Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)

by Jones,Lesley

  Everything inside me clenched when I thought about the things he’d done to me last night. After blowing my mind in the shower, he’d then proceeded to do the same thing on the bed. Twice. Once with his tongue and fingers, which he stuck in places I didn’t want to even contemplate, and then again with his dick. We’d wrapped ourselves around one another, chilled, satiated, and blissed to the max and promptly fell asleep.

  I had no idea how long ago that was. The darkness outside lending no clue.

  I needed to use the bathroom badly but still didn’t want to move. The weight of his body pressed against mine felt delicious. I was surrounded by the scent of him, of me, of us and sex. It was in the air, on our skin, and all over the sheets. Us. Me and him. Liam Delaney and Sarah Carter, we were now a couple, and later today, the whole world would know about it.

  For so many years I’d avoided sex and relationships. Past disappointments and paranoia affecting my choices, but even with how good Liam had made me feel last night and the possibility that I could’ve been experiencing sensations like that for the last four years, I was still glad that I’d waited. It wasn’t just about the sex for me, it was the depth of feeling I had for Liam that had made the whole thing so amazing. Amazing. That sounded like such a load of bollocks even to me, Ms ‘Still Hopelessly Waiting For The Right Man’, but that was the only word I could come up with. Liam Delaney was fucking amazing and an amazing fuck, but if I’d been fucked like that by some random one-night stand, I knew that I wouldn’t have enjoyed it even half as much.

  I understood right then that I wasn’t the type of person that could have sex with someone I didn’t have a connection with. I just wasn’t wired that way. I’d thought for years that my mum was some kind of whore for sleeping with a man that was married to someone else. I think that my mum just loved my dad so much that he was it for her. She knew that there would never be anyone else, so she took him any way that she could get him. When he vanished, when she couldn’t have him anymore, she sought comfort from whatever man she randomly brought back to our house. When she realised that wasn’t working for her, she simply gave up.

  Tears filled my eyes as I thought about my mum and the years I’d spent hating her and how weak she was. It wasn’t just about the men she’d continuously brought home, the danger she’d put us in, or the way she’d neglected me in the few short years she was around. I’d despised her because she’d been “the other woman”. She knew he was married, and yet she kept letting him back into her bed. I always thought she’d tempted him, but what if he just couldn’t stay away and she just couldn’t say no? Now that I was feeling what I was for Liam, I sort of understood her and how she found herself in that situation. We’d spent just one night together, and I already knew that I didn’t want to stop doing the things that we’d done. In fact, I couldn’t wait to do them again, to do more, even though I knew he was married. I knew that his circumstances were different, but what if they weren’t? Would I? Could I have allowed myself to be talked into having an affair with him? Legally and morally, wasn’t that what I was doing anyway?

  Liam being married didn’t change my feelings towards him. No, it was more the way I felt about myself that didn’t sit right with me. The sooner his divorce was settled, the happier I’d be with our situation and myself.

  I slid out from under the heat of his body and stood on shaky legs. The moment I was upright, the evidence of last night’s passion started to run down my leg.

  “Oh shit.” I covered my mouth with my hand, but it was too late, I’d said the words aloud. Liam stirred and opened one eye. He reached out and slid his arm around my hip and pulled me back towards him and the bed. I knelt in front of him. He opened both eyes and that was when he must’ve seen the panic in mine.

  “Sarah?”

  “We didn’t use a condom,” I whispered very quietly, as if by saying it that way, it would be less true.

  I watched his eyes widen as realisation hit him. His mouth opened a few times before he actually spoke.

  “You’re on the pill, right?”

  “Barely.”

  “Barely?” He sat up and pulled me across his lap. “What the fuck does that mean, barely?”

  “I just started it. Just, I’ve never had any need to be on the pill, but when we started seeing each other, I thought it best to change that.”

  “So how long are we talking? Are you covered? Don’t you have to be on it a month or something before it works?”

  His hand went behind his neck, a muscle ticked in his jaw.

  “The doctor said I should be safe after two weeks but to wait until after I have my first period before going without any other protection.”

  From my position in his lap, we were eye to eye. I felt wet and sticky between my legs and wanted to move off him. Then, I had to stop myself from laughing. Of all the things I should’ve been worried about, my leaking what he’d left inside me over his lap was my biggest one?

  He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Sarah. I didn’t even think. I got—” He shook his head. “I don’t fucking think straight around you.”

  “It wasn’t just you, I didn’t even consider it either. There’s no, I mean, there’s nothing else I need to worry about is there? I mean I’ve never done it without a condom. The two times I have done it. In the past I mean.”

  “No. Oh fuck, shit no. I’m good. You’ve got no worries there. I’m clean. I swear. I’ve not even had sex in . . .” He trailed off, not finishing what he was about to say. He stared at me intently for a few seconds before leaning in and kissing my temple. I could feel his heart thumping in his chest as I rested my open palm on it. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he said again.

  I was totally oblivious right then as to what it was he was actually saying sorry for.

  ***

  Sunday started as one of the happiest days of my life.

  We ran across the road to my house, barely dressed. While I showered and washed my hair properly, Liam made scrambled eggs for our breakfast, he then watched with disgust as we drank tea and I dunked a Hob Nob into mine.

  When I started to clear away the mess, Liam once again slid his arms around me from behind as I stood at the sink. He kissed my neck and made me feel like all the idealistic dreams I’d had as a stupid, immature pre-teen about romance may actually be possible, even for me.

  Liam ended up lifting me onto the kitchen worktop and sliding inside me. My legs wrapped tightly around his hips, my heels digging into his arse cheeks while he gripped at my hair, making my head tilt back as he kissed, sucked, and licked at my nipples. I came twice around his cock and then a third time around his fingers and tongue once he’d dragged me back to shower with him. The breakfast dishes were abandoned, left sitting in the sink.

  ***

  Sated and dressed, we climbed into his car and drove out to the retail park on the edge of town and shopped for furniture. Although we were choosing items for Liam’s flat, we picked things that would also work in the house that he’d put an offer on, and he insisted I be involved in all of the decision making.

  It all felt so natural. It was real. We were a couple. He held my hand as we walked from store to store, he kissed and touched me often. I’d never felt so alive, my skin, my entire body in fact, hummed with happiness.

  We purchased a sofa and of course far too many throw cushions to dress it up with. A coffee table and matching television unit, as well as side tables, lamps, a rug, a dinner service, cutlery, and utensils for the kitchen. Finally, we headed off to the supermarket and bought the basics to start off his pantry: teabags, salt, pepper, and various tinned goods.

  Most people would probably find this boring and mundane, but the day went by rapidly as I rode the wave of excitement bubbling and churning inside me. So many times during the day I’d caught him looking at me, causing bats to flap in my belly and my heart to ping pong around inside my chest, especially when his eyes crinkled at the corners as he gave me a smile. I knew I was falling f
ast, had fallen in fact. I just needed a little more time to accept that fact and let it sink in. Once I had done that, I’d allow myself to stop worrying that it wasn’t real, that it wouldn’t last, and that he wouldn’t leave me.

  It was after seven by the time we’d unpacked everything and put it all away at Liam’s flat. The sofa and the rest of the furniture wasn’t going to be delivered until the following day, but we’d brought the electronics, and he had put them where he wanted them.

  We’d talked as we unpacked and decided that as soon as we were done, we’d head over to my brother’s and confess to what was going on between us. I hated the idea of Luke being pissed off with me, but I hated the idea of him blaming it all on Liam more.

  He’d wanted to speak to him on his own, but I’d refused and insisted that we should do it together, and I was determined to get it over and done with.

  We pulled up outside Luke’s house, Snow Patrols “Chasing Cars” was playing, and we sat in silence until the song ended and Liam turned off the engine. That song seemed to be on every time we got in the car together, and it was quickly becoming our song.

  “You sure you wanna come in with me, bub? I could call you later and tell you how things went, that’s if he hasn’t fed me my own dick and I can manage to talk around it.”

  I got out of the car without answering and started heading up the drive to the front door. I was done procrastinating over this. We were together, and whether anyone else liked it or not, that was the way it was going to stay.

  When Liam caught me up, I said, “If he touches your dick, I’ll chop off his hands. That’s mine now, I’ve grown attached to it.”

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him.

  “You’ve grown attached to my dick?” he asked, blue eyes sparkling in the street light and a smile on his face.

  “I have.”

  “That’s good to know, because my dick has become very attached to you too. In fact, my dick is hoping to become attached to you permanently and maybe all the rest of me, too.”

  We were silent for a long moment. We stood on the front doorstep, his arms around my hips and his hands on my arse as he ground his semi hard-on against me. I rested my hands flat against his chest, feeling the strong and steady beat of his heart.

  “I think your brother’s gonna be okay with this, Sares. Once he gets over the shock, I think he’ll be fine, but if he’s not, I just want you to know, it won’t change anything. My dick and the rest of me wants you, and we’ll fight to keep you.”

  I nodded my head, trying to think of a reply while the words “attached to you permanently” churned around my already overactive brain.

  “He’s gonna be fine. He’ll be pissed off at first, but he loves me and all he’s ever wanted is for me to be happy. Yeah, he’s a little over protective, but he’ll get over it. If he doesn’t . . .”

  “If he doesn’t? What? What then?”

  “Then we’ll work something out. I’m not losing you, Liam, not over this. I love my brother, but I . . .”

  It was too soon to confess how I felt, so I just stopped talking while Liam kept on staring at me. It was almost as if he were willing me to go on, willing me to say the words first.

  “I know it’s too soon to put it out there, but I think we both know where this is going. Let’s deal with your brother first, and then we can get on with enjoying us.”

  He kissed me. Long, deep, and slow. One hand held on to the side of my face, the other splayed across my arse cheeks, pulling my hips against his. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and let him fuck me against the front door, desperately needing a release for the tension. I made a little sound in the back of my throat and shuddered at the prospect, or did I shiver at the cold night air? Either way, he broke our kiss.

  “If you keep grinding against me and making noises like that, then I will either have to fuck you out here or walk in there and confess all to your brother whilst sporting a raging hard-on, and I definitely do not want my own dick stuffed down my throat while it’s stiff.”

  “Just remember you said that,” I told him.

  I hadn’t given a blow job yet, and it wasn’t something I was really looking forward to doing. I was well aware that men seemed to be obsessed with them, I’d overheard my brother and his mates on more than one occasion discussing the act. Once, when I was eight, Luke brought a girl named Shanice home, and on being introduced to her, I’d said, “My brother likes you, Shanice, you give good head.” My nan had spat her tea and my grandad had spat his false teeth into his lap. I was sent to my room, and Luke barely spoke to me for a week. I had no clue what I’d done wrong, but was then mortified at around the age of fifteen when I worked out the meaning for myself.

  Blow jobs had in fact been on my mind all weekend. Liam had given me more than one orgasm using his mouth, so it was only fair that I should at least try to return the favour.

  “Said what?”

  “That you wouldn’t want a dick stuffed down your throat while it’s hard.”

  “Babe, I’m talking about my dick being stuffed down my own throat, I’d have no issue with having my dick stuffed down yours, as long as it was still attached to me of course. I really would also prefer your brother not to be there whilst it happened. Why are we discussing this? All I can picture now is you sucking my dick, and it’s just making me harder.”

  “I’ve never given a blow job. You’ll have to teach me how I do it.”

  “Oh fuck me, Sarah. You’re about killing me here. You’ve never given a blow job?”

  I shook my head and felt my cheeks burn. I couldn’t believe I’d just confessed to that.

  “Well, that makes me ridiculously fucking happy, and I cannot wait to teach you all you need to know about sucking my cock, just not right now. Right now is definitely not the time to be discussing this.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I like you a lottle, Sarah Carter.”

  “I think I like you a lottle more, Liam Delaney.”

  “Impossible,” he replied and turned and unlocked the front door.

  “Well done on the New South Austrian by the way. Remind me to teach you some more words.”

  “Thanks,” I replied as he pulled me through the front door. Despite our banter, our hands were a little sweaty and shaky as they held on tight to each other.

  “Look forward to it. You’ll have to teach me the word blow job in your lingo, when you explain to me how to give one?”

  He stopped in his tracks. Yeah, I couldn’t quite believe I’d just said that aloud either. We both burst out laughing at the same time as Will came out of the kitchen into the hallway holding a beer.

  My heart thumped loud and hard in my chest, throat, and ears, and Liam’s grip on my hand grew tighter. We both fell silent as we watched Will’s gaze travel from my face and down to where our hands were joined. He closed his eyes for a moment too long for it to be a blink, raised the bottle to his mouth, and took a swig.

  “You better get in here.” He gestured with his head to the kitchen before turning and heading back the way he’d come.

  “We’ve got this,” Liam said before following Will. His big hand remained wrapped around mine.

  And then it wasn’t.

  He let go.

  My brother’s face was the first thing I made contact with when I finally looked up.

  “What you doing here, Sunshine?” he asked, his face falling into a confused frown.

  Feeling a tidal wave of rejection at the fact that Liam had walked straight through the door and let go of my hand as soon as he’d seen my brother, I remained silent for a few seconds, unsure of what I should say.

  Had he changed his mind?

  That easily? That quickly? Had it been so easy for him to change his mind about telling my brother about us? About us being together?

  I stepped around Liam so that I could see his face and take my cue from him about what I should say.

  But Liam spoke before I could.

  Words
that would end me.

  “What are you doing here, Olivia?”

  Some kind of energy—I had no clue what it was—rushed through me. I felt a strange pressure in my ears, almost as if I were under water. I swayed on my feet because I felt dizzy and sound became distorted.

  I forced myself to look at the woman that was leaning against my brother’s kitchen worktop. I started at her feet. She was wearing boots. Long black leather boots. She had on thick black tights, and a woollen jumper dress covered her slight frame. Compared to me, she was tall, at least five foot seven or eight, and she was slim, skinny almost. Her dress had a huge cowl neck and her long dark hair hung over each shoulder. I moved to her face, her bone structure was delicate, but her features were sharp, her eyes big, brown and darting between me and Liam.

  “Dude, where the fuck you been? I’ve been trying to call you for the last two hours.” My brother told him.

  I just kept staring at Olivia. Olivia kept staring at me and Liam.

  “My phone died. I didn’t have my charger with me.”

  Both of our phones were actually dead, we’d both been unreachable all day.

  “I tried calling you last night,” Olivia said. “I left a voice mail. Did you not get it?”

  “Like I said, my phone’s dead.”

  “Since last night?” Her eyes darted to me with that question. “Have you not been home all night to charge it?” Her tone accusing.

  “Why are you here? Did you sign the papers? You must’ve received them by now, I was gonna call Lennard Bowman tomorrow to see what was happening.”

  Her eyes were fully focused on Liam again as she answered him. I felt sick as I watched their interaction.

  “I haven’t signed the papers, Liam. Things have changed, I don’t want a divorce. We need to talk.”

  Her voice had much more of an Australian twang to it than Liam’s, but it was soft at the same time. It made my heart stop beating. It solidified like concrete in the cavity of my chest until I was sure she’d finished what she had to say.

  She licked at her plump top lip. She was beautiful. Not pretty. Not cute. Beautiful. In that way people from money are. Groomed. Perfect. Nothing like me.