Trailer Park Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  I practically collapsed on Coco after squeezing through yet more people clustered around the dance floor. They weren’t even dancing. They were standing there shouting at each other about Nebraska football.

  “Oh, my god,” I yelled, although it was quieter over here, so I didn’t have to holler at the top of my lungs. “This place is insane.”

  Coco swept me into a hug. “You made it!”

  I pulled back and grinned at her. “I made it!”

  “I’m so proud of you, mamí!”

  Emilia pulled me out of Coco’s arms and into hers. “Ruby!”

  “Hi!” I felt overwhelmed by their excitement. And silly. I didn’t warrant this kind of enthusiasm just because I left the house. It put into perspective how often I didn’t leave the house and that was embarrassing.

  “Did you come with him?” Emilia asked after she’d let me stand on my own again.

  I followed her gaze to where Ajax was leaned over the bar with some of his friends, ordering another round. “No,” I said quickly. “He found me at the bar and dragged me on the dance floor.”

  Emilia’s eyes lit up. “Not the worst thing in the world. He’s a good dancer at least.”

  I didn’t say anything. Ajax was a good dancer. And it was easy to pick up Emilia’s tone. He was hot and available and into me. But there was something about him that had started to rub my nerves, like tiny red flags pinging in my head.

  “What’s with all the people?” I asked. “Is it always like this?”

  Coco shook her head. “Kristen March is throwing Levi Cole a welcome home party.”

  The words screeched through the air, tripping and flailing in my head. If I had been a cartoon, the entire room would have ground to a standstill. “Are you serious? He’s been back for a while.”

  Coco shrugged. “They were waiting for the old gang to get back into town.”

  “And apparently she needed time to plan,” Emilia added, her big eyes rolling.

  Oh, god, it was just like graduation night all over again. My mom was right. Ajax probably already knocked me up just by dancing with me.

  “Hey, just ignore them,” Coco encouraged, noticing my fallen expression. “They’re over there.” She pointed to the other side of the bar where tables had been pushed together and a heated game of beer pong was taking place. For real, could they try just a little harder to be less like high school right now? I’d walked right by them and hadn’t even noticed.

  “We’ll have fun over here!” Emilia promised. “Hey, at least drinks are half price tonight!”

  My wallet did like that. And she was right. If I was being forced to relive high school tonight, then I knew how to avoid the popular table and do my own thing. Easy peasy.

  “I’ll get us some drinks,” Coco offered. “What are you drinking?”

  “Fireball?”

  She blinked at me.

  “What? It’s delicious.” And it was.

  “I’ll, uh, see what they can mix it with.” She walked away, shaking her head like I was some kind of pod person.

  I turned around and Emilia and I started talking about her trip and where she was planning to go next. Emilia always had a trip she was working on. She usually saved up for months, but it was always somewhere completely epic. And it always involved sleeping in a tent and carrying her weight in a backpack—ensuring that no matter how gorgeous her destination, I wouldn’t get too jealous that I had to miss out on her wild adventures.

  Coco came back with the drinks and introduced me to Fireball and Dr. Pepper. I would not have thought the flavors went together, but it was awesome.

  “Ruby, what has gotten into you?” Emilia asked, eying my drink suspiciously.

  “Fireball,” I answered honestly. “It’s so good.”

  Emilia and Coco gave each other a look and then burst into laughter. “Only you would love Fireball.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means, I forget how little you drink.”

  She was right about that. Halfway through my second drink, my head already felt fuzzy. I winked at her. “Just make sure if I go home with anybody, it’s you.”

  “What about Mr. Tall, Dark and Angry?” Emilia asked, eyeing someone behind me.

  Assuming she was talking Ajax, I said, “Please, no. This night is too much like high school already. I’ll end up pregnant again or something.”

  A tap on my shoulder had me turning around, coming face to face with Levi. Oh, god. I’d just shouted that I was going to end up pregnant tonight and now I was face to face with a Cole. I was not a fan of irony. Especially when she bit me in the ass. That bitch.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, without a hello or a hi or a smile.

  I had gotten used to his smiles over the last two weeks.

  And his hellos.

  He wasn’t angry, he just seemed… flat. I missed the twinkle in his eyes and the way he looked at me when he asked for a cup of coffee. Which was dangerous.

  This was better. Life was always simpler when we were fighting.

  “Dancing,” I told him, even though I was currently just standing.

  “I can see that.”

  Then why had he asked the question?

  “I could ask you the same thing,” I told him, already deciding that I was irritated with him.

  “It’s a party for me,” he threw back.

  “I didn’t know that!” I pointed at my friends behind me. At least I hoped they were still behind me. “They’re throwing a party for me. So basically, you’re intruding.”

  He raised one, sculpted eyebrow. “And what are you celebrating?”

  I threw an arm straight up in the air and said, “Getting out of the house!”

  When I opened my eyes again, because apparently, I’d closed them in my enthusiastic display, he was trying not to smile. The twinkle was back. Damn that twinkle.

  “That is a reason to celebrate.”

  I leaned closer, so I didn’t have to yell so loud. “What are you celebrating?”

  He shrugged and looked around at the packed bar. Kristen March was off in the corner with her usual gaggle of girls, shooting me the stink eye. For real, this was high school 2.0.

  “Being home, I guess.” His smile shrunk, fading from his eyes.

  “That’s also something to celebrate.”

  “Joint celebrations,” he pointed out. “Just like our birthdays.”

  I smiled, despite myself. Eyeing the bar packed with people here to celebrate him versus the two people I was here with, I wrapped my hand around his bicep and murmured, “You always did have better parties than me,” near his ear.

  His eyes lit with something else, something hotter, something… dangerous. “Dance with me.”

  “Wh-what?”

  “Dance with me, Dawson.” He nodded his head toward the dance floor and reached for my hand.

  I was tempted to do it. Beyond tempted. Nearly compelled by the witchcraft of his body and voice and the tension that had always been between us. I pictured us on the dance floor, bodies pressed together, his hands on my hips, his mouth close to mine… Yes was on the tip of my tongue.

  Everything inside me heated and burned and tingled and all I wanted to do was get lost in the music and Levi’s magic.

  But that would have been stupid—incredibly stupid. His deceased brother was the father of my child. I couldn’t dance with Levi. I couldn’t do anything with Levi.

  I was saved by Ajax of all people. He appeared suddenly next to Levi, took one look at the taller man and grabbed my hand. I let him.

  No matter how drunk or high or weird he’d been, I needed him to be my escape tonight. I realized as his clammy hand clamped around mine that was all he ever was for me—an escape. Sometimes from reality. But tonight, he would be my escape from the past.

  “Sorry,” I yelled at Levi as Ajax tugged me through the crowd after him.

  Levi’s confused expression only lasted a second until it turned into fury. His
glare cut like ice through the steamy room, chilling me to the bone.

  There, I thought. That should give him the clear signal that I wasn’t interested. Enough of our game. Enough of the constant back and forth.

  I turned into Ajax as soon as we hit the floor and tried to get lost in the music, the same way I imagined getting lost in Levi.

  It didn’t work. And my buzz fizzled into cold clarity.

  This was the right thing. But it felt fucking terrible.

  14

  Rhythm is a Dancer

  An hour and a half later, I was sweaty and realizing how desperately out of shape I was. Also, how bad a dancer I was.

  Ajax was all rhythm and soul—even three sheets to the wind. I was like one of those giant wind-machine-dancing-Gumby things they kept at car dealerships. It wasn’t pretty.

  “I need a drink,” I shouted at him. He wrapped his arm around my back and yanked me against him. Sensing he was about to kiss me, I turned my head just in time and his lips landed on my neck. Not that it was a less intimate kiss, but at least I’d been saved from his whiskey breath and slug-like tongue.

  I felt eyes on me, glaring holes in my head. It could have been my friends since I’d abandoned them on my one night out of the house in months for a guy I was trying to avoid. Or it could have been the entire rest of the town, crammed into this tiny space, sensing I didn’t belong.

  It was probably Kristen March, to be honest. I’d caught her looking my way and whispering to her minions all night. I liked to pretend they weren’t talking about me, but I’d gone to school with these girls since kindergarten. I had their number.

  My saving grace in staying in this awful town was that none of the people I went to school with had kids yet. So, while I had to deal with the other moms of young kids, they had all been old enough for me to avoid their high school games.

  Now we were all on a level playing field. For the most part anyway. Our days were busy and filled with messes and cartoons and fighting for kids to eat their vegetables. There was most certainly drama whenever women were together, but I was able to ignore it better now that I had bigger priorities.

  It was definitely possible they still talked about me. They just usually did it behind my back.

  Even though I’d told Ajax I needed a drink, I bypassed the bar on the way to the bathroom. I needed a break from the sticky heat of the dance floor and a breather. I couldn’t say I was having a terrible time. Ajax was fun to dance with. And it felt good to act like my age for once. I just didn’t want him to think this would end up being more than it was.

  “His parents want him to settle down,” a girl was saying when I pushed through the bathroom door. It was much cooler in here and I sucked in a deep breath. “Apparently he got a little wild. I heard it was an ultimatum.”

  I recognized the girl immediately—Kelly Fink. In high school, Coco and I used to call her Kelly Pink because she was obsessed with the color. Every single day, from freshman year to the day we graduated, she wore something pink. Not even an exaggeration.

  She gave me a look that wasn’t exactly friendly before turning back to the mirror to finish reapplying her lipstick.

  “Do you think it’s true?” a voice in one of the two stalls asked curiously.

  Kelly shrugged and then realized the girl she was talking to couldn’t see her. “My dad heard it too,” she explained. “Said he got into some crazy bar fight and almost got arrested. His mom said he had to come home after that or she would cut him off.”

  Clearly, they were talking about Levi, but I didn’t know how true the story was since I was pretty sure Levi made his own money. If the rumors were true, he’d had a good job on a gigantic ranch. They weren’t exactly going to pay him in hayseed.

  I ducked into the second stall just as the other girl stepped out of hers. “Kristen will be happy to hear he’s on the market.”

  Kelly snickered. “She’s not the only one.”

  The second girl gasped, and I was afraid to pee, lest I remind them of my presence and they stop talking.

  “You would really go after Levi Cole?” she asked.

  “I’m not an idiot.” Kelly laughed. “I would never cross Kristen. But hey, it didn’t work out for them in high school. Why would it work out now?”

  “She’ll never admit it, but he dumped her ass so hard back then.”

  Kelly laughed again. “And she’s never gotten over it.”

  “She would kill you, you know,” the second girl warned Kelly.

  Kelly sighed wistfully. “I know.” Then she added coyly, “But it might be worth it.” They left the bathroom giggling about what it would be like to bang Levi Cole and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

  I wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in bed. Suddenly, I missed Max fiercely. I hated that I’d chosen this place over hanging with him.

  It was all smoke and mirrors, promising fulfilment and delivering nothing real or enjoyable.

  Those girls were supposed to be Kristen’s best friends and they didn’t even respect her enough to stop talking bad about her in front of strangers.

  They made me thankful for Coco and Emilia. My number of friends might be small, but they wouldn’t gossip about me in a public bathroom.

  They wouldn’t throw me under the bus the first chance they got to snag some dude. Even if he was Levi Cole.

  I finished in the bathroom and washed my hands before preparing myself to leave it. Deciding I would quickly find Coco and Em and say goodbye to them before Ajax could find me again, I opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

  “Having fun?”

  I jumped at the dark voice coming from the corner of the even darker hallway. “God, Levi, you scared the hell out of me.” I whirled on him, planting a hand on my hip and wondering what the hell he was doing hanging out by the girl’s bathroom.

  He pushed off the wall and stalked toward me. “Is that why you didn’t want to go to dinner with me? That tool out there grinding on anything with boobs?”

  “Okay, Mr. High and Mighty, let’s tone down the judgment.” I took a step backwards, so over this night.

  He grabbed my wrist before I could get far and dragged me deeper down the hallway. The men’s and women’s bathrooms were in separate corridors, with the girl’s leading to the back entrance of the bar. The further we walked toward the exit door, the quieter it got. There was nobody back here. There was barely enough light for me to make out Levi’s angry expression.

  But God, he was still so gorgeous it hurt to look directly at him. Especially like this. Especially with his eyes blazing green and his muscular jaw ticking.

  “Woman, you drive me crazy.” he’d growled seven years ago, the day before we graduated. I’d stopped by his locker while he’d been cleaning it out and kicked over his stack of books. It had been petty and juvenile, I’d known that, but I still couldn’t help myself. He’d grabbed my waist and pushed me against the locker. His eyes had dipped to my lips for a long, lingering moment in which I thought my heart would pound through my breastbone.

  “It was an accident.” I blinked innocently.

  “Yeah, right.”

  His gaze had flickered to my mouth again, and then lower, to the tiny bit of cleavage my scooped neck tee revealed. He had been doing that more and more, looking at me like I was attractive—like he was attracted to me. It didn’t make any sense. He had Kristen March and she was the prettiest girl in school.

  But because I was a brat and I really had just made a mess of his locker, I pushed out my chest and whispered. “Promise.”

  His expression twisted into a tortured version of his normal smugness and when he met my eyes again, there was a crazy look in his bright greens. Wild. Feral.

  “Come to Kristen’s party tomorrow night,” he ordered.

  I snorted a laugh. “Yeah, okay.”

  He leaned closer and I sucked in a sharp breath. “It’ll be fun.”

  “For you maybe.”

  His jaw clic
ked together, his teeth grinding in frustration with me. “Logan will be there.”

  Trying not to appear too interested, I said, “I haven’t seen your brother in forever.”

  “So, come,” Levi coaxed, that wild look in his eyes practically frantic.

  I’d pushed away from him and said, “Maybe.”

  But obviously I’d gone. That night had changed everything.

  He had that same look in his eyes now—untethered from rational thought… completely barbaric… savage. Seven years later, I still couldn’t determine what it meant, but it made my heart pound just as hard as it did back then. Maybe more so.

  It wasn’t anything like Ajax either. Ajax was booze-soaked and drugged. His wildness felt scary… lethal. Levi was in control of his judgment and motor skills. He knew exactly what he wanted. And for how long he’d wanted it. Comparing the two of them was crazy. Ajax made my bones feel cold. Levi set my entire body on fire.

  Levi settled me with my back to the wall, his body caging me in. He felt gigantic like this, tall and muscled and wicked. “Is he your boyfriend?”

  I blinked at him, trying to figure out who he meant. Nothing existed in my head except Levi. He was the only man that was real. The only man that mattered. “Who?”

  “The asshole you’ve been dancing with all night?”

  I heard it then, the ragged tone to his voice, the… hurt. Levi Cole was jealous.

  “He’s just a friend.”

  “Ruby…” His voice dipped low with warning.

  “Fine, he’s not a friend, but he’s not my boyfriend either. God, we’re not twelve anymore.”

  Levi’s hand settled on my waist, squeezing tightly. It didn’t hurt, but the pressure was there, possessive and constant. “You did date him?”

  His question made me uncomfortable. No, I had never dated Ajax. That was too sophisticated of a word for anything we had done. But I didn’t want to admit that to Levi of all people.

  Instead of explaining, my shoulders bristled with the interrogation and I bit out, “You don’t know how lonely it is, being a single parent. I can’t exactly join Tinder, okay? And it’s not that I ever thought anything would happen long term with Ajax, I just wanted to… not be alone for a bit.”