Revved: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World)

by A. M. Mahler

  He furrowed his brow. “Boundaries? What boundaries?”

  “Well, with regard to the boys.” I said. “They’re going to be here in a few days, and I was just noticing and thinking about things they might need that I could take care of. Is that overstepping? Are they off limits? Would it piss off your mother?”

  “Maggie, my mother adores you.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I adore you, so she’s not going to have any problems with you.” I rested my cheek on his chest. I wasn’t so sure, but that remained to be seen at this point. “What things do you think they need?”

  I held out my hand palm up to the living room. “Well, do you have sheets, blankets, and pillows for this bed? Where are they going to put their clothes? Is your mother bringing their games with them? There is only one television in here. What if they want to play their video games when you want to watch the news? Could some of this space here be transformed into a space for them? They don’t have a bedroom right now, and I know this is all sudden, but they do need some kind of space to call their own.”

  I realized I was projecting now. Those were all things I needed growing up. Jesse and I shared a cramped little area in the RV and slept on bunks half the size of a normal bed. We did not have any of these things, and there were times when I really wanted them—when I resented the life my parents were giving me. I loved them dearly, but I don’t think they took the needs of children into consideration when they made career decisions like that.

  Simon looked around us then took a step back. He reached his hand up and scratched his head, blowing out a breath.

  “You’re right,” he said. “I’ll call my mother about bringing enough things for the boys to do. My mother thinks they should move here permanently. I’m not sure if it’s the right course or not. I wanted to give them the summer and see how they felt. Then if we are staying here, I would buy this house from Ryan’s sister and add some rooms on. There is plenty of room on this lot for a second floor. I just don’t know if uprooting them is the right idea or if I need to move back there.”

  A tingling filled my chest as I felt anxiety starting to coil inside me. Logically, I knew that Simon might have to leave Grayson Falls, and now it was right in my face. We could be on a timeline. Travis wanted to move here, and I had the feeling that he was speaking for all three boys. But what would I do if Simon went back to Maine? A long-distance relationship? Or could I work from there?

  My life had changed so quickly that I was now thinking about moving to be with a man and an instant family.

  The conversation was interrupted by the food arriving, and I was relieved. We dodged an uncomfortable and awkward conversation again.

  At least for now.

  THE NEXT DAY, I WALKED into the Grayson Falls General Store as a woman on a mission. The store was in an old farmhouse and was country chic and a town hot spot. It was owned by Ryan’s wife, Sophie, and her cousin, Brooke. They did a brisk breakfast and lunch business and carried nearly everything you would want, plus they could order anything else. Needed lumber for a new deck? Brooke had a contact for that. Plumbing? She knew a guy for that, too. I don’t know what the place was like before they took it over, but every time I come in here, there was something different. They were trying new products or rearranging displays. My favorite display, the handmade quilts, was on display as you came through the door, along with locally made pottery. I always looked in this store before anywhere else.

  The wood floors were creaky and old. Recessed lighting and soft paint colors helped the space seem warm, open, and welcoming. I found Sophie over in the café talking to Ryan’s brother Ethan, who had a baby strapped to his chest. How adorable was that? Ethan was quiet and didn’t talk too much, but he said hello to me from where he was sitting at one of the little café tables drinking coffee, his German shepherd at his feet. Sophie, a red-haired southern spitfire, was leaning up against the glass case with her own mug. Brooke was nowhere to be seen.

  “Hey, there!” Sophie drawled when she spotted me. “You’re back. How is everything? How is Simon?”

  “As best as can be expected, I guess,” I said. “Turns out, Simon is now the guardian of his brother’s boys, and they’ll be here at the end of the week.”

  Sophie pressed a hand to her heart. “Oh, poor little darlings. They must be so hurt and confused.”

  “They broke my heart,” I admitted. “They just seemed so lost. His mother is bringing them up, and they are all staying for at least the rest of the summer. Simon just moved into the house, and we’re trying to get everything ready for the boys, so I’ll be leaving with quite an order.”

  “I’ll help you with anything you need,” Sophie said. “Just give a shout.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “You know,” she said. “You should bring them by the farm one day. I bet they’d love the animals, and the horses have such a way of healing, especially Brooke’s horse. Right, Ethan?”

  “Yes, she does.” Ethan looked down at his daughter and ran a gentle finger over her chubby little cheek. “Christmas Morning, she has amazing instincts. She just seems to know what you need. She’s very in tune to human emotions. It’s not strange for me to get random family volunteers come help with the horses when they’re puzzling through something. The animals are great therapy.”

  “They might like that. Thank you,” I said. Ethan nodded. I didn’t expect much more from him, and I respected that. I was the same way. I often did not speak unless spoken to, unless I knew a person well, and Ethan and I did not know each other well.

  Turning away from my boss’s wife and his brother, I grabbed one of the small shopping carts the store had and set off on my quest. I passed by the candy and sweets section, artfully made up half whisky barrels, and headed for home goods. Three warm blankets, three pillows, two sets of sheets, three super soakers, and a few board games later, I was on my way to work and thinking about ordering some of the bean bag chairs Sophie suggested.

  I was happier than I thought I would be as I drove down the dirt road leading to the barns. This was something I understood—something I could control. I parked at Ryan’s house and made the short trek to the building. Walking through the automatic doors, I was comforted by the fact that nothing had changed. I didn’t actually think anything would have changed since I’d only been gone just about a week, but the familiar was comforting. The noises of the music, the air powered tools, the guys swearing and telling lewd jokes as they worked. The bay doors were open, letting in the fresh air and sunlight.

  It didn’t look like Ryan was in his office, but I made my way up anyway and headed toward mine. Jamie wasn’t at her desk either, so I didn’t know what they were off doing. I texted Simon to see if he needed anything from his office while I was here and crossed the threshold of my workspace. First, I walked to the desk I rarely used to check my work extension for voicemails. It would be unusual for me to have one, but I made sure my voicemail box was empty anyway. Generally speaking, I didn’t talk to clients. If they had issues they needed addressed in a design, they spoke with one of the other engineers who brought it to me.

  I walked over to my drafting table and powered it up. A few hours down the rabbit hole of the Le Mans design was just what I needed. Moving to my refrigerator, I fished out a bottle of unsweetened tea and rolled my exercise ball to the table.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

  I heard my brother’s voice just as I sat down and twisted off the cap of my tea. I took a sip before recapping the bottle and answering him. “Well, I work here, and in this office specifically,” I said. “I’m putting in a few hours of design work on the Le Mans car.”

  He pushed the door shut and walked closer to me, dropping his hands to his hips.

  “I meant about playing house, Mags.”

  “Playing house?” I turned to my table and brought up the Le Mans file. I knew exactly what he was talking about but screw him if he thought he could come in here demanding an
swers and I was just going to provide them for him like a good little girl. Yeah, I was shy. Sure, I stuck close to people I knew well and loved to save me in a crowd. But none of that made me a doormat.

  “Maggie, you hardly know this guy, and you’re taking off to stay with him when he has a family crisis?”

  “By this guy, I assume you mean, Simon.” I still wouldn’t look over at him. Instead, I aimlessly swiped through the designs, not really seeing anything on the screen. “And crisis? His brother was violently killed. I’m sorry you lost your compassion somewhere along the way, but I did not.”

  He sighed deeply, and I heard him drop down onto the loveseat. “I’m worried about you, Maggie. You went from zero to serious in like a handful of days.”

  “I don’t expect you to understand.” Except I did expect him to understand. I needed his support, especially when I finally told our parents about Simon. They could be overprotective. They were never separated from us until we went to college. My mother about had a meltdown then. If they knew Jesse liked him, they would get off my back.

  “It’s just ...” he said, before pausing. “I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve never had a boyfriend and to just dive into the serious end of the dating pool isn’t like you.”

  “Well, that’s the funny thing about love,” I said. “You don’t see it coming, and when it does, you find yourself doing things out of character to hold onto it.”

  “Love?” he asked. “Are you kidding me?”

  I finally looked up and turned to him. “I’m not, and I haven’t told him yet. I don’t know what happened, Jess. I was going about my life, working, not doing anything else, and then he came along and turned everything upside down. His family is amazing, and he has roots, something I never gave much thought to until I saw a piece of trim around the kitchen archway marking his and his brother’s growth over the years. I’m not planted anywhere. And he understands me. You are the only other person who gets me. No, it wasn’t love at first sight, but when I opened myself up, I fell hard and fast.”

  “Mags...”

  “This town hasn’t felt like home to me,” I continued. “It’s where my job went, so I came, too. Nowhere we have ever been felt like home. Simon, he ... he feels like home, Jesse. He has custody of his three nephews now, and they’re spending the rest of the summer here. Then Simon will decide if the boys are going to live here permanently or if he’ll have to go back to Maine.”

  “And then what?” he asked with a shrug of his shoulders and raising his hands. “That’s the end of you. He leaves, and I’m here picking up the pieces of your broken heart? I can’t get on board with that.” I stayed quiet. I did not want to face that eventuality, especially since the more I thought about it, the more I saw myself living in that cute little coastal town. Jesse cocked his head to the side. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about going with him.”

  “I’m not thinking of anything yet.” I shook my head and my chunky glasses slid down my nose. I pushed them up with my finger and picked up my tea again. “I know I can do my job from anywhere. In theory, I could spend the bulk of my time down there and drive up for meetings when I need to.”

  “What are you going to do? Build a car in his garage?” he challenged. “What, you’re just going to outfit that place with a full setup? Are you listening to yourself?”

  I couldn’t deny he made a valid point. I did not have to be so hands on in the process, but I needed to be. That was my time to myself. I liked my dirty fingertips. The actual building process was more satisfying than the designing phase. Looking at the finished product and knowing I made that monster of a machine with my own two hands. Nothing beat that feeling of accomplishment. Cars made sense. I understood them.

  But then I remembered sitting in the closet with the boys. I remembered getting down on the floor with them without a second thought, and they ended up clinging to me like plastic wrap. I liked that, too. That also felt natural to me. I remembered thinking, “I can help these kids,” and how much I wanted to help them. And that seemed just as important to me—just as essential—as the building phase of a car. I could have both.

  “I’m going to do what it takes to get that balance,” I said simply. “If Simon chooses to move back to Cape Brandon and I want to go with him, well, I think Ryan will be flexible to keep me. Maybe one day, you’ll know how I feel.”

  “You’re talking about love?” Jesse scoffed, then relaxed back and put his feet up on the coffee table. “Love is for other people. I wouldn’t know love if it came up, punched me in the face, and took me to dinner. I’m no one’s father, and I’m no one’s husband. I like it just fine that way.” I smirked and turned back to my drawing table.

  “What was that?” he demanded. “What was with that face you just made?”

  “It’s just my normal face, Jess.” But I couldn’t hold back the chuckle. I swear, someone was going to come along and punch him in the face. I wasn’t delusional enough to think that just because I was in love now everybody had to be in love, but Jesse, despite what he says, has a lot to offer a girl. And when he finally falls, he was going to crash right through the earth’s crust.

  “Fuck this.”

  I watched as he started to storm out of the room, but when he got to the door, Simon appeared in front of him. Jesse poked him in the chest, and Simon arched a brow.

  “You,” Jesse said. Simon glanced over at me. I’m sure the amused smirk on my face only succeeded in confusing him. “You break her heart, and I’ll make you a grease stain.”

  Now both of Simon’s eyebrows popped up. “Okay,” Simon said.

  “What does that mean? Okay?” Jesse demanded. “I don’t want my sister hurt. She’s in over her head.”

  What!? That jerk! How dare he pull this shit right in front of me?

  “She’s really not,” Simon said, stepping forward and forcing Jesse back a step. Well now, this was getting interesting. “I don’t know what ideas you have in your head about what kind of person I am, but I have never, nor will I ever be, a player. I’m crazy about your sister, and I want to do nothing more than worship her with everything I have. If that’s not good enough for you, that’s your problem not mine.”

  Thud. That was my heart falling out of my chest and onto the floor. There it was, splattered on the foot of the god-like altar of Simon. There it landed and there it will stay for eternity.

  Jesse stood there even as Simon walked by him, leaned down, and kissed me on the lips. I wanted to climb his body like a tree. That was the hottest thing I have ever witnessed, and he was talking about me! Hot mess, grease-stained, little ol’ me!

  “Fine,” my brother said, looking over at us where we were now making puppy eyes at each other. “Good talk. We understand each other.” He left the office, slamming the door behind him. Simon came in again for another kiss, this time a much deeper, much more promising kiss.

  “Know what I regret?” Simon asked. For a second, my stomach plummeted, and my heart jumped back up in my chest ready to build a fortress around itself.

  “What?” I couldn’t stop my lip from trembling. He regretted something about us? Where did I screw up? Probably everywhere.

  “Not having sex with you on the hood of that bomb ass car you built for Colton Donavan.” Blood rushed back into my body and specifically my heart sped up like it was the last lap and the checkered flag was in sight. Dear lord, I was in love with this man.

  “Dammit,” I said. “Now I’m regretting that too. Don’t worry. I’ll make it happen for the Le Mans car.”

  “See that you do.” He kissed me again before he sauntered out of the room. I opened my bottle of tea and gulped it down. I needed more than a cold beverage. I needed a cold shower. Under Niagara Falls. In January.

  Simon

  W

  hen my mother showed up at the end of the weak, I nearly had a panic attack. This was actually happening. My brother really was gone, and I was in charge of raising his kids. When I told him I would do i
t, all those years ago, I never imagined having to deliver. But here we were.

  God, I hoped I wouldn’t fuck up his kids. I could not let my brother down. It simply was not an option.

  “Whoa!” Gavin said, as he jumped out of the back of my mother’s SUV. “There’s like nothing up here! You’re not even by the ocean!”

  “Nope,” I said. “This here is called the Great North Woods.” I caught Gavin as he flung his little body at me, followed, of course, by Travis, who had Margo on a leash. That’s right. I was a dog owner now.

  My mother helped Marcus out of the car, but he hung back, walking slowly behind her. I really hoped there was something up here that brought him back from wherever he went. I wasn’t sure how much longer I would have before I had to consider something like therapy for him. Then again, that might just be something I signed us all up for. We were all in a new normal. Adjustments and changes needed to be made all around and maybe a little group therapy would help us in the transition.

  “It’s cute,” my mom said. I know by “cute,” she meant, “small,” but I wasn’t expecting four more people to move in with me here.

  “Don’t worry, Mom. You have your own room with a door and everything.” I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. Usually, that was enough of a greeting, but she also pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged her back in return. Every day we had now was precious, and I didn’t want to take any of it for granted.

  I looked down at Marcus and swung him up into my arms. “Ready for a summer of fun?” I asked him. He nodded slowly before he flung his arms around my neck. I held him close and rubbed his back. “I told you I’d take care of you,” I said softly. “I said we would be okay.”

  We walked into the house. The twins were already running around and exploring. I set Marcus down, and he followed them.