Trailer Park Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  Could he see the panic bubbling inside of me, about to spill everywhere?

  Goddamn, his eyes. Impossibly green. Too green. Not hidden well enough beneath thick black lashes.

  “Ruby Dawson?” He laughed, his eyebrows scrunched over his nose. “Is that you?”

  I took a step back, my feet readying to run. “Levi.”

  His mouth split in that wide, confident grin I remembered from my childhood. “Hi.” His gaze dropped, sweeping the length of me. “Wow, you look… You haven’t changed.”

  And just like that, my hackles rose. The fear washed away by the poignant irritation that had existed between us since childhood. I let my eyes travel over him in retaliation.

  He was sitting down so it was hard to take in his full measure, but what I did see, only further annoyed me. Time had been kind to him. Too kind.

  In high school he’d been one of the school’s best athletes, not to mention the wealthiest kid in the county. He’d been tall and lean, his muscles sharply cut against his long limbs. And his clothes were always the favorite brands worn by our generation. He’d walked around school like a Hollister ad. I always expected beach volleyball games to break out in his presence. Or cliff jumping off gigantic waterfalls that didn’t exist in all of Nebraska.

  It was like wherever he was, Jeeps full of teenagers would arrive with all the makings for beach bonfires and s’mores.

  Now, seven years later, he’d changed. But not in a fair way.

  His lean build had filled out, bulking out his arms and legs, making him tall and decidedly muscly. His hair had been long and floppy in high school, now it was shaved close to his head, a little longer on top. His clothes were not obvious or designer-y. He wore faded jeans and a navy-blue t-shirt with some kind of brewery logo on it. But they fit him perfectly—at least the t-shirt that clung to his arms and broad torso. His tanned arms, corded and practically rippling, exposed indecently.

  Not that forearms and the beginning section of biceps were indecent per se. And yet, his were somehow. On him it was too much skin. I shifted back and forth on my feet, hot and uncomfortable and wishing there was a rock to crawl under.

  God, why couldn’t he have come home with warts and looking haggard?

  That would have at least made up for the hell he put me through in high school.

  You haven’t changed. Really? I hadn’t seen him in seven years and that’s what he says to me?

  I had a baby while he was gone. My hips were at least three times wider than the last time he saw me. And my boobs! Also bigger.

  I licked dry lips and gave him a sugary smile. “Neither have you.”

  He leaned back in the booth, all casual and cocky, the same kid that thought he was king of this town. “Now why does that sound like an insult coming from you?”

  I shrugged. “I have no idea. Haven’t seen you in forever, Levi. I have no reason to insult you.”

  “I’d believe that coming from anybody but you, Little Ruby Dawson,” he said, unable to resist a smirk.

  A shiver rolled down my spine and I recognized it as rage. This was the nickname he’d given me in high school. It didn’t sound that insulting, until one realized that he’d started calling me it our freshman year of high school when the drama department had been performing Annie. It had been his way of calling me Little Orphan Annie.

  It got even worse when he started asking if he could by my Daddy Warbucks. Not that he was actually interested in me. He just liked to tease me. And at that time, coming from someone as popular as Levi Cole, those kinds of comments were enough to make me want to forsake high school until the end of time.

  Or at least run away from Clark City and never come back.

  It would take a lot more than Annie jokes to get under my skin these days though. “Can I get you anything else, Levi?”

  My job. I had to do my job. That’s all. I just had to finish helping Levi get settled and I could escape to the kitchen and wait out him finishing his breakfast in peace.

  His eyebrows raised and the look of surprise on his face would have been comical had it been anybody else. “Anything else?”

  “For breakfast,” I explained in a deadpan. “Can I get you anything else for breakfast.”

  He glanced at his food, like he’d just remembered it was there. “You’re still working here?”

  Shame and embarrassment punched me in the stomach in quick succession, a painful one-two of regret. Good grief. How could this man, after all this time, still manage to make me feel an inch tall?

  “I am still working here,” I confirmed, my chin held high in proud defiance.

  “Ruby…”

  “Levi,” I snapped, cutting him off before he could wound my pride any more. “Do you need anything else?”

  Thoughts flickered across his face and I tried not to wish I could read them. He had always been like that and for some reason I liked that he still hadn’t mastered the art of hiding his emotions. It made him more human somehow—more vulnerable.

  After a long pause, he tilted his head toward the other side of the booth. “Sit down with me for a minute. Let’s catch up.”

  I felt my lips tug up into a sardonic smile. “And what would we talk about? We’ve already established what I’ve been up to the last few years.” When his eyebrows quirked in confusion, I explained. “Still working here. Remember?”

  “Ruby, that’s not what I meant—”

  “And I already know why you’re back in town. So, let’s skip the pretend pleasantries and get on with our lives, yeah?”

  He leaned forward, drawing his legs toward me, parallel with the table, and sitting up straighter. Even though I was standing, and he was sitting, he somehow managed to bring us just a foot apart. I could smell him this close and a sharp, tingling heat flooded me faster than I could stomp it down. Soap and laundry detergent. Just like graduation night.

  I recoiled, showing weakness by taking a step back.

  No matter how much time had passed, some things had not changed. Like his smell.

  And my reaction to it.

  “Same old, Ruby,” he murmured thoughtfully.

  I made a sound in the back of my throat. “Hardly.” Leaning forward quickly, I brushed his shoulder with my chest—not on purpose—I needed his half empty coffee cup. “You don’t know me anymore, Levi.”

  “I’d venture to say I’ve never known you. Not the real you.”

  I shot him a dirty look, not liking his thoughtful tone.

  “But, to be fair, you’ve never known me either.”

  “I’ll get you a refill,” I told him, ignoring everything else. “Back in a sec.”

  I nearly tripped over my own feet when he quietly said, “Looking forward to it.”

  The counter felt like base after the strange interaction with Levi. Hadn’t I just decided to ignore the idiot? And now he was here, in my space, sucking up all the oxygen and reminding me of things better left in the past.

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, sugar,” Rosie gasped when I stepped up to the coffee pot. “You all right?”

  No. No, I was not all right. “Not a ghost,” I said quietly—although he could have been for how much he reminded me of Logan. “Levi Cole.”

  “Ah.” She loosed a sigh that was too dreamy for a woman who played hard to get. “That boy grew up in the time he’s been gone, now hasn’t he?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I told the inky coffee.

  She made a tsking sound. “Yes, you do. You’ve got two eyes. You know exactly what I mean. That boy grew up in the most delicious way.”

  I faced her, shoving the fresh cup of coffee in her hands. “Then I’ll let you have the privilege of delivering his refill. Ogle all you’d like.”

  She grinned at me, flashing pearly whites and cherry red lipstick. “Thank ya, darlin’. I will.”

  Busying myself by wiping down the counter while Rosie pranced over to Levi, I pretended not to watch her milk every second of winning his attenti
on. She rested her hand on his shoulder and laughed loudly at all the things he said to her. It was quite the spectacle. And if I didn’t know Rosie so well, I would have been ashamed for women everywhere at how easily Rosie was charmed by Levi Cole.

  But the truth was, she laughed like that for everyone. And he could probably consider himself lucky since she hadn’t buried her hand in his hair yet.

  She loved to flirt. It was why all the farmers ate breakfast here.

  Ordinarily, I found her antics entertaining. Sometimes Reggie and I would even take bets on how forward she would get. But today I was not amused—not with Levi or Rosie’s flirting or any of it.

  Thankfully, I got busy with new customers and had something to distract my attention. It was forty-five more minutes of bustling around the small dining room before I came face to face with Levi again.

  “Ruby,” he called while I bussed the table next to his. I ignored him at first, which didn’t seem like the most mature response, but I was still so upended by his presence that I hadn’t thought of a better tactic. “Ruuubbbbbyyyy,” he sing-songed, then he reached over and tugged on my sleeve. “Psst, Ruby.”

  Finally, I gave him a frustrated look and huffed a, “What?”

  He smiled at me. “What’s with the attitude? I haven’t seen you in…”

  Wiping the edges of the table, I supplied, “Seven years.”

  “Has it been that long?”

  “Graduation night,” I answered without thinking. “Kristen’s party.”

  I didn’t look up at him, but I felt something shift in his demeanor, like a cloud passing over an otherwise sunny day. The temperature dropped, and the atmosphere stilled.

  “Right.”

  “Anyway, I don’t have an attitude. This is how I always am.”

  “She’s right, kid,” said a farmer named Joseph a table away. “She’s always like this.”

  Levi glanced at the elderly man. “She can’t always be like this. How does she make tips?”

  Joseph smiled at his menu. “We’re too afraid not to tip her.”

  “Joseph McCallister, I’m going to call your wife if you keep picking on me,” I told the man that I genuinely liked.

  He gave Levi a look that said everything. “See what I mean? She’s threatening to bring Betsy into this. Of course I’m going to tip her.”

  I glanced at the ceiling, hoping to find help there. Nothing but water stains and light fixtures that could use a good dusting. “It better be double today, Joe. Else I’ll never forgive you for this.”

  He chuckled and winked at me. “Will do, Ruby. Will do.”

  Noticing Levi watching the exchange with uncalled-for rapt attention, I walked quickly back to the counter and considered throwing myself on the ground behind it until Levi left. Unfortunately, he followed me.

  The wide counter still separated us and since I had actual work to do, I didn’t feel bad about focusing on everything but him. That way I didn’t notice how tall he was. Or the way he carried himself and how confident he’d become. Had he been that tall in high school? Surely not. Definitely not as filled out as he was now.

  His confidence was something more, something infinitely more obnoxious.

  He knew who he was now and that had given him a swagger that teenage boys didn’t know how to carry.

  Levi Cole had grown up.

  You should probably grow up, too, a mature voice somewhere in the recesses of my brain whispered.

  Shut up, you, I whispered back.

  “We should catch up, Ruby,” he said to my back while I stacked freshly cleaned coffee cups on the counter. They were still piping hot from the dishwasher and my fingers burned as I moved them around. “Smooth over our old differences.”

  I attempted to smile at him over my shoulder, but I was positive it looked more like a grimace. It wasn’t our old differences that pushed me to keep my distance with him. It was old secrets. Secrets that needed to stay secret.

  “Maybe,” I said noncommittally. “I’m not sure there’s anything to talk about though. We were young. I was… feisty back then. It’s probably better if we leave it be.”

  He leaned forward on his forearms, his head dipping to hide those startling green eyes. “I have a gut feeling you’re still feisty.”

  He wasn’t wrong. But feeling like I needed to wrap this up before he got some crazy notion in his head, I turned around and offered a neutral expression. “It was, uh, good to see you again, Levi. I hope everything works out for you with the, er… farm.”

  His head snapped up and he blinked at me. “Is it all around town then?”

  Crap. Crap. Crap. I wasn’t supposed to say that! Why had I said that? Now he was never going to leave. “Oh, I don’t know. I just assumed that was why you were back. For the farm. And your parents.”

  He heaved out a breath and pushed to full standing again. Rubbing a hand over his short hair, he said, “I should have known better. This fucking town.”

  Not capable of bullshitting any longer, I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. “You should have.”

  He mimicked my pose and turned toward the door, the air around him sparking with his annoyance. “How bad is it?”

  Enjoying his discomfort more than I should have, I took a step closer and dropped my voice. “The rumor is your parents laid down an ultimatum. Take over the farm or else.”

  His side glare could have cut through glass. His jaw ticked once… twice. “This isn’t over between us,” he warned.

  A swarm of bees buzzed around my stomach— jumpy, menacing. What was that supposed to mean? Why would he say that to me? I had never been in Levi’s circle of friends. Nor would I be now. We’d had a not-so-friendly rivalry once upon a time, but it had ended seven years ago. And not just because we had graduated and gone separate ways.

  I couldn’t have anything to do with Levi out of self-preservation. I was still Ruby Dawson Trailer Trash, working whatever shifts I could get my hands on at Rosie’s and only just managing to put food on the table. My mom still worked at the local strip club. I had a child when I was nineteen years old and nobody knew who the father was.

  Levi Cole was my exact opposite. Wealthy, popular, friendly. His parents were successful. And he would be successful. His whole life was laid out before him on a lush red carpet.

  Mine had taken a nose dive off a cliff and I had never learned to swim.

  This was over between us. Decidedly. Eternally. Forever and ever amen.

  However, I couldn’t say any of that to Levi. Not only did he look about as determined as a man could right now, he was also the kind of guy that enjoyed the chase. If I taunted him with a never-going-to-happen vibe, I would never get rid of him. He’d be like a dog with a bone.

  It was better to let him think he had what he wanted.

  And then go out of my way to never run into him again.

  I’d take the night shift here if I had to. I’d work overnights if I had to. Levi Cole had no place in my life.

  Levi Cole would never have a place in my life.

  “All right, Levi. You have a good day now.”

  He focused on me again, his green eyes narrowing with all those secret thoughts of his. “Good to see you, Ruby.”

  I managed a tight smile. “See ya ‘round, Levi.”

  “See you soon, Ruby.”

  Somehow, we’d landed straight back in our old ways. Competing over goodbyes and getting the last word in. I clamped my mouth shut, stomping down the insistent urge to say something before he could walk away.

  When I didn’t add anything else to our inane conversation, he jerked his chin in a nod at me, then at Rosie who’d managed to sidle up next to me during that exchange.

  The two of us watched him saunter out of the restaurant. Then, without a word, we watched him through the large picture windows along the front of the building, climbing into a big ass black truck and driving away.

  “I don’t know how you do it, Ruby, but that boy still has the hots for you al
l these years later.”

  I fought not to choke on my own spit and glared at Rosie. “What on earth are you talking about?”

  She tilted her head toward Main Street that ran in front of the diner. “You don’t remember him always coming in here after school? He’d fill up my dining room with his posse of friends and order Cokes from you all afternoon.”

  Of course, I remembered, not that I would admit that to Rosie. It wasn’t that she was wrong about Levi always coming in here, at least when he didn’t have practice. Because he did. He used to come in here all the time. He’d drag his football friends with him and they’d sit together in clusters of testosterone and make me refill their drinks one thousand times.

  What I couldn’t tell Rosie though, was that he didn’t do it because he liked me. He did it to humiliate me. The pigheaded, smarmy boys in my class thought it was hilarious when the poor girl from the other side of the tracks had to wait on them. They never missed an opportunity to rub it in my face.

  It wasn’t a crush Levi had on me. It was an incessant need to remind me of my place.

  My stomach tightened, and my eyeballs grew hot with unshed tears that belonged to a different Ruby Dawson.

  I wasn’t the poor girl trying to escape this town anymore. I was the struggling single mom that had made peace with Clark City. At least for the most part.

  Levi’s return certainly didn’t help. But like I said, stick to the plan—ignore and avoid and all would be well.

  “Rosie,” I scoffed, letting my conviction show, “Levi has never had a thing for me. Whatever it was you think you saw back then or today is not what you think it is. We’ve always just… hated each other. Today was only more of that.”

  She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and tugged me close to her. Placing a rare kiss on the top of my head, I felt her chuckle vibrate through me. She smelled like Chanel No. 5 and maple syrup. I didn’t pull away.

  “You know, Ruby, for a girl that’s so darn smart, sometimes you’re kind of stupid.”

  My warm fuzzy feelings, for the small amount of affection Rosie showed me, disintegrated. “You’re wrong, Rose,” I told her, pulling away and using her real name so she knew I meant business. “Levi has never liked me, nor will he ever like me. We come from different worlds. There’s not a foot of common ground between us.”