Trailer Park Heart

by Higginson, Rachel

  I took a bite of pie, so I could stall. Finally, I admitted, “Yes, it’s Max, but it’s not what you think. I mean it is. But it’s also not.”

  “How do you know what I think?” she challenged.

  Well, she had me there. “I thought you might assume I didn’t want to date anyone while Max was at home.”

  “You’re dating that cowboy, aren’t you? Seems to me that’s not the problem.”

  She meant Ajax. “I wasn’t dating him… I was, I don’t know. Never mind about him. This conversation is about Levi.” Good grief, I’d made so many mistakes. I took another bite of pie. “Besides, with Ajax, I knew that wasn’t serious. There was never a chance of us… settling down together. I knew what he wanted. And he didn’t care what I wanted. Things were simpler with him.”

  “And they’re not simple with Levi? Surprise of the century.”

  Her tone was so bored I couldn’t help but ask, “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean, that boy doesn’t look at you like he wants to keep things casual.”

  I waited for her to explain and when she didn’t, I went fishing. “How does he look at me?”

  She made a sound in the back of her throat and said, “Like he wants to throw you over his shoulder and carry you back to his cave.”

  “Rosie!”

  “I mean it, Ruby. That boy has forever in his eyes if I’ve ever seen it. He’s looked at you like that since high school. I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out.”

  I licked my lips, feeling worse and worse. How was it I had no idea how Levi felt about me? Again, the duology of emotion split me down the middle. If I’d known Levi cared for me so much, I might not have slept with Logan. But then again, if I hadn’t slept with Logan, I wouldn’t have Max. So sure, things might have been easier, but that didn’t mean they would have been better. I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which my life didn’t end with Max in it. He was my everything.

  I supposed that applied to today too. Just because things weren’t going to be easy with Levi, even as far as friendship went after my secrets were spilled, didn’t mean they weren’t worthy pursuits. Yes, Max complicated things, but in the very best way.

  “That’s where Max comes in,” I confessed.

  “He doesn’t want a son that’s not his?”

  “No! Oh, my gosh, Rosie, we’re nowhere near that conversation. And besides that’s exactly the problem.”

  “Max is his?” Rosie guessed, and I nearly smashed the pie in her face. Obviously, I didn’t do that because it was delicious, and I wasn’t crazy enough to give up free pie. But if she didn’t stop finishing my sentences with bad ones of her own, I was going to lose it.

  “No! Geez, stop guessing for a second and I’ll explain.” She waved me on impatiently. I couldn’t believe I was about to spill this secret for the second time this week, but now that it was out in the open, I didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore. The people I wanted to protect knew by now or if they didn’t, they would soon. Levi would tell his parents. I felt it in my bones. And then the whole town would know. The thing I’d worked hard to keep secret for seven years was going to be exposed and strangely it felt like a weight was being taken off my shoulders. I no longer dreaded people’s side eyes or strained whispers. I no longer feared being exposed or made into the town Hester Prynne.

  Okay, maybe I feared a scarlet letter A just a little bit, but Max belonging to the town’s golden boy was only going to open up opportunities for him.

  Or at least I hoped so.

  Only time would tell. I wasn’t going to shrink back from it anymore though. This was my history, this was the truth and Max was a good kid that didn’t deserve to be treated any way but with respect.

  “Well?” Rosie prompted.

  “Max is Logan Cole’s son.” The words landed like a stone falling to the ground from nowhere, like I knew they would. The news was shocking, downright scandalous.

  It took Rosie a moment to collect herself. She opened her mouth several times trying to speak but nothing came out. On her third attempt, I decided to put her out of her misery and filled her in on the whole story.

  I told her how I’d gone to Kristen March’s party with the goal to hang out with Logan and instead I’d spent most of my night with Levi. I’d still ended up sleeping with Logan. And nine months later, six months after Logan had been killed by an IED, my precious baby boy had been born. I filled her in on everything, right up until Levi peeled out of my driveway last Saturday.

  She reached across the table and grabbed my hand, clutching it tightly in hers. “And you kept it a secret this whole time?”

  “I was just a kid,” I whispered, unwanted tears pricking my eyes. “I was scared someone would try to take my baby away. And… I didn’t want to hurt Logan’s family anymore than they were already hurting. I figured, showing up with a baby months after their son had died was just about as awful as it gets. Time kept moving though and Max got older and older and then it felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. Logan has been gone for so long, I didn’t think anybody would believe me anyway.”

  “Levi Cole sure did,” she murmured thoughtfully.

  “He recognized Logan,” I whispered, the words choked and stubborn in my throat. “Max is six and a half and not one person has questioned me to my face about who his dad is. The first time Levi saw Max, he said he knew.”

  “Then what’s he so mad about?” Rosie asked, her hand dropping to her hip. “If he knew Max was his brother’s, why hasn’t he talked to you?”

  Shrugging, I shoved another bite of French silk pie in my mouth and wiped at a stray tear with the back of my hand. “I don’t know.”

  “You need to talk to him.”

  I gave her a look. “I realize.”

  “Good.”

  “Why good?”

  She looked over my shoulder. “Because he’s here.”

  “Because he’s what?” I grabbed the nearest napkin and wiped at my face. Oh, my god, I had French silk pie breath!

  The bells over the door jingled and on instinct I turned around as he stepped through the doorway. He didn’t hesitate. His gaze found me immediately, drinking me in, eating me up, consuming me in every single way possible.

  Had he really cared about me since high school?

  Another memory flashed. It was after one of his football games, an important one. Coco had dragged me to it and we’d wrapped ourselves in a quilt, so she could yell at boys in tight pants to run faster. She loved football. Because she was a crazy person. I had always struggled to understand the rules. But I’d gone to support her.

  Levi had found me after the game. I had been standing near the fence while Coco went to talk to the guy she had a thing for. He was the tight end, or he had a tight end or something? To this day I was confused.

  Levi had walked over, all teenage boy swagger and sweat. His hair had been longer back then, and he’d done this head flip thing that made him look like he belonged in one of those sexy body wash commercials. I remembered feeling like he’d stripped me bare right there in front of everyone and revealed my deepest, darkest secrets.

  “You came,” he said as he stopped a foot away from me, smelling like two hours of a hard-fought victory.

  “Coco dragged me here,” I told him, attempting to lick my dry lips.

  “I asked her to,” he said.

  “What? Why?” I was immediately paranoid. What was he going to do? Why did he want me here? He had just broken up with his girlfriend and I’d made a snide comment earlier today about how he went through girls like Kleenex. Was this his retaliation?

  He smiled, and it was all Levi, cocky, confident, totally blinding. “It was a big game,” he answered. “It’s a big deal that we won.”

  Knowing this was a moment he deserved, I said, “Congrats. You were amazing tonight.” Hating that the truth had slipped from my mouth, I amended to something less guys. “I mean, you played… well.”

  He took a step forward and dropped
his voice. “There’s a party at Finch’s house tonight. Want to go?”

  Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I shifted on my feet, desperate to run. I did want to go to Finch’s. I wasn’t invited to many parties. I wasn’t part of the cool crowd. Partly because of who I was and where I lived. But also, partly because I’d made such an effort to avoid the whole lot of them. I didn’t want to get sucked further into this town. I wanted to leave.

  I wanted to escape.

  I wanted to run.

  But going to a party with Levi tonight didn’t feel like running. Going to a party with Levi felt very much like signing over my future to this town in blood.

  Words had blurted from my mouth that I didn’t really mean, words that would remind Levi why we hated each other, why we were always fighting, words that would make him stop asking me to parties or to study or to hang out with him.

  Words that would make sure I left this town for good.

  “I’d rather do just about anything else.” Folding my arms over my chest, I’d lifted my chin high and looked over his shoulder. “Thanks, but no thanks, Cole. Enjoy your fifteen minutes though. I’m sure there will be plenty of girls to fill the space what’s-her-name left.”

  I moved to walk by and he grabbed my wrist, holding me so his mouth could drop next to my ear. “You’re such a dirty liar, Dawson. One day you’re going to figure out how bad you got it for me and then it’s going to be too late. Then you’re going to regret all of these games you play.”

  I couldn’t remember how that moment had ended. Had I said something snarky and stormed off? Or just stormed off? I hadn’t gone to that party though. And he’d been right.

  One day I was going to regret all the games I’d played.

  That day was today. And it was because of the hateful way he looked at me. Gone was the sweet, sexy smile he’d been shooting me over the last few months. And in its place was fire and brimstone and the hatred I deserved.

  “Hey, Rosie.” He didn’t bother looking at her though. It was an obligatory greeting that was as shallow as a toothpick. To me he said, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  I glanced back at Rosie, not so much asking for permission as I was asking for help. She nodded her chin, her eyes set in a firm expression of, “Getchya ass outta here.”

  “S-sure.”

  He turned around and stalked back outside, not even waiting for me to finish speaking. I slid off the stool and followed him.

  I wrapped my arms around my waist, not remembering it had gotten chilly until I was standing outside in just my waitress dress with bare legs and arms.

  He crowded me against the building and asked, “Do you want to grab a coat?”

  Locking my jaw together so my teeth didn’t chatter, I said, “I’m fine.”

  He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t have the patience to argue. “I’ll keep this short,” he said, but his teeth clicked together in frustration before he could speak again. “My parents would like to invite you and Max over for Thanksgiving dinner.”

  My heart dropped to my toes and panic licked through me. “What? Why?”

  His green eyes flashed with fury and for a second I imagined him Hulking out completely and destroying poor, little downtown Clark City. “Why do you think, Ruby? They’d like to meet their grandson.”

  I’d known it was a strong possibility he would tell his parents, but his words still cut to the very core of me, splitting my soul in two. “You told them?”

  If possible, the angry look in his eyes kicked up a few notches. “Of course, I told them. They have a grandson. My dead brother had a son. You honestly think I would keep that from them?”

  “N-no. No.”

  “Anyway, they want to meet you.” His gaze narrowed for a second and I realized he was acknowledging that his parents had met me. Several times. “Formally,” he added. “And Max of course.”

  Despite Levi’s obvious resentment and anger, mama bear instincts kicked in and I couldn’t help but need to protect my son. “I-I don’t know. I haven’t said anything to Max. I don’t just want to dump this whole new family thing on him. I’m open to a relationship with your parents, but I think we should walk more slowly into it.”

  “Don’t do this,” he warned, his voice low and menacing. “You’ve had him to yourself for six years, Ruby. At least I got to spend time with him when I suspected something could be there. They… they didn’t even know it was a possibility. This is a chance for my parents to have a piece of Logan back. Don’t hurt them more than you already have.”

  Fire flashed through me, setting my blood ablaze. “This is my son, Levi. Don’t you dare try to emotionally blackmail me.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Ruby. I’m not trying to blackmail you, I’m trying to get you to see reason for the first time in your entire goddamn life.” My eyes narrowed, and I glared at him. Here was the asshole I remembered. It had taken months, but I finally brought him back. His jaw ticked again, the muscle popping and I waited for him to really come after me, to completely eviscerate me with his words. Instead, he said, “Please, Ruby. It would mean a lot to all of us. The holidays are… hard without Logan. This would be a gift to us.”

  His words sucked the wind from my sails and my entire body sagged in defeat. He was right. About everything. But did that mean I had to share Max with them?

  My heart boomed against my breastbone, desperate to protect my son, to keep the rest of the world away.

  “You don’t have to tell him anything about us,” Levi added, sweetening the pot. “He likes me. Just tell him I invited you guys over. I’ll tell my parents not to say anything about his dad or being his grandparents.” He cleared his throat and added, “You can even invite your mom if you’d like.”

  I nearly rolled my eyes at his last offer. Not that she’d have come if she had zero plans and was starving, but she was currently on my shit list for how she’d let everything slip last Saturday. Whether I deserved all this or not, it was her fault I was in this mess now.

  And from the very beginning. From when she’d decided to be a terrible mom and influenced all my bad decisions and then done a terrible job with my sexual education.

  “She’s busy,” I told him and then pretended not to notice when he blew out a breath of relief.

  And she actually was busy. Thanksgiving was a surprisingly busy day at Misty’s. Every holiday was a good day for the establishment. Which was sad when you thought about it.

  I’d only ever been to a few proper Thanksgiving meals and that was when Coco had invited me to her house. Her mom was Chilean though, so it had never been a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Her dad would smoke a turkey, but the side dishes were never American fare.

  This year, Coco and Emilia were going with their parents to visit extended family and so I had been planning to binge Netflix with Max all day and heat up some frozen pot pies that we loved so much.

  Obviously, the Cole family affair would be awkward as hell, but also maybe a decent option for us.

  “Fine,” I told him, partly because he was right, about everything, and also because I was so freaking cold I couldn’t stand outside for a second longer.

  “You have my number,” he accused. I nodded. “Text if you get lost.”

  “It’s at your parents?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I remember how to get there.”

  His expression twisted into a sneer. “Oh, yeah, did Logan show you the way?”

  I swallowed through a fist-size lump. I deserved that. “You did,” I countered. “For the junior year hayride, campfire thing.”

  His eyes flashed with the memory and for just a second, they softened into something that wasn’t totally hatred. But the bitterness came back in the next second, and he glared at me like he had at the end of that night—when I’d let Mercer take me home instead of him.

  God, I’d been a brat back then.

  Okay, maybe I was still a brat.

  “Dinner’s at three,” he said,
already stepping away from me.

  “See you then,” I said to his back.

  He didn’t turn around and all I got was a single wave of his upstretched hand.

  I didn’t care though. I wasn’t even worried about his attitude or feelings for me or how I would ever recover from this, because tomorrow I had to face his parents and that was just about the worst thing I could think of.

  Oh, god. What had I gotten myself into?

  20

  Turkey Noodle Soup for the Soul

  Pulling up in front of the Cole farmhouse at two-forty-five in my sputtering Corolla, I felt the shadow of the charming white house with black shutters fall on my life. Max sat quietly in the backseat, absorbing their sprawling acreage, the gigantic house, the fancy trucks and big ass barns.

  “My dad lived here?” he asked in a hushed tone.

  I’d thought about waiting to explain everything until he was older and could better understand everything I needed to tell him. But, in the end, I’d decided I was done with secrets.

  Levi’s invite to his parents Thanksgiving celebration was unwanted and I felt emotionally blackmailed into joining them. However, this was the bed I’d made and now it was time to lie in it.

  After he surprise attacked me at Rosie’s the other day, I’d taken some serious time to consider the last seven years and the mistakes I’d made. This was not how I wanted the Coles to find out about Max.

  Granted, I never wanted them to find out about Max.

  But in my wildest imagination, I didn’t anticipate my mother blurting the news post-orgasm with Levi preparing to slide into home.

  All the puns intended.

  And now that he knew and they knew and everyone fucking knew, I would have to face the consequences of my mistakes all over again. Only this time, I was taking Max with me.