madison dropped the pen back into the cup and leaned forward against the desk. “The man does not stop talking about you. All. Day. Long. He’s driving me a little bit crazy if you want to know the truth.” She gave a half-laugh as she pushed off the desk. “So what I don’t understand is why you keep pushing him away.”

  “I’m not―”

  Madison gave her a hard look and crossed her arms. “Trust me, Ava. I know a thing or two about pushing people away, and that’s exactly what you’re doing. You need to either go all in with him or let him go. If I were you, I know which I’d choose.”

  Madison spun on her heel and stalked toward the door.

  Ava stared after her, speechless, then dropped her head into her hands and rubbed at her temples.

  Madison was . . . right.

  It was time for her to make a choice.

  Chapter 29

  Joseph blinked at the text from Ava that had just popped onto his screen.

  Can we talk?

  His stomach tightened. This could be really, really good or really, really bad. Everything he’d been praying for―or an end to all his hopes.

  Of course. Name the time and place. His fingers tapped out the reply quickly.

  Now? Your place?

  Before he could reply that, yes, that would be perfect, there was a knock on the door.

  He glared at it. Now was not the time for an unexpected visitor. Whatever unsolicited salesman was there, he hoped they were ready to be dismissed quickly.

  But when he pulled the door open, his breath left him in a hard rush. The dogs greeted her before he could, and she bent to give them each a pat.

  “Ava.” He finally found his voice, though it came out strangely gruff.

  She didn’t seem to notice. “You really want this?” She shifted from side to side, her fingers wrapping themselves in Tasha’s fur.

  A seedling of hope sprang up in his heart.

  He tried his hardest to keep it from roaring to full life. “Could you be more specific? By ‘this,’ you mean . . .”

  “Me. Are you sure you want me?” Ava lifted her eyes to his, and there was no holding it back any longer.

  That hope in his chest burst into full bloom in the time it took him to step forward and pull her to him. “More than anything.”

  Her arms wrapped around him in return, and he let himself breathe in the jasmine scent that he associated with his happiest memories.

  He was afraid to loosen his grip, in case she changed her mind, but both Tasha and Princess attempted to wriggle between them.

  Reluctantly, he let go and stepped back. His arms instantly protested, but he resisted gathering her to him again. He didn’t know how fast or slow she wanted to take things.

  “Do you want to come in or . . .” He’d spent so much time praying that she’d change her mind about dating him that he hadn’t planned for what would happen if she did.

  “I’d like that.” Her smile reflected the same joy he felt pulsing through his own veins.

  He led her to the kitchen. “How about something to drink?” So far so good. He’d take this one step at a time; after he got her something to drink, he’d figure out what came next. And then what came after that.

  “Water is great, thanks.” Ava leaned against the countertop that was currently strewn with papers he was in the midst of sorting.

  He grabbed a glass and moved to the fridge to fill it. “Sorry about the mess. I was cleaning out some old files.”

  Ava shrugged. “Seriously, Joseph, you’ve seen my storage room so you know― What’s this?”

  Paper rustled, and Joseph froze.

  He knew before he turned around what she had found.

  “That’s . . .”

  But she was already peering at it. “Dear Ava.” She looked up.

  “I wrote to you,” he said quietly, setting the water in front of her.

  She didn’t seem to notice. “When?”

  He glanced at the date at the top of the page. “That one was from right after the fire. Some were from the years after that.” Right up until now. But fortunately the most recent one was still in his bedroom.

  She glanced up at him. “You never sent them.”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t think you’d want to read them.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was afraid they’d only hurt you more.” Or maybe he’d been afraid that not getting an answer from her would only hurt him more.

  She pressed her lips together as she continued to read.

  “You can have them,” he said suddenly. “All of them.” He strode toward his bedroom, returning a second later with the letter he’d written last night.

  She gave him a quizzical look. “Why wasn’t this one with the others?”

  He shrugged. “It’s the newest one. I just wrote it. Last night.”

  “Will you read it to me?”

  He nodded, even as a wave of uncertainty washed over him.

  The things he’d said in this letter―what if they ruined everything?

  Chapter 30

  Ava settled next to Joseph on his sofa, letting her shoulder brush lightly against his. The dogs plopped on the floor at their feet.

  Joseph looked at her with a nervous smile, then wrapped an arm around her. She sighed as she nestled against his side and rested her head on his shoulder. How had she forgotten how perfectly she fit here?

  “You’re sure you want me to read this?” Joseph kissed the top of her head as he unfolded the paper.

  “I’m sure.” What she’d read of the other letter had made her heart ache for the love she’d pushed away.

  But that had been eight years ago. She wante
d to know how he felt now.

  “Dear Ava.” Joseph’s voice was tender as he read his own handwriting, and Ava closed her eyes so she wouldn’t be tempted to read ahead.

  “I’m writing this because there’s something I have to say to you, and I’m not sure I have the courage to say it in person.”

  She heard him swallow, and she snuggled closer, letting the feel of his hand on her arm send warm tingles up her back. She was pretty sure she would never want to leave this spot.

  “And that is,” Joseph continued, “that I promised you I wouldn’t pursue a relationship with you. But I haven’t been one hundred percent faithful to that promise, at least not in my heart. I’ve looked for ways to spend time with you, to convince you that you and me together is best for us both. I’ve even prayed for that. But maybe it’s not fair for me to try to change your mind. Maybe what I need to do is just be a friend to you. The way you asked.”

  Ava wiggled out of her cozy spot in his arms. Now that she’d said yes, was he saying he didn’t want this after all?

  But he cinched her to him. “Just listen,” he whispered, then turned back to the paper. “As much as I want to be with you―and believe me, that’s a lot―even more than that, I want you to be happy. To have everything you need. And if I’m not the one who can bring you that happiness, if I’m not the one you need, then I’m not the one you should be with.”

  Ava tried again to sit up. She had to tell him―he was the one who made her happy. The one she needed. He always had been.

  But his arm anchored her in place.

  “So simply say the word, and I will stop looking for more,” he read. “But before you decide, I want you to know one thing―no matter what, I will always be here for you. As a friend. Or as more. Because I love you, Ava.” He turned her slightly in his arms so he could look at her. “I will always love you.”

  He set the paper down and took her hands. “Now I have to ask you something.”

  She nodded, not quite able to speak, her heart full to the bursting point. She didn’t want him to give her up. Not even close. But knowing that he was willing to, if that was what she wanted . . .

  “Are you sure you want this?” Joseph tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, studying her closely.

  She nodded, still unable to find the words to reply to that beautiful letter.

  “Good.” Joseph’s hands came to her face. “Then, if you don’t mind, there’s something I’ve been wanting to do for ages.”

  His lips caught hers, and she was swept away in his kiss.

  It was strong and tender and just as sweet as she’d remembered, only with a depth to it she’d never felt before.

  When they pulled apart, he rested his forehead on hers.

  “That was . . .” But words were too small for what that was.

  “It was.” Joseph caressed her cheek.

  “And you didn’t mind . . .” She touched a hand to the roughened part of her lips.

  He leaned closer and caught her lips in another kiss. When he straightened, he grinned at her. “Does that answer your question?”

  “I think so.” Ava grabbed his hands and tugged him closer again. “But maybe we should try one more time. Just to be sure.”

  “As many times as it takes.” His arms wrapped around her, his hands coming to rest on the small of her back, as he kissed her with a strength that stole her breath.

  When they finally separated, he just looked at her. “Now what?”

  She loved being close enough to feel his breath whisper over her lips.

  “Now―” She tilted her head to kiss him again. “Now I suppose you should ask me out.”

  Chapter 31

  “You’re absolutely sure this is a good idea?” Zeb drummed his fingers on the hood of his police cruiser. He’d been making a round of the neighborhood when he’d spotted Joseph outside with the dogs―so he said. But Joseph got the distinct impression that his brother had been checking up on him.

  It was Joseph’s own fault. He’d been so excited when Ava had said yes last night that he’d texted his siblings to ask where he should take her. Simeon, Grace, Benjamin, and Asher had all weighed in―he was taking Simeon’s suggestion to take her to the Depot, an old train depot on the river that had been converted into a steak house―but Zeb hadn’t responded.

  Joseph should have known that his brother wasn’t going to remain silent.

  “Yeah, Zeb. It’s the best idea I’ve ever had.” He grinned. Eight years of hope were about to come true. Even his brother’s cross-examination wasn’t going to ruin his exuberant mood.

  “And if things don’t work out? Again?” Zeb crossed his arms in front of him, leaning against his car.

  “They will.” Joseph was beyond positive of that. He wasn’t going to do anything to ruin this second chance.

  “Joseph.” Zeb’s voice carried the same warning it had the time he’d pulled Joseph over. “You have to be realistic. You can’t guarantee that.”

  “Nice sentiment, Zeb. Maybe you should say that to your wife,” Joseph said dryly. Honestly, Zeb of all people should understand, given that he and Carly had been together since they were like thirteen.

  Zeb straightened. “I hope it works out, Joseph. I really do. I just don’t want you to be surprised if it doesn’t. I’ve gotta run. Let me know how it goes.”

  “Yeah.” Joseph shook his head. He knew Zeb was just being the protective one, as always. But for once, it would be nice if he recognized that Joseph was old enough not to need protecting anymore.

  “Perfect. That’s how it’s going to go―absolutely perfect,” he muttered to the dogs as Zeb’s car drove away. He shook off the doubts Zeb’s comments had nearly conjured up. Things were going to be just as perfect as they’d always been between him and Ava. He had no doubts.

  Ava paced back and forth in front of the window, alternately staring at the driveway and gulping in strangled breaths. What had she been thinking, saying she’d go out with Joseph? Half a dozen times today, she’d considered calling and canceling. But every time she’d gotten her phone out, she’d pictured the disappointment she’d hear in his voice, pictured the way her own heart would scold her, and she’d put the phone away.

  She glanced across the room into the mirror that hung near the door. Her ankle-length floral skirt and long-sleeved shirt weren’t going to make any fashion magazines―but at least they covered her scars. She wished her makeup job had turned out better―her hand had been a little shaky when she’d applied it―but there was nothing she could do about it now. Joseph would be here any minute.

  Oh, why hadn’t she just canceled?

  Griffin rubbed up against her leg, and Ava stopped her pacing to pet him. “You be a good boy. Aunt Lori should be home a little later.” Her aunt had been spending longer and longer hours at work lately, and Michael hadn’t been over for dinner once since Lori had found out about his job offer. Ava had tried to talk to her aunt about it, but Lori kept pushing her questions off.

  Griffin let out a short bark and trotted to the window. Ava’s heart shot up to her throat and ricocheted around for a few seconds before finally resuming its spot in her chest.

  She pulled in a shaky breath. “I guess this is it.” Her stomach still swirling, she made herself open the front door, finding Joseph halfway up the steps. He quickly stashed his arm behind his back.

  “You know I saw that, right?” She laughed even as her breath caught at the realization that he’d brought her flowers.

  “What these?” Joseph pulled a stunning bouquet of roses and lilies from behind his back. “These are for Griffin.”

  At the sound of his name, Griffin charged outside and probably would have devoured the whole bouquet if Joseph hadn’t deftly tossed it over the dog’s head to Ava. Instinctively, she put her hands out to catch it.

  “Nice one.” Joseph reached into the pocket of his gray dress pants and pulled out a treat. “Here, Griffin.” He showed it to the dog and then tossed it to the far side
of the driveway.

  As Griffin took off after it, Joseph closed the distance between them and wrapped her in his arms. She let his lemongrass scent envelop her as she brought her arms around his back and lifted her face to his. Maybe this wasn’t such a terrible idea after all.

  Too soon, Griffin was wedging his head between them, sniffing at Joseph’s pocket for another treat.

  “Sorry, boy, that was the only one.” Joseph pulled back from Ava but slid his hand down her arm and wrapped her fingers in his. “You look beautiful.”

  Ava opened her mouth to protest, but Joseph silenced her with another kiss.

  “Should we go?” he asked as he straightened.

  Ava was too breathless to do more than nod. She brought Griffin inside, put the flowers in a vase, and followed Joseph out to his car, waiting as he opened the passenger door for her. Before she could slide inside, he stopped her with another kiss.

  “Tonight is going to be perfect.” He squeezed her hand as he gestured for her to get in the car. “Just like it used to be.”

  Ava nodded and got into the car.

  “Remember our first date?” Joseph asked as he pulled out of the driveway a moment later. “I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up on you.”

  Ava laughed with him―but an uneasiness started to build in her chest. It only grew stronger as dusk fell and they got closer to River Falls and he continued to talk about their previous dates―their previous life.

  That was what he wanted, she realized suddenly. That old life back.

  Well, so did she.

  But the difference was that she knew she wasn’t capable of giving that to him. She was too different from the girl she’d once been.

  “You okay?” Joseph asked as he parked the car in front of the Depot. “You seem really quiet tonight.”

  Ava forced a smile. “I’m good. Just listening to you.”

  Joseph’s laugh was warm and unforced. “Sorry. You know how I talk when I’m excited. You can do all the talking at dinner. I promise.” He opened his car door, then came around to open hers.