Trailer Park Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  “You mean, why you’ve always had the hots for him?”

  I snorted. “Hardly.”

  “Please,” she groaned. “He’s eye candy, Rubes. The best kind. You can hate him all you want, but you at least have to admit he’s pretty to look at.”

  Laughing at her ridiculous yet fair assessment of Levi, I finally let out a pained, “Fine. He’s pretty. But only on the outside.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to try to get out of Supper in the Square this weekend? Whenever someone’s in town that you don’t like, you always bail on me.”

  “Ugh, I hadn’t even thought about Supper in the Square.” I slapped my hand over my forehead. “I told Rosie I would work it. May is out having her baby. And Jody is going up to see her parents.” The only other two servers at Rosie’s usually took over the Clark City tradition. Every fall, the restaurants around the middle of town would close and move their dining outside. The town would hire a band to play on the courthouse grass and every Saturday night from August through October, the whole town would come to the courthouse and have dinner outside under the stars. The last night was a big Halloween extravaganza—and this year, Halloween actually landed on the last Supper in the Square Saturday. Everyone came in costume; the kids trick or treated around the square and the food was supposed to be spooky-themed. The event was one of the highlights of Clark City. I avoided it like the plague.

  But this Saturday, I was supposed to host for Rosie’s. Anybody and everybody would be out and about. Including, no doubt, Levi Cole. “What am I going to do? I’m going to have to call in sick. Do I look sick to you? I feel queasy for sure.”

  A small smile tugged at Coco’s full lips. “It’ll be good for you, Debbie Downer. It’s about time you rejoined the land of the living.”

  “I live in the land of the—”

  She shivered, a look of disgust on her face. “Ajax doesn’t count.”

  “But—”

  “And neither does the school pickup line. Sorry, Ruby, now that I’m back in town, your days of hiding are over.”

  I let out a sigh and couldn’t decide if I was happy about that or not. Coco had always been my link to humanity. When I’d rather sit on the sidelines, observing and judging, she dragged me into the center of the bar and forced me to dance with her. Granted for the last several years, she’d only made me get out of my house during her short holiday breaks. But now she lived here full time.

  She was right. My days of being invisible were over.

  And I wanted to believe it was only because of her. But Friday morning echoed in my head like a warning bell. Levi Cole had seen me too.

  Whatever there was to say about him, he’d always seen me. Always. Granted, he was usually paying me negative attention, but it was attention all the same. In high school, he’d always felt like a giant spotlight following me around, lighting me up for everyone to see, shining light on all the pieces and parts of me I wanted to keep hidden.

  He’d seen me. That was the only way I could express what it felt like to be noticed so completely by him. When all I’d wanted to do was blend in and stay invisible, he called me out and challenged me in a way no one else ever had.

  It had done funny things to me back then and knowing I couldn’t risk feeling anything but animosity toward someone so much larger than life, I’d thrown my feelings at his nicer, safer, untouchable brother.

  I’d fallen for Logan, so I could continue hating Levi.

  When Levi left, I’d fiercely hoped to fade away into obscurity. The unplanned pregnancy had prevented that from happening, but the spotlight was dimmer than it ever had been with Levi. Even with the scandal of having Max, nobody had ever looked at me as keenly as Levi had. Nobody had ever noticed me in that all-seeing way he had. Nobody had ever made my nerves rattle and my insides fizz the way Levi had.

  Not Ajax. Not even Logan. These fluttering and heart-flailing reactions belonged to Levi alone.

  Thus, I’d been able to survive the last seven years in peace. But now he was back, and I’d already started to feel the effects of his return.

  I ignored the uncomfortable flip of my stomach and turned back to my brownies. I didn’t even know if he would go to Supper in the Square anyway. He didn’t look happy to be back in town on Friday. Surely, he would deal with his farm business and then leave again.

  Levi was maybe the one person in this town that wanted as little to do with this place as I did.

  He’d just been smart enough to leave.

  I was still working on that.

  6

  Square Hole, Round Peg

  “Are you sure you can handle this?” Rosie asked for the umpteenth time.

  No, I wasn’t. But not for the reasons she assumed. “Rosie, I know my way around an order pad, okay?” I frowned at her, something just occurring to me. “The only difference is that the tables are outside and not inside, right? They order the same, eat the same, pay the same?”

  She plopped her hands on her hips. “Yes, of course. How many different ways are there to eat?”

  A lot, I wanted to say, but I held back. “You’re making such a big deal about this. I just want to make sure the logistics are the same.”

  “Yes, Ruby, everything is the same, we’ve just moved the tables outside.” She turned to Denise, the evening cook, and began a long list of instructions.

  Feeling released from Rosie’s lecturing, I turned toward the front windows and reached for my apron that I’d set on a nearby table when I walked in the door. The usually busy, er, busy-ish, street in front of Rosie’s was empty of cars. The band was setting up across the street under a twinkly-light adorned gazebo and tables had been scattered all over the street that wound in a square around the courthouse, covered in white tablecloths with fresh floral arrangements in the center.

  I restrained my disdain whenever I had to visit downtown Clark City. The older style brick buildings were grayed from time and full of people I didn’t like. But tonight, the Christmas lights strung year-round along the top of the buildings were turned on and the courthouse grounds looked especially charming.

  The weather had cooled down tonight too. There was a crisp breeze that was perfectly tolerable after I threw on a cozy cardigan over my red and white striped waitress dress.

  A wistful sigh escaped my chest and for a second, I wished I could be here with Max instead of working the event.

  Crazy talk. I tried to keep him away from these kinds of things, but it was getting harder now that the little blabbermouths he went to school with were always asking him if he was going to town events.

  Tonight, my mom had taken him to the drive-in double feature a couple towns away. He knew what he was missing, but my mom had lured him away with promises of unlimited popcorn and Sour Patch Kids.

  But now that I was here, admiring the quaint charm of this early fall evening, I contemplated bringing him back before the outdoor-dining season was over. This was too cute not to share with him.

  “We open in five minutes,” Rosie called from behind me. “Stations everybody.”

  My nerves trickled down my spine and I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around my waist and shrink away from the evening.

  As a kid, I was this tragic novelty that got attention just by being me. The pathetically poor daughter of the strip club madam, I was a pariah before I had even gone to kindergarten. Growing up in a town that managed to be as prejudiced as it was self-righteous, I had learned to prove myself early on.

  I’d strived to be the best student, the smartest, the quickest, the kid with the most potential. I hadn’t played sports, but I’d excelled in every other extracurricular I could—drama, debate team, choir. I’d done whatever I could to land a small scholarship to a good college, one that was far, far away from Clark City. The plan was Colorado and a lifetime of student loans, but I had made peace with the loans just as long as they got me out of Nebraska.

  My naturally competitive nature—and need to be constantly right and bet
ter than every other rich kid that looked down on me—had ensured nobody was interested in dating me. But it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. I had a rule until the day I graduated—no boys, no attachments, no mistakes.

  I was desperate to leave this place and unwilling to be held back or distracted by a boy. It was why I’d been so attracted to Logan Cole. He wasn’t an attachment. He was a crush I was only barely distracted by. It sounded so ridiculous now, but he was the safe option when it came to pushing my emotions somewhere. He wasn’t even in town. It was way too easy for my fledgling heart to fall for him.

  I could love him without sacrificing anything for him—without giving anything up for him. I could have feelings for him without breaking my rule.

  Until the one time I did break that rule. And everything I had been working so hard for became debris in that one night of catastrophic explosions.

  Now I was piecing myself back together and trying to move on with this new version of my future. I would never, ever regret having Max. I knew he gave more meaning to my life than a hundred college degrees ever could. But he’d also unwittingly tied me to this town.

  After I found out I was pregnant, I had still considered college for a while. But my scholarship was academic based and so I knew I would have to keep my grades up to keep it. That felt impossible at the time—having a baby and straight A’s?

  I’d imagined for a little while that I would have help from Logan, but after he died, there was nobody. And being valedictorian from a class of twenty-three students didn’t mean anything. My scholarship had barely been enough to cover books. And living with the weight of student loans for the rest of my life was so much less appealing now that I had a child to take care of on my own.

  I’d walked away from my college dream, knowing that I was putting my son ahead of my dreams and finding peace with that decision. At least for the most part.

  And so, I was stuck with the same people that had done whatever they could to make my life miserable for twenty-five years.

  I had hoped that after Max, I could fade into the fringe of Clark City and be forgotten about. But having Max was like playing right into their hands. The thing about living up to everyone’s low expectations of you was that it made you a bigger target for their gossip.

  Not everyone still regarded me as trailer trash. Some had moved away. Some had died. Very few had matured. But there were still enough that a crowd like there would be tonight still gave me anxiety.

  People started filing in just like Rosie said they would. They all parked at the high school and elementary school that were within walking distance since the usual parking spots had been temporarily repurposed and started filling in the tables in front of the restaurants serving tonight.

  Each restaurant had a special Supper in the Square menu, featuring items not usually available or moderated versions of what was. Tonight, Rosie had her famous spicy fried chicken that was only available here, tonight. Our usual fried chicken was good, but pretty standard. The spicy fried chicken was basically the best on the entire planet.

  Which meant I would be busy tonight.

  Two hours later, people were still coming. There were small fair-type games dotting the courthouse park and a few bounce houses for the kiddos. The bluegrass band was in full swing, the banjo especially weaving a special kind of magic into the air.

  My feet were tired, but I couldn’t help but catch the whimsical mood of the night. And I hadn’t had to wait on anybody I didn’t like. So… win-win!

  “Hey, chica!” Coco’s voice called from behind me.

  I turned around and grinned at my friend. Noticing the woman at her side, I lunged forward and squealed, “Emilia!”

  She met me halfway, throwing her arms around me. “Ruby! Oh my gosh!”

  I pulled back to take her in again. She was dressed in her signature boho chic style, a white peasant dress that ended mid-thigh and showed off her coffee-with-cream-colored legs, a wide-brim tan hat that was oh-so-hipster and suede cowboy boots that were more small-town than stylish, but somehow worked for her. “Co, why is your sister so fabulous?”

  Coco rolled her eyes. “This is the same girl that sent us pics last week of Sasquatch’s twin.”

  That was true. Only last week, Emilia’s wilderness selfies were more wild woman of the forest than trendsetter. But now that she was showered and properly shaved she was like the spokeswoman for all things hot and hippie.

  Not that Coco was less glamorous. She’d also dressed up for the occasion in form-fitting denim overall shorts—the trendy kind, not the Dickies the farmers showed up in every weekday morning— and a pale pink sleeveless silk button-up. She also wore cowboy boots, but they were the black leather variety and well-worn. They both had long, lush black hair and big brown eyes. They were unfairly gorgeous, and hip and I felt like the biggest dope in my work uniform, frilly white apron and sensible Chucks.

  “I thought you weren’t getting back until next week?” I asked Em.

  She shrugged, adjusting her hat so it sat farther back on her head. “I finished faster than I anticipated. So, I came home early.”

  “Only you would hike an entire coast faster than anticipated.”

  She smiled again. “I wasn’t alone.”

  “I know. You and your weird cult of outdoorsy people.” We laughed. I had a hundred questions to ask her. I wanted to hear all about her trip. Every single thing. Emilia was the most adventurous person I had ever known and since I couldn’t be adventurous, I lived vicariously through her.

  Before I could start my interview, Brett, the other server who was still in high school, stepped up to us. “Hey, Ruby, I’m going to take a break. Okay?”

  “Sure.”

  “Back in fifteen.”

  “Okay.” To Em and Coco, I said, “Are you guys eating? Sit down in my section.”

  “That’s why we came,” Coco said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s also the reason Emi is actually back. She heard about the spicy chicken and sprinted the last half of her hike.”

  “Not true,” Em denied. Then she looked at me and said, “It might be true.”

  We laughed again, and I led them to a recently cleared table for two.

  “Emilia!” someone called from across the street. All three of us turned to see who it was.

  My good mood fizzled with the simple turn of my head and panic rushed in like a riptide. “Fork,” I growled the curse word I used around Max.

  Em gave me a sheepish look. “Sorry,” she whispered as her friends from town started making their way over.

  “Why are you so popular?” I growled at her.

  Coco laughed. “Why are you so popular, Ruby?”

  Rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of her comment, I planned to let it go. But her waggling eyebrows argued silently with my nonchalance. She nodded her head toward the same group of people. Among the Emilia fan club was a group of guys Coco and I graduated with—including Levi Cole. He was staring at me and when my gaze crashed into his, he lifted his hand in a casual wave hello.

  “Shit. Fuck. Son of a bee-otch!”

  Emilia whipped her head around, eyes wide. “What happened to fork?”

  “I need to go,” I told them quickly. “I’ll get you some Cokes.”

  “Diet for me!” Coco said to my back.

  I ducked inside the restaurant, thankful it was mostly quiet. Denise and her staff of help slaved away in the kitchen, but the dining room was strangely empty and silent. Usually filled with tables and people from town, it felt weird to stand in the middle of the bare space. The house lights were off, so they wouldn’t spill onto the streets and only the light from the kitchen window illuminated the space.

  Balling my hands into fists, I placed them on my hips and started pacing. Why was I acting so crazy? It wasn’t like Levi had tried to contact me in the last seven years. Even during high school our rivalry was mostly innocent competition. It wasn’t like Levi had ever done anything to permanently dam
age me or anything.

  So why was I running from him?

  My mind immediately spun with memories of graduation night and Kristen’s party. I had been an idiot that night. A complete and total basket case. And he had been there to watch it all unfold.

  Maybe that was why I couldn’t face him now. Latent shame and the ensuing consequences whispered his judgment all over my past.

  There were certain things I refused to feel guilty about. Max was one of them. But for some reason when Levi was around all that humiliation and regret came pouring back in, filling my body from toes to nose with the fervency of a flash flood.

  My thoughts fixated on that damn party.

  “I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you.” Levi’s words echoed around my head, so loud they almost filled the empty dining room like they’d been spoken by a ghost. In my memories, he reached for my hand.

  “Then why are you such an asshole?” I’d demanded.

  “So you’ll notice me.”

  My heart tripped over itself trying to make sense of those words. I pressed a hand to my mouth and reminded the butterflies attacking my insides that was seven years ago and a lot had changed since then.

  For starters, I had a kid now.

  And another thing—he’d had a girlfriend at the time.

  Deciding to start acting like a grown-up and stop letting Levi affect me so much, I grabbed Em and Coco’s drinks and headed back outside. A gentle breeze met me on the other side of the door, lifting my hair away from my shoulders and whispering that fall was on its way.

  I didn’t always love Clark City, but I lived for autumn in this town. Even though I didn’t go to the high school football games, I couldn’t help but get swept away in the excitement of Friday night lights and the town tradition that went along with the games. And then there was Supper in the Square and the Halloween extravaganza. Soon there would be town-wide invites to the annual barn dance at the Cunningham’s and Husker football potlucks.